I Want to taste Scooby Snaxs
I've finally done it, I have finally figured out the perfect vehicle for my Scooby-Doo/Buffy crossover. A re-telling of my all time favorite T-V special, Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School, with one major twist. While Shaggy and the crew are teaching the Junior Class, Xander get's dumped into the Senior Class, insanity will most definitley ensue. So far I've got a teenaged daughter of Medusa as one of the students, along with young Wednesday Addams who's mother just happens to be the teacher. (Not the portrayals from the movies, but from the Scooby-Doo meets the Addams Family episode of The New Scooby-Doo Movies.) I could use some help coming up with a few more unique teenage girl ghouls to bother... I mean, befriend our favorite Scooby. (And I don't mean Mister Doo.)
No Werewolves, No Mummies, No Vampires, No Frankenteens (LOL), No Ghosts and No Demons... But some more female versions of classic monsters would be nice, I'm having trouble figuring out who else should be in the senior class, so a suggestion for a type of monster would be nice. Anyway, on to the disclaimer...Disclaimer: Xander Harris and any other Buffy characters belong to Joss Whedon and ME Productions. Scooby-Doo and all related characters belong to Hanna-Barbera and Warner Brothers studios respectively, also known as Cartoon Network and all that jazz. I the author make no claims otherwise... Here's hoping you'll enjoy this nutty concept.
Xander Harris was on his death bed – in fact – he was surprised he’d lasted this long. Ninety-seven years, ninety-seven glorious – sometimes heartbreaking, but wouldn’t change a thing about them – years. He had no true regrets. He never had kids so he adopted.
True love wouldn’t come his way so he settled for someone who had been equally scorned – as far as romantic stuff was concerned. Faith hadn’t exactly been the marrying type anyway and after a while Willow started to grate on even his last nerve.
Life had been fulfilling – and so – as Xander Harris lay dying in a hospital bed – because his children just couldn’t bear to see him die at home alone in bed – or the famous easy chair he’d taken to using. He felt a hand on his arm it was the nurse come to check his pulse.
“Really, you have no regrets?” she wondered.
“Are you kidding,” Xander shot back with a laugh which turned into a cough. He grew silent and contemplated his life for the ninth time and then he offered a sigh. “Well, maybe one. I really wish I could have tasted a Scooby snack, just once,” he said.
And really it wasn’t his fault – he was dying – he was ninety-seven a slight hint of senility was bound to creep in.
“Well, if that’s what you truly wish, then I say… Granted.” Xander’s nurse became a demon.
His eyes widened in brief shock as his heart stopped – he felt something interfering with his final passing. His soul could not move on. He couldn’t demand what the nurse – or rather what the vengeance demon had done. All he could do was slip quietly away to be mourned by his family and loved ones – and sadly it would appear that D’Hoffryn got the last laugh after all.
Scooby Dooby Doo, Where Are You? We’ve Got Some Work to Do Now…What’s New Scooby-Doo, We’re Comin’ After You, We’re Gonna Solve that Mystery. I See You Scooby-Doo, The Trail Leads Back to You, What’s New Scooby-Doo…Scooby Dooby Doo, Where Are You? We Need Some Help From You Now…What’s New Scooby-Doo, We’re Gonna Follow You. You’re Gonna Solve that Mystery, We See You Scooby-Doo, We’re Comin’ After You, What’s New Scooby-Doo…Come on Scooby-Doo, I See You, Pretending You Got A Sliver. You’re Not Fooling Me ‘Cause I Can See, The Way You Shake and Shiver…Don’t Look Back, You May Find Another Clue. The Scooby Snacks Will Be Waiting Here For You! What’s New Scooby-Doo, We’re Comin’ After You, We’re Gonna Solve that Mystery. I See You Scooby-Doo, The Trail Leads Back to You, What’s New Scooby-Doo…You Know We Got A Mystery to Solve, So Scooby Dooby Ready For Your Act, Don’t Hold Back! And Scooby Doo If You Come Through You’re Gonna Have Yourself A Scooby Snack. That’s A Fact! Scooby-Dooby-Doo, Here Are You, You’re Ready and You’re Willing. If We Can Count on You Scooby-Doo, I Know We’ll Catch That Villain…
“Like hey, man, are you ok?” a person asked.
Their voice sounded very familiar to Xander, but he couldn’t place it. At least not at first. “I think so. Where am I?”
“Like, you’re in Coolsville, man,” the person replied.
Xander blinked – the world came into focus briefly and he found himself looking up at a guy dressed in a red t-shirt and blue jeans. “I’ve never heard of the place,” he admitted. Slowly he sat up and shook his head to clear it. “Man, did anybody get the license plate of that bus?”
“Wow! Guess you took a real nose dive,” the older teen remarked.
Xander figured he was at least seventeen or so – and he was only fifteen – last he checked. “I can’t remember.” Xander winced as he felt the large bump on the back of his head. “But maybe I did. You said I was in Coolsville?”
“Yeah, man, like Coolsville Cemetery to be exact… Can we, like, get out of here now, it’s almost sunset and this place creeps me out even in the day time.” The older teen chuckled – a nervous sounding chuckle and he helped Xander along.
“Oh sure! Say, what’s your name?”
“Norville, Norville Rogers, but… uh… everybody calls me Shaggy.”
“That’s cool, I guess. My name’s Alexander, but you can call me Xander,” Xander said.
“Sure thing, man, you wouldn’t happen to be hungry, would ya?” Shaggy asked.
“Starving, it feels like I haven’t eaten in days,” Xander admitted.
“Then are you in for a real treat, man,” Shaggy stated with a broad grin.
Shaggy hadn’t been exaggerating either. Xander found himself looking at a literal mountain of food, every shape and size. Cheeseburgers, Pizzas, French Fries, Watermelons, Pineapples, Jalapeño Peppers, Vanilla Fudge Ice Cream, Hot Dogs, Banana Splits, Hot Fudge Sundaes with extra hot fudge, Cucumbers, Tomatoes, Apples, Oranges and even a box labeled Scooby Snax.
And waiting for Shaggy – as if expecting him to be late – was a large Great Dane with a blue collar. “Hey there,” Xander greeted as he reached over to scratch behind the dog’s ears.
“Rhaggy, rho’s ris?” the dog asked.
“He can talk?” Xander blurted in shock.
“Yeah, man, like I know dogs don’t talk, but Scoob here is from a rare mixed breed,” Shaggy said. “He doesn’t like to talk about it much, even the gang doesn’t believe in fairies and demons and stuff,” he whispered.
“Fairies and demons?” Xander repeated in a skeptical tone.
“Don’t get me started on those. Anyway! This here is my pal Scooby-Doo, Scoob for short,” Shaggy introduced. “Scooby, this is Xander.”
“Rice ro reet rou,” Scooby said shaking Xander’s hand with a paw.
“He’s starving and I offered to let him share with us,” Shaggy said.
“Rou rid rhat?” Scooby demanded.
“I don’t eat much,” Xander offered. “By the way got any Twinkies?”
“Ruh?” Scooby stared at Xander like he was a nutcase.
“Like those things aren’t good for you, man, here try a Scooby Snack,” Shaggy suggested.
Xander eyed the small round dog treat in shock – he watched as Shaggy popped a couple into his mouth – stunned that the teen actually ate dog treats. “I don’t know… hey wait a minute! The Twinkie is like a noble tradition. You can’t eat all of this.” He indicated the pile of food. “And say that something is bad for you especially not the Twinkie, Shaggy.”
“Like, hey man, I didn’t mean to offend you, it’s just… Trust me on this. Scooby Snacks are way better,” Shaggy said with a grin.
Xander sighed. “Alright, I guess I can try this thing,” he admitted. “What’s it going to do? Kill me?” he wondered under his breath. Popping the Scooby Snack into his mouth he bit down on it, a flavor explosion filled his mouth. In seconds he was practically a puddle on the floor. “Holy cow, Shaggy, you weren’t kidding! This stuff is great,” he blurted.
“See! I told ya, now why don’t you top it off with a groovy eggplant burger?” Shaggy held out one of the non-cheese covered burgers. “I can’t get Scoob ta eat’em with me.”
“Eggplant burger?” Xander repeated. “Ah… no thanks man, I think I’ll stick with meat.”
“Suit yourself, man,” Shaggy returned with a shrug.
Taking one of the cheeseburgers Xander started to chow down. “Where exactly is Coolsville anyway?” he wondered in between bites.
“Not far from anyplace you need it to be, man,” Shaggy replied.
“That’s kind of vague,” Xander admitted.
“Like, I’ll show you a map later,” Shaggy said. “Hey, Scoob, what happened to Scrappy and our Chinese take-out?”
“Ri ron’t know,” Scooby replied, “re rhould rave reen rack rours ago,” Scooby added nervously.
“Like I hope he didn’t find any more nutty ghosts, or weirdo monsters,” Shaggy complained.
“Hey guys! Guess what,” someone said as the front door flew open.
Xander turned to find a short little dog – who was holding a large bag of Chinese food in his arms – standing in the doorway. Seeing something he’d always wanted to try Xander took the food from the dog. “Here little dude, I could go for some of these egg rolls,” he said. “I haven’t felt this hungry before in my life that hit to the head must have really messed me up.”
“No problem, man, I’ve got like leftovers in the fridge, just in case,” Shaggy said. He opened the fridge door revealing a mountain of food – it was a wonder the stuff could all be stored in such a tiny appliance.
“Hey, who’s he?” the little dog demanded.
“Oh, Scrappy, this is Xander. Xander, this is Scooby’s nephew, Scrappy-Doo,” Shaggy introduced.
“Oh well, if you say he’s ok,” Scrappy returned. “But anyway… we got a letter answering back to the one we sent in for that ad,” he explained. Holding up an envelope he smiled.
“Groovy, this is just what we need that Sadie-Mae Scroggins has been buggin’ me for a month, ever since that crazy treasure hunt at Uncle Beauregard’s old place,” Shaggy complained.
“Some girl won’t leave you alone and that’s a bad thing?” Xander asked naively.
“She’s one mean girl, and like really strong, plus her family has been feudin’ with my family for nigh on three generations… Or something like that. And her brother has a really mean temper, and a gun to go with it, plus I’m not the marrying type, at least, like not with someone like Sadie-Mae. She doesn’t understand mine and Scoob’s culinary interests,” Shaggy explained.
“Rhat’s the retter ray, Rhaggy?” Scooby asked.
“Like I don’t know yet, Scoob, I have to open it first,” Shaggy reminded. Slicing open the envelope he pulled out an old rolled up parchment. “Dear Mister Rogers, the Grimwood Finishing School for Girls would be very appreciative of your joining our staff, as the gym instructor. Of course, we don’t mind you bringing along Mister Doo or his nephew either, the more the scarier… Uh, I guess they mean merrier,” Shaggy said with a shrug. “Please be here no later than the thirteenth, like that doesn’t give us much time to pack, Scoob.”
“Ro ray,” Scooby agreed.
“Hey, what’s this?” Scrappy asked. He picked up a piece of paper, which had fallen from the envelope.
“Like, let me see that, Scrappy.” Shaggy took the paper and examined it. “Wow, it’s a contract,” he said.
“I guess they want you to sign it,” Scrappy said.
“Probably a formality,” Shaggy agreed. Taking up a pen he quickly signed the contract. “Care to witness it, Scoob, ol’ buddy ol’ pal?”
“Reah,” Scooby replied. With a broad grin the canine stuck his paw into some ink and pressed it against the paper.
“I’ll do it too,” Scrappy volunteered.
“I guess you’ll be busy,” Xander said.
“Like, you don’t have a place to stay?” Shaggy asked.
Xander shook his head. “Nothing I can remember.”
Shaggy scratched his beard. “Too bad the gang are still on vacation, otherwise I’d ask Freddy to take you in while I’m off doin’ this new job.” He smiled briefly. “I guess they won’t mind if I bring you along, you can help me teach the girls gym stuff,” he said.
“I don’t know about that, I think I’m supposed to be in school,” Xander said. He grew contemplative as he tried to find memories of his life, it was difficult.
“Like, you don’t need to worry about school, Xander,” Shaggy said. “We’re goin’ to a preppy finishing school. I’m sure they won’t mind you sitting in on a few classes, until we can help you get your memories back.”
Xander smiled slightly. “An all girls school,” he said. “I’d be the only guy there,” he added with a sly grin.
“Reah, reah,” Scooby encouraged. “Rand rhink rof rall rat rood,” he said.
“Ok, I’ll tag along, but I don’t have any changes of clothes.” Xander eyed his only set of clothes dubiously.
Shaggy laughed and grabbed Xander around the shoulder. “Like, no problem, man, my sister is great friends with Daphne’s little cousin. I’m sure they can help you get some new clothes,” he stated.
“Thanks, I mean if you’re sure,” Xander returned.
Shaggy nodded and led the way back to the garage – a large red van sat inside. “No problem, man, we help tons of people all the time with whacky mysteries and stuff, giving you some clothes until your memories come back isn’t that big of a deal.”
“Ok, so what’s your sister like?” Xander wondered.
“Sugey? She’s ok, for a little sister,” Shaggy said with a dismissive shrug.
“Your sister’s name is Sugey?” Xander stared in disbelief at Shaggy.
“Huh, oh no, it’s really Maggie! I just call her Sugey ‘cause it’s a nickname,” Shaggy explained.
“Oh, well, ok… So tell me. What’s this Grimwood’s Finishing School for Girls like? Lot’s of hotties around?” Xander climbed into the passenger seat of the red van – and listened intently as Shaggy explained what he knew about the school they were going to – little realizing that Shaggy was unfortunately slightly misinformed concerning said school.To Be Continued