Disclaimer: I do not own BTVS or any other characters portrayed here.
Angel was a very unhappy vampire. He subsisted on a diet of bagged cow's blood, skulked around in the darkness of the night, and had no friends. To top it off, he lived in sunny Sunnydale, California. It was not exactly the most fitting place for a vampire to be. Even with the Hellmouth there to provide a bit more gloom and doom, there were simply not enough hours in the night.
Tonight, he had chosen to frequent Willie's Bar, an admittedly low-brow establishment with an unsavory reputation and even more unsavory patrons. Taking great care to present the proper image, Angel thrust open the door and strode in, coat billowing.
“Willie,” he declared, “Give me a pint of blood and any information you have on any dangerous demons in town. Things have been too quiet lately.” He sat down at the bar next to the bartender.
“Eh, well, I don't really know too much. They don't tell me much anymore, seeing as how you and the slayer come in here, nosing around.” Willie began polishing his way down the bar, slowly moving away from the vampire.
In a flash, Angel was on his feet, pressing the bartender's face into the bar. “Now, Willie, don't hold out on me now. You hear everyone’s secrets around here. They come in, have a drink and unload. That's what a bartender's for. Tell me what I want to know, or I will put you through this bar.”
Ten long, painful minutes later, Angel was walking out, and Willie was nursing a few new bruises. With a sigh, Willie went back to polishing the bar. It was a rather futile effort, but helped to disguise his shaking hands.
At the corner of the bar sat a male human figure. “Why do you let him push you around like that?” the man asked.
Willie glanced over. “He's a power in this town. The cops won't step in; they're all dirty. Can't arrest a vampire, and the Slayer is all over his ass, so he can walk all over a human with her support. I run a business; granted, it isn't very nice, but I provide a reasonably safe place for all the demons and monsters to meet and have a drink. Hell, this is probably the safest place in Sunnydale, except when he and the Slayer girl are here.”
The man nodded. “Sounds like you have a problem. Don't you just wish that they were gone, or dead, or something?”
“Hell, no, that's too good for them. You know what I wish? That Angel, since he goes around tormenting everyone, I wish he'd end up being tormented for eternity by someone just as annoying and falsely good as he pretends to be, that's what I wish!”
Turning around to show a face distorted mildly, the man replied, “Granted!”
Off in a hell dimension not far away, Angel had just fallen to his knees, screaming.
“Come on now, Mr. Angel! We're all friends here! Let's all sing a song! I love you, you love me...”
“NOOO!” Angel screamed, hands clasped over his ears. Above him, the giant purple dinosaur smirked and continued with his song.
Disclaimer: I don't own Barney. Thank God for that.