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One Day in a Spaceship

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Summary: When Andrew is four, he is abducted by aliens. He thinks this is really, really cool.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Dr. Who/Torchwood > Other BtVS/Ats CharactersphlogisticsFR71874281,16628 Dec 0928 Dec 09Yes
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

One Day in a Spaceship

When Andrew is four, he is abducted by aliens. It is the most awesome thing to ever happen to him ever in a million years and he can’t wait to tell his mom about it. He thinks that she might buy him a cool toy like a model airplane or a Barbie if he makes the story really good. He’s not sure he’s actually gonna see her, though, because this is just so super amazing he might just ask if he can stay here forever.

There are two aliens on the ship with him. There’s an alien man who’s nice to him and talks with a really weird accent and uses big words that Andrew is pretty sure he’s making up as he goes (but Andrew thinks only really, really smart people are allowed to make up words, so that’s even more awesome) and an alien lady with red hair and a funny laugh who keeps making fun of the alien man for “abducting a little American boy, are you sure you’re not a Martian- ‘cause I think I’ve seen this movie before.”

Andrew doesn’t really get it, but that’s probably because he’s paying more attention to the fact that the center of the funny spaceship is glowing and the man is running around and still saying all sorts of nonesensey stuff still and oh, wow, they’re totally moving right now!

“Sith Lords,” Andrew says, amazed. “This is just like Star Wars!” He jumps up and down excitedly and swings his Millennium Falcon backpack around. “Can we go to Dagobah and see Yoda? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEAAASE?”

“Ah, no,” says the alien man, still working away at all the buttons and stuff at the center of the ship. Andrew huffs with disappointment. “No pit stops, sorry. Bit busy with trying to save your life and all. We’ll just get you over to Trexacorican V and have that little wormy thing on your arm detached and taken into captivity, then have you back home before your mum even knows you’ve gone.”

Andrew’s not really sure exactly what he said, because the alien man talks really, really fast, but Andrew doesn’t like what he does get. “You’re going to take away Kirk?” he whines. “But I like him! Nobody bullies me when he’s around.”

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that,” the alien man says. He pauses for a moment in his work, squinting at Andrew through his glasses. “Who gave it to you, anyways? Strange pet to give someone.”

“I got it from my big brother,” says Andrew happily. “He told me he got it from a green guy and that it made him think of me because I like stuff like that.”

The aliens stared at him for a moment before the alien man cleared his throat and went back to playing with levers. “Right, then,” he said. “We’ll be getting to Trexacorican V just about--- now.” The spaceship jerked and Andrew fell into the alien lady, who caught him with a small “Ooof!”

“Well, off we go!” said the alien man, sauntering out the door.

“Oi, Space Man!” shouted the alien lady after him. “Don’t go leavin’ the kid with me! I don’t know how to detach parasitic alien bugs!”

The alien man’s head popped back in the doorway. “Well, come on, then!”

Sighing, the alien lady grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the door. “You’re gonna be the happiest nerd alive for a day,” she told him. “Too bad you probably won’t remember this when you’re older.” They stepped out the door, and Andrew looked around Trexacorican V with wide, happy eyes.

That day, Andrew became the first four-year-old to almost start an intergalactic incident over the accidental contamination of a planet’s water supply with orange juice- the acid in which was highly toxic to the natives of Trexacorican V-, as well as to nearly pluck off the leaves of a sentient plant that happened to be the High Lady of its race and almost start a planetary civil war. There was also a disastrous attempt by the eager boy at speaking the native’s language that came out as a garbled series of insults directed at the mother of anyone he spoke to that brought a lunchroom to riot and resulted in a short jail sentence.

At the end of his trip, the alien man offered Andrew a purple lollipop and told him to go home, get some sleep, don’t play with giant worms, and avoid touching things that may or may not result in the destruction of a species. Or touching anything at all, really. Or talking to anyone. Really, it was best if Andrew just- stayed. Stayed at home. For the rest of his life, preferably. If he would.

It was totally the best day of Andrew’s life.

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A/N: I hope you enjoyed this fic, if you managed to read all the way down to my author's note. I've been wanting to write something for a while, and this fic just kind of came to me. Hopefully, that means it seems natural, and not that it's really terrible. Please, tell me what you thought of it! I appreciate anything you have to say.

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