Sick and Depraved dogbertcarroll Chapter 1.
Dogbertcarroll stared at his computer screen as his likeable and attractive comrade began typing... Oh, but that's another story...
Not Exactly what I'd Call Sitting Chapter 16
“It’s a male strip club,” Linda said in surprise.
“Nah, its co-ed,” Faith denied, “see the male and female signs and times? They switch off with the serving staff so you get served by girls when watching guys and vice versa.”
“How very egalitarian of them.”
“Means you can flirt with the dancers while ordering another round and waiting for them to take the stage again, which increases drink sales and allows people still in the closet to enjoy themselves without coming out.”
“They don't seem to be putting a lot of effort into it,” Linda noted, eying the dancers.
Faith chuckled. “Everyone's watching Xander and Dawn.” She pointed out as the various TV’s usually showing sports or introducing dancers were all tuned to Xander and Dawn's adventure.
“Ain't no way you're 21,” a large bald white guy who looked like he ate steroids for breakfast said.
Faith grabbed him by the belt and lifted him off the floor. “Neither are Xander and Dawn, you planning on kicking them out when they arrive?”
The man whipped out a cross and frowned when Faith showed no response.
“I'm Faith the Vampire Slayer,” she introduced herself, setting him down.
“I'm Roy the cooler for this place,” he replied in kind, putting the cross away and adjusting his pants to de-wedge himself. “I know enough to keep vamps out and I've heard of the Slayer, but not much more.”
“Dawn and Xander are coming here, followed by a whole lotta zombies,” Faith warned him seriously, “you might want to clear out the club.”
Roy shook his head. “The only people still here are the dancers and the die-hards, everyone else is off watching the show and you'd be safer with the zombies than trying to clear out the die-hards before closing time.”
“Suit yourself,” Faith said, “I'm just giving fair warning on what's going to be coming through the door any minute now.” WHAM!
The three turned and saw Dawn Summers backing through the door and firing as she went with a big smile on her face even though her eyes were still a bit red from crying. Turning around and holstering her guns Dawn asked rhetorically, “Ever have one of those days?”
“Yeah, just recently I woke up able to tie rebar in knots and I keep having these dreams about girls fighting yellow eyed monsters in the dark,” Faith replied, stunning Dawn into silence for a moment.
“Hello, my name is Linda Price,” Linda introduced herself.
“British accent,” Dawn said thoughtfully, “watcher?”
“Slayer?” Dawn asked, turning to Faith.
“I'm …” Dawn's voice trailed off as she saw one of the TV’s, replaying Xander pulling himself off the spear and being helped by his android duplicate.
“Everything since Xander began telling you that bedtime tale has been broadcast across the USA,” Linda offered.
“They think it’s a TV show,” Faith explained. “Love how you handled Lust and that Sally chick by the way.”
“Everything?” Dawn asked paling.
“Nothing with nudity,” Linda quickly assured her.
“The parts with nudity were actually less intimate,” Dawn said with a sigh. “I really should be having an emotional breakdown over this, but I just don't have the time.”
Dawn took off her backpack and handed it to Linda. “See what you can do with this, I'm going to kill some more zombies.”
“I'll join you,” Faith said, following Dawn out the door and into the parking lot.
Dawn reloaded her pistols, letting the empty shells clatter onto the tarmac.
“Linda has told me about being the Slayer,” Faith said as Dawn casually dropped five zombies scattered around the lot, “but I'm still a little unsure about it, what do you think of the Slayer gig?”
“My older sister Buffy is a slayer; so I know a bit about it even if I wasn't supposed to. Most slayers don't last long, the reason Buffy has is because she doesn't work alone and because she doesn't cling to tradition, except in weapons, which is stupid. Bullets may not kill a vamp but they do more than enough damage to make staking them a breeze.”
“So Buffy's done so well because she has help?” Faith asked.
“Exactly. I've read her diary and listened while they forgot I was there, so I know what I'm talking about; having someone to watch your back is good but having several is better. Your Watcher can't be everywhere at once, so if you have someone to patrol with they can research the latest threat while you keep the vamp population low.”
Dawn casually dropped a dozen zombies, reloading and firing with animalistic grace.
“So, any idea about how you managed to heal so fast?” X-bot asked.
“Well the hyena and me have been fighting each other for a long time, so with it gone I have a lot more energy for healing,” Xander said thoughtfully.
“Yeah, so surviving it isn't quite a surprise, but healing the wound in minutes?”
Xander sighed. “No use beating about the bush, it was probably that stuff Sloth coated his spear with though I have no idea why he'd coat it with something that would heal me.”
Xander rubbed at the hole in his shirt where the spear had gone in while they rode in silence for a minute.
“So … all my memories?”
“Up to the point where you put on the helmet,” X-bot agreed.
“Feelings for Dawn?”
“Love her dearly,” X-bot admitted, “but I can edit my memories and emotions so I have it at platonic and holding steady.”
“What do you think about the dual set of memories?” Xander asked.
“I think someone pulled an ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ on us.”
“Definitely,” X-bot said, “and taking into account the changes Dawn has gone through...”
“Changes?” Xander interrupted.
“She's jumped a year or two ahead in development; I'm an android I notice these things.”
“So, what’s it all mean?” Xander asked.
“I'm guessing Dawn got a three wishes type of item,” X-bot explained, “and it uses the least amount of power needed path.”
“What did she wish for?” Xander asked nervously.
“At a guess; true love and for you two to be like Ash and Laura.”
“True love?” Xander asked, voice filled with hope.
“Yeah, all it took was showing you what life was like without her; I've looked through our memories and found no compulsions or commands, just slowing growing feelings, so this is a natural development.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“Dad showed me his memories of the battle; Sloth didn't coat his weapon with anything it just appeared.”
“What are you saying?”
“I'm saying it took you almost dying to transfer the Primal to Dawn, which fits. Dawn gains the Primal allowing her to pull off Laura Croft acrobatics while the removal of the Primal strengthens you a half dozen ways which you'd need to pull off a respectable Ash.”
“Well her two wishes have been nothing but good for me so far; I've got Dawn as a girlfriend and I'm becoming Ash, what more could I ask for?”
“Fortune and fame?” X-bot suggested with a shrug.
“I've killed two Terakan's,” Xander said, “and claimed their stuff; I doubt I could get richer if I tried and fame sounds like a pain in the ass.”
“Legion of zombies aside, I could see us wishing for this,” the android pointed out, “maybe we touched something and made some wishes without knowing.”
“Yeah,” Xander agreed thoughtfully.
“Wish granting items?” Joyce asked.
“It’s possible Xander or Dawn came into contact with one,” Giles allowed, “however the effects are far too positive for it to be any I've heard of.”
“Mostly monkey's paw types?” Joyce guessed.
“Just as it’s easier to destroy than create, it’s far easier to spread pain and misery than joy. They feed upon emotions so the majority of those things are always cursed.”
“What if it used the fear and pain caused by the legion of zombies to grant the wishes of Dawn and Xander?”
“That … makes a lot of sense, but for the fact that the zombies are being treated as little more than an annoyance by the general population thus far.”
“So if they manage to destroy the book it won’t change them back?” Joyce asked intently.
“What’s done is done, it'd take more magic to undo what’s been done to them than to leave them be,” Giles explained.
“Just point and pull,” Dawn encouraged Faith, “it’s like duck hunt except they won’t fly away.”
Faith took careful aim and pulled the trigger, flinching when it went off and sending a bullet through the window of an old beat up ford.
“Don't worry, everyone misses on their first shot. Take a deep breath and try again.”
Faith nodded and her next shot was right on target, snapping a zombie's head back and dropping it to the ground.
“That's the way to do it!” Dawn said, “and after a while it'll get to be second nature and you won’t even need to aim.”
With scarcely a pause Dawn double tapped three zombies in quick succession.
“Cool,” Faith grinned.
“What do you think of the recent plot twist?” the host asked.
“I approve; not only have they not killed off the male lead, they've expanded the cast with characters both male and female. We also get hints about the main character's back story, as apparently a lot of the drama was caused by Dawn's older sister being called as a Slayer and her, I'm guessing, poor reaction to the responsibilities of the position,” the doctor replied thoughtfully.
“And the possibility that this was all caused by a couple of wishes?”
“Most movies are about wish fulfillment in one way or another, but the most important detail is the fact that Xander himself has stated that he may have made those wishes and his android duplicate confirmed that his decision to be with Dawn was his own decision, just made a bit sooner because of recent events.”
“Who do you think made those wishes?” The host asked.
“If they're smart it'll never be revealed; leaving it as a good possibility that either or even both made them. What you should be asking is, what's the third wish going to be?” she replied with a grin.
Digger's Gulch Bar emptied as Harmony and Cordelia passed it, the bikers inside mounting up and following the herd.
Born into the wrong era, Steven ‘Starchild’ Reynolds watched as over a hundred bikes roared past the rest stop he was parked in, his perceptions altered by some of the finest hallucinogens his dealer had been able to score for him.
Taking out a pen and paper he wrote 'a herd of steel stallions thundered by, the sparks from their hooves lighting up the sky; ridden by wolves wearing the skins of men the wild hunt began again. The hunt master gone, a pair of mistresses hold sway dame fortune and lady fashion the hunt now obey.'
Easy Rider paid him twenty five dollars for his poem, entitled ‘The Riders of an Ass Kicking.’ AN:Typing by Godogma!