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I wouldn't exactly call that sitting

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Summary: Xander is chosen... To babysit Dawn while Joyce joins Giles searching for Buffy in LA following the Alcatha incident. Unfortunately for Xander, Dawn has a plan, The Mayor has a spell, and TV has its first live broadcast Reality Show!

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-Centered(Current Donor)dogbertcarrollFR182049,492253735202,08717 Jan 1024 Mar 14Yes

Chapter 17

(See, he does continue fics … sometimes XD)

Dawn's eyes snapped to the road and an approaching classic car that was swerving all over the road to run zombies down. As it screeched to a stop and the two Xander's climbed out Dawn took two steps forward and flipped over the hood of the car just in time to be caught by Xander in a heated clinch.

X-bot waited for introductions for about ten seconds, before deciding it would be faster to do it himself, as he doubted the two were going to be noticing anything but each other for a while, “Hi, I was going to have Dawn and Xander introduce us, but they seem to be lost in their own little world about now.”

“It's understandable,” Faith said wistfully as Xander and Dawn held each other and whispered reassurances into each other's ears. Faith coughed and tried to pretend the last five seconds hadn't happened. “I'm Faith the Vampire Slayer.”

“I'm X the Slayer's Guardian,” X-bot said offering his hand.

“Slayer's guardian?” Faith asked as she shook his hand.

X nodded but held up a finger. “Hold that thought.” He scanned the area and found what he was looking for in a departing male dancer. “Your clothes; give them to me,” X ordered in a machine perfect impersonation of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The man squealed like an excited teenage girl and bounced up and down when he saw who was mugging him, “Gladly! Can I get a picture and an autograph too?” he begged as he began stripping.

“Got a camera?” X asked as he accepted a Metallica t-shirt and leather jacket and put them on.

“Hell yeah!” the man replied as he handed over his Levi's and black motorcycle boots, before opening up the duffel bag he'd been carrying and pulling out an identical change of clothes and a Polaroid camera.

Faith chuckled and shook her head as X returned the guy's wallet and the contents of his pockets. “I can't believe you carry two identical outfits.”

The man looked over and grinned. “One is lined with Velcro, so I can strip it off, the other is just clothes I wear while serving drinks so the audience can't strip it off me; the local girls get pretty wild after a few drinks.”


Kakistos looked out the window of his limo as they moved forward another five inches and stopped. “I hate LA traffic.”

Gunshots rang out as a couple of drivers succumbed to road rage and tried to kill each other slowing down traffic even further as the cops had to tow off the two cars that were now missing drivers.

“At least the entertainment's good,” Trick offered as what looked to be a middle aged accountant choked the life out of a local gang member on the hood of the limo.

“There is that,” Kakistos admitted.



The rake struck the zombie and knocked him back a few steps, but the football helmet absorbed the majority of the force of the blow.


The zombie stepped forward and the rake knocked him back a couple of steps again, undaunted he moved forward once more.


Linda set the book on the table and examined it for identifying marks, careful not to get her fingers near its teeth as it completed its devouring of Dawn's panties. Pulling a reference volume out of her bag, she quickly rechecked any entries involving books, she'd barely gotten through the first entry before the book's eye's started glowing blood red and it started chanting something in a language that it hurt to hear.

A middle aged man, with the build of someone who’d played high school football before letting himself go to seed, who had been sitting nearby walked over to the table and quickly popped two little blue pills in the book’s mouth, before force feeding it a bar of chocolate, and a bottle of Budweiser.

The book's eyes closed and it settled down.

“What did you just do and how did you know it would work?” Linda demanded.

“Two Midol, a chocolate bar and a Bud,” he replied, “it’s the same thing I do to my wife when she gets that way.”

“You're kidding.”

“Never marry a redhead,” the man replied. “Or sell shoes,” he muttered before returning to his table.


“I'm out of ammo,” Faith said after she fired her last shot and spun the cylinder.

“Extra ammo is in my backpack with Linda, bring out a box of shells while you're in there,” Dawn said, showing she was at least a little aware of the world around her.

“Will do,” Faith replied.

X waved her inside. “I'll guard these two till you get back.”

Faith walked inside, returning a few moments later just in time to catch Xander whimpering, “Broadcast?! Joyce is going to kill me.”

Dawn chuckled. “You'll be fine, mom likes you.”

“Xander the friend of Buffy and watcher of Dawn she likes,” Xander retorted, “I'm not so sure she'll like Xander lover of Dawn.”

“Oh please, when she caught me writing Dawn Harris in my notebook all she did was smile and say she was glad I had better taste in men than Buffy does; mom loves you and approves of you.”

“Okay, maybe I am worrying a bit much,” Xander admitted, “we have any idea why all of this is being televised?”

“At a guess I'd say a wish for fame and fortune,” X-bot offered.

“What?” Dawn asked.

“We think one or both of you came in contact with a wishing item,” he continued; giving her a quick rundown of what they'd guessed.

Faith dropped several zombies, causing the ones behind them to trip over their bodies.

“So Xander would have fallen in love with me anyway?” Dawn asked, getting to what she saw as the heart of the matter.

“Yeah, just not for a few years.”

“Good,” Dawn said firmly, “I'm frustrated enough just with a few days delay.”

Faith laughed.

“Oh yeah, Faith this is my honey Xander, Xander this is Faith the vampire slayer.”

“Nice to meet you Faith, this is X my robot duplicate,” Xander replied, making introductions.

“We've met, though he still hasn't explained the slayer's guardian comment,” Faith acknowledged.

“I need a purpose,” X explained, “and I can't think of a better one than guarding and assisting the slayer.”

“That's my boy!” Ted declared proudly, making everyone jump.

“Where did you come from?!” Faith demanded while everyone waited for their heart rates to return to normal.

“The trunk,” Ted replied, “I finished transferring and assimilating my son's data.”

“You really should have packed some clothes in there as well,” Xander suggested.

“If you’ve got it, flaunt it,” Ted replied with a grin as he stood there in just a pair of fruit of the looms.


A famous basketball player is shown lacing up a popular brand of new sneakers before dribbling a ball past an opposing team composed entirely of zombies.

Leaping up, he slam dunked the ball, shattering the backboard, and causing all the zombies to fall like their strings were cut.

Facing the camera he smiles. “In the end there's only the quick and the dead, which are you?”


“When did slaying become so commercial?” Willow asked semi-conscious.

“When Dawn and Xander took it to prime time,” Oz replied.

“Sell outs,” she mumbled before falling back asleep.

Oz leaned over and kissed her forehead, tucking her in before settling back to watch the show once more.


The bikers slowed and stopped as they faced a group a third their size lined up across the road, a great number of weapons evident.

A man with arms as big as most people's legs and a short hafted sledge hammer stepped forth. “Why are you invading our territory?”

The one eyed biker turned to Harmony, a feral grin on his face, “You're up.”

Harmony walked forward to meet him, “There's an undead uprising in Oxnard, I mean to stop it,” she said.

“A little thing like you?” the man asked doubtfully.

“I'm not that blonde,” she snorted at the blonde haired giant, “no, me and my friends.”

“And how'd a rich little girl like you manage to make so many … friends?”

“I'm paying for the party afterward,” she replied, “I got forty grand of alcohol at wholesale prices on its way for the biggest damn party California has ever seen, I expect the party is going to kill nearly as many people as the battle will.”

Cordelia forced herself not to react, but her hand was itching for a stake. She mentally blamed Buffy and Xander for the overly violent protective instincts she'd developed.

“Stand aside or stand and die; those are the only choices you have!” Harmony declared firmly.

“I think I'll take the third option,” the man said, raising his hammer, trying to stare her down.

Cordelia forgot she wasn't sitting behind Xander as her hands searched for one of the stakes she was sure Xander always had on him, finding the biker had one in the pocket of his leather jacket, she pulled it out and got ready to move.

Finding not a trace of fear in Harmony's eyes the blonde giant turned around and thrust his hammer skyward, “Guardians mount up!”

Both sides tensed.

“We ride for Oxnard!” the man roared.

Cordelia let out the breath she'd been holding and put the stake back in the man's pocket. She froze for a second as she wondered why he'd have a stake on him.

Taking a closer look at the bikers around them she noted that a lot of the visible tattoos had crosses worked into them and their weapons which she'd thought had been chromed were actually silver … plated at least. Looking at some of the bikers who had just joined them, easy to discern as their jackets had golden dragons sitting in burned down forests on the backs she saw the same patterns of tattoos and silver weapons.

“Eat the rich!” One biker cried out as he revved his engine.

“Buy me dinner first!” Harmony shot back and laughter rolled around the group as they got up to speed.

AN:Godogma on keyboards, Dogbertcarroll on vocals, neither one on their meds.
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