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List of Things Dawnie is Not Allowed to Do

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This story is No. 3 in the series "Voyeurs, Destroyers and Predators". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: In Second Child, Xander referred to a List. Here it is.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > ComedyMissE + 5 othersFR13133,17645163,25618 Jan 1022 Sep 11No

Let Me Jot Down A Couple Notes by (Current Donor)Manchester

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters are the property of their original owners.



From her dungeon cell, Dawn glared through the floor-to-ceiling bars at her kidnapper pacing back and forth in front of her prison and uttering a truly irritating cackle between his boasts of world domination. This captor was a burly demon of some sort, wearing a particularly tasteless robe laden with tawdry jewelry that showed where hip-hop bling must have gone to die, and with features thankfully covered by a black half-mask with a red blotch on its forehead that was either a symbol of eldritch power or more likely a ketchup stain from lunch at Mickey D’s.

After listening to an absolutely idiotic assertion on exactly how that monster was going to conquer the globe, Dawn squeezed shut her eyes in exasperation, and growled a pithy statement concerning that specific plan. An instant later, she smelled something really vile, and her eyes popped open, to now see the demon standing nearly nose-to-nose with her, separated only by the cell bars. With world-class halitosis in his every breath, the furious fiend snarled at his prisoner, “WHAT did you say?!”

Dawn actually took a step back, until her own anger manifested itself, with the young woman standing there confronting the demon, to then begin slowly and loudly repeating her former statement, and also adding a few more suggestions.

Behind his mask, the demon’s red eyes with black slitted pupils bulged in actual astonishment, that changed to pure, murderous rage, and then to…..a blink of sheer contemplation. In a much calmer tone, the demon thoughtfully agreed, “That actually makes sense. Say, do you know any more of those recommendations?”

A boggled Dawn stared at the demon patiently waiting for her to go on. Thinking quickly that every second distracting her captor meant more time for her friends to show up and rescue her, Dawn nodded her head, and the young woman began talking.

Finally, when Dawn’s voice was turning hoarse, and the demon was sitting on the floor by the yard-high stack of paper he’d filled out, the wall across the cell vanished in thin air, and right after that, Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Faith did what they’d spend the next several days arguing about, on exactly which of them was the first to shoot, stab, decapitate, and fricassee that unfortunate demon.

Rubbing her throat, Dawn croaked out, “What kept you guys?”

Rather than her usual beaming smile of sisterly love, Buffy now sent a major glower at her sibling, adding in a menacing rumble, “Did you know we were listening to you by Willow’s spell the last fifteen minutes when we were tunneling here?”

“Ooops,” gulped Dawn, as the Slayers, both wearing identical disgusted expressions, came forward to pull open the cell bars.

Willow snapped, “Yes indeed, missy, ‘Ooops!’ You know what’s going to happen when we get back to the house! Right, Xander?” The witch glanced over at her friend by the redhead’s side, with that one-eyed man also having an exasperated look on his face.

“Yup,” agreed the former Sunnydale native. “It goes right on the list of things Dawnie’s not allowed to do. Never recite the entire Evil Overlord List to potential wrongdoers. They don’t need good advice.”
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