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Little Suit-Wearing Lad

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Summary: Captain John Hart has returned. Gwen and Owen have caught and alien virus. Tosh has made a lotion for them and has sent Ianto to them. Jack considers his team. Mayhem ensues.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Dr. Who/Torchwood > Non-BtVS/Ats StoriesLycanFR1513,203005318 Feb 108 Feb 10Yes
Title: Little Suit-Wearing Lad
Summary: Captain John Hart has returned. Gwen and Owen have caught and alien virus. Tosh has made a lotion for them and has sent Ianto to them. Jack considers his team. Mayhem ensues.
Warning: Hints at rape, hints at M/M, language, violence
Age: NC15
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. :'(
Feedback: Wanted and appreciated but not demanded.
Author's Note: This was made for one of my assessment - my first for uni! - for Writers Reading. I enjoyed writing it and thought you might enjoy reading it. Of course, before hand, I was reading a Torchwood book and Grimms' Fairy Tales. There was interesting results, to say the least...anyway, I wanted to continue to, but for right now this ending will do fine. Who knows, however, I may continue at a later date.
Author's Note Two: Cross-posted to various lj sights, the first being my own;



It wasn’t a day of particular importance. Thick clouds covered the sun, it was raining slightly, and the wind was as fierce as ever. After the morning rush of school and work, the only people out were the unemployed, caretakers, and the odd student. It was because of this day, this mostly uneventful day, that the team had no idea why one Captain John Hart deemed to return.

Of course, Jack mused, he could have been watching them all along. He’d never searched for bugs outside the hub, but it was entirely possible. It was entirely plausible that the other ex-time agent had picked that day because he knew Gwen and Owen were ill, stuck in bed from an alien virus.

Of course, Rhys was away – off on holiday with his mate Banana, who’d apparently won some sort of raffle. Gwen had bugged him until he’d gone, assuring him she’d be fine.

Only to fall ill a day after he’d gone. Jack had put them together in Owen’s spacious flat until they were better. After all, it wouldn’t do for the public to see two people running around with purple skin, orange dots, and what looked like an extra arm forming from their stomachs. It would be hard to explain.

“Here, Ianto,” Tosh called over.

The team, Jack thought. They didn’t know. Should he tell them? He didn’t last time but they figured something was off right off the bat. Smart team, he considered. Yes, he’d have to tell them. He’d need all the help he could get to make John leave once more.

Having come to a decision, Jack stood up and made his way out of his office. He paused in the doorway to lean against it, arms crossed, as Ianto crossed the hub to Tosh’s workstation.

“What’s that?” The Welshman asked, curious.

“The usual food we’ve been sending them. They’re almost out. And I put some ointment in there. I made it after studying the new alien device. It seems…”

Jack tuned her out as she began to explain about the new device. It was from the future; a new decade of humans had managed to make a lotion to deflect most alien diseases.

“Alright.” Ianto took the box from her and turned to Jack, not at all surprised to see him there rather in his office doing work. “I’m just going to run these over to Owen and Gwen, Sir. Want me to pick anything up on the way back?”

Jack shook his head and pushed himself off from the wall. “No, but hurry back. There’s something I need to debrief you two about.” He needed to tell them the possible places John would be since he had obviously decided against announcing his presence as he’d done last time.

“Will do, Sir.”

Jack watched him leave before glancing at Tosh and then heading back to do some of the paperwork. After all, he had plans for Ianto tonight, and none of them included having him use those stern Welsh vowels as Jack for shirking his responsibilities. That tone could be set to better uses, if Jack was good…

***** ***** *****

“Well well well, if it isn’t my old friend.” drawled the voice.

Ianto stopped with a sigh and looked up at the sky as if asking ‘why me?’ It would be a good question, after all, all things considered.

“John Hart. To what do we owe the pleasure?”

“Captain.” The other man insisted. “And the pleasure’s all mine, Eye Candy.” he continued, eyes travelling over Ianto from head to toes.

John slid a hand down his dirty shirt until they rested at his belt, outlining his crotch. It was a clearly sexual gesture; topped off with the way only the top of his back was leaning against the wall, thrusting his hips forwards. Ianto would have been tempted, if it weren’t for the fact that not only did he know John, the ex-time agent was currently aiming a gun at him with his three hand.

Ianto rolled his eyes. “What do you want, Captain?”

John tucked his tongue behind his teeth and raised his eyebrows. However, when the young Welshman simply stared, he shrugged and let go of the sexual innuendos.

“You.” he replied. Of course, he wouldn’t let go of them completely.

“Forget it.”

“Oh, you wound me!” He pressed a hand to his heart for the effect. “And here I thought…” he trailed off a shrugged. “Oh, well. I’ll just have to look elsewhere.”


Before Ianto could fully enquire as to what exactly he really did want, John holstered his weapon and moved forward, grabbed Ianto and kissed him, tongues and all. At first, for a second or two, Ianto surrendered into the kiss, before struggling to push him away.

John brought a hand up and pinched the pressure points into Ianto’s neck, rendering the other man unconscious. John eased him onto the floor and stepped away, only leaning down to grasp the box he’d been carrying.

“See you around, Eye Candy.”

***** ****** *****

“Ianto, where are you?” Jack asked, pressing for the Comm. There was no answer. “Ianto? Ianto, can you hear me? I need to hear those delightful Welsh vowels.” He pressed again. “Ianto?”

“Jack? What is it?” Tosh asked, walking over.

“Ianto’s not replying.” he replied, somewhat tersely. “Let’s go.”


“John’s back.”

“I’ll grab my coat.”

***** ***** *****

“Little pig, little pig, let me in.” he murmured. He knocked on the door.

“Yeah?” One voice called through the door, distorted by illness.

He flipped open his vortex manipulator so Ianto’s voice drifted in to them. “It’s me. I’ve got more food; Tosh said you were running low.” How sloppy of Jack not to add more security measures to his little hub – especially considering how many people and aliens he’d managed to piss of around the universe.

“It’s open.”

John smiled, reached up, and pushed the door open.

***** ***** *****

Ianto pressed a hand to his head as he pushed himself to his feet. Dusting himself off, he looked around, confused. It took him precious moments to remember what had happened. Noticing the box was missing, he began to get an idea of where John had gone. Worried, he pressed his Comm. “Jack?” Nothing. “Right.” He took off at a run. He wouldn’t need to reach the car to know it wouldn’t work. If it was even still there.

***** ***** *****

“Vera.” Gwen was the first to notice him, even half-blind. She struggled to sit up in bed even as she reached for her gun.

“Uh uh uh!” John smiled and waved a disapproving finger at her as if she was a naughty child. “None of that, now. Just came for a little talk.” He made a face. “Not looking your best there, by the way.”

She rolled her eyes. “What do you want?”

He took his turn to roll his eyes. “What is it with you people? ‘What do you want, what do you want?’ is that all you can ask? How dull!” He strode over to the bed but went to the side Owen was on, still fast asleep. John bent down and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Rise and shine, sleeping beauty.”

Owen woke with a start, jerking back as he blinked at John. He coughed a little, pressing one hand to his head and one to his mouth. Finally the coughing stopped and he lowered both hands, but looked at John in confusion.

“I’m hallucinating.” he informed them, rather candidly.

“If you are, we’re sharing it.” Gwen moodily replied, still staring at the ex-time agent. “And if Rhys finds out I’m hallucinating about Vera here, he’ll kill me.”

Owen blinked. “I don’t think people can share hallucinations.”

As they had talked John had moved around the room, swiping their weapons and hiding them away. Once he was done, he slid his jacket off and tossed it onto the chair that was placed beside the bed.

He put his hands on his hips and smiled at them. “I’m really here. Hello, kids. Miss me?”

“Like a hangover.” Owen deadpanned.

“What’re you doing?” The Welshwoman demanded, scowling.

“What’s it look like?” he cheeked. John toed his boots off and took his shirt off. His socks followed. It took longer to get his belt off, but neither Gwen nor Owen could move fast, so he was on the bed between them before they could swing even a leg off. “You two look cozy, thought I’d join you ‘till Jack got here. Or Eye Candy. He should be waking up about now.”

“Why can’t he be an hallucination?” Gwen moaned, falling back onto the bed as the room swam.

“You can pretend it is.” John flipped onto his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows, looking at them earnestly. After a moment, it faded and he smiled wickedly. “I’ll promise you you’ll enjoy it, though.”

***** ***** *****

“The car’s not moving.” Tosh informed. “Hasn’t for at least twenty minutes. It’s outside the dry cleaners. Ianto must have stopped to pick up the clothes on the way there.”

The worker had long since stopped asking questions about how the clothes got so dirty and ripped and what, exactly, was covering. Ianto often dropped their clothes off there when he couldn’t repair them himself – or when he couldn’t find the time to.

“Any sign of Ianto?” Jack walked quickly, cursing the fact that they only had one car.

“Not yet, no.” She glanced around.

“We’ll head there first, see if he’s still there. He may have spotted a weevil and dropped his Comm.” It was unlikely, but Jack didn’t want to take any chances. John was still out there somewhere, and his team could all be in serious trouble.

***** ***** *****

Ianto pushed the door open as quietly as possible, glad that it didn’t squeak. He glanced around but, seeing nothing, darted forward. He had his gun drawn. He took small measured steps into the flat. After ensuring that there was nothing in the living room, kitchen, or bathroom, he made his way into the bedroom.

Gwen and Owen were fast asleep, looking no better or worse than they had been the last time he’d seen them. Purple, dashes of orange, growing an extra arm, naked. That last one gave him pause. They weren’t sleeping together, were they? And even if they were, they were in no shape…

“Put the gun down, Eye Candy.” John slipped up behind him, his own gun pressed to Ianto’s head. “Ow!” he suddenly yelped, jumping back before the tazor Ianto had been hiding behind his back could do its desired effect. “And the tazor!”

Ianto moved as soon as John jumped back, spinning around and bringing the tazor to the front, intending to hit him with it once more. Just until he fell unconscious. And then a little more, just to make sure. No one ever accused Ianto Jones of being sloppy, after all.

John saw all this and counter-attacked, charging Ianto with a cry. The two fell to the floor, each trying to knock the other’s weapon from their hand. John, having a free hand, was able to get the gun from the Welshman rather quickly. The only problem was that it freed one of Ianto’s hands, who managed to roll them so that he was on top, holding onto John’s wrist – the one with the gun – and pinning him in place with his weight.

The ex-time agent reached out with his free hand and grabbed the tazor, wrestling it off the other man and throwing it away from them. Eye Candy could fight better than he’d thought and he didn’t want to take the chance of using the tazor only to have it snatched from him. He’d done it to Ianto, yeah, but he was supposed to be the better fighter.

Ianto was still trying to get the gun from him. “Jack-”

“Is probably just reaching the car as we speak.” He snorted. Then, grinning, he thrust his hips up to push his groin against the other man’s. “I love it how you get all masterful, Eye Candy.”

Shocked, Ianto faltered, which gave the ex-time agent the opportunity to switch their positions, which he did so eagerly. However, John only pinned him in place. Wriggling, but realising he was securely held – at least for the time being – he glanced at the two on the bed.

“What did you do to them?”

John glanced briefly at the couple on the bed. “Them? Nothing. They’re fine. Just a little…shagged out at the minute.” He caught the growing look of horror on the younger man’s face and smirked. “Don’t worry, they enjoyed it. Plenty.” He leaned down and kissed Ianto hard. Exited, he gyrated his hips against Ianto’s. Pulling up for air a moment later, he panted, “So will you.”

Ianto’s protest was smothered by another kiss. This time, however, his mouth was open and John took the opportunity to bring his tongue in to play. Ianto stilled in his grip, considering. Then, after a moment, he bit down hard on John’s tongue. John cried out as blood filled his mouth and tried to pull back. Ianto let go of his tongue and head butted him, knocking the other man off him. He rolled to his feet and kicked John in the stomach, causing him to drop his gun. Ianto kicked him until he rolled over, just because he could, and then picked up the gun. He levelled it at John, who was groaning and rolling on the floor.

“I should shoot you right now.” he informed, voice hard. “As much pleasure it’ll bring me, I think Jack will find it even more so. However, move and I will shoot you, Jack or no.”

***** ***** *****

“No Ianto, but the box for Gwen and Owen is missing as well.” Jack muttered. “Think he walked there?”

She looked around. “They weren’t in the car.” she added. “And it really isn’t that far to Owen’s. And the keys are missing as well.”

Jack shoved his hands into his pocket and looked around. “Unless John caught him I’d say he’s at Owen’s.” He turned and looked at her, a smile growing on his face. “I think a little re-wiring is in order.”

She rolled her eyes and smiled. “You just want to pretend to steal the car.”

He grinned at her and didn’t answer, but she took that smile as his answer. She sighed and started towards the car, making sure she had her seatbelt on before Jack could even enter the car. His driving was crazy and she’d rather stay alive until she figured out where Ianto had gotten off to. Preferably, she’d like to live passed that, but that was Torchwood for you; always unpredictable.

***** ***** *****

Unlike Ianto’s subtle approach, Jack kicked the door open and rushed in, gun aimed and held in two hands. Tosh followed him in, her own, more modern, gun held in one hand. She closed the door behind them, glad that Jack hadn’t knocked it from its hinges. He motioned to the kitchen and she nodded, heading off into the bathroom.

“Jack?” Ianto’s voice sounded from the bedroom. “In here.”

Jack went in first, weapon still out. Tosh followed but rushed to the bed after a quick glance around the room, not even blinking at the sight of one Captain John Hart kneeling on the floor with his hands behind his back as Ianto held the gun at his head.

“Why am I not surprised to see you here?” Jack asked, but rather than angry he sounded mostly amused, with a little exasperation thrown in.

“Jack,” Tosh started, sounding worried, “I can’t get Owen or Gwen to wake up.”

“They’re just a little tired.” John informed helpfully.

He noticed that the team-mates on the bed were naked and John was clad only in his trousers. Jack looked at the blood on John’s chin and bare-chest and then looked at Ianto, who only had a spot of blood on his collar.

“You ok?”

“Just fine, thank you, Sir.” Ianto nodded.

“What happened?” As he talked, he tucked his gun away and put his hands on his hips, glaring at his old partner all the while.

“He caught me at the dry cleaner, knocked me unconscious. The box was gone so I assumed he was heading here. When I got here I found Gwen and Owen unconscious on the bed. He snuck up behind me and we fought.”

Jack nodded. “You must be slipping.”

“I’m not-” John began, but Ianto pressed the barrel of the gun harder into his temple and he fell silent with a snort, glancing up at the Welshman from the corner of his eyes.

“The Comm.” Ianto began, “was jammed. Think he blocked them again. I would have called, but I thought my presence was more needed here.” Ianto had realised Jack was referring to him right away, even if John hadn’t.

“So, what’m I to do with you this time?” Jack mused, now talking to John.

“I can think of a few.” The ex-time agent began, only to fall silent again when Ianto pressed the gun in further still.

Behind them, Tosh had left them to it. Having retrieved the box and holstered her gun, she began to apply the solve to Gwen and Owen’s unconscious body, blushing heavily and trying to finish as quickly as possible. She didn’t want them waking up and realise what she was doing. As it was, she hoped they never found out.

“I thought I’d leave the shooting to you.”

Jack appreciated the thought. It was tempting, he’d admit. But it had also been tempting to succumb to John that first time – would have, if he were his old self. But he was with Ianto now, and Torchwood, and quite happy. Still, he was loathe to kill John. He’d killed enough people in his time and he didn’t want to again unless it was strictly necessary.

“No,” he finally spoke up. “I have a better idea.”


“Think of it a team-building exercise. We haven’t really had one of those since I came…back.” He continued. He looked at Ianto and winked, then turned to John. “Think of it as taming a wolf.”

“Wolves still bite.” Ianto dryly informed.

“Ah, but this one won’t.” Jack informed confidently. He stared his old partner down. “Not if he knows what’s good for him.”

John looked up. Ianto, while displeased at the idea, also looked intrigued. Jack, however, looked eager, that old sparkle in his eye. If memory served – and it always did – that look never bode well for the one it was aimed at. This time, it was aimed at John.

Captain John Hart looked up into the eyes of Captain Jack Harkness, and swallowed.

The End

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