Everyone has something in their past that they’d rather forget. Even Major-General George Hammond. Stargate/BtVS/Animal House Crossover Pairings:
None at present Disclaimer:
I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Stargate SG-1, or Animal House. Notes:
Don’t ask me where this quick one-shot came from (probably it was hearing “Louie, Louie” on the radio yesterday). Part of the “A Different Future” series, running concurrently with “Fate’s Little Plaything”. I might, or might not, use it in the latter story – let me know what you think. General Hammond’s Office, Stargate Command, Cheyenne Mountain Complex, Colorado- 26th January 2001
If George Hammond still had any hair, he’d have been pulling it out by the handful. Just a few days leave and he came back to this. A short notice senatorial visit – and not just any Senator. Retirement suddenly seemed like a preferable alternative. Suicide was even more appealing.
“Walter?” the usually fairly placid General almost bellowed into his intercom.
His administrative assistant/control room technician hurried into the office as quickly as protocol allowed. Something was obviously annoying – or worrying – his CO, since Hammond rarely blew his top. And usually that had something to do with SG-1.
“Sir?” the Sergeant ventured nervously, lest he become a target of the General’s wrath.
Hammond brandished a sheet of official US Senate paper. “Just tell me that SG-1 are scheduled to be off-world this afternoon. Please?”
“I’m afraid not, sir,” the Sergeant replied.
“Can you at least tell me that Buffy has other things to do?” Hammond asked hopefully.
If the Slayer was around, that would just be the extra filling in the shit sandwich.
Harriman shook his head apologetically. “Special Agent Summers will be meeting with you as arranged, sir.”
The General visibly winced. “Maybe I should just shoot myself in the head, right now...”
“Anything I can do, sir?” the Sergeant had last seen his CO looking so worried when a fleet of Bastet's Ha’taks were bearing down on Earth, intent on demolishing half the planet.
“Not unless you can travel back in time about thirty-eight years and fix a few things...” Hammond shook his head. General Hammond’s Office, Stargate Command, Cheyenne Mountain Complex, Colorado - 26th January 2001
Hammond regarded the blonde Slayer with something approaching disgust. Considering that his whole life, or at least a good chunk of it, was about to be turned upside down, she was far too cheerful.
“Heard nothing but good things about this Senator,” Buffy offered. “Especially his whole “hands off” approach. Not like that sonofabitch Kinsey.”
The late and unlamented Senator Robert Kinsey’s replacement on the Joint Standing Committee on Covert Operations and Intelligence was a very different individual from his predecessor. The new guy had already been briefed by Giles on Sunnydale and was perfectly happy – even eager – for its problems to remain below the Government’s radar. In fact, the whole thing had terrified the life out of him – at least, when he wasn’t busy eyeing Cordy's cleavage. As far as the Slayer was concerned, abject terror was an excellent demeanour for politicians, especially when it persuaded them to keep their noses out of things that might otherwise bite them off.
This afternoon, the Senator was to be briefed on both the SGC and HGC. He’d specifically asked to see the Slayer and SG-1. Buffy had no problems with that, but something was definitely bothering General Hammond.
“He’s not likely to trouble us in the same way as Kinsey,” the SGC CO confirmed, though his expression suggested otherwise.
“If there’s gonna be a problem, I need to know, General,” the Slayer countered.
“It’s personal, Buffy,” the General hedged.
On the other hand, she had just saved his life against multiple Jaffa, he reflected. Perhaps he owed her the truth. It wasn't exactly a matter of national security, after all.
The Slayer’s ears pricked up at that and she grinned slyly. “All the more reason to tell me. ‘Cos you know me - now I won’t let go. So spill...”
Hammond sighed. “Senator Blutarsky and I go way back. We were in the same fraternity back in ‘sixty-two, Delta Tau Chi, at Faber College.”
“So?” Buffy shrugged. “And I thought you were an Air Force College graduate.”
“I am. But my first college was Faber. Until I was expelled...” the General confessed.
“You were expelled?” Buffy’s voice rose, as she grinned in anticipation.
Hammond briefly closed his eyes. “Hush, will you! Don’t want half the base to hear this! Why d’you think I don’t want SG-1 meeting the Senator? You think Colonel O’Neill would ever let me live this down?”
“More to the point, d’you think I ever will?” Buffy smirked.
“So why were you expelled?” she probed. "Not that it's anything to be ashamed of. All the best people were expelled... Cordy from St Mary's in her fourth grade, me from Hemery High - and briefly from Sunnydale High..."
“The whole fraternity was expelled, actually. We were a little high-spirited – illegal house parties, the worst grades imaginable, a fraternity member who bedded the Dean’s wife, another who molested the Mayor’s daughter, a parade we completely trashed... Get the picture?”
“Anything you want to confess personally?” the Slayer was loving this, seeing a new side to the General.
“I – uh – borrowed the Dean’s car and parked it in a fountain... Did the old elephant impression in front of the Dean’s Aunt. Dumped a truckload of fizzies into the swimming pool. Masterminded the delivery of the medical school cadavers to the Alumni Dinner...” the General decided he might as well come clean with the Slayer, before Blutarsky filled her in.
Buffy decided that college sounded much more fun in Hammond’s day. Her own experiences with fraternities had, on one occasion, led to her and Cordelia almost being sacrificed to a snake demon. The Initiative had also used a fraternity as cover.
Hammond fidgeted uncomfortably in his chair. “Only thing that stopped me from being drafted was my uncle, who pulled strings to get me into the Academy. I still don’t know how they accepted me, actually...”
The Slayer couldn’t help but snigger aloud, though it came out as a snort. She simply couldn’t imagine the strait-laced General being involved in that kind of fraternity mayhem.
“Blutarsky drove off with a sorority girl – name of Mandy Pepperidge – after we trashed the parade and eventually becomes a Senator – and now a likely Presidential candidate. And I wind up commanding the most secret and sensitive base.”
“People change...” Buffy offered, letting him off the hook slightly.
Hammond shook his head. He had no doubt whatsoever that Blutarsky would dig up every revolting little detail and feed it to an expectant SG-1, one morsel at a time. The Senator had never really tried to hide the excesses of his youth and his Delta House debauchery certainly didn’t harm his political career. The General, on the other hand, was deeply ashamed of himself, even years on.
“Thing is, they called us the Animal House, because we were so far beyond the pale. And Bluto and me? We were the worst...” he confessed, as the Slayer chuckled evilly and started whistling “Louie, Louie”.
The General put his bald head in his hands and groaned aloud.
"So what was your pledge-name, General?" Buffy pressed gleefully.
The Slayer had never seen the attraction of the whole Greek-system fraternity/sorority thing - especially after the Initiative debacle - but she did know the basics. Hazing, drinking, pranks, moronic rituals and pledge names.
"The guys called me Animal... I'm sure you can guess the reasons," an embarrassed Hammond mumbled, as Buffy snorted like a geek and dissolved into fits of laughter.