A/n- I want to go on with this because I really like Harmony. And this has been a pretty cruddy crossover with barely any interaction between the two fandoms. Oh well, we'll see where I go from here.
Do I still need a disclaimer? I don't want to get another threatening email, so I'll say it again that I don't own anything.
Harry walked slowly towards the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. He straightened his robes and tried to pat down his hair back into some semblance of order. He gave up, compromising to just retie his tie and button his shirt.
He peered inside, immediately noticing that his teacher had not chosen to attend, "Big surprise," Harry thought sullenly in his head, though Professor Dumbledore was in the classroom with the blond woman/vampire/evil lecturer/airhead. Harry was trying to decide what was most accurate for her.
Dumbledore was talking genially to her, and handed her a red lollipop. She stared at it, confused. Harry walked into the room, just hearing the end of the conversation.
"...od flavored lollipops, quite a specialty at Honeydukes Candy Shop. I find that candy really cheers people up," he finished sedately. She nodded her head, pulling her lollipop out of her mouth and licking it a few times before she put it back in again.
"Professor?" Harry asked Dumbledore quietly, looking towards the old man, then the woman, then Dumbledore again.
"Ah! Harry, nice to see you on this fine morning! Though," he leaned into the space that separated Harry from him, "Your shirt is on inside out."
Harry felt his face burning, and crossed his arms across his chest.
Seeing Harry's obvious discontent, Dumbledore cleared his throat, smiling. "I think you really will enjoy this lecture. Here come your classmates now! Ms. Kendall, I now leave the class to you." He swept out the door, his long robe trailing behind him. Harry watched his path for a minute, and then realized that he was the only one still standing. He quietly turned around and sat down in a vacant seat next Ernie Macmillan.
Ms. Kendall cleared her throat, throwing the old lollipop stick in the garbage. "Um. Hi, I'm Harmony Kendall, but call me Harmony, because that's what everyone calls me. Okay, so Mr. Dumbledore wanted me to talk to you about living in Sunnydale, because it's all evil and all.
"I lived in Sunndyale until the summer after my senior year in High School. Sunnydale is a town in California, and it's really nice because it's less than an hour away from the beach and it has a really nice mall and everything. Except that we had a really high death rate in Sunnydale. I mean, it seemed like every week we'd find another body all ripped apart sitting somewhere and being all gross and dead, you know? And sometimes a person would just disappear. I remember, there was this ghost that attacked my friend Cordelia, because she was bitter or something, when Cordy became the May Queen.
"I didn't know that Sunnydale was a Hellmouth. That means that it's a, wait, I remember this... ‘convergence of mystical energy,' whatever that means. So, because we had a Hellmouth in Sunnydale, we also had a Buffy. Buffy was this girl who fought evil things, and Sunnydale had a lot of evil things that wore last month's clothing. Buffy was this Slayer person, but she still needed my
help, and everyone else in the senior class' help to defeat our mayor, who became a giant snake on our graduation day.
"Anyway, so she loads everyone up with weapons and tells them to kill the vampires and other monsters that come to the graduation when the Mayor becomes the Snake. Except that she didn't do a very good job of, well, fighting those vampires! She was too busy killing the mayor to protect me! And I was bit, by the vampires I mean.
"So, then I became a vampire the day I graduated high school. Really, wanna see my vampire face? I'm evil, very evil, and it's all because I lived on a Hellmouth. So, of course, I left the Hellmouth after this relationship didn't work out with this guy named Spike. He was such
a jerk, one time, he even tried to stake me! And he loved playing that role playing 'I'll be the vampire, and you'll be the Slayer' game. He was kind of obsessed with Buffy, you know? He even loved her eventually, and died for the second time to save her. Anyways, I'm getting ahead of myself. I was too much for him, so I went down to LA, where I joined a vampire cult for a few days, but they couldn't handle me either. I was all alone and unemployed when I finally found some luck, and got a job at Wolfram and Hart, the best, most evil law firm in several dimensions, at its LA branch!
"Then, there's Angel, he's another vampire, but he's a good one because he has a soul, so he's a Champion. He's all moody and likes to hit people. Anyway, for some reason the senior partner people gave the LA branch to Angel and his friends! So I was assigned to be Angel's assistant. I take his calls and heat up his blood in the morning. He has this strict, 'no killing humans' policy, so I am proud to say that I haven't killed a human in over five
months! In conclusion, as you can see, if you live in a Hellmouth, you may be turned into a vampire, but it's okay, because you'll end up working for a Champion, even if he is annoyingly good and moody.
"Okay. Any questions?" She smiled happily at the class.
Harry reconsidered his labeling of this woman. She wasn't an evil lecturer, because she certainly didn't really have the ability to be evil. She was just insane.
Evidently, the rest of the class had had a similar reaction, and their chairs were now congregated in the fall back wall, Harry keenly noting that Hermione's hand was gripping her wand in her robe pocket.
Harmony whined. "Aww, come on guys, there has to be some questions!"
Harry shrugged his shoulders and raised his hand. "When you say that you're not killing humans anymore, is that a temporary thing, or are you giving them up all together?"
Harmony put her hands on her hips and let out a little huff. "I'm sorry, I'm a demon, I'm supposed to kill people. But I don't, not anymore. I drink pig's blood. Besides, Angel has a very strict policy for all Wolfram and Hart employees if they are found to have killed a human."
Harry's eyebrows raised. "And what is that?"
Harmony shrugged nonchalantly. "They're decapitated."
"Wait," Hermione called out from the back of the room, removing her hand from her pocket to raise her hand. "What does Wolfram and Hart do?"
"Hrmm. That's a pretty good question. I'm not too sure myself. I just take messages and get Angel his blood. But I think Wolfram and Hart is not only a law firm but also is a part of major demon relations and contracts. We buy souls, run a major recording label and will be a part of the apocalypse among other things."
"The apocalypse?" Hermione echoed.
"You know, fire brimstone and all that stuff. Angel's supposed to be a major player for good or evil. Oh! But don't worry, I'm sure you'll all be dead by the time it goes down. Vampires are immortal you know, we live for a long time until someone sticks a piece of wood into our hearts..."
"Yes," Hermione agreed, "I did know." Harry looked at Hermione and saw a gleam in her eyes that either meant that she needed to go research or she was going to do something that would get him a detention.
"Oh! Look at the time!" Harmony exclaimed. "Well, yeah, I hope you enjoyed my talk, I guess you guys can all go now."
The class filed out. Harry looked at Hermione, but she signaled for him to go on without her.
Harry stood outside the door of the room.
"So," he heard Hermione say, "Ms. Kendall, is Wolfram and Hart looking for summer interns?"