: World, ObeyChapter Title
: Serendipi-OMG A GIANT WALKING TREEAuthor
: Neither the characters of the Buffyverse, nor those of 10 Things I Hate About You
are in any way my property.Feedback
: Is groovy, baby.Fandom
: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
/10 Things I Hate About YouIn Canon
: Post-Canon in all universes.Characters/Pairings
: Dawn Summers, Patrick Verona/Illyria, CameronWord Count
: 2100-2200Author's Notes
: So, this occurred to me. There's more to come. *whistles* Yep.Summary
: Patrick Verona, meet Illyria.
"This shell is aroused by your head wear," Illyria informed Dawn's boyfriend, Jordan, regarding his 'do rag.
He stared at the ancient god king, still unused to it despite two months of cohabitation. "Dawn?" he called out, not taking his eyes off of Illyria.
Dawn called back her now-stock response, "She's not human; she doesn't know she isn't supposed to do and/or say that."
"She's hitting on me," he complained.
"Oh, come on," Dawn replied in disbelief, walking into the kitchenette while towel drying her hair. "She isn't into humans."
He looked away from Illyria reluctantly to watch as his girlfriend started to make toast. "She said my rag got her hot," he explained.
Illyria followed his gaze. "His head wear aroused my shell momentarily. It has passed as he has opened his maw."
Giggling, Dawn nodded. "See, nothing to worry about."
With a scowl, Jordan slumped in his seat, crossing his arms.
"We will go to the arboretum today." Illyria stated.
"Well, it's Sunday, so not really." She turned to look at it as she spoke, holding her toast. "If you want to go all human, we can take a ferry out to the island. They have a nature path with a ton of trees and flowers. There's birds and a pond and everything. Very pretty."
"I will wear blue cotton," Illyria responded matter-of-factly.
Patrick looked past Cameron, to where the path diverged on one side into a copse of apple trees, and to a pond about fifty metres off on the other. There stood a beautiful woman, kneeling with her ear up to a dittany plant, as if listening. She had numerous grass stains on her sun dress and what he thought was, possibly, a cedar twig hanging from one long lock of hair.
He could not say why she caught his eye, as he was happy with Kat and had been for years. This woman, though, seeming to care so little at what everyone saw her doing. She called to him.
"What are you looking at, man?" Cameron asked, glancing in that direction. "Did you want to look at the pond or something?"
"That girl," he offered. "She's..."
Cameron took a few seconds to look at her, coming to a conclusion. "Mentally challenged?"
"Don't be so quick to judge, Cameron."
"Sorry, you just don't see grown adults covered in grass stains and mud, talking to plants," he reasoned. "It makes you assume true things."
Patrick looked back to him. "There's something about her."
Cameron's eyes went wide and he pushed on one of his friend's shoulders in an attempt to turn him away from the sight of the woman. "No. If I take you back and you've fallen for someone else, do you know what Kat'll do to me? Huh? It isn't pretty. The old Kat is lurking beneath the surface, looking for a good reason to hurt me."
"Well, yeah, you married her little sister," Patrick pointed out. "It's beside the point, Cameron. I'm not falling for the girl," he assured, looking back to her. "I just find her intriguing."
"Didn't you find Kat intriguing at one time?"
"It's also beside the point."
There was a sharp yell, "Illyria?" and the woman in the sun dress looked up and past him.
"Dawn. You were longer than a minute. The pyrus mocks the dictamus," she said, standing gracefully. "They wish to be relocating nearer the typha."
Cameron gave Patrick A Look. Patrick pointedly ignored him.
"I'll tell the grounds keeper that they want that. Your dress is so not blue anymore." After a pause, she wondered, passing Patrick and Cameron, "The plants are talking to you again?"
The woman, Illyria, looked down to consider this and looked back at Dawn. "I hear the Song of the Green." Patrick admitted that it was entirely possible that Cameron was right, but that there was perhaps another explanation.
"Well, we'll make sure the doctor knows that. Are you ready to go?"
"I told the cedrus I would return to wish them farewell," she replied, wiping her palms on her dress as Dawn pulled the twig from her hair.
Dawn sighed, looping an arm with Illyria. "Okay, we'll swing by the cedar, but if we stay much longer we'll miss our ferry, and Jordan is picking us up at the port at four."
Illyria nodded once. "That is acceptable." As the women passed Patrick and Cameron, she looked at him. "That man has a unique face," she told Dawn.
Smiling apologetically at Patrick, Dawn nodded. "Don't we all. Otherwise we'd all look alike. It'd be Attack of the Clones."
"He is unique even among humans," Illyria replied as they walked through the gate, Patrick watching.
Cameron grabbed his lapels, shaking him. "Earth to Pat. If nothing else, think of my life. I'd like to keep it."
Patrick smirked at him, pinching a cheek. "You're so cute
when you fear for it, though."
"Yeah? You're laughing now. Just remember, I got her kitchen knives for Christmas, and if she comes after me, it'll only be when she's done with you."
Frowning, he admitted, "She is fond of those knives."
Dawn glared at the ferry, kicking up water only twenty feet from the dock.
Illyria looked at her, the ferry, and then Dawn again. "We missed our ferry."
"Because you felt the need to talk to the cedar about what the ash said the poplar thought of the morning glory's blooms," Dawn pointed out, flipping open her mobile.
"No one will talk to the cedrus because of its fragrance," Illyria told her. "I pity it."
Dawn nodded. "You couldn't pity it next time?" she wondered, holding the phone to her ear. "Jordan, hey, we missed our ferry."
Illyria watched the ferry depart as Dawn spoke on the phone.
As Dawn rang off, Illyria wondered, "Perhaps that unique human is still at the park."
"Huh?" asked Dawn, looking at the shell in confusion. "The guy with the face?"
Pausing, Dawn watched it as she tucked away her phone. "You're still thinking of someone we saw for ten seconds a half hour ago?"
Fred's face plainly declared Illyria's confusion. "I believe I am. I feel as though he could be an interesting specimen."
"Do you..." Dawn started before trailing off. She started again, more concrete, "Do you have a crush?"
"I may have stepped on some campanula."
"No, I mean do you have feelings for that guy at the park," Dawn explained.
Illyria looked confused, still. "I did not touch him, thus I did not feel him."
"I mean," Dawn started slowly, looking for the words. "Are you amorous toward him?"
Illyria answered, "He does not arouse this shell."
"Well, love isn't about sexual attraction and...never mind. You don't have a crush," Dawn decided, shaking her head.
Illyria seemed to accept this, or simply did not care. Dawn was willing to put money on either possibility. After a few minutes, though, Illyria admitted, "I believe I may have loved Wesley."
Dawn looked at it intently. "Wesley? Really?"
"What is wrong with Wesley?" Illyria asked, but there was more defence in the tone than curiosity.
"Nothing." Dawn shook her head and thought briefly. "Do you understand what love is?"
"I killed for him, and lied to make him feel better. That is how it seems to work in the films Jordan plays."
Dawn giggled. "Well, in those, yeah. But love is about...feeling. Emotionally, not physically. It's where you like a person so much, they're always on your mind and you want to spend more time with them and..." She shook her head, smiling softly. "It's about a connection."
Illyria considered this. "I do not believe I love the unique human."
"Hey, look..." Dawn's smile fell wan and she licked her lips. She placed a hand on Illyria's shoulder. "I'm sorry you lost Wesley. I don't think I've said that, and I think whether you loved him or not, he was your best friend and that sucks."
It stared at her for a moment.
"You say 'thank you' and we move on now."
Illyria nodded. "Thank you."
Smiling again, Dawn dropped her hand. "Well, we have forty-five minutes until the next ferry leaves, and I'm hungry."
"We will find an eating establishment," Illyria commanded.
Patrick looked around the cafe, busy for mid-afternoon, but also the closest place to the reserve.
"Earth to Pat?" Cameron offered. "She's not here, you shouldn't be looking."
"Who's that?" he wondered, giving Cameron his best innocent smile. He could admit it was not his greatest skill, but Cameron found it insufferable.
Cameron laughed sardonically, short and sharp. "You realise I wasn't this neurotic before I was officially related to Kat, right?"
Patrick raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, but my neuroses manifested differently; it was more productive. Now I just fear for my life and you, my friend, are not helping." He gave his friend a glare and pulled out the heavy artillery. "When will you two tie the knot?"
"Ha to you," was his reply. "Kat has clearly stated that the institution of marriage disgusts her." He picked up a fry from the plate he had largely ignored.
Cameron looked disbelieving. "And you agree with her?"
"Well, as a wise man once said," Patrick started, smiling smugly. "Marriage is a wonderful institution...for people who like institutions." He looked up in time to see the two women looking around for a table. He knew well enough that there were no tables left, and he and Cameron were taking up a four-top. Raising a hand in a wave, smiling something like friendly, he called out, "Illyria, Dawn."
They looked at him and Illyria took a step before Dawn pulled her back. The two spoke briefly and Illyria led Dawn to the table. "May we partake of the table you currently occupy?"
Cameron dropped his head into his hands. "Sure, why not, my life is worth nothing."
"That is usually the case," Illyria told him and sat across from him, next to Patrick.
"Hi, uhm, thank you," Dawn started, sitting between Cameron and Illyria. "You seem to know our names, but we don't know yours," she said.
"Cameron," he offered, glumly.
Patrick looked at him, and then back to the women. "Patrick Verona."
"It's nice to meet you both," Dawn said with a smile and slight nod.
Illyria looked at her, and then the men. "I feel similar pleasure."
"And it's lovely to meet you," Patrick offered, waving down a waiter. "What did you think of the reserve?"
Illyria again looked at Dawn before the men. "It was very beautiful."
Dawn nodded. "Are you two here for any reason in particular, or just for fun?"
"Cameron's a reporter, covering the expansion."
"I approve of the expansion," Illyria said.
Patrick nodded, but let the girls order as the waiter approached. After they were left alone again, he asked Illyria, "You lack much of an accent. Where are you from?"
Illyria looked again to Dawn, then back to Patrick. "Texas. I take elocution lessons."
"And Illyria, that's an interesting name."
"Her parents were Albanian historians," Dawn told him.
"Oh," he replied, but did not understand what the one had to do with the other. "So, you like plants?"
Illyria nodded. "They speak to me."
Dawn smiled, looking nervous. "Like a botanist, not like a crazy person."
Looking at Dawn, she seemed uncomprehending but said nothing.
"I get that," replied Cameron. "My wife is a fashion designer, so inanimate objects 'speaking' to a person is kind of old hat."
Grinning, Dawn asked, "What's her label?"
"Oh, ah, Be On."
"I have many frocks from Be On by Bianca James," Illyria told the men. "The name is a clever play on words for a..." She looked at Dawn and stopped. "Fashionable clothing line."
Dawn smiled. "She cuts very well, especially trousers," she offered.
"Ah, I'll let her know. That you said that. About...her clothes."
Patrick watched his tongue-tied friend in amusement. "So, how do you two know one another?" he wondered, looking between the girls.
"We are partners," answered Illyria matter-of-factly.
"At work," added Dawn. "We form a team at work. And she lives with my boyfriend and me."
Illyria gave a single nod. "He recently changed his head accessories. It is most disappointing."
"Anyway," cut in Dawn, apparently trying to change the topic. "What do you do, Patrick?"
"I'm a voice-over guy," he replied, grinning. "In Oz, anyway." This meant they had no idea who he was and that was fine with him.
Dawn's face lit up. "I knew that voice was familiar! Tim Tams and Fruit Tingles, right?"
He stopped up. "Yeah. Undercover Aussie?"
"I bummed around the beach for a year," she explained. "I went from California to England. London is the greatest, bar none, but I needed sand and beaches and sun. And really awesome prawns." Her eyes went wide. "And shark fin soup."
"Though they are not typical of a southern Californian diet," Illyria stated.
That was when the giant, mutated cedar tree walked into the restaurant, looking for Illyria.