Copyright Infringement Alt (The PPG Alternate!)
Bubbles beamed at him and took his hand leading him out the door. “I'm thinking breakfast; me, you, some pancakes and maple syrup.”
“Hey!” Blossom complained, hurrying out the door to join them, “no syrupy Xander without me being there to enjoy it!”
Everyone turned wide eyed to Buttercup. “What? I'll wait until they wear themselves out competing for his attention and then swoop in and grab him.”
Everyone turned to Jonathan who shrugged. “Don't look at me; I gave them your DNA and memories as well as a way to transfer memories back and forth, what they do with them is their decision.”
Cordelia was glaring at Buttercup.
Buttercup shook her head. “Don't glare at me, you had your chance. You've done a hell of a lot worse things than he did to boys you've dated and didn't risk your life to save theirs either remember, I have all your memories and perfect recall.”
“Well … shit!” Cordelia declared finally, startling Willow and Buffy.
“I also know your real reasons, so I can't really fault you, but I don't share them,” Buttercup said firmly, “now stop frowning before you get wrinkles, we've got three houses to look at today and I need to know which one you prefer before we buy it.”
“House?” Cordelia asked, wondering where that came from but glad for the distraction.
“Yeah, well actually a mansion, triplex, and a closed down arcade. Our parents suck and we Chase girls have to stick together so I'm inviting my sister to leave the den of jackals we call family and move in with us girls,” Buttercup said, not mentioning the problems they both knew the Chase's were having with the IRS.
“Where did you get the money?” Buffy asked Jonathan.
Jonathan shrugged. “Don't look at me.”
Buttercup looked over at Buffy. “Asking me is generally the quickest way to get an answer.”
“You guys have only been out a couple of hours, shouldn't any money you get have come from Jonathan?”
Buttercup nodded, seeing Buffy's point of view and seeing she hadn't been trying to slight her. “We had connections to the internet long before our bodies were finished; Blossom sold some utilities she developed, Bubbles designed some websites and I surfed for porn.”
“Surfed for porn?” Cordelia asked doubtfully.
Buttercup shrugged. “Something about web surfing always leads to porn, its distracting as hell so I surfed for porn and sent the links to Blossom and Bubbles whenever they were finished with whatever they were working on for the day. The guarantee of porn at the end of the work day made the work go by quicker and got rid of the urge to search for it themselves.”
“You have even less tact than me,” Cordy said.
“Comes from living in near constant telepathic communication with two other girls,” she replied unconcerned. “I'm used to sharing everything between the three of us and as far as I'm concerned you're one of us.”
Cordelia beamed a 100% radiant smile at her sister. “So why an arcade, how do you mean share everything and am I included in the sharing?”
“The arcade was one of the fun land types with a pool and a go-cart track among other things; building rooms to our exact specifications would be fun, and the size of the place is enormous for the money. I mean just what you think I mean and yes,” Buttercup smirked, “since Xander is being pushed out of here we're giving him a new group to join and hunt vamps with.”
“You can't do that!” Buffy burst out, “he's supposed to stay away from the slaying, not start a new group.”
Buttercup shrugged. “That's up to us, what with being human and free will and all, besides if you really believe that he'd ever give up the fight … well I'd be tempted to start making blond jokes.”
“He had a quiet night last night and that’s the way it'll stay!” Buffy declared firmly.
Buttercup smirked and the library's computer started playing a video clip with Buttercup's voice doing the narrating.
“And here we see one Xander Harris saving one Faith the Vampire Slayer by the novel use of a car as a weapon. We could go into detail on his nightly exploits but let’s just hit the highlights.”
The video showed an average of two seconds of him fighting each zombie using traffic cams, school surveillance cams and finally a hidden camera in the basement.
“I like the quiet,” Xander said, standing between the zombie Jack O'Toole and the exit with a bomb ticking away in plain sight.
“And thus endeth the lesson, you can't force him to stop because good old Harris luck will ensure he lives in interesting times, all you can really do is force him to go it alone. At least you could've before we got here, we'll make sure he's never alone and has a group that believes in loyalty with him.”
“You can't steal Xander!” Buffy cried in horror.
Buttercup just smirked. “It's not stealing when you pick up something that someone else has thrown away.”
“I … we …” Buffy stuttered, not quite sure what to say.
The computer played a series of clips from first person views of Buffy, Willow and Cordelia of Xander saving them and then times when they saved him as he smiled and thanked them.
“A lot of times you'd be dead without him, and a lot of times he'd be dead without you; yeah, throwing away that kind of loyalty is about as stupid as you can get.”
“Loyalty!” Buffy shouted. “He’ll come back to us because of loyalty!”
“You threw his loyalty in his face,” Buttercup pointed out as Faith came stumbling in, “and he still saved all your lives in the basement with the bomb but we're going to give him people to be loyal to that will be loyal to him as well.”
Faith blinked, now wide awake after the mention of the bomb.
“Plus we can give him something you can't,” Buttercup smirked.
“What could you possibly give him that we can't?!” Willow demanded, realizing how close she'd come to losing her closest friend a dozen times last night.
The computer showed Bubbles, Blossom and Xander being thrown out of a Waffle Hut their clothing in disarray.
Everyone fell silent.
“See?” Buttercup said, “we are upgraded versions of three girls he loves so he won’t even miss you and we're willing to do whatever it takes to keep him happy.”
“I didn't realize he'd saved your life so many times before I'd joined,” Oz said.
“And did you see how many times we saved his?” Buffy pointed out.
“How many times was it him you had to save because otherwise he'd be saving you?” Buttercup asked in a zen voice.
“Okay, enough moping about; we have to check the arcade's go-cart track out and the other two places,” Buttercup said, clearly favoring the arcade.
“Go-carts?” Faith asked, sounding interested.
“Wanna come?” Buttercup asked as she held the door for Cordelia.
“Sure,” Faith shrugged, glad she was avoiding cleaning with the others and wanting a chance to race go-carts.
Jonathan started to collect the discarded armor when Buffy and Willow rounded on him, “What did you program them to do?!” Buffy demanded.
“Nothing,” Jonathan said fearlessly, but slightly annoyed that he was probably going to end up bruised by the volatile girls.
“Then why would my clone be going after Xander?!” Buffy demanded shrilly.
“Because she's smarter than you,” he replied bluntly making everyone else wince.
“Bubbles has all your memories and remembers things you've forgotten or never noticed and has discussed them in detail with her sisters as well as having done the same with her sisters memories. She has essentially lived all three lives and gone through therapy for it. Because what is therapy besides discussing your life and figuring things out?”
“Wow,” Willow said stunned, “she has the combined knowledge and wisdom of all three of us and it’s greater than the sum of its parts.”
Jonathan nodded, “And that is without factoring in cyborg additions that allow them to learn at paces no human can match so they are all smarter and wiser than the originals but still have the same motivations, or mostly the same. Cordelia wants to be an actress while Buttercup would rather be a director and do some acting here and there for fun.”
“And they all three have fixated on Xander? Why?!” Buffy demanded.
“You can't know everything about someone without either loving or hating them, the three love each other,” he declared firmly, “I'm letting you know this so you'll understand a bit more about where they're coming from.”
“They're gay?!” Willow burst out.
“Bi actually,” Jonathan disagreed, “they also want a man in their life and kids at some point. They compared memories about men they knew and dug up all the information they could before finally agreeing that Xander was the logical choice. Admittedly they all three chose Xander before they had a study to prove he was the perfect choice so they probably fudged the facts a little.”
“And what's wrong with Angel?!” Buffy demanded.
“Ghost inhabiting a demon infested corpse,” he replied just as bluntly as before, “can't have kids and a moment of happiness leads to death and destruction; that's a complete no brainer.”
Willow quickly jumped in so Buffy wouldn't kill him, “And Oz?”
“Lycanthropy isn't really a big problem for them although that has raised some questions on the possibility of their children having it, the main two problems they talked about was his mistress; music and him being able to love all three of them,” Jonathan explained.
Oz nodded, “I generally see music on the sly. I don't have enough passion for more than two women in my life.”
Everyone shared a laugh even though they suspected that Oz was being serious.
“They needed someone they could love who could love all three of them and accept who they are; Xander may not be number one in a lot of the categories used to judge prospective partners but he's always been in the top ten and he's off the charts in terms of heart.”
There was silence for a moment before Buffy finally spoke up, “I just can't see myself falling for him.”
“Yep and without years of therapy you probably wouldn't,” Jonathan agreed.
“Remember, Bubbles is you without mental problems.”
“What the hell does that mean?!”
Jonathan decided that getting into that subject was a fast way to a world of pain. “You'll have to ask her, at any rate does anyone still have a problem seeing why they chose him now?”
“I suppose it makes sense,” Willow admitted, while the guys stayed out of it and Buffy glared at a wall.
“I can't believe you guys got us thrown out of the Waffle House,” Xander groaned but was unable to stop snickering.
“Then you should have been a bit quieter,” Bubbles teased.
“Yeah, you act like you've never had two women molest you with pancake toppings before,” Blossom added.
Xander laughed, “I think I'd remember if that had happened, hell I'd remember even if I only dreamed it.”
“Well get ready for your life to exceed your dreams then mister!” Blossom said firmly.
“So, why me?” Xander asked.
“Anything Buffy, Willow and Cordelia knew about you we know; anything they felt about you we felt,” Bubbles replied.
Xander winced. “That seems like it would make you avoid me rather than glue yourselves to me with maple syrup.”
“Well we aren't them; we know all the good and the bad things about you and the good outweighs the bad. The problems they had with you aren't ones we share,” Blossom said with a grin.
“The biggest problem was your inability to love one of the three over the others; not only don't we have a problem with that, we want that!” Bubbles said, laying her head on his shoulder.
“You want me to love all three of you?” Xander asked numbly.
“Yep, if you love one of us you have to love the other two because we come as a set,” Blossom said then grinned evilly, “especially if you get the timing right.”
Xander made some inarticulate sounds but the girls just laughed and pulled him onward.
After a few minutes Xander spoke, “But I love Buffy, Willow and Cordelia, so even if I fall in love with you three I'll still love them causing even more problems because even more girls are involved now.”
“Nah, we understand and care for them too, we know them too well not to. Us Powerpuff Girls come as a set but we have no problem bringing in Daphne, Scooby and Velma if they want to join or even if you want to spend time alone with one of them,” Blossom said.
“Don't think it’s likely, but we have looked at the possibility of it happening; we love you and unless you've changed drastically since a couple of hours ago you are going to fall in love with us,” Bubbles added.
“How can you be sure?” Xander asked plaintively.
“Because it’s your nature, and as long as you come home to us at the end of the day we'll all be happy,” Bubbles assured him.
“Yep,” Blossom replied, “Buttercup just let us know that she bought it, Cordelia and Faith came along to look and agreed that it was a great deal. They'll probably move in with us, Faith immediately and Cordelia after we renovate and do some remodeling.”
“Cordelia is really pissed at me and Faith …” Xander blushed.
“Cordelia is over it and Faith has issues,” Bubbles said bluntly.
“Pretend it never happened and you should be good,” Blossom assured him.
“I have no idea how you'd get Cordelia over her problems with me so fast, I guess Buttercup has the inside track with her but how do you know how Faith will respond?” He asked.
“Slayer responses and a whole lot of online site courses,” Bubbles replied, “if you could avoid showing any memory or knowledge of sleeping with her including awkwardness she'll get over things quickly.”
“If I can do it for the hyena incident I can do it for that,” Xander said, feeling better about things.
“You remember the hyena incident?” the two girls chorused.
Xander groaned, he just assumed they'd know everything from the way they'd managed to put things together.
“Willow was pretty tore up for a couple of days but seeing you take out the zookeeper while possessed pretty much made up for everything as far as she was concerned. Buffy however …” Bubbles trailed off.
Xander winced, remembering what he'd almost done to Buffy.
“Almost masturbated her fingers to the bone over that memory,” Blossom finished, “hell she still uses that memory every couple of weeks or so if things get a little stressful.”
“I wonder if we could actually run it during the weekends or something?” Cordelia said thoughtfully.
“That's not a bad idea,” Buttercup replied, “a traceable cash flow always makes the authorities feel better and it'll give the teens a new place to hang out that we can make very unfriendly to vamps.”
“So, what’s the what?” Faith asked.
“I'm a clone of Cordelia with cybernetic upgrades that make me the equal of a slayer, my two sisters who were cloned from Buffy and Willow have taken Xander out for pancakes and foreplay while me and Cordelia see about buying a place to live.”
“Seriously?” Faith asked.
Cordelia nodded, “Jonathan said he needed our DNA to check against his and Xander's to make sure they didn't turn into fish but he might use it to make super women if he figured out how; he figured out how. Buttercup is me with some aftermarket add ons. She also had her cheekbones raised and chose to get blue eyes.”
“Tell me I don't look gorgeous like that.”
Faith looked closely at Buttercup, comparing her to Cordelia. “Man, she looks even more like a princess than you do!”
“Thanks!” Buttercup replied, beaming at her, “of the three choices we're probably going to go with the arcade; it has more room for the money and fun stuff to play with.”
They hopped in Cordelia's car with Buttercup riding shotgun and giving directions, it only took a couple of minutes for them to reach Neverland Arcade.
The normally carefully trimmed bushes surrounding the place had grown out of control, completely surrounding the property like the vines in Sleeping Beauty.
“The words ‘holy shit’ really don't do it justice,” Faith said looking at the wall of greenery blocking their way.
“We're going to need Blossom,” Buttercup decided, “I'm okay with the mojo but she's got a flair for it.”
“We could go get some chainsaws,” Faith suggested.
Cordelia snorted, “I wouldn't get near that with flamethrowers, no way is that natural. If Blossom is mojo girl I say we let her do her thing.”
A bird flew near the hedge and was caught by a limb and sucked in with a squawk as all three stared wide eyed.
“Good call,” Faith breathed.
“I think we should back up a bit,” Cordelia said, putting the car in reverse.
The wall of greenery rushed at them, swallowing the car and pulling back a moment later revealing an empty road.AN:Typing by Godogma
AN2:I thought this was a bit too overdone and rushed, thus I went in another direction with Copyright Infringement.