Can You Get More Cynical?
TN:(I'm sure I can, but perhaps not. Ask dogbert later. XD)
“I've known tons of couples and about 80% of them have cheated on each other and broke up. I've known about 20 people in cults, only one left it and they had to be kidnapped and go through deprogramming for that to happen.”
“What's your point?”
“If you want a stable relationship that will last, fuck love! Go for Stockholm Syndrome, it’s a lot more reliable.”
“Wow that is just adorable.”
“You're right, we'll need more C4.”
“The only reason for something to be that cute in a place like this is to lull us into a false sense of security. That sucker's probably more dangerous than a unicorn to a virgin!”
“A unicorn to a virgin?”
“Yeah, people always talk about their magical powers to purify things and them laying their heads in the laps of various maidens, but I'm recalling the damage a horn like that can do AND where they place it on a maiden.”
“Don't blame me; I didn't design the damn things.”
“Hi!” Xander said cheerfully, causing the blonde haired girl to jump before freezing like a rabbit that had spotted a wolf. After waiting a minute and realizing she was just going to stand there and stare at the floor Xander sighed; he'd never known how bad she'd had it but he'd suspected it. “My name's Xander and I'll be your kidnapper this evening!” he said cheerfully.
Tara's head came up and she stared at him in shock.
“Yes, I'm serious,” he assured her. “So you had best pack up everything you want to take with you, because you aren't going to be returning here.”
“W-what about my f-family?” Tara stuttered.
“Kennedy is taking care of them, so they'll probably wake up with a headache in a couple of hours; long after we're gone,” Xander explained. “Unless of course packing takes you a couple of hours, in which case they'll wake up with two lumps on the head and a headache.”
“M-Mom?” she asked worriedly.
It was Xander's turn to freeze for a moment. “She's alive?! You mean she didn't disappear and your father claim the demon in her awoke and she was never seen again?”
Tara stared at him in horror.
“I only know what happened last time second hand; you never went into a whole lot of detail and I wasn't going to press you for any.”
“D-demon?” she asked terrified.
“That was the claim, but while I haven't tested your mother I do know that you don't have any demon in you. So the odds of your mother even being part demon are vanishingly small.”
“H-how?” she stuttered out, not even sure which part she was questioning.
“A magical whoopsie sent us back in time. Naturally we worried about paradox, but an idiot friend of ours proved that wasn't a factor; so naturally we decided on a list of people to save.”
“And the kidnapping?” she asked, eying him like he was an escaped mental patient.
“Saves time,” Xander replied cheerfully.
Kennedy chose that moment to make an appearance. “Okay that makes three Jed's down, now what?”
“Now I help Tara pack and you help her mom.”
“Her mom's alive?!”
“Yeah, we got here early enough to save her too,” Xander replied happily.
“Okay, where's your mom, Tara?” Kennedy asked. “I haven't seen her outside.”
“S-she's in bed,” Tara admitted.
She shrank down. “She fell...” Tara said staring at the floor once more.
Xander's face went blank and he turned to leave, but Kennedy quickly wrapped her arms around him and lifted him off the ground. “Where are you going?”
Tara looked up and her eyes widened at Kennedy's casual display of strength.
“I'm going to have a few words with her father,” Xander replied coldly.
“I thought we agreed no killing?”
“I'm not going to kill him; I'm just going to make sure he can't father any more children … ever.”
“He can't!” Tara burst out.
The two kidnapper's heads turned to Tara.
“M-mom didn't like the way h-he was looking at me w-when I was 14 so she ...” Tara's voice trailed off.
“See?” Kennedy asked, setting Xander down. “It's already done.”
“Okay, I'll help Tara pack while you help her mom.”
Kennedy squeezed him gently before letting him go. “Good, now no rushing off to cause any needed or unneeded injuries to the unconscious morons.”
“I promise,” Xander said with a sigh.
“Good, then I'll make sure Tara's mom is okay and help her to the van,” Kennedy said before kissing him on the cheek and heading upstairs.
Tara didn't have much that she wanted to take with her; some clothes – all dull and shapeless, and a book and some herbs that she hid in her backpack, along with some feminine items.
“Are you sure that's everything?” Xander asked gently.
“We don't have any hidden fortune or anything,” Tara said, wondering if that's what the strange couple was there for. Their earlier explanation was too strange for her to accept without a lot of proof.
“I mean anything with sentimental value,” he said. “I'm already a millionaire many times over.”
Tara gave him a skeptical look.
“I once dated a girl who, when a similar time blip happened, demanded lottery numbers and was upset that none of us involved knew any; we tried to turn it around and challenge her for last week's lottery numbers, but it turned out she always memorized them, just in case.”
Tara just stared, forgetting her customary shyness for a moment.
“I know, Cordelia was money and status conscious at the time, like you wouldn't believe, but she did manage to badger me into the habit of memorizing them when I ran across them. So one of the first things I did on getting thrown back in time was have an older friend win and manage the money for me.”
“You didn't win yourself?”
“My current self is underage and unlike you I don't even have one reliable parent. So no direct wins until I am legally 18, because my fake ID wouldn't stand up to the scrutiny,” Xander explained with a sigh.
“That makes sense...” Tara said slowly.
“Yep, so think personal value to you, not monetary value.”
“I do have a couple of things, but they're locked up.”
“I have a crowbar and failing that, I'll do the manly thing and ask Kennedy to break the lock.”
Xander was glad he'd taken Kennedy's advice and bought the battered Chevy van because although Tara didn't have much, Janice (Tara's mother) made up for it.
Tara stared into the back of the van where her mother lay asleep in her own bed. “I don't think she actually meant to take all this furniture. It was probably just the medication talking,” she said, too stunned to stutter at the lengths the two went to do what they said they were going to do.
Xander started the van as Kennedy hopped in and buckled up.
“We're all tied down and ready to go,” Kennedy said.
“Then let's roll.”
“So, why all the interest in my daughter?” Janice asked, the painkillers she was on having partially worn off during the last three hours of driving and she had refused to take another.
“She was my best friend's girlfriend and they were deeply in love when some idiot's wild shot came through the bedroom window and killed her,” Xander replied quietly. “We all loved Tara and losing her so soon after Joyce ...”
Kennedy reached over and placed a hand over one of his on the steering wheel and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I just know of you as my ex's ex, who I could never quite measure up to; not in a bad way, just in a frustrating one, if you get what I mean?”
“I'd find it all more believable if you showed signs of the wealth you claim,” Janice said, “this van doesn't exactly fit the story.”
“This van is disposable,” Xander said as they pulled into a wrecking yard. “Once we get everything loaded into the RV we'll just dump it here.”
Pulling around a stack of cars they stopped alongside a brand new 30' long RV.
“We'll probably have to rent a trailer to store all the furniture in,” Kennedy said. “Not much cargo space for things like that.”
“You can leave almost all of it,” Janice replied. “The painkillers are a little strong, so I wasn't quite right when you asked what I wanted to bring. Really, other than personal possessions I just wanted to bring everything so he wouldn't have it.”
David rubbed his aching head and stumbled towards the house. “Tara!” he called out, frowning when she didn't immediately appear to help him. “Damn girl needs another lesson in how to obey her betters...” he muttered as he opened the door to the living room and froze, seeing that the entire room had been stripped bare.AN:Typing by godogma!