Excessive Use of Force
“Strike me down and I'll become more powerful than you can imagine,” the brown robed old man said solemnly.
The black garbed cyborg ignored his final words and brought his lightsaber around in a decapitating cut, but the old man's body vanished and for just a second he could swear he saw a look of surprise on his face.
“Ben, no!” the padawan yelled out, seeing his master struck down.
A glowing form raised itself up from the old man's robes but it looked nothing like him. It looked around and sighed. “Would it have killed you to wait five minutes before cutting me in half?”
“Is that a ghost?” the smuggler asked in shock.
“A force ghost,” the young padawan replied, “death isn't really the end.”
“I mean seriously, I finally get here and less than a second later dead!” the ghost complained.
“Kenobi?” the cyborg asked in a surprisingly deep voice, obviously confused.
“I took his place at the last second,” the ghost replied, “there was a ritual and a god who likes pranks, it was a thing. Well, now that I'm dead I'll just make your dumb ass miserable until I find a woman's shower to haunt.”
“Ghosts cannot do anything more than annoy the living with endless yammering,” the cyborg growled.
The ghost reached down and picked up Ben Kenobi's lightsaber and flipped it on causing the cyborg to pull back into a defensive position while the smuggler overcame his shock enough to drag off the kid.
“I'm not decapitating you!” the ghost sang as he waved the lightsaber around, causing the cyborg to block and dodge awkwardly as his every counterstrike passed through the ghost causing no damage. *SSSHHHT! Clang!*
“Oops,” the ghost said as the cyborg's arm fell to the deck, “you can fix that right?” 0oOo0
“What the hell happened back there?!” the smuggler demanded.
“I don't know, I only started learning about the Force a couple of days ago,” the padawan replied.
“What did I miss?” the princess they rescued asked as the ship went into hyperspace.
“Not much,” the ghost replied as it popped up in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon, scaring the hell out of everyone.
“What the hell are you?!” the smuggler demanded.
“A force ghost, I thought Luke already told you that?”
“Well yeah but that doesn't really explain anything,” he complained.
“Okay it’s like this, anyone strong enough in the Force can basically decide to hang around and be a busybody when they die. The dark side force users have to use tools to do it, while the light side can just will it. I think that's to make up for the fact that the dark side can throw lightning bolts when they're pissed, which is pretty damn cool no matter how you slice it.”
“And how are you here rather than the old man?” the smuggler asked.
“A being of power thought it would be a fun joke to switch my essence with Ben's right before he died.”
“How do you know so much?” Luke asked, wondering if there were some Jedi still out there.
“Couple of reasons, one I'm connected to the Force which is telling me all sorts of things about the past, present and future. Two, I've seen the future of this universe thanks to a seer who turned it into a series of books and movies, I've always wanted to visit this universe and I've studied a lot about it.”
“You know the future?” the smuggler asked doubtfully.
“As sure as Luke and Leia love each other.”
“We just met!” Leia protested.
“Search your feelings, you know it to be true,” the ghost intoned with some amusement.
“I ...” the princess trailed off thoughtfully. “Come on farm boy we should probably talk in private,” she said leading him back into the ship.
“So what's my future?” the smuggler asked doubtfully.
“General Han Solo, leader in the rebellion – which succeeds by the way, you become an important man and get everything you ever wanted by thinking of the good of the people rather than yourself ironically enough.”
“Huh,” Solo said thoughtfully.
“Whoa,” the ghost said fading for a moment.
“What's wrong?” Solo asked.
“I think the Force is rejecting me, pushing me out of this universe.”
“I guess … presence changed … time line...” the ghost said as he faded away.0oOo0
“Ahhh!” screamed half a dozen voices.
“Ahhh!” the ghost screamed in response before grabbing his chest. “Don't do that! You almost gave me a heart attack!”
“Aren't you … dead?” the pointy eared, green skinned, teen asked nervously.
“Maybe,” the ghost replied.
“Who are you?” a pale skinned girl wearing a dark leotard and cloak with a jewel on her forehead demanded.
“Xander, a high school student who just got booted here from another universe. I'm guessing I appeared here because I was thinking of cyborgs at the time.”
Not satisfied with that answer she waved and a stream of black energy wrapped him up like a glove.
“Ahhh!” the two gasped out and she quickly withdrew her shadow from him.
“What was that?” the teen in the red and green outfit and a domino mask demanded.
“I think that was sex,” the ghost said, flopping bonelessly in the air.
“What?!” came the near universal chorus.
“Two souls directly interacting,” Xander said slowly, “do I have to draw you a picture?”
The teens eyes turned to the pale girl who was blushing heavily. “Sorry,” she apologized, “I didn't think ...”
Xander waved it off. “I don't mind, just make sure we're alone first next time.”
“Next time?!” the green skinned boy exclaimed.
Xander ignored him. “Well at least we're not qualified to be virgin sacrifices anymore,” he joked.
“Really?” she asked intently.
“It was a bit quick but I think it counted,” he said before being literally engulfed by her shadow.
Neither could tell you how long it lasted, though according to Cyborg it was 7.2 seconds, but for them it was a lot longer and shorter than that when things reached a crescendo and they exploded.
Well, Xander and her shadow did; her shadow passed through everything without leaving a trace while Xander …
The orange skinned alien girl wiped ectoplasm off her face. “Friend Raven thank you for letting me be present during your first time, but please ask him to aim better next time, I feel I have been in a … I believe it is called a bukake video.”
“I'm going to go s-shower,” Cyborg said in horror.
“Yeah, sounds like a plan,” the green skinned teen agreed shivering.
“I'm not looking forward to cleaning this up,” the masked boy said with a sigh pulling off his cape that he’d used to cover himself.
“It’s ectoplasm,” Raven offered, “it'll evaporate, ghosts don't leave physical traces.”
Xander reformed from specks of light. “Okay that time definitely counted.”
“Sorry, I just had to make sure,” Raven explained.
“I get it,” Xander said, “and this has been a learning experience for me.”
“You're flickering,” Raven said.
“I must have made some changes …” Xander vanished mid-sentence.
“So, what was that about?” Robin asked.
“Just avoiding becoming a virgin sacrifice,” Raven said.
“With your powers it would be difficult to get close enough to someone to do so,” Starfire said in understanding.
“It should be easier now,” Raven said her cloak dripping with ectoplasm. “I hear ectoplasm is great for the skin,” she offered.0oOo0
Xander found himself floating in a featureless white void. “I would really be freaking out if I had glands to freak out with,” he decided after a while.
Days of boredom passed.
A voice so loud it caused his ghostly form to vibrate spoke, “Sorry, I was sure it would have taken you longer to make enough changes to actually effect the number of souls present. I now return you to your regularly scheduled life.”
Xander blinked and looked around, happy to be out of the white void and a bit surprised to be standing in front of Spike dressed as Obiwan Kenobi and holding a fake lightsaber.
Spike grinned evilly. “Let’s see how tough you are without that bloody laser sword.”
“Spike no!” Dru called out, throwing herself between the two and facing Xander.
“Dru love you need your rest, you shouldn't be out...” Spike said, trying to move her gently behind him.
“On my honor we'll leave and never return,” Dru promised.
“What, but Dru without the Slayer's blood you'll never get better!” the blonde protested.
“The stars are in your eyes kitten,” Dru told Xander, “I can see them clearer than in the night sky, this town is poison to us.”
“Slayers and the Hellmouth are a bad combination for you two,” Xander agreed.
“Goodbye kitten,” Dru said sadly, realizing their paths wouldn't cross again.
“Goodbye Dru, remember French people are edible!”
“Even if they are a bit gamey,” Dru agreed, laughing as she took Spike's hand and led him off.
“What the hell just happened?” Buffy demanded, looking at the crying children scattered about her backyard.
“Halloween on the Hellmouth,” Xander replied with a sigh as he looked mournfully at the fake lightsaber in his hand.
“We better get the children back to their parents,” Cordelia said, still upset about the loss of her deposit for the damaged cat outfit.
“This is why I stay in on Halloween,” Angel said with a sigh.
“Costume craziness?” Buffy asked.
“Crying children,” Angel replied with another sigh. “You have no idea how annoying it is to someone with vampiric hearing.” The next day...
“Has anyone noticed any lingering effects?” Giles asked.
“I keep running into things forgetting I'm not able to walk through solid objects,” Willow offered.
“I have the strangest urge to take up knitting and I'm pretty sure I aced my French final,” Buffy said happily.
“I've noticed …” Xander stopped and spun to face Buffy, “you aren't wearing any panties!”
“What?!” Buffy exclaimed wide eyed. “For your information mom's doing laundry and the panties I was planning on wearing are in my gym locker as they got left there because of the fire drill that interrupted class and I plan on getting them as soon as we're done here. How did you know?!”
“I dressed as a Jedi which is basically a warrior monk with psychic abilities,” Xander replied, figuring Giles hadn't seen Star Wars.
“And your psychic gifts include being able to tell what underclothes Buffy is or is not wearing?” Giles asked.
“White bra with a stain on the inside of the left cup, because she was eating a chocolate chip cookie last week and accidentally dropped a chip in her cleavage.” Xander replied, his eyes focused on something only he could see.
Everyone turned to Buffy who nodded. “I don't suppose you can see the winning lottery numbers?”
“Nah, the Force isn't exactly as George Lucas pictured it,” Xander replied. “See, it’s all about life being connected, yadda yadda yadda... and so really it’s all about the nookie.”
“Are you trying to tell me you have sexually based psychic abilities?” Giles demanded.
“Exactamundo,” Xander replied happily even as the girls paled. “I am the heir of the sticky side of the force!”AN: Typing by godogma!