(Yet another new fic he's writing instead of continuing Lacking an Anchor (or Boy in the Hand – doesn't that title just sound perverted?))
Xander and Kennedy blinked and looked at the bookcase in front of them.
“You totally jinxed us,” Xander announced, lowering his axe and putting a hand on her arm to keep her from turning around.
“I jinxed us?!” Kennedy demanded, lowering her sword.
“Well, as long as you admit it,” Xander declared cheerfully as he pulled out a cloth and began cleaning blue ichor off his axe.
“And who was it who dropped his pants in the middle of battle and mooned the damn wizard before accusing him of being upset that he had a wand instead of a staff?” she demanded once again.
“I needed to distract him from attacking the others so they could destroy the idol he was drawing power from, besides it worked didn't it?”
“If by worked you mean got us hit by his death curse, then yes it worked!”
“It was us or the others, which would you choose?” Xander asked, passing her the cloth as he holstered his axe.
Kennedy nodded as she cleaned her sword. “I'm not arguing about it being the right move, I'm arguing that I didn't jinx us.”
“What did you say when I warned you that I had a bad feeling about this battle?” Xander asked.
“Relax, what’s the worst that can happen, we die? At least we don't have to relive high school or any crap like that,” Kennedy repeated.
“Exactly!” Xander exclaimed. “And that's why we're not turning around.”
“We're in the Sunnydale Library during your High School years?!” Kennedy asked, wide eyed.
“No, I'm soaking my feet in “da Nile” and plan on continuing to do so until I think things out,” Xander replied firmly.
“Like what?” she asked curiously.
“Well since I don't recall meeting my older self during High School, I'm guessing we created an alternate timeline by coming here.”
“Any facts to back up that guess?”
“Just tons of comics and because assuming it to be true removes a lot of headaches, like worrying about causing a paradox.”
“Paradox … like what happened to that one demon who simultaneously exploded, imploded, turned inside out and burned alive?” Kennedy asked nervously.
“Exactly,” Xander said with forced calm.
“This river is exceedingly cool on my poor abused feet!” Kennedy announced suddenly.
“Isn't it though?”
“Yep,” she agreed while they both ignored the whispers from the people behind them. “So, what have you decided?”
“Well I figure just telling them the future would be a bad move, but details are bound to slip out. So to avoid angering the PTB we at least try to avoid screwing up major events.”
“Think that'll work?” Kennedy asked hopefully.
“Not a snowflake's chance in hell,” Xander replied cheerfully, “but we try and not effect things too much while we wait for someone to call us back to our own time.”
“Think that'll work?” she asked, a bit less hopefully than last time.
“Probably not,” Xander allowed, “I'm basing it on the idea that a butterfly flapping its wings doesn't start a hurricane on the other side of the world. Well … not until he's been doing it for a while anyway.”
“I can almost make sense of that theory,” Kennedy said.
“If we aren't yanked back home in a couple of weeks we'll have made so many minor changes that we might as well give up and do whatever the hell we feel like,” Xander explained.
“That makes a lot of sense,” Kennedy agreed.
“Okay, remember no talking about work or our own personal lives in any detail, all they need to know is we're dating. Okay, hun?”
“Sure, sweetie,” Kennedy promised, catching on.
Turning around Kennedy and Xander saw a seriously trashed library, two Slayers, a load of Scoobs, but no Xander.
“What’s the date?” Kennedy asked the stunned group.
“That's no help, I never paid any attention to dates,” Xander said. “What was our last big battle?”
“And where's Xander?” Kennedy added curiously.
“We just killed the Sisters of Jhe and closed the Hellmouth,” Giles explained.
“So, where's Xander?” Kennedy asked again.
“Home in bed,” Buffy said, staring at the older Xander.
“Oh yeah,” Xander smirked, “it was a quiet night.”
“Don't give me that,” Kennedy snorted, poking him in the side. “I know that look, spill.”
“What look?” Xander asked, dodging Kennedy's poking fingers while trying to poke her back.
“That same look you had, like in France with that Apocalypse that failed to happen,” Kennedy pointed out.
“The one that said the sacrifice of three maiden's deaths would stop it?” Xander asked innocently.
“That's the one,” she confirmed. “Vi said that if we couldn't find a way around it she'd volunteer to be one of the three maiden's sacrificed, and you were about to say something, but Willow explained that maiden in this case meant virgin so we were all out of luck.”
“Andrew was the only virgin the group had, and he didn't qualify as a maiden … well until Willow cast that spell on him.”
“Spell, what spell?” Willow asked.
“Modified Halloween costume spell,” Xander explained.
“Turned him into some comic book character called Triplicate Girl,” Kennedy added.
“You were going to kill him?” Buffy asked, shocked.
“He volunteered,” Kennedy replied, “and when it comes down to a Scoob's life or the world a Scoob will always sacrifice themselves.”
“Not that it matters, as I pointed out after the spell was cast, none of the very obvious signs were coming true, thus no inbound Apocalypse,” Xander declared.
“Exactly, you had the same smirk you have now – and why did you wait to point that out until AFTER Willow had changed him?”
“You knew Andrew before and Andy, Sandy, and Mandy after. Which is happier? He earned the right to have that spell cast on him, by offering his life for the world's. No way would I take his shot at happiness away from him.”
“So you admit you knew the Apocalypse wasn't going to happen?” Kennedy demanded.
“You mean the Apocalypse that I was brushed aside on because Willow and her Coven said they had it all under control and said I'd just be getting underfoot?” Xander asked innocently.
“Yes, that Apocalypse.”
“I took the night off, met some girls...”
“You killed three girls?!” Buffy burst out.
“And you wonder why I keep saying the bitch is crazy?” Xander asked Kennedy.
“Not really,” Kennedy replied as they both burst out laughing.
“So they were still breathin' when you were done with them?” Faith asked.
“Breathin' heavy,” Xander smirked.
Kennedy's eyes widened as she finally put the pieces together. “Not death! Little death! You convinced three virgins … How did you find them, much less convince them?!”
“That was the easy part, the hard part was convincing their Mother Superior.”
“You are so going to Hell,” Kennedy teased.
Xander just smirked, reminding her of what started it all.
“Don't think I'm distracted that easily, where are you right now?”
“Standing next to you, trying not to make major changes to the time line.”
“Knowing where you are and what you're doing is that important?” Kennedy asked.
“I'm going to find Xander,” Buffy declared.
“If we turn inside out, explode, implode and burn to death I'm blaming you,” Xander deadpanned.
Kennedy winced. “Sorry; forgot how blonde she was.” Wrapping her arms around him and pressing her full body against him she batted her eyes. “Can't we just blame Buffy like we normally do?”
Xander nodded dumbly for a moment before blinking and shaking his head.
“Why are you guys so hard on Buffy?” Willow asked.
“You haven't had to put up with her as long as we have,” Xander said dryly.
“I can't tell you the number of her boyfriends we've had to slay or how many people have died because of them, hell we just explained major changes to the time line may kill us both in the most painful way imaginable and what does she do?! She quickly rushes off to change the time line!” Kennedy added.
“Boyfriends?” Angel asked.
“Trust Captain Hairgel to focus on the important parts, yes boyfriends; it’s gotten so bad the vampires call her the Vampire Layer and they fear her more than any Slayer,” Xander said.
“Why would they fear her more for … having sex with them?” Giles asked with a shudder.
“Because Buffy enthralls vampires against their will and vampires she sleeps with are cursed with a soul,” Kennedy said, like a young girl telling ghost stories.
Xander laughed. “Let’s just say her dating habits have caused rumors that scare the hell out of vampires and demons.”
“So … we don't work out?” Angel asked sadly.
“You are haunting a corpse that is made to resemble a living being by a demon that is only held in check by a curse that breaks if you are happy,” Xander said as if he was talking to a 3 year old, “anyone with half a brain would see this could only end in tears.”
“How'd you lose the eye?” Faith asked.
“Buffy led us into a trap and Xander got his eye poked out saving me,” Kennedy said quietly.
“You sacrificed an eye for your girl?” Faith asked, beginning to perk up. “Wish I could find a guy like that,” she muttered before wincing and smacking herself in the forehead.
“We weren't dating or even close friends when I did that,” Xander said.
“It’s his nature,” Kennedy shrugged, “Buffy does hugely heroic deeds to save us from disasters, only sometimes of her own making. Giles finds prophecies hidden in the most unlikely places like he's a bloodhound, Willow cast spells that you generally need a full Coven for and Xander...”
“Points out the obvious,” Xander said proudly, making Kennedy roll her eyes.
“Xander points out things that he says are obvious but no one sees until he points them out, makes us all look like idiots really. At any rate Xander takes risks that no sane person would, and has the scars to prove it.”
“Ribbed for her pleasure.” Xander smirked.
The library doors were kicked open and Buffy dragged Xander inside.
“What the hell's your problem?!” young Xander demanded. “Slayer or not I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to go around kidnapping us poor mortals.”
Faith quickly rushed over to make sure Xander was okay.
“Well, we aren't burning alive!” Kennedy said brightly.
“And Buffy's actions have altered the time line enough to cause paradox,” Xander said, “meaning my comic book based time line theory has been proven!”
“What does that mean exactly?” Wesley asked, while in the background Faith fussed over young Xander much to his surprise and delight.
“It means we can do whatever we want since Buffy's attempt to kill us in the most painful way possible has just failed!” Xander declared.
“What?!” Buffy asked, wide eyed.
“We stated straight out that causing paradox would result in our very painful deaths and that Xander had never met his older self; so you rushed out to bring young Xander in and cause a paradox,” Kennedy said blandly.
“I – I just wanted to show Xander what would happen if he continued trying to help, look you only have one eye and tons of scars!” Buffy exclaimed, pointing at older Xander.
Xander waved cheerfully at his younger self, putting his arm around Kennedy who leaned into him.
“I look pretty happy,” young Xander said after he got over Faith hugging him and not letting go and seeing his older self.
“But if you quit slaying you'll be …” Buffy began.
“Dead!” older Xander said loudly, “And so will everyone in this room and those that aren't will be praying for it.”
“What?!” came the response from half a dozen voices.
“Tonight I was busy fighting zombies and demons, before convincing one of the zombies to disarm a bomb that would have killed everyone here and left the Hellmouth wide open, this isn't the first or last time I'm in the right place at the right time.”
“Do I at least have a cool story to go with the patch?” young Xander begged.
“Going hand to hand with an Evil Preacher empowered as the second in command of the First Evil,” older Xander said with a smirk, “saved Kennedy and gave me a lot of Little Jack Horner jokes that make people pale.”
Young Xander grinned for a moment before frowning. “You're with Kennedy, is Faith okay?”
“Faith is fine,” older Xander assured him. “Faith has a hard time trusting and since she didn't know what kind of guy you are you never really got together. Of course, here and now she's taking a closer look.”
“Sorry?” Buffy offered lamely as she realized what she'd done.
Xander shook his head. “It’s pick on Buffy day, no apologies accepted.”
“What?! Why?!” Buffy asked, shocked.
“Because you said, ‘No Xander you can't wire the idol up with C4 just because you have a bad feeling about things.”
“What?!” Buffy asked, obviously confused.
“You in the future stopped me from wiring an evil idol with C4 and later it turned out that blowing it up would have solved all our problems,” Xander explained.
“If we were being fair I would point out that Xander believes there are few problems that cannot be solved with enough explosives, and he's not always right. But like we said, its pick on Buffy day,” Kennedy clarified.
“So, any words of advice?” young Xander asked.
“I have tons to tell you after I go hug Joyce for about an hour and then beat Snyder to a pulp,” Xander said with a grin that was more than a little feral.
“What about the rest of us?” Giles asked.
Xander shrugged. “You guys did your damndest to push me away and keep me out of the loop...” he began.
“So in revenge you're going to do the same to us?” Cordelia demanded.
“So I don't have anything to tell you that would be useful at this point in time, and the later stuff is going to be obsolete really quickly anyway,” Xander explained.
“Oh!” Cordelia exclaimed quietly.
“After we're done here, can we go seduce Tara?” Kennedy asked, stopping Xander in his tracks.
“Yeah, I remember you said your home life was worse than yours ever was and I've heard so many good things about her ...”
“That you feel we should rescue her and then have sex with her?” Xander asked, confused.
Kennedy grinned evilly. “Oh yeah!”
“I thought you'd want to visit with your younger self?”
“Nah, I'm in junior high at this point and there's little I'd actually want to change.”
Willow burst out, “Xander you should be ashamed of yourself, dating someone so much younger than you!”
Xander snickered as Kennedy fell over laughing.
“Was she really this big a hypocrite?” Kennedy asked when she regained her breath.
“Most of us are at this age, Buffy can date demons but if my date isn't human she has to slay her. I'm evil for cheating on Cordelia with Willow, but Cordelia with Raul the cabana boy was just fine, as was Buffy with Pike when she hadn't broken up with the quarterback yet. Oh and Willow was perfectly innocent too.”
“You guys were such horn dogs!” Kennedy said with a grin.
“Teenage hormones combined with life and death struggles...” Xander began.
“Make for the strangest bedfellows,” Kennedy finished, “now – on to the seduction of Tara!”
“Ummm, actually Joyce first.”
“Okay, seduce Joyce first!”
Xander shook his head, “Eh, what the hell; let’s go.”
“Stay away from my mom!”AN: Typing by Godogma the Magnificent!