Disclaimer: the Firefly universe and the Angel character were created by the brilliant Mr. Joss Whedon and belong to some TV studios that are not me.
Spoilers: Firefly: references to various episodes and The Big Damn Movie. Angel: Lorne’s existence
“No,” stated Zoe firmly using the same glare she uses with Jayne.
“We made a deal. Remember? I go along with Mal’s plan no complaints or wisecracking and you agree to whatever date plans I make, no complaints or wisecracking,” replied Wash smirking at his wife across the mess table.
“I don’t wisecrack,” argued Zoe cleaning her mare’s leg from the action of the last heist.
Walsh then switched from a smirk to a grin and declared as kindly as he could, “Be that as it may, I still get to make the plans and you get to show up and enjoy them.”
“But karaoke?” sighed Zoe as she tidied up her things.
“It’ll be fun, I’ve already got a song all picked out and everything,” enthused Walsh as he jumped up to help put carry the cleaning equipment, getting excited just thinking about singing in front of a crowd.
Zoe continued to argue as they walked to the armoury, “It’s a demon bar.”
“Yeah so, Rube recommended it,” remarked Wash dismissively.
“Your brother-in-law is a chaos demon; listenin’ to him is just askin’ for trouble we don’t need.”
“It’ll be fine there’s a spell that prevents violence in the bar, sanctuary or something like that. It’ll be safer than an outing with Mal,” replied Wash as he stood aside allowing Zoe to unlock the door to the armoury.
“That ain’t saying much,” replied Zoe distractedly as she unlocked the door, then she sighed closed her eyes and waited.
Wash took a deep breath and started to actually bounces, “Ha, you admit it Mal puts you in danger, he could cause you to have a shortened life. All my arguments are now vindicated,” he took another breath and was about to continue his ‘I was right’ speech when Zoe interrupted him.
“When do we leave?”
“But it’s the perfect song and he’s my favourite singer from earth that was, it’s a Karaoke classic and the lady part is smaller than the man part,” explained Wash with wide eyed excitement.
“We’re happily married and not teenagers, it ain’t appropriate,” replied Zoe leaning back in the metal chair in the dimly lit bar not wanting to look at the lyric book anymore.
Wash pleaded, “That’s what’ll make it funner it’s like pretend and we can make up a fake back story,” he paused and Zoe could see him change tactics.
“Would you rather sing by yourself?” he asked innocently.
Zoe gave him an appraising look, but Wash stood his ground good naturedly and having no decent argument she sighed and replied, “I’ll be needing liquor first.”
Wash chuckled, “I already ordered tequila from the green guy.”
With a satisfied grin Wash with a relieved Zoe a wondered off the stage, he headed to the bar while she returned to their table.
“You looking for some more tequila there my miniature Meatloaf?” asked Lorne as he poured his best tequila into six shot glasses.
“Yes, otherwise my Lamby toes might remember what happened here tonight and never agree to any of my plans ever again.”
Lorne gave him a sort of sad smile, “You want some advice?”
Wash nodded his head enthusiastically, “Absolutely, Rube told me to listen to you as if you were a god, and not be offended by any weird names.” He then leaned against the bar to listen closely.
“Smart man that Ruby. Look I could try and sugar coat this but nothing would make it better so I’ll get to the point. You’re going to be a hero,” stated Lorne plainly and then waited for the pilot’s response.
Wash blinked away some of the liquor and stared and started to laugh. “I’m not the hero of the group. I leave that to the people with the guns … well there was that one time with Niska, but I was more a secondary player and wasn’t very good… I guess I also helped that friend of Inara’s…”
Lorne interrupted with his seldom used serious voice, “In a few weeks time you’re going to be asked to do something for the greater good and you will and you will do it heroically and like most heroes you’ll make the ultimate sacrifice.”
“But heroes are supposed to get a feast, the first choice of wenches and songs are sung in their honour. I’ve witnessed it firsthand,” argued Wash with a nostalgic smile.
“That only happens to mercenaries that aren’t actually heroes. The real heroes are only known to those around them,” replied Lorne as he finished arranging the lemon slices on the shot glasses.
“Why are you telling me this? Wouldn’t it be better if I didn’t know all this? Since the way you’re talking I can’t change anything.”
Lorne shook his head regretfully, “No Leaflet you can’t change your path it was set the day you chose to take the job on board Serenity. I’m here to tell you that you have the choice on whether you leave your beautiful Lamby toes lonely or not.”
“What do you mean? Is it possible for me not to die or not?” asked Wash with both confusion and hope in his voice.
Lorne gently tapped behind his own left ear. Wash frowned, considered it for a few moments and then visibly understood the implications and made a decision. He reached up and removed the slow release med dispenser from his left ear and dropped it on the bar.
“Will it be a boy or a girl?”
Lorne handed Wash the tray, “Go, take these to Zoe, she’s starting to worry.”
A/N: The song is Paradise by the Dashboard Light, written by Jim Steinman and recorded by Meatloaf and Ellen Foley.