Kripke owns Supernatural.
Whedon owns BtVS
A/N: My head's a strange place these days. Yesterday I killed off Dawn. Today I do this. Let me know what you think! P.S. I messed with Anya's age a bit.
Castiel looked sheepish as he appeared in their hotel room. As sheepish as an angel could look in any case.
Dean was sprawled out on his bed, watching Oprah and stuffing his face with some good old Lays as the angel materialized in front of him.
Castiel frowned as the human startled at his appearance, rolling off the bed with grace and speed Dean quickly turned off the Queen of Daytime TV’s segment on single fathers.
He coughed and regarded the angel in front of him with gruff sheepishness, “what are you doing here?”
Cas stared at him blankly, “where’s Sam?”
“Shower, and stop avoiding the question,” Dean pointed at him with a finger, “is it Lucifer? Is something else going to go horribly, horribly wrong?”
“Uh,” Cas shuffled his feet in consternation, an entirely un angel-like expression on his face, “I found us an ally.”
“Really?” Dean grinned, “finally. Someone for our side,” he flopped back on the bed.
“So who is it? Is it another angel?”
Cas shook his head and looked at the ceiling.
The silence was really starting to unnerve Dean, it had been a while since the angel had been this antisocial. It was really beginning to look like he’d lightened up but his current behavior was baffling to say the least.
“Are you going to tell me who it is?” Dean motioned with his hand, finally losing his patience.
Castiel shook his head, “I’d rather show you. I’ll wait for Sam to get out. We need to leave as soon as we can.”
Dean leaned forward and propped his elbows on his knees, “are you sure that whoever this is can help us?”
Castiel’s bright blue gaze looked solemn if somewhat disconcerted, “yes. She has had many experiences with situations like these.”
Dean nodded and stood up, “good enough for me,” he crossed the room to the bathroom door and knocked on it loudly, “hey Sam! Get out of there, we have someone to go pick up!”
They were standing outside a large jewelry store in a fairly affluent suburb of Cleveland.
Dean glared at the angel gazing at the storefront with trepidation, “did you have to zap us over here? Couldn’t we have driven?”
“No, this is a matter of urgency,” Castiel intoned and moved to go inside.
Sam grinned, “don’t worry, I’ll make sure to stock up on some Ex Lax for you,” and followed the trench clad figure in front of him while Dean winced as a stomach cramp made itself known, “damn it!”
The store was slowly winding down, with some customers still milling around the various displays.
Dean caught up to Castiel, “so who’s this chick now?”
“She is somebody with the needed experience of how to stop an apocalypse. Her life circumstances have recently changed, making it possible for me to contact her again,” Castiel’s gaze was intense as he searched out his quarry.
“Huh,” Dean scratched his ear while giving a rakish grin to a pretty brunette behind one of the counters, “and how do you know her?”
But the angel was already moving further into the store where Dean could see a blonde head bent over some ledgers.
He elbowed Sam to keep up and hurried after Cas.
“Hello,” Cas stared at her intently.
She raised her eyes off the figures she was working on and beamed, “hello new client! Anything I can help you with?”
Dean took the time to really take in the woman in front of them. She looked to be in her mid-twenties, had ash blonde hair that was twisted into a complicated bun with a flower on the side. She was wearing a fairly low cut purple top over a black knee length skirt. She was pretty, not gorgeous- but there was definitely something different about her whole vibe.
Cas cleared his throat, “uh, this is actually in regards to some of your other activities.”
The woman straightened and her demeanor instantly changed, going from helpful eagerness to cold wariness.
“Who are you?”
Sam decided to intervene before things got too out of hand, “listen, can we step out somewhere? This is really something that should be discussed in private.”
Her eyes raked him over, taking in every detail with an almost calculating manner. She slowly nodded as she turned back to face Cas, “alright, there’s a diner across the street. I get off work in about fifteen minutes and I can meet you there,” she closed the ledger with a thump, “you should be warned though. There are a lot of people there. And security cameras. Just so you don’t try anything.”
“That’s fine, thank you,” Sam gave her one of his patented puppy dog smiles as his brother rolled his eyes.
She beamed, “you are very pleasing to the eye, as I’m sure you’re aware,” her pink lips spread into a luscious grin, “do you have an orgasm friend?”
The youngest Winchester spluttered in shock at her bluntness even as Dean began cackling loudly, startling everyone in the store.
They left, exiting one after another as the customers gave them a wide berth.
What nobody noticed was the faint scowl on Castiel’s face as Dean kept cracking jokes at his brother’s expense.
Anya checked her lipstick before entering the Royal Diner. She had already warned the Cleveland Slayer House about her new visitors and they sent two slayers to keep an eye on her.
Anya knew that this was her chance to live the life she wanted. She had come back from the dead with a faint sense of purpose. Of greatness, coming to make itself known to her. She had reconciled with the Scoobies but had declined to work for the Council. It wasn’t her fight anymore, she didn’t feel obligated to keep fighting for them. After all, she had already given her life for the cause.
She glanced at the roof of the diner and saw a yellow circle of light flash two times. Good, Vi was in place. Just in case these three tried to do anything to her, she would have slayers on them faster than anybody could say ‘ex vengeance demon.’
She smoothed her skirt as she entered, customers and waitresses milling around in disorderly fashion.
Maybe these men were dangerous, but one of them was still very pleasing to her. He was tall and broad shouldered with a look of tainted innocence in his eyes. It had been some time since she had sex last.
Anya, being wiser upon her resurrection had realized that she and Xander would never work out. He was wonderful, warm and kind but he was far too young for her. Far too normal.
She shook her head to clear her thoughts and saw the three men sitting in a booth, the two shorter ones together and the taller one by himself. Anya smiled, this meant that she would be sitting next to her preferred male.
She smoothly slid into her seat and as the waitress approached her with a smile, Anya ordered her usual “thanks Candy,” she grinned.
“No problem Ahn,” the barely pregnant girl trotted away to help another customer.
Anya turned her attention back to the men in front of her. The one with the bright blue eyes and black hair seemed like he wasn’t blinking as he stared at her. Anya frowned, he was rude.
Just as she was about to begin educating him on the finer points of social etiquette, three years of being dead having taught her some manners
, a memory flashed in her mind.
The intense, searching look in his eyes seemed so familiar. Like a thought that you couldn’t dredge up from the murkiness of your mind, seeping through your fingers every time you tried to touch it. He was there, but not.
Anya cocked her head, examining him too, ignoring the blabbering of the shorter male besides him and the interested look of the very tall man beside her.
It clicked. The zeal and intensity in his eyes as he preached were the first thing that drew Anya to him. He had such charisma, such power flowing with every word that she stilled every time he came near her.
“Hello Aud,” Castiel murmured and Anya seriously contemplated throwing the scalding hot coffee sitting on the table into his face.
“What are *you* doing here?” she snarled, fingers digging into the tablecloth.
“I need your help,” his tone was mild but his eyes still burned with the same excruciating curiosity as ever.
It didn’t matter how many bodies he changed, he would forever stay the same Castiel she remembered.
“Screw you,” she snapped and was about to jump and leave when the tall man latched onto her elbow.
“Stay, please,” he implored softly. The desperation, panic and helplessness in his eyes were so evident for everyone to see that Anya knew she wouldn’t leave.
She flopped back onto her seat, sullenness clearly written on her face.
The tall man smiled, “I’m Sam,” he gestured to the man sitting across from him, “this is my brother Dean.”
Dean looked between her and Castiel, he smirked “so uh… I’m guessing you two know each other.”
Castiel still stared at Anya who was refusing to look up and meet his gaze. He turned to look at the older Winchester brother, “you know that there are angels who used to be human once upon a time right?”
“Yes,” Dean nodded, “but what does this have to do with you two?”
Anya lifted her gaze to meet his, “your little angel buddy here used to be my first husband.”
“What?!” Dean hissed. He glared furiously at her, “how is that possible?”
She shrugged, “he died and apparently God wanted him.”
A bitter smile twisted her lips, “for reasons only known to the almighty. Goddess knows he was never a good husband,” her tone dripped with derision.
Castiel looked guilty for a second before he tried to protest in vain, “hey! I gave you those rabbits didn’t I?”
Anya waved her hand and mocked him, “oh right! The rabbits that made everyone in the village think that Aud was insane. Poor Aud went crazy after her husband got himself killed, “she leaned forward and hisspered, “do you know just how *fast* those things can reproduce?”
Castiel retorted, “well my death didn’t seem to deter you from marrying Olaf a month after I was killed!”
Anya banged her palms on the table “what was I supposed to do? Huh? Starve to death? Go throw myself off a cliff just because you were stupid enough to die? What?” She sniffed, “it’s not like there were a lot of options for widows in Sjornjost back then.”
Their argument was rapidly gaining momentum as the Winchesters stared in sick interest at the two of them.
Dean raised a tentative hand “question.”
“What?” Anya snapped at him.
“How old are you?” it was Sam who asked with a look of absolute fascination at her.
Anya preened and examined her nails as a flush worked it’s way onto her cheeks, “a lady never tells.”
Castiel frowned at the interaction between the two, cutting in he told Sam “she’s two thousand, five hundred and four years old.”
“Holy shit…” Dean grinned, “you’re like the ultimate cougar.”
Anya was already rising off her seat, index finger poking Castiel’s chest as he rose to meet her “now listen here buddy! Did I give you permission to talk about my past? Huh? To go talking willy nilly about how old I am?”
As their argument progressed, the Winchesters were treated to the sight of the usually unflappable Castiel beginning to get worked up as he slung insults with his ex-wife like an old pro.
Sam leaned across the table and gestured for Dean to do the same, he whispered “do you think that she’s the reason he stayed away from humans for two thousand years?”
Dean smirked as he watched the small blonde wind herself into a fury, “yeah, imagine living with a wife like that. Poor guy must have had to go into seclusion just to get over the trauma.”
They were both insanely curios about how Anya had managed to stay alive for the last twenty five hundred years but both brothers knew better than to get in the middle of an argument between an ex-couple. It could turn deadly.
Dean grinned as Anya groaned at one of Castiel’s bland remarks and started cursing at him in what sounded like a very old language. A feeling of lightness was beginning to overtake him, something that he hadn’t felt in quite a while.
Things were definitely getting interesting now that the angel’s crazy ex-wife was here.