AN: Don't own either The OC or BTVS. After
They had barely made it to Xander’s nearby apartment before falling onto each other. The sex had been quick, brutal, and bloody, since neither had paused to clean up. As they lay panting on Xander’s floor, Ryan felt hollowed out. The fight had allowed him to finally release some of his anger and the sex that followed has satisfied some darker urges that Ryan almost never acknowledged.
He started to feel slight stirrings of guilt and remorse. He shouldn’t have forgot himself and hurt Xander so bad. The guy was crippled and Ryan had beat him up, hadn’t even cared that he was beating him up. It was just that Ryan had flashed to Trey when Xander had been on his chest hitting him. And thinking about Trey always brought Marissa to mind, never a good thing for his mood.
Ryan got up slowly and went to get a washcloth. He, but Xander especially, needed to get cleaned up. Xander might even need a trip to the hospital, as he was currently laying with his eye mostly swelled shut and still bleeding from his head.
“Hey, guy, where you going?” Xander asked.
“Get a washcloth. Clean you up a bit. Your face really needs some bandages. Should probably take you to the hospital,” Xander could hear the regret in Ryan’s voice.
“Sure, clean me up a little. Don’t need to go to the hospital. You didn’t hurt me that bad and I’ve definitely had worse without needing a hospital trip. I’m an old hand at getting my ass kicked,” Xander smiled as he talked and Ryan’s guilt started to get heavy. As Ryan went to leave the room, he felt a hand on his ankle, “Ryan,” Xander’s voice was serious and his gaze steady (or what could be seen of it), “don’t feel guilty. I wanted this. Exactly this. I needed it just as much as you needed the release. I haven’t felt this good and this alive in years.”
Ryan gave Xander an awkward smile and got the washcloth. He cleaned Xander up gently and bandaged his wounds. Afterwards he took a shower and found Xander had gotten up and into bed. Xander looked over at him and patted the space next to him. Ryan climbed in and felt himself tightly cuddled to Xander’s chest. Neither man spoke as Ryan began to silently weep.