Chapter One

Disclaimer: everything familiar is not mine.
Title: Xander's revenge

AN: Stargate/Buffy just reformatted this story, because I was told the individual chapters were too short, sorry for any inconvenience.
this is my very first attempt at something resembling a fanfic and this just crept into my head. It is completely AU, so no time-line, no sense and absolutely no sanity whatsoever. And Xander will have made Major by conversation number three, so it's perfectly reasonable for him to call Sam, Sam.

* _ ~ denotes different sides in a conversation

Orientation, MIB and Corporals

1.

*"I hate orientation, Sam!"
_"I know, sir but it is necessary. We have some very promising new recruits."

-

*"...the SGC is the best kept secret in the universe, we are the first and last line of defense..."
~"...against the scum of the universe, we are the Men in Black!"
*"HARRIS, you find that funny?"
~"Sir,yes,sir."

-
2.

*"Harris."
~"Sir?"
*"Monty Burns."
~"Definitely a Goa'uld, in fact you should call FOX, make them give him the voice."
*"See,see, he knows I'm right!"
_"Indeed, O'Neill."

-
3.

~"Hey, Sam, what are you tinkering with today?"
_"Hey, Xander, just some influx correction on the new naqada generators."
~"Okay, what are you tinkering with tomorrow?"
_"Did Colonel O'Neill send you?"
~"Well, he send me to annoy you, because he can't do it himself right now."
_"Why is that?"
~"Oh, his yo-yo got destroyed on P3X-989, he is looking for a replacement."

4.

~"Spike, Angel. What are you doing here?"
*"Actually it's Corporals Pratt and O'Reilly. After L.A. we were turned human and grew bored, so we enlisted."
~"Corporals, eh? You know what that means..., fetch me some Twinkies(tm) on the double, Corporals."

Antacids, big needles and Jello

5.

~"General, Sir, you wanted to speak to me?"
*"Sit down, son."
~"Yes, sir."
*"I do not want to belittle your intent for a birthday-present for me, Major Harris, but...."
~"You're welcome, Sir."
*"But a life's supply of antacids?"

-

6.

#Dr. Frasier to the Stargate Room, Dr. Frasier to the Stargate Room, oh and bring the big needles; Major Harris had a date.

-

7.

*"MAJOR HARRIS, just tell me, why? Why do I have a requisition-order for Jello on my desk?"
~"Uh, sir. Colonel O'Neil did not tell me that the Asgard were allergic to blue Jello."
-"Yeah sure you betcha, it's all my fault now."
="Sir, after Thor came to, he decided to use it to keep Loki in check."=


Citrus, DDR and celebrations

8.

~"McKaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy."
-"I did not take your twinkies on purpose, believe me. What do you want with that citrus fruit?"
~"Die, McKay, die."

~"Wow, what a weird dream."

~"Whew my twinkie-stash is still untouched

9.

-"XanderHarris, why is O'Neill walking funny?"
~"Hey, Teal'c, oh, he bet me he could beat me at DDR."

10.

-"Major Harris, what were you thinking, if you were thinking at all?"
~"I just thought it needed to be celebrated, General."
-"Major Harris, there is no Twinkie Day."


AN: this story will be filled with more random insanity and arbitrary stupidity, whenever I feel not quite right in my head. Don't worry this tends to happen quite frequently. Please, please, tell me what you think. Flames welcome.