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What Is This?

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Summary: Sunnydale High School needs to replace a few of their staff... Season 3.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > Muppets, TheLucindaFR1331,950082,83423 Nov 0310 Dec 03Yes

What Is This?

author: Lucinda
rating: pg
disclaimer: I hold no legal rights to anyone that you recognize.
distribution: Twisting, Paula, anyone else ask first.
note: this is set AU season 3 Buffy.
Summary: after 'Earshot', Sunnydale High needs a new School cook...



Buffy felt much better as she caught up to Xander and Willow on Monday. She'd spent the weekend resting and trying to get over her brief stint as a telepath, trying desperately to forget a few of the things that she'd overheard. But now, she was blissfully without the special ability to know exactly what everyone was thinking. Her friends were there, looking happy to see her. "Hey guys."

"Buffy. It's good to see you looking better, um, not that you look bad or anything but Friday wasn't your best day and... umm, shutting up now." Willow's greeting had her full measure of relief and cheerful babbling.

Xander grinned at her, one hand reaching out to rest on her shoulder for a moment. "Glad to see you back to normal. Why don't you and Wills go find a seat, and I'll pick up your lunch?"

"Really?" Buffy smiled cheerfully. "That's so sweet, you're the best, Xander."

A few minutes later, Buffy was seated with Willow at a table, watching as her friend pulled out items from her packed lunch. She was debating the best way to tease Willow just a little about bringing her own lunch without hurting her friend's feelings. After all, wasn't the best part of school lunch not having to do it yourself?

A tray filled with... something slid in front of her. The only identifiable things were an apple, and the carton of milk. The rest of it was just... she had no words to describe it. "Umm... what's this?"

"I have no idea, but that's what's for lunch." Xander shrugged, sitting down with his own tray laden with... whatever it was. Scooping up a bit of it with his spoon, Xander chewed thoughtfully. "I have no idea, but it's... better than my mom's cooking."

Buffy looked back down at her tray, wondering if it had just moved or if it was her imagination. "I don't think so. I'm just going to go see what the cook is up to."

She walked across the cafeteria, pushing open the door and slipping past a line of other students, some of which were also carrying trays of the what-ever-it-was. Moving into the hidden areas of the kitchen, she called out "What is this stuff that you're trying to feed us?"

"Heer di yooomi sooflee." A strange voice called, with a sort of warbling accent that sounded almost familiar.

Buffy crept closer, one hand gripping a fork in the feeble hope that she could use it as a weapon if needed. She peeked around a corner, jaw dropping at the baffling sight. Poking over a steaming, bubbling caldron of... that stuff was a large white chef's hat. The voice was coming from there, and she could see a pair of gloved hands waving a wooden spoon and a whisk around, occasionally dipping them into the mass that was supposed to be lunch.

"mmm Bork bork, naow we puut the cheeys yn..." One hand vanished, reappearing with a large yellow wheel of cheese, dropping it into the cauldron, stirring at it with the wooden spoon. soon, a bubbling yellow mass began to show itself, raising higher and higher towards the rim.

The wooden spoon began to flail about, smacking into the now bubbling cheezy mixture, making the bubbles splatter about. "Naow wee beat de booobles deouwn"

"No way..." Buffly blinked, certain that she couldn't really be seeing what she thought she was seeing.

The bubbling mass continued to rise higher, despite even more frantic flailing and splattering. " Ahh!!! Deouwn, deouwn..."

The wooden spoon was now stuck in the cheesy substance. Buffy found herself staring, unable to turn away. How much more stuff could come out of there?

The bubbles changed slightly, and instead of many small bubbles rising up, there was a single mass emerging, rising almost in a mushroom shape...

Some Slayer instinct took over, and Buffy retreated quickly, almost running back to where Willow and Xander were sitting. "You guys, you'll never believe who they've got in there cooking."

There was a sudden booming noise, and smoke began to roll out from the kitchen. From somewhere, a single plate came rolling out, eventually spinning in a slow spiral before landing face down on the floor.

"They've hired the Swedish Chef." Buffy concluded.

end What is This?
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