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Summary: aka "You want me to raise a BABY?!" The problem with being the PTB's pinch-hitters for difficult situations is their blessings sometimes feel like curses and vice versa. Whoever wished for an interesting life was a freakin' masochistic idiot.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Faith-CenteredamusewithaviewFR1313,1171282,12813 Apr 1013 Apr 10Yes
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not BtVS, not Harry Potter, not Naruto, and definitely not Supernatural. I own none of them, but Whedon and Rowling and (insert name here) and Kripke do, the lucky sonsofguns!

A/N: I literally just spent the last hour punding this bunny out. It sprang into my head and I could NOT get it to go away. So there, it is exorcised and now freely UP FOR ADOPTION. Although I might continue it later. Maybe. We'll see.

It was four days after the destruction of Sunnydale and the First Evil and the Scoobies were just starting to get their feet under them. Giles was busy rounding up the last of the Old Council and its attaches, attempting to instill some semblance of order into the ragged group. Buffy and Faith had their hands full with the mini-Slays and their burgeoning powers: a hotel full of hormonal teenage girls with superpowers was a lawsuit waiting to happen. Willow was still recuperating from her massive spell, using her technological know-how to find as many of the newly-Called as possible while she recovered. Xander, Andrew, and Dawn were playing support – stepping into any capacity in which they were needed and trying to keep everything running as smoothly as possible. For Andrew this meant cooking and keeping morale up in any way he could, for Dawn this meant playing secretary to an increasingly frustrated Watcher, and for Xander… well, let's just say he was rapidly learning to compensate for his lack of depth perception while he repaired anything and everything that needed it.

All of them were busy, tired, and overworked. They were relieved that the battle was over, yes. The world would go on for another day, year, whatever (at least until the next apocalypse-season). None of them had had time to grieve for their losses and all of them were quickly coming to a full boil temper-wise. The mix of personalities and clashing ideals amongst the new additions to the Scoobies, and between the Fang Gang and… well, everyone else, was only adding to the ever mounting tension. The Hyperion was a powder-keg, needing only one well-timed spark for it to blow.

The name of that ill-fated spark?

Who else?


The morning started early for Buffy and Faith, Slayers needing little sleep, and as the first to rise, they were the first to discover their little "presents". Both Slayers were awakened by the sudden presence of additional persons in their private rooms.

Faith untangled herself from the rapidly-recovering Robin and moved cautiously towards the soft snuffling noises coming from the foot of their bed, dagger in hand. What she found there caused her to drop the dagger and gape, mouth ajar for a good five minutes. It was a baby. There was a baby in her room. What the fuck?!

She squatted down beside the orange-wrapped bundle and reached out a tentative hand to touch the messy blonde hair that covered the infant's head. It shifted a little under her touch and opened big, bright blue eyes. Faith noticed the strange whisker-like scars on its cheeks and then it yawned cutely and she saw fangs. Short fangs, but those canines were definitely canine and despite what little she knew about babies she knew that that was not normal.

Concentrating on her Slayer-side, she inspected the child a little more closely and found a faint demonic buzz emanated from the baby – stronger at its mid-section. Gently, she reached out and unwrapped the orange cloth that swaddled the child, noticing claws on his – definitely 'his' – hands and feet and a strange design swirling around his belly-button.

"Dunno why you're in my room, little man," she said. "But you don't feel evil, so I guess I'll be askin' G-man what to do with you." The little boy watched her closely, big blue eyes staring intently like he knew what she was saying. It could have been creepy or unnerving, but Faith found it kind of… adorable, really. She picked him up and couldn't help but smile at the way he tucked his head under her chin and relaxed like a living blanket against her chest.

Wonder what B will say, she mused as she stepped out of her room, only to find her sister-Slayer stepping out of her own room across the hall, also carrying a cloth-wrapped bundle. Buffy's was wrapped in green and what little hair she could see sticking out of the end of the blanket was black.

"You too?" the blonde Slayer asked. "Were we visited by the demonic stork, or what?!"

Faith frowned, "Yours is demonic too?"

"Uh-huh, got a freaky-weird scar on his forehead. Yours?"

"Funky tattoo on his belly."



They stared at each other, each unconsciously wondering why the other looked so natural with a child on her hip. It was starting to give them both the wiggins, though neither would admit it. As one they moved forward, swapping the children for closer looks, but as soon as the boys had been removed from their respective Slayer's arms they started to whimper and cry. Buffy snatched the black-haired boy back, crooning softly until he calmed; Faith was jiggling the other boy up and down on her hip and making funny faces.

"This is… weird," Buffy pronounced.

"You're tellin' me."

"Lets go see Giles," the blonde said, using her 'command' voice.

"Lead on, general!"

"Oh, shut up."

The two Slayers headed for the office where they knew their one-time Watcher and current mentor would be working. It didn't matter that it was only six in the morning, he would be there. Dawn had been threatening to cut off his coffee supply if he didn't stop working at midnight sharp, and their ensuing compromise had lead to his earlier wake-up. It might be six where they were, but the remains of the Council were scattered in enough time-zones to make working around the clock almost a necessity.

"Yo, G-man!"

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times – "

"So what makes you think I'm gonna listen this time?"

Giles sighed deeply and looked up from his paperwork. It amused both Slayers to see his obvious double-take, Buffy was counting down in her head: Five, four, three, two… cue the glasses-polishing... "Wha – why… girls? Why do you – where did you – babies?"

"Was that a complete sentence?" Faith asked mischievously.

"Nah, I think he was missing a subject," Buffy replied.


"They were in our rooms when we woke up," the blonde said, relenting.

"They were – "

"Huh," Xander said, coming into the room with his own wrapped bundle. "Guess I wasn't the only one." He blinked at Buffy and Faith, hitching his own tightly-wrapped infant a little higher on his hip: "Well there goes the 'demonic stork' theory."

"No, that one's still valid," Buffy disagreed. "Both of ours have something of the wiggy about them and from what I'm sensing… yours does too." She moved a little closer and stood on her tip-toes to look at the small, red-headed child. "Aww! So cute!"

"I know, isn't he though?" Xander smiled, then frowned. "I think I – we – should be more freaked out about this." He turned to Giles, "Why aren't we more freaked out by this? This is pretty freak-worthy."

"I feel that I am sufficiently 'freaked', as you put it, Xander."

At that moment, Dawn came in holding not one, but two bundles. One of the two was significantly larger than the other, and instead of being wrapped in a blanket was wearing clothing easily recognizable as jammies. The other was an infant, much like the ones the rest of the Scoobies were carrying.

Everyone in the room stared at Dawn while she stared back at them.

"Okay, now I'm really wigging," Buffy muttered.

"Me too."

"Me three."

"Me four," said Willow, entering close behind Dawn. Her bundle was also black-haired, like Buffy's – but was wrapped in blue, like the younger Summer's. She frowned at everyone, eyes going vaguely unfocused as she tapped into her other side while inspecting her friends closely. "So… this is weird."

"We've already established that, Wills."

"Really, really weird."

"Uh-huh," Xander said, chuckling at her wide-eyed look.

"Am I the only one wondering why Dawnie has two?"

"Am I the only one wondering why my fifteen year old sister has a kid, at all?!"

"What is going on?!" Dawn asked. "Why are we all holding babies?!"

"I might have an answer to that question," Whistler offered.

"You," Buffy snarled.

"Me," the balance-demon replied, smiling.

"I oughta – "

"Not do anything violent in front of the babies," the demon cut her off, now smirking.

The blonde seethed, teeth clenched tightly before all her temper seemed to evaporate, leaving behind a big, beaming smile that made the demon lose his shit-eating grin right quick. "Whistler?" she said sweetly, "If you antagonize me now, how much worse do you think I can make it for you if you ever have to come back?"

He gulped, "Um. A lot worse?"

Her smile widened, "Take whatever you're thinking and multiply it by ten. It still won't be as bad as what I'm thinking about now. Rib-cage hats would be a blessing compared to what I'm thinking about right now."

"Right. Well. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Whistler – "

"That annoying demon that gave Angel lessons in cryptic?" Dawn asked. "I see now what he meant about being a lousy dresser. Bowler hats went out before tube tops, and they've never been back in."

"As I was saying, I'm a messenger from the Powers That Be – "

"What? We just finished kicking the First's ass," Xander interrupted angrily. "We've done you're freaking dirty work, we've bled and paid the price for the world-saveage – what can you guys want now?"

"Well I'll tell you if you'll let me. Any more smartass comments to make?"

"Whistler…" Buffy said warningly, "Don't be an ass, or you'll lose yours."

He coughed, shifting away from the two Slayers towards the Watcher behind the desk, mistakenly thinking he would be safer closer to the oldest person in the room. "As I was saying, you guys done good getting rid of the First and Calling all the Slayers, you've permanently tipped the balance in this dimension towards the side of good. Usually this would be a problem, but since you kicked the big kahuna of badness out, there won't be any repercussions in your lifetimes or even your grandkid's lifetimes. After that, we'll see. Anyways, you guys have done so well that the PTB's figure you can handle anything so they, well, they kind of want you guys to raise the next set of champions for a few other dimensions."

There was silence in the room for a few minutes, and then:

"You want me to raise a freakin' – "

"Are you guys nuts? We don't have time – "

"I'm not even old enough to drive, let alone – "

"Kids? Me?"

"I d-don't really have the know-how for something like – "

"SHUT – UP!"

Silence reigned again as five glares of varying degrees of intensity fixed on the demon.

He took a deep breath, "You've all been picked for varying reasons 'cause we figure you can teach these kids the things they'll need to know to be able to positively affect the balances in their own dimensions. Each of them is from a place that's either gone too far to the side of bad or is about to face a serious crossroads. Each of them is facing a really, really shitty home life without you. You might not think you're the better options, but trust me – I've seen what could happen and you are. You really, really are."

"I'm a freakin' ex-con, how on god's green earth can I be a better choice?" Faith asked.

"Without you, Uzumaki Naruto will grow up on the streets and in orphanages. Unloved, unwanted, and universally despised by everyone in his hometown. He won't have a chance at normalcy because of the demon sealed inside of him. You can teach him to harness the powers he has and not be contaminated by the darkness. You can recognize the difference between actual darkness and teen angst." Whistler smiled at the still unsure-looking Slayer, "You'll be a good mom."


The balance-demon winced, "Yeah. We know. You're still more prepared to be a single parent than those boys's actual dad. Their mom was killed by a powerful demon who wants to unleash their dimension's version of the First Evil."

"But I'm fifteen," Dawn repeated, though this time at a more normal volume. Luckily none of the children had even flinched at her shout, judging by the look on Willow's face the witch was casting some sort of sleep-spell on them. "I'm fifteen," she said for the third time. "I'm not old enough to be a mom, I still need my mom." Buffy moved over to wrap her free arm around her sister, both Summers women looking mournful.

Whistler smiled sadly, "If you can't do it, no-one can. And you'll have help."

"Why now?" Buffy asked. "Why us?"

"Each of you has traits that will be passed on to your kids that they are gonna need in their battles. You will keep them safe and alive until it's time for them to fulfill their destinies." The balance demon sighed, shifting his feet, "You'll have to let them go to those destinies, though. And it will be hard. The PTB want you guys on this for two reasons: number one, you're the most suited; number two… it's part of a compromise with the dark. Having these kids will keep you guys occupied enough that the balance should stabilize on its own. Honestly, you guys either get these kids or an uber-villain by the name of Twilight."

Dawn squinted, "A baddie named after a shitty vampire book series? Sounds lame."

"He'll be the most dangerous villain you'll ever face," Whistler told them seriously. "He'll know all your weaknesses and turn the entire world against you. His mission will be the total destruction of the Slayer line and he won't believe that he's working for the forces of evil. He'll…" he sighed, "You won't be able to beat him."

Xander growled under his breath, "So basically it's either super-powered babysitting for who knows how long or the end of the world as we know it? Great, real nice choice you're giving us here. Heck, it's not even really a choice."

"I'm not technically here to offer you a choice, just an explanation."

"Well, you've explained," the Watcher muttered, rubbing the bridge of his nose as a tension-headache bloomed. He was getting too old for this sort of thing… His eyes snapped open and settled on the demon threateningly, "Unless there's something else you're forgetting to tell us?"

Whistler shifted on his feet nervously, "Remember what I said about them having to go back to their destinies? Well, um, their destinies start pretty… early. You're not gonna want to send them back…"

"How young?" Faith asked quietly.

"Really young."

She snarled menacingly, "How young?"

"Eleven," he said, pointing at Buffy's bundle. "Eight," he pointed at Willow's, Xander's and Faith's. "And yours… well, that'll be up to them, actually," Whistler told Dawn. All of the Scoobies were now staring at him, horror written on their faces.

"So. You want us to raise these children as our own. Then send them off to meet the fate's you just said they probably wouldn't be prepared for, and you want us to do it before they hit puberty?!" Buffy's muscles were twitching with the need for violence, the only thing holding her back was the child in her arms.

"Actually… we were kinda, sorta hoping you might wannagobackwithyourkids."

Willow frowned, "How, exactly, would that work? We'd just… move across dimensions?"

"Yeah, actually," Whistler nodded, "It would be another way of restoring the balance in this world, without completely allowing the dark in. Plus the Powers were kind of hoping you'd think of it as an early retirement."

"But… we'd be separated," Dawn said, speaking for all of them.

"Yeah. You would."

All of the Scoobies looked worried, staring down at the children in their arms.

"It would be your decision, but the Powers feel that they're being more than generous. You," he pointed at Faith and Buffy, "wouldn't have a chance at children otherwise. Slayers can almost never have children, and even if they do they're always gonna be girls who are Slayers from the moment of conception. It's too dangerous, really." He sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets and preparing for some upcoming violence, "Plus, if you refuse and we have to take the kids back to their original fates, you'll all die in the next few years anyways. This newest baddie really takes the cake, in a lot of ways he's worse than the First. You won't be able to stop him, but the new Scoobs might. If you do things the Power's way, it's just better for everyone."

"Do we have to decide now?" Willow asked, shaken by the entire conversation.

"No… and my time down here is nearly up, anyways. Any more questions?"

"Yeah," Faith said, staring down into bright blue eyes and a whisker-marked face, "what are their names?" She looked up to find everyone staring at her, "And can you undo whatever mojo crap you've hit us with to dull our freakouts? It's really starting to piss me off."

Whistler smiled tightly, "The 'mojo' will be gone as soon as I am." So saying, he disappeared, leaving behind a small bag at the feet of each of the new 'parents'. There was silence in the room for a full five minutes, before it was broken by a small piping voice.

"Mama?" the older of the two children in Dawn's arms asked, leaning back to stare her in the face, "I'm hungee."

List of who was put with whom and why:

Buffy = Harry Potter (knows what it's like to be 'Chosen' and have 'prophecies')
Willow = Sasuke (mind control and revenge issues, 'nuff said)
Xander = Gaara (hyena vs. Shukaku, plus they'd have fun in Africa together)
Faith = Naruto (it just seemed right to me, don't ask, please)
Dawn = Sam and Dean Winchester (see above)

A/N2: So... yeah... I hope you read the first A/N cuz it really explained where I was coming from with this. I thought it would be interesting to see the Scoobies raising champions from other 'verses and then having to face serious moral dilemmas with their 'children'. Will they follow their kids to the new 'verses or stay and face Twilight? Oh yeah, this bunny was also a result of my STRONG dislike of the season eight comics. I mean, ugh, what was Whedon THINKING?! Ok, done A/N-ing. Hands too sore, seriously.

Like, loathe, love, lemme know?

The End

You have reached the end of "Surrogates". This story is complete.

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