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For God's Sake!

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Summary: Xander is captured—again. He’s being snarky with the bad guys—again. But what happens after the rescue? Slash: Spike/Xander/Riddick. ON HOLD. RE-WRITE IN PROGRESS.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Xander-Centered
Movies > Pitch Black Series
Television > Xena-Hercules
CorruptedSmileFR181225,27038629,42515 Apr 1022 May 11No

NOTE: This chapter is rated FR13

Let's Talk - Part Two

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything you recognise and I don’t make money from this story; neither from writing it nor from posting it. I probably do own the things you don’t recognise.

‘Buffy: the Vampire Slayer’ belongs to Joss Whedon, Twentieth Century Fox and others. ‘Harry Potter’ belongs to J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros and others. ‘Supernatural’ belongs to the CW, Eric Kripke and others. ‘The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay’ belongs to Universal, Tom Keegan and others. ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’ is owned by Universal (Renaissance Pictures to be exact) and others who produced, created, wrote, etc. it.

And those others? Not me either.

Crossover: B:tVS/SPN/HP/CoR/X: WP

Pairing: Xander/Spike/Riddick

Prequel to: Who Has The Better Growl?

Rating: FR13, because it’s not fluffy enough to be FR7.

Spoilers: Spoilers for all seasons of Buffy and up to book six of Harry Potter as Voldemort has not yet been defeated. Spoilers for Xena: Warrior Princess (until the end of series) as well.

Summary: Xander is captured—again. He’s being snarky with the bad guys—again. But what happens after the rescue?

time and/or place
*speech between minds*

Story: For God’s Sake!

Chapter Twelve: Let’s Talk – Part Two

The Gym

Ten minutes after leaving Xander’s bedroom, Strife finally found something that was sure to keep him entertained for a while: a snark fest with the lovely Cordelia Chase. An unholy look of glee crossed Strife’s face when he saw the target of his dreams doing flips and kicks in front of an audience of impressed young girls.


Cordelia came to a full stop with one last typical cheerleader move and graciously accepted the applause she got from her audience. “Right, that was it for today. What I want you to do for the rest of the week is practise these same moves until you can do them in your sleep. All these moves have saved my life at one point in the past, so don’t think for a second that cheerleader moves aren’t worth spending time on to learn. I’ll see you next week!”

Chatter and laughter filled the gym when the Baby Slayers filed out.

Cordelia turned around at the slow clapping coming from behind her. She nearly pulled a face at seeing Strife, but remembered in time that doing that would only give her wrinkles more quickly. “Oh, it’s you.”

Strife put a hand over his heart. “You wound me. I’d almost believe that I’m not wanted here.”

Cordelia didn’t give him a second glance. Picking up her towel, she started out the door and towards the hot shower she had been longing for since she had finished her session with the Baby Slayers. “You’re not, though, so I guess this means that you’ll have to leave. Such a pity.”

Strife spread his arms with a mocking grin. “This is your lucky day then, because I don’t have to go anywhere. I’m all yours for the rest of the day.”

Cordelia turned and gave him her best fake smile. “Does that also mean that I can do anything to you?”

“With any other person, the answer would be a heartfelt “yes”, but Xan told me too much about you. I’m not going fall into that trap.”

“Good answer, God-Awfully-Dressed Boy,” Cordelia said, letting approval briefly colour her voice.

Strife smirked in answer. “How about we have a talk?”

“Just a talk?”

“Just a talk.”

Cordelia pretended think about it. “Okay. I’ll meet you in the cafeteria in an hour.”

“I love it when a woman dolls up just for me.”

Cordelia nearly let out an inelegant snort. “I think you’ve mistaken me for someone who doesn’t care about her looks; an hour is hardly enough for me to dress up. That’s the normal amount of time I spend on how I look.”


The Cafeteria, One Hour and Fifteen Minutes Later

“Fashionably late as always.”

Cordelia smiled sweetly. “Of course. You really shouldn’t have expected anything else.”

Strife gave her an equally sweet smile back. “I didn’t. That’s why I only just got here myself. I figured you’d be late and I didn’t feel like waiting for you.”

For a second Cordelia didn’t know what to say. Then she decided to let him get away with that dig. Shrugging, she said, “I think you’re probably the first person who didn’t wait for me, but instead showed up later too.”

“I live to please you in annoying ways,” Strife replied.


The Library

A flash of pink light accompanied by white and red hearts drew the attention of Willow and Buffy. If the lightshow hadn’t been a big enough clue as to whom had decided to join them, the fact that a barely-covered, blonde-haired woman was suddenly standing in the library was enough to convince the two of them—and their research teams—that they were looking at Aphrodite, Goddess of Love.

After giving each other a quick meaningful look, Willow and Buffy had a quiet word with their respective teams to make sure they would continue to work on collecting the information that Giles wanted them to find. Saying goodbye, they walked over to where Aphrodite was perusing the books on one of the many bookshelves lining the walls.

“We need to talk. Privately,” Buffy said, crossing her arms to show Aphrodite that she meant business.

“Then by all means, show the way,” Aphrodite replied friendly, curious as to what the two girls wanted to talk to her about.


One of the Sitting Rooms

Buffy got right down to business. “We want you to stop messing up Xander’s love life.”

Aphrodite blinked. “Well, don’t hold back. Tell me how you really feel.”

“We mean it,” Willow said, giving Aphrodite her Resolve Face.

“Why would you think I have anything to do with your friend Xander’s inability to find the right partner?”

“Because you’re the Goddess of Love, yet every single time since you’ve known him, you let Xander fall for someone who’s completely wrong for him. Mostly demon girls. We want you stop messing around. Start giving Xander the attention he deserves.”

“He’s our friend, so we want to see him happy and right now, he’s not,” Buffy added. “The last serious girlfriend he had was Anya and we all know how badly that ended.”

“Consider it done,” Aphrodite said before she popped out of the sitting room, leaving Buffy and Willow standing there; looking like idiots at the spot the Goddess of Love had once stood.

Buffy turned to look at Willow. “Well, that was easy. Maybe a bit too easy. Do you think she’ll really start thinking of Xander?”

“I don’t see why not,” Willow answered. “She has no reason to lie to us. Besides, if things don’t start getting better in Xander’s love life, we can just talk to her again.”

Buffy grinned. “If things don’t start getting better for Xander, we’ll have to be more convincing, won’t we?”

Willow nodded hesitantly, wondering where Buffy was going with that line of questioning.

“Good to know,” Buffy said perkily before practically skipping out of the sitting room, leaving a Willow behind who felt as if she had been pulled into something not-so-nice. If only she could find out what exactly she had been suckered into by Buffy.


Xander’s Bedroom

Aphrodite nearly gave Xander a heart attack by popping into this bedroom unannounced and judging by the growling coming from Spike and Riddick, they weren’t too impressed by her surprise visit either. Blushing a bright-red at the comprising position she found them in—naked in bed with his two equally-naked boyfriends—Xander tried to scramble out of bed to pull on some clothes. Luckily for him, his two lovers were strong enough to keep him in bed and as a result keeping him from giving the Goddess of Love an eyeful with his panicked reaction.

“What are you doing here?” Spike asked rudely.

“Just wanted to talk to my little darling.” Aphrodite replied, shrugging off Spike’s rude behaviour and focussing on Xander instead. “I popped in to tell you that I just had a lovely conversation with Buffy and Willow about your love life. Or apparently lack of love life, according to them. I was told in no uncertain term that I had to stop fooling around and had to start paying more attention to you and who you date.”

“Couldn’t you have waited to tell us that until we were out of the bedroom? Or at least dressed?” Xander asked, burrowing even deeper under the blankets.

“Why would I? After all, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before, darling,” Aphrodite told him happily, brushing off his concerns like a duck would shake water. With that announcement she left the three men to it, blinking out with a pink flash and a shower of white and red hearts left in her wake.


Xander smiled uncertainly at Spike and Riddick and gulped when he saw their not-amused faces.

“Want to tell us what that little statement was all about, love?” Spike asked, trying to appear calm, but the flash of gold in his eyes gave his true emotions away.

“Not only did Strife see you naked, but Aphrodite did too?” Riddick asked, chest vibrating with a barely-suppressed growl.

“Um, yes,” Xander replied, “but it’s not what you think. Really, it’s not. I mean, not that I really know what you’re thinking, because I’m not a mind reader, but I’m pretty sure that whatever you’re thinking isn’t what really happened.”

Spiked leaned up against the headboard and lit a cigarette, taking care to blow the smoke away from Xander. “Why don’t you enlighten us, pet?”

“I stumbled over a small rock and fell into one of the ponds that Olympus has. No one was around, so I took my clothes off to dry them in the sun, because at that time I didn’t have enough control over my powers to dry them that way. I was more likely to start a fire, if I had tried. Anyway, I fell asleep, so I missed my appointment with Aphrodite. When I didn’t show up, she started to worry and she followed my signature. That’s when she saw me naked.”

“And nothing happened?” Spike asked suspiciously.

“Nothing happened. She dried my clothes with her power, I grabbed them and then went behind a bush to change into them. That’s it.”


Exchanging a look, Spike and Riddick nodded to each other, coming to a conclusion silently. When they turned to look at Xander, they noticed that he was nervously biting his lip.

“So . . . What’s the verdict, doctor?” Xander quipped.

“We believe you, of course, but we think you should make it up to us, anyway,” Riddick answered.

Xander’s mouth fell open. “But that’s not fair! You just said that you believed that nothing happened! Why am I being punished?”

“We can’t have our mate going around, showing his naked body to all and sundry” Spike explained, sounding reasonable.

“But it’s not like I do it on purpose! That’s not fair!” Xander cried out.

Spike slinked closer to Xander and leaned in until he could speak into his ear. “Learn to live with it, love. We’re both possessive bastards and that won’t change.” He leaned back and smirked. “Besides, we haven’t told you yet what punishment it will be.”

Seeing a smirk forming on Riddick’s face too, Xander’s eyes widened in understanding.

Smirking, both Riddick and Spike got closer to Xander.


The Cafeteria

Cordelia surprised herself by having a good time with Strife. He was witty in the same sarcastic, dry way as her. Stretching her legs and crossing them, she noticed that the sun was moving behind the wall they were sitting against, meaning that their sunny spot was slowly being put in the shadow.

“How about we move this conversation to a sunnier spot? I want to work on my tan some more and I can’t do that, if I’m sitting in the shadow,” she said, interrupting Strife.

“Your legs are still in the sun,” Strife pointed out to her.

“But the rest of me isn’t.”

“Still, having your thighs in the sun means that a huge surface’s still able to get a tan.”


*Um, Strife? You might want to get out before she explodes over you basically calling her fat,* Xander told his friend, knowing all too well that Cordelia wouldn’t take kindly to that.

*How long have you been listening in on our conversation?* Strife asked surprised. *I didn’t even notice you were there.*

*I’ve taken up lurking as a hobby. You wouldn’t believe the amount of information you get, if you do that. And if you’re lucky, you can sometimes even blackmail someone with that ill-gotten information,* Xander told him, sending Strife a smirk.

Strife sent back a picture of him pinking away a fake-tear at that statement. *I taught you well. Kids these days, they grow up so fast. One minute they’re goody-two-shoes and the next they’re blackmailing people to get what they want.*

*Don’t let Spike hear you say that,* Xander replied. *He likes to think that he was the one who taught me my bad habits. Right then, I’ve given you fair warning, so I’m gonna go. Got two boyfriends to keep happy.*

And with that, Xander blinked out of existence.


Strife turned his full attention back to a still shocked-looking Cordelia.

“Right, I’m going now,” he told Cordelia. “Got better things to do than to wait around until you come up with a suitably-mean revenge.”

Standing up, he pulled his power around him like a cloak and with a blue flash popped out to find new entertainment.


The furious screaming that followed his departure made everyone wisely decide to avoid Cordelia for a few days until she had calmed down somewhat.

End Chapter Twelve.

A/N: This is the second part of the chapter “Let’s Talk”. It was originally one long chapter, but I cut it into two to make all chapters around 2,000-2,500 words as that’s what I’m used to posting.

For more detailed information on this story of mine, and others, I’d like to point you towards my homepage corrupted_smile. Feel free to join.

Any and all reviews (doesn’t matter which ones: ones that give a simple well-done or ones that give me some kind of feedback) are much appreciated. Flames will be given back to the people who gave them to me with a nice *cough* little note that sets them straight on why I neither like nor condone flames.

The End?

You have reached the end of "For God's Sake!" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 22 May 11.

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