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Vengeance is Mine, Sayeth the Chicken

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Summary: Anyanka has a very unusual client for Vengeance. Pre S3 'The Wish'.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > Muppets, TheLucindaFR151711031,28623 Nov 0323 Nov 03Yes
author: Lucinda
absurdity, a wish and trampled feelings.
main characters: Anyanka and Camilla the chicken with heavy mention & discussion of Gonzo & Miss Piggy
disclaimer: I hold no legal rights to Anyanka (property of Joss Whedon & the Buffy the Vampire Slayer writing staff) or to Camilla, Gonzo, or Miss Piggy (property of Jim Henson & anyone else with legal rights to the Muppets/Sesame Street.).
distribution: Twisting, Paula, anyone else ask first.
note: this is set before Season 3's 'the Wish'. [Words in brackets] are the English translation of Camilla's words.


Anyanka smiled as she felt the prickling feeling of a summons to Vengeance. Somewhere, there was a poor female who's heart or other main center of emotion had been crushed by the male in her life, and her emotions were screaming and pleading for pain and misery. It was her duty and privilege to wield the power of the Wish to grant Vengeance to those females.

She wondered what it would be this time - boils? Diseases? His insides becoming his outsides in an excruciatingly painful inversion? Slow death over some horribly foul smelling boiling substance? Death by rabbits? Maybe it would be something creative... Filled with anticipation, Anyanka allowed herself to be drawn to the female in pain.

"This can't be right...Why am I standing in front of a chicken?" Anyanka frowned, only then realizing that she still held her proper features. And... why were they in a dressing room?

The chicken sobbed again, a wailing cry filling the room. It was the sound of a broken heart.

"Right... vengeance for a chicken... if this isn't the most bizarre thing..." Anyanka shook her head. "So, chicken... Camilla. Who is the miserable wretch?"

As the chicken sobbed, the sounds somehow translated themselves into something that she could understand. It was part of the magic of a Vengeance Demon - can't offer proper vengeful wishes if you couldn't understand the client, after all. [It's Gonzo. He's still... always chasing after that Piggy hussy. And no matter what I do, no matter what I say, he keeps going back to her.]

Outside, a voice could be heard, shouting hurriedly. "Kermit! Fifteen seconds to curtain!"

"You're in love with someone named Gonzo. And he's too busy chasing this pig to stay with you?" Anya almost growled, knowing the pain of that all too well. It was a familiar pain, suffered by countless females since time had began.

[Yes!] The squawk was almost a wail, rising loud in the small room.

She almost felt like she was in familiar territory now. If she could get Camilla to say the right words... "Don't you ever want to do something about it?"

[If only I could. But... but what could I do? How do people normally deal with that sort of thing?] Camilla sounded as if she was on the verge of tears, although Anyanka wasn't certain if chickens could actually cry or not.

Anyanka smiled. "Oh, there are all sorts of things people have tried... Cannons, twisting body parts in all sorts of directions, heavy weights falling from above… I could go on, if you’d like.”

Camilla sighed, with a faintly clucking echo. [He likes being fired from a cannon, and assorted squishing is only temporary. It would have to be… well, something not so physical.]

Anyanka smiled, even though she would rather shout and throw something. If not something physical, then what… “So, what would upset him? If not pain and violence to his person…”

For a few moments, Camilla was quiet, lost in thought. [It would have to be something… maybe his career. If he didn’t work here anymore, if he had a job that made him miserable… and took him far away from that… pig.]

“Yes?” Anyanka smiled, leaning closer in anticipation. “Go on…”

Camilla sighed, covering her head with one wing, the next cluckings faintly muffled. [I just wish he would have a job that made him as miserable as his pig-chasing makes me. Something with paperwork, and people yelling at him, and a lot of stress. But I still want it to have decent medical coverage. I don’t want him to die, I want him to suffer.]

Anyanka stood up, smiling as she felt the power ripple through her. “Done.”

Camilla blinked at her, confused. [What?]

“Gonzo will start his new job next week, in an electrical repair maintenance crew of the Manhatten branch of Wolfram and Hart, a law firm. He’ll hate it.” And then, with a small swirling, Anyanka returned to share her news of her latest assignment. Wait until she told this one to Halfrek…

end Vengeance is Mine, Sayeth the Chicken.

The End

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