I don’t own anything you recognise. And I’m certainly not making any money from this.
‘B:tVS’ belongs to Joss Whedon and others. ‘Into the Blue’ was directed by John Stockwell and written by Matt Johnson. There probably others who have a claim on the latter, but I can’t be bothered to write them down. :)Crossover:
I’m going out on a limb here, but I think . . . B:tVS/Into the Blue.Pairing:
FR15, because of the swearing in the fic and kissing at the end.Spoilers:
For Xander’s road trip at the end of his last year of High School. My take on what happened. *grins* No specific spoilers ‘Into the Blue’, because this takes after the film.Warnings:
Weird and funny enough to, hopefully, make you giggle your ass off. You have been warned. *grins* And the last part will, with any luck, give you nice dreams.Inspiration?
Inspired by my own challenge: 5325. And by the FFA pairing Jared/Xander.Summary:
Holiday in true Xander fashion. Meaning with explosives and going to the rescue of damsels *cough* in distress.
‘Xander talking to himself, quietly in his own head.’
“Xander/Jared talking out loud.”Story: Holiday: Xander style
Xander looked up at the sounds of a high-speed chase, one apparently taking place in the water right in front of him. He whistled the minute he saw the two beautiful machines on the clear water, seemingly going around in circles on the water. Every so often the one chasing became the one being chased.
His look of awe quickly changed into one of shock at the first sounds of a machine gun firing. Shooting plus a chase? That equalled badness in his book. Angel had once called him a White Knight, guess he would have to honour that name by going to the rescue of the damsel in distress.
Now, if only he knew which boat held the damsel . . . His answer came in the form of two well-muscled men carrying machine guns walking towards the front part of the second boat. ‘And there I have my answer. My guess is that they are the ones shooting. Which means that the first boat holds the damsel in distress. Don’t worry, ma’am. To your rescue comes the Xan-man!’
Having decided, Xander sprung into action, walking towards his room in the one hotel this place had. ‘What do I need to do first? Well, first I need to get on one of those boats, doesn’t really matter if it’s the boat of the baddies or the . . . heh . . . goodies. Best the boat of the baddies, now that I think about it. How to stop that boat? Duh, Xander, explosives. Never met anything that couldn’t be stopped with enough of that. A boat won’t need as much as an ascended mayor, will it? Probably not.’
Finally reaching his room, Xander started to unpack one of the many kits his backpack held, this one was called Xan-man to the Rescue
. A sort of survival kit made especially for damsels in distress. Several herbs, concoctions and weapons shrunken to Barbie-size (only to become un-Barbie-size with the right word) could be found amongst all the other crap he had collected over the years. Other crap included screwdrivers and, of course, a small amount of the right ingredients to make a cake.
“I gonna blow something up,” Xander sing-songed under his breath. “Blow it up to high heaven, I will.”
‘Now, how to get on the boat in question? Don’t think me playing at being a hitchhiker will work in this case. What do I have that can help me get on that boat?’
Then he saw the perfect pick-me-up present. ‘Or should that be shoot-me-up present?’ Xander cackled, quietly so as not to disturb his neighbours in the rooms next to his. Wouldn’t do to let them know that he had a slightly disturbing mind. Well, disturbing to the rest of the world, his girls would have no problem with him cackling about something like this. Faith, Cordelia and Dawn would probably cackle right along with him. And he was getting off topic.
‘Right, explosives, water-proof gun (thank you, Wills!) and my little helpers. I’m set and ready to go. Xan-man to the rescue!’ Having said that quietly in his mind, Xander started off towards the door.
Reaching the edge of the water, he walked as deep as he could go into the ocean, the water coming to his shoulders when he finally stopped. He let himself float, bound the wakeboard underneath his feet, shouldered the spear gun he had brought with him, spotted the perfect spot on the boat to fasten the spear and shot. The minute the spear got stuck in the boat, Xander started to be pulled along with it. He quickly stood up on his wakeboard and began his walk
across the water. ‘Just like Jesus did.’ Xander laughed out loud at that thought. Oh, the way his mind worked sometimes.
He pulled ever closer to the boat. And no one seemed to notice, everyone’s attention on the boat they were chasing. ‘A bit anticlimactic, really. Well, you can’t have everything. Guess I’ll have to make up the slack later, hope I can use my gun as well. Willow has been asking for feedback about the way it works for some time. And I’ve only used it once before now. Not enough to base anything on.’
The minute he reached the boat of the *snicker* baddies, Xander unhooked himself, only taking his gun and the explosives with him. ‘Should probably take advantage of the quiet time to place those explosives.’
So he did, hiding them everywhere, just to make sure that nothing would be left as soon as he pressed the right button. Of course, he had to knockout a couple of really ugly minions while he was doing that. ‘Guns for hire, Xander, not minions. Minions are for vampires. And being able to walk in sunlight negates the whole vampire theory. Right, how to get to the head of the ugly bunch? He’s probably somewhere where he, or she, can see everything really well.’ Xander thought for a minute. ‘The top deck it is then.’
And he walked to where he assumed the head to be. ‘Hopefully a head with a living, breathing, human body attached to it. Knowing me and my luck, you can never pray enough about things like that. Just for once let it be a really gorgeous woman who’s doing the bad things. That would make things so much easier for me. I would only need to smile.’
Up above, the God of Comic Relief heard Xander’s prayer and decided to answer it. The joke would be on someone else for once. Someone not Xander.
Hearing the scream of rage coming from the top deck, Xander assumed that he was walking in the right direction. ‘Wonder what the screaming is about. The boat is still chasing after whatever or whoever the hell it’s after, so that can’t be it. Oh well, doesn’t really matter because I have arrived!’ Surreptitiously checking to see if anyone was watching him and seeing no one, Xander assumed a victory stance. Finding the baddies in question was good cause for celebration.
Channelling Buffy, Xander kicked open the door and in true Xander fashion yelled the two phrases one hears in probably every action flick around. “Hands in the air and keep them where I can see them!”
Seeing the guys standing around actually do so, he quickly shot them with his gun, putting them fast to sleep. ‘Must tell Willow that a water-proof tranquiliser gun works wonders on the baddies. The first time was definitely not a fluke. And why is that one woman screaming obscenities like that instead of putting up her hands?!’ Xander felt insulted. Wasn’t he enough of a threat?
“Hey you, Miss Brunette, put up your arms, will you?! I’m threatening you here and all you do is curse like a sailor,” Xander yelled at the extremely loud woman.
“A gun?! You think a gun could make shake in my boots? They took my penis away for fuck’s sake!” Bates screamed, face turning a truly ugly shade of red.
“I don’t fucking care! You could have been turned into the ugliest dog on earth for all I care!” Xander yelled back. “Put your arms up in the air, right now, missy!”
“Or what?” Bates laughed shrilly. “You’ll take away my penis? Too fucking late!”
“Or else I’ll blow up your damn boat,” Xander said, smirk firmly on his face.
“You wouldn’t,” Bates said, believing that explosives were hidden on his boat but still with a confidant smirk on his face. “You’ll blow up yourself.”
“I won’t,” Xander pointed out meanly. “I’ll be long gone. Wouldn’t be so sure about yourselves, though. So, what’s is gonna be? For the last time, put your hands in the air.”
Bates narrowed his eyes, took a close look at Xander but saw no hint that he was bluffing. He reluctantly put his arms in the air. Xander quickly put that one to sleep as well. ‘Women, such difficult creatures.’
Xander walked to the radio. ‘Thank God for stupid bad guys, leaving everything open and on like this.’
“Boat, hey boat, you can stop now,” Xander said in the radio.
“Who are you?” A suspicious voice came through the radio.
“I’m the one who knocked all of them out,” Xander said proudly, sniffing at all the idiots lying around. ‘I-am-a-bad-guy my ass. The standard of I-want-the-world-cowering-at-my-feet-wannabe-baddies had gone downhill ever since . . . Well, that didn’t matter really, he was once again getting off topic.’ “You heard the shots through the radio, didn’t you?”
“I did, but that doesn’t mean that I believe you,” the voice said again. “You could be another bad guy for all I know.”
“Good thinking,” Xander said thoughtfully. “My name is Xander Harris and I’ll give you a way of verifying my identity. Call this number and tell the one on the phone that you got the number from one Xander Harris.” He rattled of the number.
For a few minutes nothing was heard besides the voice of the other guy talking on the phone.
“I just called the
Secretary,” the guy on the other end of the radio said, obviously shaken.
“I know,” Xander said. “You okay? You sound a bit . . . strange.”
“I just called the
Secretary!” The voice neared a screech.
“I know,” Xander said a bit confused as to why the other guy was making such a big deal out of it. “J.D. doesn’t mind, trust me. I call him all the time.”
“Never mind.” The guy sighed. “I trust you. And that was the whole point of making that phone call. Name’s Jared.”
“Yes, it was. Nice to meet you, Jared. Let’s pull up at that small patch of land in the middle,” Xander suggested.
“Ok, see you then,” the other man said, stopping the radio conversation.
“Nice seeing you face to face.” Xander laughed.
“Likewise,” Jared grinned.
“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but why were they chasing you?” Xander asked curiously.
“Because of what I found,” Jared confessed, knowing Xander wasn’t after the information for his own gain. That phone call had made sure of that.
“What do you mean?” Xander asked confused. “What did you find?”
“I’m a diver and treasure hunter,” Jared answered. “Recently I found the location of one of the most sought after ships in these parts. Bates wants what I have, always has and probably always will.”
“Bates?” Xander asked. “He’s the boss man, right?”
“Yeah,” Jared said. “He has become ever more annoying since me and my long-term girlfriend Sam broke up.”
“Why’s that?” Xander asked. “And why are so willing to tell me all of this?”
“Don’t know to both questions.” Jared laughed. “I just feel really comfortable around you for some reason.”
“Must admit that I feel the same way,” Xander confessed with a grin.
---Three years later
“Can you believe that it has already been three years?” Xander asked his boyfriend of two years. ‘An entire year wasted, so typical of us. Oh well, nothing to do about that. We’re together now and that’s what matters.’
“Three years since we met.” Jared grinned at his lover. “And two years since we became more than friends.” He leered at Xander.
“A one-track mind, that’s what you have.” Xander laughed.
“But do you really hate my one-track mind?” Jared asked, settling close to his lover.
“No, I don’t,” Xander confessed. “But you knew that already.”
“I did.” Jared grinned, pulling Xander in for a toe-curling kiss.End.
A/N: Yes, I left a few things open. Just in case I want to get back to it someday.
What can I say about this:
- I love Paul Walker aka Jared (smoking hot! *fans self*)
- I love Nicholas Brendon aka Xander (not that bad-looking either *leers*)
- I love ‘Into the Blue’ (literally sat on the edge of my seat)
- I love the Buffy series (need I say more? *grins*)
And this story is what you get if you put these four elements together: a not so everyday crossover. lol
I really hope you liked it, because I loved writing it. XD If you did like it, let me know with a review. If you didn’t, no need to start with the flaming. Because I could care less about what people who don’t like what I’m writing think of my stories. Don’t like, don’t read. Quite simple.