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The School Paper

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Summary: When a school newspaper is started, the Gryffindors have a bit of fun with the student writing corner section. Veggie Tales songs are mutated approximately every other chapter.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Non-BtVS/AtS StoriesYraelFR1341,603031,01524 Nov 0310 Dec 03No

The School Paper

A/N: Alright, the original songs are the property of Big Idea, I've just warped them to suit myself. And we all know who the Harry Potter 'verse belongs to. *bows to Rowling* So, yeah, not mine.


This chapter is the twisted version of "Pirates Who Don't Do Anything"


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Narrator: We come across a late evening in the Slytherin Common Room, only to find 3 very minor Slytherins. None of the major players are around, and we are able to attain a glimpse of how less troublesome Slytherins behave when supposedly unobserved. They are identified as Blaise Zabini, and the Quidditch players Bletchley and Warrington.


All: We're the Deatheaters Who Don't Do Anything! We just lurk in halls and lounge around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you…


Blaise: We don't do anything!


Bletchley: Well, I've never tripped a Muggle, and I've never hexed a Mud-blood, and I've never placed a Weasley in the way of certain harm, and I've never lied to Hagrid, and I've never kicked a puppy, and I never got a Dark Mark on the arm!


All: 'Cuz we're the Deatheaters Who Don't Do Anything! We just lurk in halls and lounge around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you…


Warrington: We don’t do anything. And I never bow to Malfoy, and I never hit on Pansy, and I never wrote graffiti just so I could raise alarm, and I've never mocked the Trio, and I've never hurt ol' Albus, and I never got a Dark Mark on the arm!


All: 'Cuz we're the Deatheaters Who Don't Do Anything! We just lurk in halls and lounge around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you we don't do anything.


Blaise: Well, I've never got a gender, and I'm not too good at Quidditch, and I've never sang a chorus of Old MacDonald's farm, and I've never kissed a kneazle, and I've never had a lawn gnome, and I never got a Dark Mark on the arm!


Bletchley: Huh? What are you talking about? What's your gender and Old MacDonald have to do with being a Death Eater?


Warrington: Hey, that's right! We're supposed to sing about Deatheater-y things!


Blaise: Oh…


Bletchley: And who ever kissed a kneazle? That's just nonsense! Why even bring it up? Am I right? What do you think?


Warrington: I think you look like Lord Voldemort.


Bletchley: Huh? No I don't!


Warrington: Do to.


Bletchley: Do not!


Warrington: You are making me frightened.


Bletchley: That's it, you're going under Cruciatus!


Warrington: Says who?


Bletchley: Says the leader, that's who!


Warrington: Oh, yeah? Well, let me bow down to you, Lord Voldemort!


Bletchley: Arg!


Warrington: Yikes!


Blaise: And I've never kicked a boggart, and I've never sniffed Ms. Bulstrode, and I've never wanted to live at Hogwarts as the primary schoolmarm, and I've never bathed in yoghurt, and I don't look good in leggings…


Bletchley: You just don't get it!


All: And we've never got a Dark Mark on the arm!




~~~This piece was submitted to the paper by Harry Potter.
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