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Job Interview

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Summary: Certain businesses have ethical standards to maintain...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > ProfitbatzulgerFR71520031,96319 May 1019 May 10Yes
The interviewee sat calmly in the waiting area, idly flicking a piece of corrugated cardboard that had gotten stuck to his shoe.

"You can go in now."

He rose and walked in like a man in complete control of his destiny.

"Please sit down Mister Profit," the man behind the desk gestured expansively at the sumptuously upholstered chairs.

"Thank you sir," James Profit was handsome and well-groomed. His suit was immaculate and perfectly tailored. His monogrammed briefcase was organized and his watch was a Rolex. He carefully seated himself, making sure his pant's cuffs were even and not hitching up.

"So, how did you find out we were hiring? We don't advertise our positions, don't headhunt or use recruiters in the standard sense."

"A college friend of mine, Patrick Bateman, he works in your New York branch as a financial adviser. He mentioned that you were looking for a go getter in your LA Acquisition's department. I had been needing a change so I told him I was interested. He gave me your HR department's contact information and I sent out a query. A week ago I get a request for my CV and a ticket for Los Angeles."

"Excellent my boy! Clear and concise. We like clear and concise here, but only internally you understand. In courtrooms and in chambers obscure and pedantic is the key!" he pulled out a thick folder and rummaged through it.

"Five years at Gracen & Gracen, promoted to VP Acquisitions after two years one in Auditing...very impressive. Seceded Jack Walters as President after three years. Terrible thing, divorce. Can ruin a man's career..."

"Yes sir," Profit felt slightly nervous.

"Hmm...says here that you were being investigated for malfeasance, but apparently the charges were all dropped due to lack of evidence and witness testimony."

"Yes sir, the head of security at G&G was very high strung and...how can I politely put it...having relations with Mr. Walters. She blamed me for his demotion. She was so distraught that she tried to ruin me as revenge. The poor woman is now in therapy for her delusions."

"I see...You're an orphan?"

"Yes, my father died when I was very young...."

"Ah ah ah Mister Stakowski. No lying to me," this admonishment was delivered with a wagging finger.

Profit froze momentarily and then recovered, "Sir? I don't under..."

"We're not your typical firm and we have access to all sorts of information sources you couldn't even dream of my boy. Suffice to say we know more about your father and your early life than you do. This isn't Tulsa you know."

"I...see."

"Not yet. However, you seem to understand quite quickly. You're manipulative, cruel, driven, vengeful, and uncaring of other's desires. I think you'll fit in here splendidly. Welcome to Wolfram and Hart!"

"Why...Th-Th-Thank you Mr. Manners!"

"Don't mention it. Just remember at this company, it's literally succeed or perish..."


Holland Manners and W&H Property of Mutant Enemy. Jim Profit and G&G Property of Fox. Both were created by Dave Greenwalt. Patrick Bateman Property of Bret Easton Ellis. I own none of this.

The End

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