Part 1 - Light Up Light Up
"Tea, Mr. Malfoy?"
"Yes, Miss Spinner, thank you."
He took the cup without even looking at it. Miss Spinner was very easy to ignore. She seemed to blend very well with the office furniture and wall decor for some reason. She had fixed his tea exactly as he took it. Draco stopped then and looked at her oddly.
"Something the matter, Mr. Malfoy?"
His vision blurred for a second. He got disjointed words and another voice asking nearly the same question. Something the matter, Malfoy?
Draco shook his head to clear it. "I'm quite all right."
She nodded and muttered something. I'll sing it one last time for you. Then we really have to go. You've been the only thing that's right in all I've done.
Draco blinked. That sounded familiar. Someone laughed and he turned his head sharply, though the only ones in his office were himself and Miss Spinner. He caught a whiff of some sort of perfume. It was spicy and reminded him of ground cloves.
"Miss Spinner, are you wearing perfume?"
"No, sir. You specifically told me not to."
She moved close and all he could smell was the soap she used. Draco frowned. He must be imagining things. After that, Draco decided to take the rest of the afternoon off and rest. He was obviously overworked.
There was a song and its melody stuck in his head. Draco hated that. Also annoying was that it sounded like badly tuned in wireless. he could not catch all of the notes or words. It was beginning to frustrate him. ... barely look at you... every single time... we'll make it... away from...
Draco looked at his son. His vision distorted for a moment and he saw someone else. A little girl with blonde hair like his, and there were other people standing behind her. He tried to see them too, but the room went back to how it was. Draco thought he was going mad.
"Draco darling, are you all right?" Astoria asked.
His wife. His son.This is wrong.
Draco frowned at the thought. It had come unbidden into his mind. Like a thief through an open window, it invaded.
"Draco?" Astoria looked annoyed.
"Sorry. I apologize. I'm just... tired. I shall go rest."
"Feel better, Father." "I don't want you to be sick, Daddy."
Draco shook his head to clear it. Something was very wrong with him.
"Thank you, Cas-er, um Scorp. I will."
He'd nearly called his son another name. Yes, something was very wrong with him. Astoria was eyeballing him suspiciously. Caspar? He'd been about to call Scorpius Caspar. Draco didn't even know anyone names Caspar.
He went to his rooms quickly and laid down on the bed. Draco will himself into restful state. He just wanted oblivion of sleep to take him. He did not know what was wrong, but Draco felt certain that rest would help. As if you have a choice, even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear...
He heard music, singing, right as he drifted off to sleep. Draco hear the words, but he did not comprehend them. He did not comprehend any of this.
"Something the matter, Malfoy?" someone snapped nastily.
Draco turned. He was not certain what had happened. He was not in his bedroom at home. He was in Flourish and Blotts... and he'd been here before. He'd been right here, this moment before, but this had all happened almost fifteen years ago.
Draco turned and looked at the Weasley girl. Well, she was not really a girl any longer. He recalled this day now. He'd been twenty. He'd accidentally bumped her shoulder in the bookstore. They had exchanged a few barbs, then she had lit into him with a fire the likes of which he'd not experienced before.
He was stunned into silence again. I can hardly speak I understand. Why you can't raise your voice to say...
"Apologies," he managed.
Draco could see Potter in the distance. They must be shopping together. Before in this memory he'd said something nasty to her instead of apologizing, but that was only because he had been thinking how pretty she looked with her whiskey-colored eyes flashing in annoyance at him.
Pale skin, a sprinkle of freckles, that mane of red hair and those angry whiskey eyes. He did not know why he was seeing it differently this time. He'd shook himself hard before, thinking he had gone crazy for even thinking of her in that way for even a moment.
She was Potter's sodding girlfriend. Or was she already his wife? Draco was trying to recall when they had gotten married. Seemed like it had been right after the twenty-first birthday party Astoria had helped his mother throw for him.
Draco glanced at her left hand. No ring. Not yet.
"What are you staring at?"
"Is he bothering you, Ginny?"
Potter. Of course. The feelings for him were not confusing to Draco in the least. Those had remained quite intact over the years. Harry Potter had saved his life, so Draco was civil, but he still didn't like the man and thought he was a bit of a wanker.
"Leave her alone, Malfoy."
Draco rolled his eyes. "I bumped her and apologized. That's all. Get your knickers out of their twist, Potter.
Draco shoved past Harry Potter to stalk out of the bookstore, but woke up abruptly.
Strange. Why had he dreamed that? Why had he recalled it differently this time? To think I might not see those eyes...
Draco was at a meeting and listening to his department boss drone on. Still, he was taking notes like a dutiful drone. Sure, he had his own office and stuff, but Draco was not under the delusion he had any authority over anyone in the Ministry except his assistant.
Miss C. Spinner. He'd been meaning to ask her what the C stood for.
He let his mind drift, but Draco's quill was still scribbling away.We don't have time for that. All I want is to find an easier way to get out of our little heads.
Draco felt himself nodding off, but seemed powerless to stop it. He'd been sleeping poorly lately. His dreams were full of old memories, but he saw them through new eyes.
Draco was back on his first day at the Ministry. He'd just been hired. Now why on earth was he dreaming about this? Nothing important had happened that day.
He was in the lift. Instead of getting off on the right floor like he had in the original memory, Draco stayed. He could not say why. The lift stopped and someone got on. Draco's eyes went wide. She had never worked for the Ministry. What was she doing here?
Their eyes locked, golden and silver, and she seemed confused. As if he was not supposed to be here. Well, he wasn't. Not originally.
Draco did not understand why he kept dreaming of her.
Her hair was pulled into a ponytail and she was wearing nice green robes. A green bag with the Holyhead Harpies team logo on it was slung over her shoulder. Yes, that's right. She'd been a Quidditch player until she'd had her first child with Potter then had gone into retirement. Loving Quidditch as he did, Draco had watched her play many times. She was a seeker. Like him.
Draco discreetly followed her after she exited the lift.
He was curious.I know we'll make it anywhere away from here.
He noticed they were on level two and thought her going to see Potter, but she went to the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office. Draco frowned.
Then he recalled that her father had worked in that office. That's right. Lucius Malfoy had groused about that several times.
Draco was so distracted with his thoughts that he did not notice she had stopped walking and barrelled right into her.
When she saw who had bumped her, her eyes blazed. Draco wanted to smile, but thought the better of it. He had no desire to be on the receiving end of another bat bogey hex.
"What are you doing here."
"Not entirely sure," Draco responded honestly.MALFOY!
Draco jerked awake. His boss was glaring at him.
"Apologies, Mr. Bandersnatch."
Bandersnatch was still glaring. After a moment of that, he went back to speaking.
Michael, the only coworker Draco could tolerate, leaned over and whispered, "Really smooth, Draco. So who are Val and Emmy?"
Draco frowned. He had no idea what Michael was referring to. Michael tapped his parchment, drawing Draco's eyes there.
Several things were scribbled on his parchment - a doodle of the Holyhead Harpies' team logo which was a talon, the words 'light up as if you have a choice', and the names, at least he assumed they were names, Val and Emmy. Draco had no idea what to do. Perhaps he was going mental.
Draco decided to go see someone about it.
"I have no idea, Michael. Just doodling."
Michael gave him an odd look.
He'd taken off from work early to go to St. Mungo's. Theodore Nott was a healer there. Draco had to wait to see his old housemate. That was fine. Well, really it was not, but Draco needed some answers or something. He fidgeted nervously until his name was called.
"Malfoy?" Theo said as he entered the exam room.
"What are you doing here? I thought your family had a private healer?"
"I don't trust him."
"Fair enough," Theo replied. "What's going on then?"
"I need you to check and see if I am crazy."
Theo's brow scrunched. he leaned close peering right into Draco's eyes with his sky blue ones. Theo closed one eye and peered closer with his open eye.
Draco's stomach sank.
Then Nott started laughing. "You never quit, do you? If you wanted to catch up, you need not have gone to such trouble. You could have owled, Draco. Bloody hell. You were always so dramatic."
Draco snarled. He actually snarled. "I'm bloody well serious! I think I am going mad! Hatter-like. Alice, tea parties, mome raths outgrabe and all that!"
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son," Theo replied seriously.
They stared at one another in silence for several moments. Draco felt like Theo was trying to gage if he were serious or not.
"All right, Malfoy, in all seriousness, what makes you think you're going nutters?"
"I'm dreaming of the past."
Theo glared, so Draco elaborated.
"I'm dreaming of things that have already happened, but I see them differently than when they happened. I feel different about the situation, and sometimes I do different things, and it changes how things happen."
"Wanting to change your past does not make you crazy, Draco."
"But the events that get changed make no sense. Why would I care about those things? It's not any of the truly tragic or world-altering things I did, not any of the stupids things. It all seems meaningless. I don't know why these little things seem to matter to my subconscious." And as we say our long goodbye I nearly do.
"And I have this song that I don't think I have ever heard before stuck in my sodding head. It was just there one day, waiting to annoy me."
Theo was looking at him in a way that made Draco think Nott was actually beginning to suspect Draco might actually be mad.
Draco watched Potter and his family on the platform as he waited for Scorpius to board the Hogwarts Express. They exchanged a look and a nod, then Draco's gray eyes moved to the redhead standing off to the side. His eyes wandered there almost involuntarily. His head was full of memories that he could not understand. He was in his mid thirties, had a child, was married, had an office job, but he was beginning to suspect that was not what he was supposed to be doing.
He could not understand why.
All he knew was he felt out of place in his own life - as if he were supposed to be doing something else with it, be married to another person. He could not very well say such a thing to his wife, though. Astoria had a temper and her sister Daphne was crazy. Daphs would probably kill him just for even thinking he should not be married to Astoria.
"It isn't supposed to be like this, silly," Astoria said. "You hesitated and your moment passed, but you are starting to recall who you really are. She knows it too."
Draco looked at Astoria in confusion. "What the devil are you on about?"
He realized she had not actually said that, that he'd imagined it. Draco shook his head to clear it. Did not make any sense. Was he hallucinating? Again? Then he blinked he swore he saw Miss Spinner weaving through the crowded platform.
"Draco?" Astoria questioned.
But Draco had already started chasing after her. She was weaving more quickly, but he was certain that it was her mousy brown hair he was chasing. Draco began shoving people aside gently in an effort to get to her. Suddenly his path was blocked by a body he could not move. They tumbled to the platform together, Draco landing on top of the other person. He tried to catch most of his weight, wincing as his palms struck the wooden platform quite hard.
He just so happened to have run down Ginny Potter.
Draco stared down at her in shock. She smelled like spices. Specifically cloves. Her red hair had landed like a fiery halo around her head.
"Apologies. Are you all right?"
"Light up as if you have a choice."
Draco blinked down at her. "I beg your pardon?"
Before she could say anything else, his arms were grabbed and Draco was hauled to his feet.
"Now see here, Malfoy-"
Ginny Potter held up a hand to her brother to still him. She was staring at Draco as if she had never seen him before.
"I'm all right, Ron. It was an accident."
Potter and Granger-Weasley were looking on curiously.
"Quite," Draco agreed. "Apologies again, Ginny."
Everyone seemed shocked by him calling her by her first name, including Draco. Where in the hell had that come from? But it felt so natural, like he had said it dozens of times and with dozens of different emotions behind it.
"Do not think on it... Draco."
Her calling him Draco seemed to be equally shocking to the audience assembled. Do not think on it? She told him not to think on it? Her? Not ruddy likely. Draco gave her a curt bow and turned to leave. He'd walked several steps before glancing back. She was still watching him.
"Ginny, are you sure you're all right?" Hermione asked.
"I... yes," she said in a hurried manner before smiling at her sister-in-law. "I'm fine. He just knocked me over. He was chasing someone it looked like. Really there was no harm done."
But really there was, and it terrified Ginny.
When she was lying under him, she had a flash of them in such a position somewhere else. Laughing and just being and... kissing? She had never kissed Draco Malfoy, nor would she. Still, she had called him Draco. It had come off her tongue like she said it always. That was almost as strange as her having memories of kissing someone she had never been able to stand.
But a part of her seemed to recall it being quite nice.
She was a married woman with three children. She should not be thinking about that with anyone else. Especially not Draco Malfoy, of all people. Harry would flip if he knew her thoughts.Have heart, my dear. We're bound to be afraid.
And there was that song again. She'd been hearing it for days - like a whisper in her head. Like Riddle had been, but this did not seduce or fill her with dread as he and his nightmares did. She was not certain what she felt about it.
Harry had looked at her oddly when she kept asking him if he'd left the wireless on.
Maybe she was going insane.
When she leaned down to hug her two sons goodbye before they headed to Hogwarts for the school year, Ginny was struck with a very odd thought. She was meant to be hugging two girls of the same age goodbye, not two boys a year apart. She was living the wrong life.
That made Ginny go cold. What on earth was wrong with her?