"Too bad you didn't know you were going to lose your memory before it happened," Randy said.
"Why, so I could make a journal or something of all the important bits?" Jack asked.
"Nah, because then you could have written a bunch of clues to screw with your own head," she replied. "You could have totally Jason Bourned yourself."
"Jason Bourned?" Jack asked amused.
"Jason Bourne, Amnesiac CIA Assassin, the absolute outer edge of what a human can do, thanks to physical conditioning and mental programing," Lydia explained.
"How do we know I'm not?" Jack joked. "I have a blank background and zero ties to my past, sounds like a setup to me."
"What you did to Huggy was action movie awesome," Randy agreed.
"Why do I always find you three lying on the floor?" the mage asked. "By the way I have my new ID. I am… Jimmy Walker, but call me Jim."
The three were lying in the center of the lobby on the floor with Jack sandwiched between the two girls, staring up at the ceiling.
"I sense a pattern," Lydia muttered, much to their amusement.
"It's comfy and the way the light reflects off the chandeliers looks cool," Jack told him.
Jim shrugged and laid on the floor. "This is comfy and yes that does look cool. Now all I need is my own pair of girls, one on one shoulder to tell me what I should do, and one on the other shoulder to tell me what's fun to do."
In another reality a pair of witches sneezed.
"Dibs on being the angel," Randy said, causing Jack and Lydia to turn around and stare at her. "What?" she asked innocently before grinning. "It'll be a lot easier to talk Jack into things if I'm wearing a halo."
"So I have to wear the slutty devil girl outfit?" Lydia asked.
"It makes it far easier for you to talk me into doing the right thing," Jack assured her with a grin.
"Hey!" Randy complained while they laughed at her.
"So what do you guys have planned for the day?" Jim asked.
Testing Jack to see if he's an amnesiac CIA Assassin," Lydia replied.
"Seriously?" Jim asked surprised.
"It'll be funny if nothing else," Jack agreed. "We'll need a load of firearms, a gun range, a blindfold, a stopwatch, and a bunch of spy stuff!" he joked.
Jim went through a mental inventory. "Someone make lunch and I'll get it all set up."
The three turned to stare at him, Lydia picking up her head to see over Jack.
"Take me about ten minutes, maybe twenty," he assured them.
"I'll make burgers," Jack agreed.
"I wonder what he's doing," Cordelia said.
"A blonde?" Faith guessed.
Cordelia glared at her.
Faith rolled her eyes, "fine then, a brunette."
Cordelia opened her mouth paused and nodded. "He does have good taste in women, at least sometimes."
Buffy fumed but didn't say anything, returning to the book she was reading.
"I found it!" Willow exclaimed.
"You found a reference to the demon we're looking for?" Giles asked.
"Erm no, a spell that would show us where Xander is," Willow admitted.
"Normally I would suggest we continue researching, however in this case a small break would probably be a good idea," Giles said, wanting to see how Xander was doing himself.
"I'll get it setup," Willow said pulling a small plastic bag out of her pocket that had a dozen strands of human hair. "I got it off his hairbrush," she told Buffy, who'd given her a curious look.
"Go!" Randy yelled, clicking the stopwatch.
Siting there blindfolded Jack's hands completely disassembled and reassembled a handgun before coming up and emptying its clip downrange.
"And time!" Randy called out clicking the stopwatch. "Twenty-seven seconds even… "
Jim waved and the paper target flew towards them.
"Four torso, one throat, and the last…" Lydia searched the target.
"Also torso," Jim said. "See that hole? He hit close enough it looked like one."
Jack took off his blindfold and examined the target in shock.
"Amnesiac CIA Assassin is looking positive," Lydia said.
"I had friends, acquaintances, and family," Jack pointed out.
"Maybe they didn't know," Randy said. "You didn't have close friends because you'd disappear on missions a lot and had too many secrets."
"I don't know," Jack said, idly disassembling and cleaning the gun, wondering if they were right.
"How do we find out what skills you have when even you don't know you have them?" Lydia asked.
"I think I read about a spell for that," Jim said thoughtfully. "I'll have to look it up, but from what I remember it brings out hidden skills and abilities, so not knowing what you know isn't a problem, you know?"
Randy winced, "horrible pun."
"Sounds promising and I need to know what I have to work with, so let's do it," Jack decided.Omake
"This is all you fault!" Draco yelled at Luna Lovegood across the great hall.
Luna looked up from the parchment she was working on. "Good Morning, Draco, I see the assassins have failed."
Draco whimpered and shrank down in his seat, eyes darting about.
"I can't take all the credit, Madame Ravenclaw provided the formula that allowed The Quibbler to show memories like a pensieve. Really, all I did was prevent people from sweeping the latest offense against Harry under the rug. In fact, I have a whole series of articles with pensieve memories as evidence, that will cover the rest of Harry's time here."
A lot of people shifted nervously in their seats at that.
"You really need to look at the larger picture, cousin," the blonde Ravenclaw continued cheerfully. "Harry's received another order of Merlin for his repair of Hogwarts, the use of polyjuice to resurrect fallen bloodlines is being called the Potter effect, and the Goblins have confirmed that Harry has disproved the old adage 'you can't take it with you' by in fact taking it all with him while stepping through the Veil of Death."
"I think he was referring to his personal situation, Miss Lovegood," Flitwick explained.
"He spent nearly the entire Malfoy fortune keeping out of Azkaban," Luna said. "All I did was note that the archaic loopholes he had to use to do so made sending assassins after him legal."
"On the front page of The Quibbler," he pointed out.
"It was a good headline," Luna said brightly. "Why, the sales of that issue was a hundred times that of the issue before, of course the fact that father implemented my suggestion to try expanding into the foreign market no doubt helped."
"And the full page ad from Gabrielle Delacour advertising the hiring of assassins?" Flitwick asked.
"That was a sign on bonus for our new foreign correspondent who runs a very popular column in France," Luna explained.
"Draco's Deathwatch," he said with a nod as Draco burst out in tears.
Typing by: Stephenopolos
TN: This week on Draco's Deathwatch, after a narrow escape from the forces of justice near the Forest of Dean, Draco was spotted briefly in Bristol before disappearing again. Also I thank whoever sent the Gyros… they were substandard but better than substandard burritos.