Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Firefly
AN: In response to Challenge 5539: Dibs! By amusewithaview
Faith walked into the bar on Greenleaf scowling. She’d been having a really bad day having her bodyguard applications turned down again and again cause she was female. She was five hundred fucking years in the future and men were still sexist pigs!
“Dibs!” someone called drunkenly as she signaled the bartender Lee for her usual whiskey on the rocks.
Faith whipped around and pinned the man with a hard stare. He was hot. Big, tall and muscular with broad shoulders and had close cropped dark hair and a beard. His companions included a tall lanky man with sandy blond hair and a scowl who was grumbling in the manner of those who have been beat out, and a pale dark haired man who it seemed was passed out.
“Did-did you just call dibs?” she asked dangerously.
“Maybe,” said the guy grinning indolently.
“If she vetoes your dibs, I call seconds!” declared the sandy haired man with a charming grin in her direction.
“Look asshole, I could break you in half with one hand!” she snapped striding over to their table and slamming her hands down.
A few empty bottles tipped over but the man remained unphased and was looking down her shirt with frank admiration.
“That’s alright, I like a bit of sturdiness in a woman,” said the man honestly.
Faith blinked unsure how to respond to that. Luckily she didn’t have to.
“You’re a pig Jayne,” mumbled the pale dark-haired man.
“Doc, you’re marryin’ the only piece of ass on our ship, rest of us have got to get our kicks somewhere else, ‘sides, cap’n called seconds,”
“AH! I can’t know that about Kaylee!”
The Captain covered his ears childishly and Faith couldn’t help the twitching that came to her lips her bad mood evaporating.
“Can’t scold the cap’n, don’t wanna be hit,”
“Looks like marriage has finally knocked some sense into you, Doctor,”
“Kaylee said if I had a black eye in our wedding photos she’d castrate me,”
“Good to know that some things in life never change…hey where’d she go?”
Faith came back into view of the drunken trio with her whiskey in one hand and a chair in the other.
“Oh darlin’ you don’t need that, you can sit in my lap,” Jayne grinned.
“Who said I’m here for you?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.
“You can’t have the Captain, so Jayne will have to suffice,” said an unfamiliar female voice.
The voice belonged to an attractive pale dark haired girl who moved like a dancer…or a predator.
“Don’t worry, I’m not about to steal your man, I’m just here for the show,” Faith said smirking and gesturing to the Captain and Jayne who were attempting to serenade her with some song whose words they couldn’t agree on.
“Moon-Brain, you can’t be here, this is a bachelor party and you ain’t no bachelor!” Jayne said loudly annoyed.
The Captain smacked Jayne upside his head.
“Don’t you be callin’ my albatross a Moon-Brain,”
The girl rolled her eyes and moved towards the Doctor.
“Simon?” she said poking him in the head sharply.
“Whassat?” When he saw who was looking at him he blinked, “River?”
“Get up, I’m taking you back to the ship,” she said slinging one limp arm over her thin shoulders.
“According to my calculations you have consumed enough alcohol at this point to have met the requirements for a bachelor party. Any further intake will cause vomiting and headache lasting more than the one hour allotted tomorrow morning and will throw off the wedding schedule,” River said patiently.
“You should come,” she said suddenly looking back at Faith, “To the wedding, you should come, we have an extra dress since Inara couldn’t come, you and she have similar structural dimensions,”
“River, why was this bar built on such a steep slope?” asked Simon glaring at the perfectly straight floor under his feet as he staggered about.
“The floor is at an 88.672 degree angle Simon, the alcohol is affecting your brain chemistry in such a way as to alter your natural perception of balance,”
“You’re drunk Simon,”
“He needs so much looking after,” she confided to Faith with a tolerant eye roll.
She then proceeded to haul the Doctor out of the bar with apparent ease.
Faith blinked, she didn’t get the sense that the girl was a Slayer but there was something about her…
“Was that his fiancée?” Faith asked curiously.
“Naw, Moon-Brain’s the Doc’s little sis,” Jayne answered taking another gulp from his beer bottle.
“Don’t call her that!” the Captain protested.
“S’true, might have to call her something else now that she’s not so buckets of crazy,” Jayne said scratching his head.
“Who’s Inara?” Faith asked.
“Nobody!” snapped the Captain finishing his drink in one long chug.
“Yeesh, that bad,”
“Yep, couldn’t even bring herself to come for the Doc n’ Kaylee’s weddin’,”
“Jayne, you best be shuttin’ that gab of yours,”
Faith was a bit surprised at the steel she heard in the voice of the genial Captain.
“Well if you’re comin’ for the weddin’ you should stay the night on the ship,” Jayne said.
“Let me guess, in your bunk?”
“S’what I had in mind,” Jayne grinned unapologetically.
Faith considered it, she had stopped having fun with guys after Robin, started looking for serious relationships, and this guy looked like he could be a lot of fun. She thought running her gaze over his body. Besides, some great sex was just what she needed to restore her faith in mankind.
“Sounds like fun, if you can still get it up,”
“Don’t worry bout that darlin’”
“Drat,” said the Captain once again grinning like an idiot.
“What are you complaining about, you’ve got a girl,” said Faith shaking her head.
This seemed to confuse the Captain.
“Ah, I get it,” Faith said grinning.
He didn’t know he’d been staked out like a piece of prime real estate yet. Poor bastard, she almost felt sorry for him.
“C’mon girl, what’re you standin’ round smirkin’ bout when there’s sexin’ to be had?” Jayne said oh so romantically.
Faith rolled her eyes and allowed the big man to tuck her under one arm and lead her out of the bar.
AN: Please review!