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Learning to survive

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Summary: Captured and tortured, Xander strives to stay strong for his sanity and the ones he protects but things only seem to get worse.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Anita Blake > Xander-CenteredxanderfanFR2117,3541123,6026 Jun 106 Jun 10Yes

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Title: Learning to survive
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, BTVS belongs to Josh Whedon, Anita Blake belongs to Laurel K. Hamilton
Fandom: Buffy and Anita Blake at the end
Pairings: none
Summary: Captured and tortured, Xander strives to stay strong for his sanity and the ones he protects but things only seem to get worse.

WARNINGS: Minor character death (graphic description of a spontaneous abortion), Implied rape (not graphic) Child abuse, Torture and abuse (experiments) Mpreg, Slash



Xander was huddled in a corner inside the crisp white room, hands wrapped tightly around his legs. He was shivering constantly nowadays, his body weak and frail, unable to cope with the various experiments that were performed on him. He didn’t know how long he’d been here; days or weeks or maybe months, they all blurred together. The lights flickered again and he tilted his head extending his heightened hearing a bit, trying to determine what was happening. He could hear the panicked yelling two floors above him, the sound of gun fire. He heard the explosion before he felt it, the room shaking, sending the girl sleeping a few feet from him into panicked tears.

Xander moved towards her, not as fast as he wanted to, not as fast as he could but nonetheless faster than a human was capable. He was heavily injured, blood dripping from various cuts from his body and he was momentarily grateful that he now had the ability to heal. He pulled the small blonde girl close, relishing the warmth that poured from her tiny body. He jerked when he heard the hurried footsteps coming towards his cell. Every muscle tensed as he smelled the man, well before he saw him, and Xander couldn’t hold the growl that erupted from his chest.

The small child whimpered, silent tears falling from her eyes. Xander rocked her slightly, whispering, “Shh, calm down, baby. It’s alright.” But he knew he lied and tears pricked his eyes at their helplessness.

The girl continued to whimper, but more quietly, familiar with the situation. Xander pushed her behind him as the electric barrier flickered and died. A blond man approached them, his expression tense and afraid; he pushed his hair away from his face to reveal piercing, blue eyes.

He motioned to Xander, “Get over here quickly, we need to leave.”

Xander remained where he was, not budging. The man lifted a gun and pointed it at his extended stomach, “Don’t fight me on this, Xander. I don’t have time to play games.”

Xander wrapped a hand around his waist trying to hide his unborn child but he knew that it was hopeless; that he would do anything that the man asked. With his other hand, he grasped both the child’s hands; his larger hand easily encompassing her smaller fists. They walked towards the man slowly, Xander keeping his eyes firmly on the weapon.
“Come on, quickly,” the man hissed, “we don’t have any time to waste.”

The man reached behind him and grabbed the girl; pulling her away from Xander. He placed his gun to her head making Xander freeze in fright.

“You’re going to do exactly what I say,” he threatened, “or I will put a bullet in her head before you can even breathe. Got it?”

Xander nodded, blinking fresh tears away. He raised his hands calmly, “look Mike, you know I’ll do whatever you want. You don’t have to hurt, Beth. Let her go,” he pleaded.

Mike lowered the gun, but his hands moved to clutch Beth’s shoulders tightly; pressing the gun cruelly into her flesh. Xander moved towards them but stopped when the hands tightened even further. Beth whimpered, fat tears falling down her scared, blue eyes.

“Let her go Mike. Please, you’re hurting her.”

Mike looked down at his hands and sneered, pressing down even more on the tiny shoulders. He ignored Beth’s sobbing and pressed harder. After a minute he pulled his hands away and pushed her shirt away showing her bruised shoulder. The redness began to disappear and he looked at Xander, “She’ll heal.”

He grabbed the little girl roughly and began dragging her away. Xander followed, watching worried as Beth’s little feet hurried to keep up with her father’s. Xander glared at Mike’s back wishing that he wasn’t pregnant, so that he could rip into him, pay him for all that he’s done to him.

*Flashback*

A year ago….

Xander was walking from the Bronze later than usual, but – as expected – Buffy and Willow were having personal time that didn’t seem to involve him since they got into college. It’d only been a couple of months in and Xander knew that it was just the beginning. They started excluding him from the Scooby meetings, pushing him out of patrol and sending him to grab the snacks… making him feel as if he were expendable, not needed.

Xander palmed his stake; walking around the town at this time of night was not safe and as he crossed the street heading to his block, Xander came face to face with how unsafe it was. Some feet away from him he watched as some soldiers cornered a vampire, then fanned out and attacked that vampire. Xander started to go and help them, knowing that guns would only make the vampire angry, but when he was a few feet away he saw that their guns were different – and a lot more effective than he had thought.

The weapon sent out two sharp filaments that crackled bright blue in the darkness, the vampire’s body shook as the electricity spread throughout its body. Another soldier sent out another shock and the vampire rose off of the floor, chest smoking and then heaved back down, remaining motionless.

Xander watched as they put grabbed the still body and stuffed it inside a body bag. He moved back, his eyes flickering around the street for a hiding place. The whole scene just screamed danger and he really didn’t want to bring attention to himself.

He took another step away from the group and his foot landed on an empty plastic bottle. The creaking sound was sharp and loud and it drew the attention of the soldiers. They turned as one towards a wide eyed Xander and their expressions closed off. Xander turned to run; his feet taking him only two steps away before his body convulsed and the darkness rushed over his vision as his body met the floor.

Xander woke up and groaned, pins and needles running up his arms. He started to lift a hand to soothe the pain when he noticed that he was tied down. Metal clasps were drawn tightly over his hands and feet. He raised his head and looked around the room frowning at the many different machines. The door opened and a bunch of doctors entered; pads in hand.

A small woman, with a name tag reading “Walsh”, clearly the leader, began snapping out instructions. “I want all of his medical history. Everything from birth until now, I want an initial physical done. I want his weight, height, blood, DNA makeup. Everything that you can possibly think of.”

Xander tried to get their attention, “Hello, um guys?” He frowned when they all ignored him; he continued to call out but no one turned towards him. He was a little fed up with them talking about his medical history as if he wasn’t there, “Hey,” he yelled, “I’m awake here. Let me go.”

The woman stopped and turned towards him, “I understand that you are new here, so I’ll forgive the rudeness. We are perfectly aware that you are awake so keep quiet.” With that said, she turned towards her colleagues and continued talking. It was a bunch of medical lingo that Xander didn’t even try to decipher.

Xander glared and yelled out again, “Let me go right now.”

The woman turned towards Xander and looked at him coldly and thoughtfully, “I’ve changed my mind,” she said to the doctors surrounding him. “We’ll forgo the experiment using the vampiric hostiles and go with the more demonic ones. I’m sure Alexander Harris here has some anomaly in his DNA that classifies him within that group.”

Xander bit out, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The woman leaned close, “What are you?”

Xander frowned, “What is wrong with you lady, you’re clearly crazy.”

“Am I really?” she asked. She flipped a page on the pad on her hand, “You spend your time with a witch who has high levels of magic, ranking an eight on our scales. You have a formerly chaos sorcerer serving as Watcher to the blonde, who happens to be a Slayer.”

Xander’s eyes widened, “How do you know all that?”

She chuckled, “We’ve monitored the situation in Sunnydale before moving here. We noticed your group and have been observing your interactions from afar. Most of the information is from the Watcher’s journal. We have managed to uncover a lot of information on your group and we were formulating a plan on how to successfully approach you and learn more about your role here, but of course there’s been a slight change in plan.”

She pointed at the doctors, “Their new project is a very interesting one and it demanded the use of a full human. They wanted to observe the change from human to vampire more closely, but I have something a lot more interesting planned for you. The history composed by the Watcher hints that you are not completely human, I think we will determine what you are and proceed from there.”

Xander shook his head, “I’m completely human, there’s nothing supernatural about me at all.”

Walsh frowned, “Let’s hope that’s not true. With what I have in mind for you, it is imperative that you are not."

Xander’s spirit lifted a little, “But, I’m not. I’m just human, that means you’ll let me go right?”

She pursed her lips, a frown still on her face, “I guess we’ll have to integrate the necessary component within you.”

She smiled, frown lifting off her face, “I am afraid that this will be terribly unpleasant for you, but if this is successful, it will serve as a great breakthrough for science.”

With that she turned and walked towards the door, heels clicking sharply on the floor and the other doctors trailing behind her like a flock of sheep, leaving behind her a frightened Xander.

The following days involved lots of test. They took more than half of his blood, and they just kept coming back for more. It was exhausting and Xander hadn’t slept throughout it all. At first it was because he was too frightened to sleep but now even as exhaustion spread through his body, he was woken every few hours when another came to extract another liter of blood, another skin or saliva sample.

Then one time, they all came in together. One of the doctors grabbed the IV and inserted a clear bag of fluid into the line. Within moments Xander felt the effects. His body was suddenly hot, and he began to perspire, large droplets of sweat accumulating on his forehead. He panted and shifted on the uncomfortable bed, his cock hardening instantly as it brushed against the fabric of the scrubs. A gloved hand grabbed his rock hard cock and began to pull on it.

The motion was economical and impersonal but Xander’s body responded and he twisted against the bonds trying to push into the hand. After a few more tugs, Xander panted as he came, eyes rolling behind his head as his body shook at the strength of the orgasm. The hand was removed from his cock but not without a lingering squeeze that made Xander hiss. The drugs were still flowing in his system and his cock jerked weakly trying valiantly to recover but his tired body was spent.

Xander opened his eyes and like a bucket of cold water in his veins, reality set in. He watched as the man held his hands above a small specimen container and scraped his cum into the plastic jar. The man removed his glove and placed it in as well before gently closing the container. He turned to one of the other doctors and gave it to him.

The man turned to Xander and bent his head close, “I really enjoyed that.”

The man holding Xander’s ejaculation rolled his eyes, “Come on Mike, we have a lot more test to do.”

Xander watched stunned as the group filed out of the door. He laid his head back down and whispered, “I guess they have a sperm sample now.”



Xander’s days were filled with the monotonous ins and outs of the doctors and their various very invasive experiments. He was getting used to their patterns, playing the placid little captive as they performed their tests on his seemingly pliant body. He didn’t complain, and ceased to make a fuss. The struggles were gone and he no longer spurred every angry word that he thought of at the doctors. He was in essence broken. Or that is what they thought.

Xander laid on the cold metal bed, eyes closed, making sure that his eyelids were tightly closed. He was a picture of slumber and the doctor was none the wiser to the extent of his farce. Xander had a plan and today would be the day that he would break out.

Taking a chance, Xander peered through his lashes observing the doctor. He seemed new, his movement hesitant and spotty; he also appeared very young, a perfect mark. He moved towards Xander’s bed and began removing his bindings probably intending to turn him around. Xander made sure not to tense knowing that should the man suspect that he was awake, he would get his colleagues to stand guard. He was familiar with the pattern; one doctor would move him while the others would stand watch, one remaining close to a large red button on the wall. Xander had assumed that it was the alarm and that guards would most likely come running at the sound.

The man undid his arms and Xander made sure to allow them to fall with gravity, letting them flop off the side of the bed. Next were his feet and when the last buckle was removed, he kicked out. His foot struck the man’s face, sending him crashing hard against the computer. The man slumped unconscious against the fizzling machine and Xander wasted no time, already heading towards the door. He paused for a moment, hand inches from the knob before turning around and disrobed the doctor. A disguise would ensure that no one would recognize him; he pushed the white coat over his shoulders, wincing as bruised muscles stretched at the movement.

He headed out of the room; alert for any signs of danger, keeping his eyes peeled for any cameras but was grateful when he saw none along the walls. There was no one in the hallway and the whiteness seemed to stretch on forever, making Xander panic a bit. After ten minutes of walking aimlessly, he reached a door and carefully pushed it open, peering inside. It was a stairway, and it only led down. He descended the metallic stairs and ended in another hallway but this one was filled with large rooms, or better yet prisons with various types of demons caged in. Some hissed dangerously at Xander as he passed them and others stooped along the furthest corner from the hallway limbs folded upon each other.

Xander shivered at the sight but forged on. He reached another door and the relief was overwhelming; anything would be better than this terrible sight. This door had an electronic pad on the knob and Xander delved into the soldier in his mind and typed in a generic military code and was surprised when the door hissed open.

The sight before him shook him to the core. There were a multitude of scientist and doctors roaming around the large room, they failed to notice that Xander was standing mouth agape at the door. On one the beds there was a small demon strapped on a stretcher, similar to the one they used to hold him.

Xander couldn’t really recall the name but he remembered the lecture that Giles gave the gang when they had encountered one during patrol, explaining to them that this type was harmless and beneficial for recycling or something along that line.

The doctors were digging inside it, pulling out various organs from its body, ignoring its pained cries. It was a sight that held Xander frozen and he couldn’t for the life of him fathom why they were torturing this demon. A distressed sound came out of Xander’s mouth as the creature mewled when they removed one of its hearts. The small noise drew attention and one doctor’s eyes widened as they spotted him. Xander was already running down the hall before the alarm sounded.

It was a loud deafening sound that blared throughout the compound. Xander ran, naked feet slapping painfully against the hard floor.

Maggie Walsh’s distinctive cold voice rang on the intercom, “Experiment X53 has escaped, I repeat experiment X53 has escaped. Last seen heading south on level 5, corridor 4b. Apprehend with minimal force, I repeat minimal force,” she paused a bit and continued with a hard voice, “Do not damage my experiment,” a slamming sound marking the end of her speech.

The sound of running feet coming towards him caused Xander to turn around and headed towards the opposite direction. He ran fast, ignoring the stinging pain in his calves and legs. He panted fighting for oxygen but his pace never faltered. He took a sharp turn down the hallway and screeched to a halt in front of an ocean of green fatigues.

The soldiers that were following him arrived shortly after that and Xander sighed in defeat as he realized that he was effectively cornered. The sea of green parted and loud clicking sound of high heels preceded the sight of Maggie Walsh. She paused in front of Xander, not even acknowledging his glare. She took a cursory glance of his body, examining him for injuries and her eyes flickered over Xander’s shoulder and she nodded. His neck stung as the syringe dug into his neck but the pain was brief and all he knew was darkness.



The months that followed his attempted escape were more painful than imaginable; he could hardly breathe without pain. Xander rolled his eyes at the room; it was nice that his captives thought to make him comfortable with five star accommodations.

The room was white; big surprise – it’s as if they were anti-color. Everything was white; the weird force field type barrier was probably their funniest joke, and running closely behind that was the nice, friendly thought of housing him across a hungry vampire that stared at him for hours and hours – an eerie steady gaze.

The sounds of wheels on the floor marked the arrival of the doctors with their armed guards. The weapons weren’t armed with bullets as Xander had learned the hard way. He had tried to provoke them to fire hoping that the one shot would end him but the volt of electricity shouldn’t have been as much of a surprise. His muscles still spasm at random if not annoying times.

The men walked towards the door and carefully swiped a plastic card in and the electric barrier shivered as it fell down. They manhandled him on the bed and tied him down wheeling him out of his new abode. He stared up, counting the lights, a way that he used to orient himself and he frowned when they made a turn at the 30th light – there wasn’t supposed to be a turn until the 43rd light.

A frisson of fear settled at the base of his spine at the new development. He wasn’t afraid of dying anymore but there was a world of things that they could do to him. He spent the nights that they didn’t come get him for testing imagining the myriads of sinister experiments that they were planning for him, it was terrifying.

He lifted his head as they paused before a large double door, and the same scientist passed his card and they entered. The room was different and he twisted his head to stare at the dozens of different stretchers filled with different types of demons. Most of them had their insides open and a multitude of colored blood oozed down the floor creating a rainbow of colors and the fluids filtered down a drainer in the middle of the room.

They placed him in a central position with all of the tied bodies surrounding him. Maggie Walsh’s familiar heels clicked on the floor and her face smiled over Xander’s body and she held a small scalpel that gleamed in the light.

She pointed at one doctor, “Remove his clothing,” and turned towards a scientist sitting at a computer and asked, “Did the simulation with his DNA prove successful?”

He removed his glasses and sighed, “There is an 86% chance that the serum will prove successful. We’ve combined his DNA with many of the more rare species and our experiments show some success with the more empathic ones. I made sure as per your orders that none of the species used showed any aggressive tendencies but most of them have extreme defensive skills.”

Dr. Walsh smiled and there seemed to be a chorus of shivers around the room, “That’s perfect, Dr. Peters. We would not want him to imprint on the some of the aggressive demons and use those skills against us. Defensive skills are practically useless now that he is almost broken, soon he will be nothing more than a big puppy.”

Dr. Peters grimaced, hesitating a bit but added, “The demons that we’ve used are more submissive but we’re not sure that the experiments will succeed. Manipulating his DNA on a computer is a much simpler than actually performing it on a live subject. I still stand by my suggestion that more testing should be done before injecting him, we don’t know how he will react.”

Dr Walsh just waved absently, readying her tools, “There’s no need for worry. It will work.” She paused and frowned, “Were you successful with the demons with healing capabilities?”

He nodded, “Yes, they were the most successful, almost 95% match. I’m positive, should he survive, that he will develop those abilities.”

Xander listened carefully to the conversation. The technical terms went over his head but he understood the gist of things and he began to struggle, making it difficult for the doctor to remove his clothes.

The commotion drew the attention of Dr. Walsh and she hissed, “If he won’t stop struggling, just cut the clothes off.”
Xander twisted and pulled on the fastened knots, “Please don’t do this to me.” He shook his head, helpless as tears began to fall from his eyes, “Please, Please stop.”

Dr Walsh ignored him and waved at a man that stood on the corner with a horrifying look on his face. As the hand motioned him close, the man pressed his body against the wall in an attempt to move away from her, or perhaps removing himself from the situation altogether.

Xander whimpered, when Dr. Walsh’s face hardened. He knew that look; it was a look that always promised pain, terrible pain, if immediate obedience wasn’t brought forth. Apparently the doctor knew that as well since he peeled himself from the wall and approached her slowly.

She pressed another scalpel in his palm and pointed towards Xander’s chest, “We’ll inject the serum and as soon as it enters his blood stream we’ll began making the necessary changes to his body. The healing portion within the serum should help him heal anything short of dying. It is a necessary foundation that will enable our experiment to come to fruition.”

His hand trembled as it wrapped around the scalpel, “He’s a man, there’s no way this will work.”

“Get on with it,” Walsh snapped, “you were chosen because you are the best surgeon. There’s no time to waste.”

Xander stared at the saddened doctor, “please don’t do this, don’t, please don’t.” His pleas ended with a scream as the yellow fluid was injected into his IV.

He stared at the IV bag and watched as the yellow substance seemed to grow tendrils and move around the bag, heading directly towards the IV tubing and burned under his skin. The serum diffused quickly into Xander’s body and a moment later the IV bag was once again clear, still full of the supplements but no trace of the serum remained, every single drop entering Xander’s bloodstream.

Xander’s eyes sank into the back of his head and his body arched as his blood vessels seemed to burn, liquid fire traveling in his veins. In the background he could hear Dr. Walsh giving out instructions but it was faint, sounding like whispers. The knife dug into his chest and the pain was great but it felt like mere discomfort when compared with the torturous burn that ran rampant under his skin.

Xander suffered and sweated for hours, screaming himself hoarse. There were moments were sweet darkness would envelop him but he would wake up to Walsh’s stern commands, “Keep injecting epinephrine until he wakes up.”

A male voice argued, “This will kill him. We’re supposed to use the medication to restart his heart, not keep him awake.”

Maggie Walsh’s stern voice cut through, “Focus on your end, Doctor Yong. You are not here to give orders.”

“It was not an order but merely a suggestion. You’re going to wear out his heart.”

She shook her head decisively, “We will not. Now have you inserted the reproductive organs?”

He nodded, “Yes, but it’s becoming tricky to reconfigure a tubule for sperm insertion. It would be easier if we could just do a sex change, or at least add secondary sex organs.”

“No, anyone can add engineer female organs on a male; we should be able to construct a unique way for him to easily reproduce during intercourse. I’m sure you can easily attach something towards his anus.”

Xander couldn’t even muster the necessary response for such a shocking comment, so he just continued to whimper as the pain traveled inside his body and his chest felt sticky as blood dripped out from his various cuts. He drifted off again, hoping that they wouldn’t be able to wake him up this time.



Xander vomited inside the bucket they provided for him and wished for death. It was agony to even breathe. His body was adjusting with the change in its genetic make-up and random sensations of extreme burning would occur along his arms and legs, sometimes behind his eyes. His stomach was large and it’s only been a month, he could feel the baby shifting but he was still vomiting. He looked at the bucket and smiled at the sight of blood, maybe he would die.
He had no real love for this child that was growing inside of him; it was demonic and would probably have horns when it was born. The blood in his vomit proved that something was wrong and he hoped that it would mark the end of his existence.

Sometimes he would curl in a ball in one corner and think of Willow, a vision of her fiery hair and green eyes shaping before his eyes. If he were having a particularly difficult time, he would imagine conversations with her and her eyes would be happy and bright, giving him a bit of hope and courage, some bits of strength towards surviving. But before long he would wake up and the sight of his prison would send him spiraling again into depression, wishing that he was strong enough to gnaw his wrist off.

His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden spasm, a sharp pain on his lower belly. His stomach contracted and he bent and threw up, the expelled liquid stark red against the floor. Despite the agony running through his body, he couldn’t help the giggle that erupted from his mouth. Doctors streamed into his cell at a fast pace and he laughed hysterically,

“It’s going to die,” he laughed again, “I hope to God that I follow.”

Needles pierced his flesh and he stumbled onto the stretcher giggling softly. The laughter turned to tears, “It’s going to die,” he wailed loudly, and he erupted into large wet sobs.

He watched the lights through blurry eyes and Maggie Walsh’s face came into view, her face furious. “The child is dying, what have you done?”

Xander stared at her blankly and screeched, “me, what do you mean, what have I done? You’re the one that implanted a demon child into my body and you’re asking me what I did.” His face was set murderously, “Get away from me you crazy fuck.”

She glared coldly and waved for one of her minions, “Prepare him for surgery,” She slapped the needle away from his hand sending it crashing onto the floor, “There’s no need for anesthesia or any pain killers. We know he’ll heal, I want him to feel everything.”

She turned towards Xander and hissed, “I had great plans for that child, it would have ensured ADAM’s loyalty to my cause should he ever wake up with higher brain functions. You’ve ruined some very important projects with your defective body. You will suffer for that.”

She grabbed a scalpel and dug into his extended stomach and a doctor said alarmed, “Doctor Walsh, it is safer to utilize the opening. We’ve determined that it is functional.”

She glared murderously at him and hissed, “He will heal.”

She cut Xander open ignoring his screams and pushed her hands into his abdomen and withdrew an infant covered with green scales. She nodded towards him, “Seal him up,” and walked out with the baby held close to her body.

Xander’s intent gaze followed Walsh as she walked out with his child and he cried silent tears.




Xander woke up tied and alone in a dark room. The change in his surrounding was the first thing that caused him to panic, the room was darker and the usually bright whiteness that he had become familiar with was missing. For a moment he dared to hope that he was free, that someone had broken in and stole him from Maggie Walsh’s evil fingers but why would he be tied?

There was a shift of clothing in the corner and he strained his ears, trying to catch where the sound came from but they couldn’t pinpoint a location. He sighed, “Whatever the plan today is, can we just get on with it.”

A chuckle was his response and the sound of that voice caused all of his muscles to clench tightly. It was the doctor that constantly leered at him through every experiment that he had to go through. Mike was the one that made his experience in this hell even more awful. The constant heavy stares and the innocuous touches left him feeling as if his skin was in severe need of washing.

The light in the room rose a bit and Xander could clearly see the doctor’s face and he asked, “What the hell is going on? What do you want?”

Mike shrugged, “You seemed to have pissed Dr. Walsh enough that she offered your body up to anyone willing. I couldn’t pass up the chance.”

Xander frowned and whispered questioningly, “My body?” He thought about it for a moment and his face cleared and the quizzical expression was replaced by terror. Xander felt frozen, his mind shying away from the thought that such a thing could happen to him.

Mike approached his bed and began caressing him, every place he touched felt dirty and Xander wanted desperately to wash. Warm lips pressed against his and his mind seemed to shatter, breaking into small pieces, making the whole event blurry.

He couldn’t remember the details of what happened but the emotions were present, the knowledge was there. He wanted to shed his skin, to peel it off and throw it away in the hopes that the shame and anger that he felt would follow. The event also served as a catalyst for some of the skills that the doctors had hoped he would develop. His senses were a lot sharper, his hearing increased and his sense of smell was more pronounced, even his eyesight also increased exponentially.

Xander also felt stronger but the daily beatings that his body experienced made it difficult to even try to attempt another escape. He was indifferent to the changes even though the doctors seemed to find it very interesting and in between sticking him with needles and removing pieces of his skin, they made him crush cans using his index finger or use a nail to dig into the metal skin of a machine.

A few days after the ‘event’ as he likes to refer to it in his mind, he began the usual vomiting, his body starting to show the familiar bump of pregnancy. He spent a good twelve hours hating it, spurning that Mike’s seed would find adequate survival grounds inside of him. After those moments of obligatory self hatred and rage, he began to love his child. The doctors ceased experimenting with him during that month and monitored him constantly trying to have a viable offspring of their valued experiment.

Dr. Walsh didn’t seem to care what outcome came about, after the death of her miracle child she cease showing any interest into Xander, something that he was immensely grateful for. Mike, though, took Walsh’s lack of interest as permission to start thinking of Xander as his personal slave. He would visit him and just talk at him for hours and Xander would just stare blankly at the face of his rapist and wish that he could reach out and rip out his throat.

The sexual interest that Mike had for him seemed to evolve into full blown obsession, he would talk to Xander as if they were a couple, sharing his thoughts and whispering words of love, as if he had never raped him. Xander refused to even acknowledge him; he would close down his face when Mike would approach, the distinct smell of Aqua Velva alerting Xander of his arrival even before he was seen. His gait was pompous and he spoke as if he were God’s gift to earth and couldn’t possibly understand Xander’s aversion to him.

One night, Xander couldn’t take it anymore. Mike thought to serenade him with future plans of sexual adventures and Xander’s patience broke and he unleashed the only possible weapon that he had in his arsenal, words. He ripped into Mike and watched with happiness as the love broke within those blue eyes and the man’s face paled. But as anger blossomed into rage, Xander realized that he had pushed too far, that this obsession had now transformed into hatred. Mike no longer saw him as something to be cherished in his special obsessive way but now Xander was merely a possession in his eyes, nothing more than a tool that he owned.

Xander caressed his slightly extended belly, merely a bump on his usually flat stomach and smiled sadly. He wished that his child would grow up far from here that he could raise him or her in an environment where he could protect it, but the future of his baby would be of experiments and pain, just like his father. He had lost his hope that Buffy would find him months ago and deep down he never wanted her to be in this place, fearful that she too would be captured, used and abused.

Mike’s scent drifted over Xander’s nose and he grimaced, he really didn’t want to deal with that arrogant prick at this time but the choice wasn’t his. Mike was walking towards Xander and he was dragging behind him, a little blonde girl, his big hands clenched tightly in her hair.

He swiped his card and as the electric barrier disappeared he threw her in before quickly raising the barrier once more. He pointed at the girl unconscious on the floor and spat, “You can take care of that for now.”

Mike smirked, “You should consider it practice for the next one. Its mother just became expendable since we have a new werewolf now. I’ll probably get rid of the kid too but I’m sure she’ll be useful one way or another,” he sneered and glared at the girl, “that is if the dumb thing ever learns to change.”

Xander watched as Mike turned and strode away and he pulled the small, malnourished child close to him. She was covered with bruises and though they were healing; he knew exactly how painful those missing patches of skin were. He gently hugged her, squeezing his eyes shut not managing to contain his tears.
*End Flashback*



Xander waddled after Mike, eyes glaring lasers at his neck. He wanted nothing but to reach forward and snatch out his heart. His eyes drifted towards the pained look on Beth’s face and he tried to contain his rage. He could hear the sound of guns firing in the distance and he knew that one of those bullets could find him or worse Beth that is if Mike wasn’t serving as a proper cover.

Every time they passed a soldier they didn’t even give Xander a second look, they merely nodded at Mike and moved on heading towards the fighting but Xander knew that it would be very different if he were alone.

Another explosion shook the compound and Mike hurried, Beth’s little feet scurried trying to keep up with him. The night air suddenly enveloped them and it was such a shock to Xander that he stood there immobile. There were a multitude of smells and sounds and he looked up in awe, stars. The darkness was beautiful and the natural illumination of the moon almost immaculate, a radiant beacon glittering in the night. It was a refreshing sight from the cold whitewash of the labs.

Xander was snatched out his reverie by Mike hissing at him to hurry and Xander picked up the pace to the best of his ability and staggered after him. He was pushed inside a red sport car and they peeled out of the parking lot as if the hounds of hell were on their heels.

Xander stared out the window, watching as they whizzed pass buildings and shops. He looked at Mike and sighed in relief when he noticed that the man was relatively relaxed, “Where are we going?” He asked.

Mike glanced at him suspiciously before squeezing Xander’s thigh, “We’re heading towards St. Louis,” he answered grinning.

Xander’s skin wanted to peel off but he forged on, “That’s very specific. Is there anything particular there?”

Mike nodded, “its vampire central there, and it’ll make it easier for us to blend in.”

Xander frowned, “I don’t understand.”

“I don’t know if I should tell you this,” he paused and shrugged, “but who cares. The initiative’s probably disbanded by now,” he grinned, “there are no more rules.”

Xander tried to push the corners of his mouth into a responding grin but it was weak, so he urged Mike to continue, “So what is it about St. Louis that’s so special?”

“You probably didn’t realize but outside of Sunnydale, vampires are legal citizen,” Mike grinned at Xander’s gaping face and continued, “Anyway, the initiative picked Sunnydale because it was one of the towns that were excluded when they passed that law. The vampires there are different and then your little friend Buffy is supposed to keep them in line or something like that.”

Mike shrugged and continued pointing thoughtfully at Beth, “The kid’s mother is the one that told us the reason behind that. I think her name was Sara, Cara or some stupid name.”

He grinned at Xander and added, “the funny thing is that her parents handed her to us, they did research found us and gave her to us like a present only without the bow. She was so meek, always stuttered but pretty as a fox. She was also a very powerful witch and that made her useful.”

“Dr. Walsh was having an off day with her main experiment and she decided that Tara, oh yeah that was her name. So Walsh decided that Tara should become a werewolf so she got her bitten and after that offered her up for grabs so I jumped on her quickly because she sure was pretty.”

Xander was grinding his teeth and Mike stopped his story and gently caressed his neck, “Don’t worry sweetheart, I stopped seeing her as soon as we got together. You know I would never cheat on you, right? I had the kid with her years before you even came to the place.”

Xander forced himself to nod, biting hard on his tongue so he wouldn’t say anything. Mike continued, “She told us that the Hellmouth is what changed the vampires. If they were sired on it, they would become more mindless and more prone to acting out their violent urges; mind you I’m just quoting. She mentioned something about the people on the Hellmouth were kept in the dark about the outside and rejected outside influences, which is what I guess happened to the initiative. So anywhere outside of Sunnydale, vampires live real lives and have normal rights. Walsh loved Sunnydale because it gave her free reign to do whatever little crackpot experiment that she wanted.”

Xander nodded along and Mike added in some misguided attempt to somehow prevent Xander’s jealousy, “Don’t worry about it baby, she’s dead. There’s no one that could ever keep us apart.”

Xander just nodded along, biting his tongue so hard that the copper taste of blood filled his mouth. Mike ignorant to Xander’s increasing rage began petting him, adding to his ire.

Two hours later Mike stopped at a gas station for snacks and gas, not knowing that Xander’s patience had snapped half an hour into the trip.

Mike insisted that Xander and Beth accompany him to the public unisex bathroom. They entered the dirty little room and Xander finally let loose some of the rage that he had been containing and attacked Mike. He wanted to rip him limb from limbs, to remove his entrails and feed it to him while he breathe. Xander froze at the onslaught of bloody thoughts and just shrugged carelessly, he had gotten creative while hanging around the tortuous bastards of the initiative.

He remembered Beth and instructed her to close her eyes. He made sure that the girl had followed his instructions before he began as quietly as possible denting Mike’s annoying body with his enhanced fists. When he was done and all of his anger had been burned out he stopped, breath coming in harsh pants. The sound of hands clapping filtered through his murderous haze and he turned around as a woman laughed loudly, head thrown back.

She grinned toothily at him, the glint of her teeth appearing menacing, “That was phenomenal. I would love to have you in my movies,” she glanced at his body and titled her head, ear shifting, “You’re pregnant,” she whispered then chuckled, “This is too perfect.”

She pointed at Beth, “The kid yours?”

Xander nodded and she pulled Beth along with her, walking out of the small room, “Let’s go, I have many plans for you and your pups.”

Xander stood his ground but she grabbed him by the neck lifting him off the ground, flicking Beth, who was pounding small fist at her thigh, against the wall. She squeezed Xander’s neck, “My name is Raina,” she hissed, “and I really don’t like to be disobeyed.”

Xander gulped scared that a fight would kill his unborn child. He picked up the unconscious Beth and followed the leather clad woman towards her car. He feared that he had just run out of the frying pan only to land smack down into a roaring fire.















The End

The End

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