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Five Nights Drunk.

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Summary: This is the story of ‘Seven Drunken Nights’, but I only had to write about five of them… An unlikely tale of Buffy, Dawn, magic, alcohol and sex…‘As I went home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be…’

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Miscellaneous > Music(Recent Donor)DaveTurnerFR1558,0681162,7317 Jun 1011 Jun 10No

Chapter Two.


And as I went home on Tuesday night, as drunk as drunk could be.
I saw a coat behind the door, where my old coat should be.
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be?

Feeling a little ashamed of herself after her behaviour of the previous night, Buffy once again went on patrol straight after her shift ended at the DMP. How could she have mistaken a motorbike for Xander’s old peddle bike? Whatever, she sighed, the bike had been gone by the next morning; now all she had to do was prove to Dawn that she wasn’t a lush.

While on patrol, Buffy spotted a female vamp and gave chase. The vamp had run into a bar and then into the women’s rest room. Here Buffy eventually cornered her and staked her. Leaving the restroom, she happened to notice Xander sitting in the corner of the bar staring morosely at a bottle of beer. Thinking that he looked like he needed cheering up and perhaps she should thank him for lending Dawn his old bike, Buffy wondered over and sat down at the table with him.

He offered her a beer and before Buffy knew what had happened and where the time had gone, one beer had led to another and it was closing time. Waving a cheery goodnight to Xander, Buffy weaved her way through the streets of Sunnydale until she found herself once again standing and swaying gently back and forth outside 1630 Revello Drive.

“Ooops!” she giggled when she realised what she’d done…again.

Darn it, Buffy cursed, she’d come home drunk again what would little Dawnie think? Taking a deep breath and making a mental note to buy some breath mints, she marched up to the front door. Getting the key into the lock on the second attempt Buffy walked into the hall. Closing the door behind her, she heard a strangled cry and a sound like the ‘thump’ of a body hitting the floor, come from the living room.

“Dawnie?” Buffy walked cautiously into the living room; if any creature of the night was messing with her sister they’d better watch out.

“BUFFY!” Dawn jumped up from the couch and turned to face her sister, she seemed to notice something, looked down at herself and rapidly turned her back on Buffy.

“What’s wrong?” Buffy started to walk across the room towards Dawn who appeared to be hurriedly fastening up her jeans.

“Nothing!” Dawn turned to face Buffy as she brushed some hair away from her eyes, she smiled nervously, “Everything’s fine...honestly.”

“Yeah, okay,” Buffy replied slowly; she noticed how her sister’s hair was all mussed up, how her blouse wasn’t tucked into her jeans properly and how she had maybe one or two more buttons undone than perhaps she should. “What’ve you been doing?”

Turning, Buffy started to take off her jacket to hang it up in the hall. Walking up to the coat stand by the front door she noticed the black leather duster that was hanging there.

“Did Spike come around?” Buffy asked innocently.

“Sp-Spike!?” Dawn squeaked, “N-no, no Spike,” Dawn smiled guiltily, “I mean, what would Spike wanna, like come ‘round here for?”

“Don’t know,” Buffy looked at her sister and frowned; the girl was acting really strangely and kept moving about as if she didn’t want Buffy to see into the room properly. “His coat’s here.”

Buffy held the coat up for Dawn to see.

“Oh-oh, yeah, that!” Dawn turned away from Buffy as a look of concentration passed across her face as if she was thinking really, really hard. “Um, yeah,” if Buffy hadn’t drunk all those beers with Xander she would have heard the cogs going ‘round in Dawn’s brain. “Um, it’s like so not Spike’s coat!”

“It’s not?” Buffy looked at the coat closely, “it sure looks like Spike’s coat.” She sniffed at the coat and made a face, “It even smells like Spike’s.”

“Um, yeah it does,” Dawn smiled uncertainly and took a couple of steps towards Buffy further blocking her view of the living room, “its…it…” Dawn hesitated for a moment before bursting out with, “it belongs to a Spike impersonator!”

“It does?” Buffy looked incredulasly at the coat.

“Yeah,” Dawn nodded her head emphatically and took the opportunity to quickly glance over her shoulder, she relaxed a little. “Yeah, Willow and Tara found him and zapped him with their mojo, just left his coat so they brought it here, okay?”

“Oh,” Buffy scratched her head and hung the coat up again, she shrugged, “whatever.”

Yawning Buffy looked at the clock, it was well past everyone’s bed time.

“Come on,” she said stifling another yawn, “time we were both in bed.”

“Y-yeah,” Dawn smiled, “I just gotta do something in the kitchen, I’ll be up in a minute.”

“Okay,” Buffy started to climb the stairs, the beer she’d had was making her feel really sleepy; also she needed to pee.

Halfway up the stairs, Buffy thought she heard someone open the back door.

“Everything alright down there Dawn?” she called.

“Yeah,” Dawn called back, “I’m just putting the cat out.”

“Okay,” as Buffy continued up the stairs a thought suddenly hit her.

Spike impersonators? Whatever next? Buffy tutted and shook her head in disgust and when had they bought a cat? For a horrified moment Buffy froze on the stairway; Maybe she’d fallen through a portal into one of those pesky alternate realities where they owned a cat! Sighing tiredly, Buffy continued up the stairs, she was too tired now; she’d deal with cats, Spike impersonators and alternate realities tomorrow after a good nights sleep.

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see.
That's a woollen blanket that me mother sent to me.
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more,
But buttons in a blanket sure I never have seen before.

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