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Five Nights Drunk.

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Summary: This is the story of ‘Seven Drunken Nights’, but I only had to write about five of them… An unlikely tale of Buffy, Dawn, magic, alcohol and sex…‘As I went home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be…’

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Miscellaneous > Music(Recent Donor)DaveTurnerFR1558,0681162,7237 Jun 1011 Jun 10No

Chapter Five.

Friday.

And as I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be.
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be.


“Bye!” Dawn waved goodbye to Buffy as she walked on down the drive heading for Xander’s apartment.

The day had seemed to crawl by as Dawn waited for Buffy to leave. After the fright of almost being discovered the night before, Dawn had been surprised when Buffy hadn’t mentioned the boots under her bed during breakfast. It was quite likely that Buffy had been so drunk the night before that she’d forgotten all about the incident. However, it hadn’t really helped and Dawn felt like she’d been walking on eggshells all day.

Having a couple of days off work, Buffy, in an unusual display of trust agreed to leave Dawn home alone while she went to some rock concert with Xander, Willow and Tara. She’d told Dawn that she’d be home the following morning and if there were any problems to call her on her cell; if it was really urgent, like there were monsters climbing in through the windows she should call Spike. Buffy had looked at her sister strangely when Dawn had burst out laughing at this suggestion.

Waiting at the door, Dawn watched as Buffy disappeared down the street, slowly she closed the door and walked into the living room where she sat down and fidgeted. She was determined not to be caught out again; it would just be like Buffy to have ‘forgotten’ something and have to come back. This week had been weird in more ways than one and Buffy’s sudden and enthusiastic interest in alcohol was possibly the weirdest.

After five minutes or so, Dawn decided she’d waited long enough, standing up she made her way into the kitchen. Opening the back door she looked out into the dusk shrouded back yard.

“Spike?” she called quietly; there was no reply, “Spike?” she called a little louder, “Spi…!”

Suddenly he was at her side, putting his arms around her body he pulled her close. His lips sort out hers and they kissed passionately there on the back porch.

“Oh Spike!” gasped Dawn as their lips parted.

“You sure that bloody sister of yours has really pissed off?” Spikes eyes darted from side to side as they sort out any sign of the elder Summers sister.

“Yeah she’s like way gone,” Dawn smiled dreamily up into Spike’s face, “she won’t be back until morning.” She grinned impishly, “We’ve got all night.”

“Good,” Spike lowered his head and kissed Dawn roughly on the lips, she moaned with desire as his hands roamed over her body. “Come on lets get inside.”

Pushing Dawn back into the house, Spike allowed himself a small smile of triumph. His pride had been majorly dented when he and Buffy had broken up after their short but torrid affair. As he’d been brooding in his crypt the thought had struck him; if he couldn’t have one of the Summers’ sisters he could have the other. After all, Dawn already liked him and she wasn’t so bad looking in a young, innocent sort of way. After all wasn’t he supposed to be evil and bad? What was more evil and bad than screwing the slayer’s little sister? It would also help raise his stock in the ‘evil community’; his reputation had been taking something of a battering over the last few years.

It had been surprisingly easy for him to find the appropriate love spell and charm. Nothing too over the top like that time he’d found himself engaged to the slayer. Just something to make the girl compliant and open to suggestion; when he’d first tried the spell it was so subtle that he thought it wasn’t working. However after a couple of days Dawn was willing, eager even, to perform even the most depraved acts for her lover. Doing it under the nose of the slayer was also a big turn on, although having to go home ‘stark, bullock naked’ the night before had wounded his pride a little. But tonight would make up for it, what he had planned for Buffy’s little sister even made him shudder.

“Come on, luv,” Spike pulled Dawn by the wrist towards the stairs leading up to the bedrooms, “let’s get started. No time to waste, y’know?”

0=0=0=0

Hanging on to the lamp post for support, Buffy sighed miserably. The night had been a complete disaster; first Xander’s car had broken down miles from anywhere. Willow had wanted to magic it right again which had started an argument between her and Tara about how much magic Willow was using lately. The argument had grown into a full blown row and ended with Tara stalking off into the night and Willow disappearing in a puff of brightly coloured smoke.

This left Xander and Buffy with the immobile car somewhere on a back road miles from Sunnydale. They’d started to walk until they came to a motel where they’d been able to call for a taxi. Wanting to salvage something from the night, Buffy had agreed to Xander’s suggestion of coming back to his place. ‘Just for one beer’, he’d said. But one beer had turned into two, then three, then four. Somewhere around number seven, Buffy had lost count. It was also somewhere around the seventh beer that Buffy had jumped on Xander and pleaded with him to have sex with her.

“Don’t say you don’t think about doing it with me!” she’d cried as she’d dragged her struggling friend towards his bedroom.

Resisting manfully for all of thirty seconds, Xander finally submitted to Buffy’s amorous advances. Afterwards they lay in bed together feeling guilty…then they did it again in an attempt to assuage their guilt. It didn’t help so ten minutes after that they tried once more. Eventually, still feeling guilty and more than a little drunk, Buffy climbed from Xander’s bed put on her clothes, had one last beer and started out for home.

Letting go of the lamppost, Buffy stumbled along the street towards home. Her mind was full of thoughts about how she was going to face Xander in the morning, she hardly noticed staking the vampire that jumped out at her just in front of her house. By the time she’d got indoors, Buffy had started to sober up. Pulling out her door key from her pocket she slid it into the lock at the first attempt.

Opening and closing the door quietly, Buffy made her way across the hall and up the stairs. She didn’t want to have to face Dawn, not tonight, not with all the guilt sitting on her like a very large pink elephant. She didn’t need to switch the lights on as she made her way towards her bedroom door. Something registered as her hand reached out to open her door; there was light coming from under her door, she must have left her bedside light on or something.

Buffy, turned the door handle and walked into her room; there on the floor knelt a naked Dawn; standing over her was an equally naked Spike.

“DAWN!?” Buffy screeched, going for her stake.

“MUF-HEE!” Dawn mumbled, seeing her sister standing in the doorway like a short, vengeful, blonde goddess.

“Oh fucking hell!” Spike groaned as he now realised that ‘doing’ Dawn in Buffy’s bedroom wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Flying through the air with unerringly accuracy, Buffy’s stake hit its target squarely in the chest to piece the heart; an instant later Spike turned to ashes in Dawn’s mouth.

0=0=0=0

Looking at her sister across the breakfast table, Buffy frowned; Dawn noticed the look on her sister’s face and paused in her early morning mastication.

“Like, what’s up?” she asked, cereal loaded spoon half way to her mouth.

“I’ve had some really weird dreams this week,” Buffy shook her head as if trying to rid it of the images that were playing in her mind.

“I hope they weren’t some of your totally weird slayer dreams,” Dawn munched her way through another mouthful of sugar frosted cardboard.

“So do I,” Buffy couldn’t help but shudder, what if they’d been prophetic? “It had you in them.”

“Me?” Dawn watched her sister eager to hear more.

“Yeah, and in a starring role,” again Buffy gave an involuntary shiver.

“Tell-me,” Dawn demanded, “did I like, totally save the world?”

“Um, no,” Buffy shook her head and started to wish she’d never brought the subject up, “not so much.”

“Oh, go on Buffy tell me,” Dawn insisted, she stared at her sister her eyes wide with dismay. “OH! It was something totally gross wasn’t it?”

“NO!” Buffy insisted a little too emphatically, “Not really…not…” Buffy tried to change the subject, “Isn’t it time you were on your way to school?”

“School doesn’t start for another couple of weeks yet,” angrily Dawn stood up and took her bowl to the sink and tipped the remains of her breakfast down the drain. “Oh, Buffy please tell me,” she pleaded, “W-what if it was prophetic and I totally do whatever it is I do because you didn’t tell me?”

“Look,” Buffy stood up and walked over to her sister, “I’m sure it wasn’t prophetic and I’m sure you’d never do anything like that…I have complete faith in you…” Buffy remembered the previous Halloween when she’d found Dawn dating a vampire boy. “Mostly,” she added after a moments thought. “Just…you’ve not seen Spike around have you?”

“Spike?” Dawn gave Buffy a puzzled look, “It was something about me and Spike?”

Slowly the penny dropped through the molasses of Dawn’s mind.

“OH GOD! NO!” Dawn’s hand flew to her mouth as she turned deathly pale, “You dreamt me and Spike did…oh Buffy how could you!?”

Dawn ran from the kitchen and headed towards her bedroom.

“DAWN!” Buffy called after her sister as she followed her out into the hall, “It was only a dream.”

There was an indistinct mumble from upstairs followed by the sound of a slamming door. Buffy shrugged her shoulders before heading towards the front door and going out to collect the newspaper. As she bent to pick up the newspaper she noticed something parked in the drive where her mother used to park the SUV.

“DAWN!” Buffy shut the door behind her as she glanced at the front page of the paper, “Whose bike is that on the drive?”

As if by magic, Dawn appeared at the top of the stairs.

“It’s Xander’s,” Dawn replied in a rush, “he lent it to me, he so doesn’t use it anymore.”

“That’s cool,” Buffy was only half listening to Dawn’s explanation as she continued on through the house reading the front page of the paper, “just be sure you thank him properly.”

0=0=0=0

Watching as her sister disappeared into the kitchen, Dawn made her way back up to her room. Closing her door quietly she locked it before going over to her jewellery box and taking out the pendant she’d taken from the Magic Box months before. She’d only recently found out what it was used for.

Holding it up in her hand she watched the light reflect from the facets of the gem held within the setting; she giggled with a mixture of fear and anticipation.

“Don’t worry,” Dawn smiled to herself, “I’ll be sure to thank Xander…properly…”

THE END.

Copy and paste this link to your favourite search engine to hear The Dubliners sing ‘Seven Drunken Nights’.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dB7P97xo-Go&feature=fvw

Here are some lyrics…

The Seven Drunken Nights.

This version of ‘Seven Drunken Nights’ is actually made up from about three different versions.

As I went home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a horse outside the door, where my old horse should be.
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that horse outside the door, where my old horse should be?

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk y’silly old fool, still you can not see,
That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me.
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more,
But a saddle on a sow sure I never have seen before.

And as I went home on Tuesday night, as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be.
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be?

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk y’silly old fool, still you can not see,
That's a woollen blanket that me mother sent to me.
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more,
But buttons in a blanket sure I never have seen before.

And as I went home on Wednesday night, as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a hat up on the peg where my old pipe should be.
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that hat up on the peg where my old hat should be?

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk y’silly old fool, still you can not see,
That's the lovely chamber pot me mother sent to me.
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more,
But a sweatband on a chamber pot I never have seen before.

And as I went home on Thursday night, as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw two boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be.
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns them boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be?

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk y’silly old fool, still you can not see,
Those are the two Geranium pots me mother sent to me.
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more,
But laces in Geranium pots I never have seen before.

And as I went home on Friday night, as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be.
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be?

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk y’silly old fool, still you can not see,
That's a baby boy that me mother sent to me.
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more,
But a baby boy with his whiskers on I never have seen before

And as I went home on Saturday night, as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw two hands upon her breasts where my old hands should be.
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns them hands upon y’breasts where my old hands should be?

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk y’silly old fool, still you can not see,
That's a lovely night gown that me mother sent to me.
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more,
But fingers in a night gown sure I never have seen before

As I came home on Sunday night, as drunk as drunk can be,
I saw a thing inside her thing where my old thing should be.
Well, I calls me wife and I says to her; Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns the thing inside your thing where my old thing should be.

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk y’silly old fool, still you can not see,
That the lovely rolling pin my mother sent to me.
Well it’s many a day I've travelled 100 miles or more,
But a rolling pin with a head like that I never have seen before

The End?

You have reached the end of "Five Nights Drunk." – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 11 Jun 10.

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