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Five Nights Drunk.

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Summary: This is the story of ‘Seven Drunken Nights’, but I only had to write about five of them… An unlikely tale of Buffy, Dawn, magic, alcohol and sex…‘As I went home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be…’

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Miscellaneous > Music(Recent Donor)DaveTurnerFR1558,0681162,7317 Jun 1011 Jun 10No

Chapter One

Five Nights Drunk.
By Dave Turner.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Buffyverse or this traditional song which I first heard sung by ‘The Dubliners’ many, many years ago. I write these stories for fun not profit.

Crossover: BtVS with the traditional song, ‘Seven Drunken Nights’.

Spelling, Grammar and Punctuation; Written in glorious English-English. American idioms are used throughout this fic.

Timeline: BtVS; post Season Six, per Season Seven (sort of).

Words: Five chapters each of about 1000+ words.

Warnings: Some readers may find this story a little ‘icky’ in places.

Summary: This is the story of ‘Seven Drunken Nights’, but I only had to write about five of them… An unlikely tale of Buffy, Dawn, magic, alcohol and sex…‘As I went home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be…’


As I went home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be.
I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be.
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be?

It’d been a bad night in Sunnydale. Buffy had gone on patrol straight from work at the Double Meat Palace and had been caught up in a fight at ‘Willie’s Demon Bar’. Not unsurprisingly the fight resulted in the more or less complete destruction of the bar’s interior and the serious wounding of Willie himself.

Once Buffy had chased off the last few surviving demons and Willie had been taken to the Emergency Room, she found herself alone in the ruined bar. Picking up a mostly undamaged stool she sat down next to the bar and started to remember how crap her life had become since her mother had died and her own resurrection from the grave.

Her mind full of dark thoughts she absently picked up an unbroken bottle and looked at the label, ‘Virgin’s Water’ it said. Buffy frowned, it didn’t look like Virgin’s Water; whatever virgin’s water looked like. It looked sort of thin and pale yellow. Intrigued Buffy pulled the stopper and sniffed. Surprisingly it didn’t smell too bad; standing up she reached over the bar and found an unbroken glass. Pouring herself a stiff jolt of the vaguely yellow liquid, Buffy sat back down and sipped cautiously at her drink…not bad, she thought.


A couple of hours later.

Weaving an erratic course along Revello Drive, Buffy staggered a little as she came to an uncertain halt outside her house. Turning on to her driveway she almost fell over the motorbike that was parked there. Recovering she took a step or two backwards, squinted and tilted her head a little to the left (she’d found she could see better that way). Buffy was almost sure the bike didn’t belong in her drive, she didn’t have any recollection of ever buying or riding a motorbike…they were dangerous, or so her mother had warned her. A big tear rolled down Buffy’s check and a loud sob escaped her lips at the thought of her mom.

The thoughts of her mother made Buffy sigh sadly, as she wiped at her tear stained face with the back of her hand. She missed her mom…but maybe her mother had left some booze lying around the house somewhere! Smiling at the idea of more drink, Buffy soon found herself frowning once more when her eyes fell on the motorbike. Staggering on past the bike, she climbed the three steps in front of the house (on the third attempt) and searched her pockets for her keys. After checking all her pockets, (twice) she finally found them in the first pocket she’d checked. Next she took a couple of minutes to find the little hole that the key fitted into before eventually opening the door and falling into the hall.

Swaying gently back and forth Buffy checked out the hall, after deciding that it was indeed her home she kicked the door closed behind her. Looking left and right she found both the dinning room and living room lights switched off, the only light appeared to be coming from upstairs.

“DAWN!?” Buffy called a little too loudly; she giggled and ‘ssh-ed’ herself, before calling again, more softly this time, “Dawn?”

Holding on to the banisters, Buffy peered up the stairs; was that voices she could hear? Just as she’d decided that there was something odd going on, Dawn appeared at the top of the stairs; she looked down at her sister as if agitated and nervous about something.

“Sorry, Dawnie,” Buffy hiccupped and giggled, “were you getting into bed?”

“NO!” Dawn stopped re-buttoning her blouse, “Umm, I mean yes…”

“Good!” Buffy replied emphatically, “It’s a school night, right?” Buffy thought about what she’d just said and giggled like a six-year-old, “School night, right,” Buffy fixed her sister with an vague smile, “that rhymes, right?”

“Um, yeah, right,” Dawn frowned and took a couple of steps towards her sister, “um, Buffy, are you like, okay?”

“Yeah,” Buffy smiled dreamily up at her sister and started to swing from side to side as she hung onto the bottom of the banisters, “just stopped off an’ had a little drinkies or two on the way home.”

“Oh,” Dawn sighed with relief, “that’s okay, like I’ll go back to bed.”

Dawn turned to go as Buffy concentrated really hard, there was something she’d wanted to ask Dawn.

“Hey Dawnie?” Buffy called as Dawn disappeared from view, in an instant the younger girl was back again.

“Yeah!?” Dawn cast an urgent glance towards her bedroom door.

“Why’s there a motorbike in the drive?” Buffy had remembered what she’d wanted to ask.

“Motorbike?” Dawn glanced at Buffy then back at her bedroom door, “W-what do you mean, motorbike?”

“I mean, like a big honking motorbike,” Buffy started to climb the stairs only to be confronted by Dawn as she hurried down them.

“Lets go see,” Dawn deftly caught hold of her sister’s arm, turned her around and pushed her towards the front door.

Opening the door the two young women stepped out onto the porch.

“There,” Buffy pointed triumphantly, “motorbike!”

Sniffing at her sister’s breath, Dawn inhaled and smiled.

“Just how much did you drink?” she asked her sister sternly.

“Not a lot,” Buffy pouted, before adding guiltily, “well not really, not in the great scheme of things…”

“I think you’d better go straight to bed!” Dawn wagged her finger at her big sister.

“Hey, look,” Buffy was confused, “aren’t I supposed to be the one that tells you off?”

“Look, Buffy,” Dawn gestured sadly towards the motorbike, “that’s so not a motorbike, its, like Xander’s old peddle bike,” Dawn sniffed dejectedly, “he lent it to me for the day.”

Sobbing loudly, Dawn turned and ran back into the house.

“Dawnie!” Buffy started to follow her sister, “I’m sorry!”

Glancing over her shoulder Buffy grimaced, it sure looked like a motorbike. But why would Dawn say it wasn’t? Buffy got back into the house as Dawn disappeared up the stairs again.

“I’m sorry Dawnie,” Buffy cried once more, although she wasn’t too sure what she was sorry for; she heard Dawn’s bedroom door slamming after her.

“Darn!” Buffy sat down on the stairs and wondered at what a terrible sister she was…but it really had looked like a motorbike.

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see.
That's a lovely cow that me mother sent to me.
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But a saddle on milk cow, sure I never have seen before.

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