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Summary: A collection of plot starters that I am too busy to work on. They’re coming at me from all directions and I’m hoping someone will take them off my hands, if you want to do it please review and tell me which one you’d like.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Multiple Pairings > Ficlet Collections - OtherBarefootXOFR181734,46819037,4627 Jun 104 Jul 12No

The Gate-Crashers... (BtVS/Stargate SG-1)

Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Stargate SG-1. They belong to Joss Whedon and MGM respectively. I also don’t own Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Wizard of Oz, Star Trek, Star Wars, Die Hard or Looney Tunes. They belong to Roald Dahl, Lyman F. Baum, Gene Roddenberry, George Lucas, John McTiernan and Warner Brothers respectively.

**

The SGC livens up an awful lot when the Stargate mysteriously activates and disgorges a Watcher, two Slayers and the Key to the Universe, all sitting in a U.S. Army Jeep and armed to the teeth. George Hammond really did not need this sort of crap just thirty-six days before his retirement kicked in…

**

Kenya; Serengeti Plain; Dimension 241144518
December 31st 2003


Xander growled low in his throat as he twisted the wheel of his jeep, trying desperately to stay ahead of the horde of Oompa Loompa demons that pursued him and his small slayer team.

It had seemed like such a good idea when Giles had suggested that Xander negotiate a treaty with the Oompa Loompas. They certainly sounded harmless enough. How the heck was Xander to know that the smell of the chocolate bar in his pocket would send the normally peaceful demons into a killing frenzy?

The offending chocolate bar had been left behind, but still the horde pursued, relentless in their need to kill the ‘chocolate thieves’. Rona and Vi were hanging onto the back of the jeep as they knocked back their pursuers.

Vi was using an axe to sweep the short little monsters off of the jeep, even as they jumped aboard. Rona had a hold of Xander’s prize shotgun, confiscated by Xander from a local poacher, and was using it to solve the team’s problems in a more permanent fashion. Rona had apparently decided that any further negotiations were a waste of time. Xander found that he couldn’t really blame her. He was gonna beat Giles over the head with Vi’s axe for not mentioning the chocolate thing… Assuming they survived long enough to see Giles again, that is.

At Xander’s side was the final member of their merry band of fugitives from Oompa Loompa justice, Dawn Summers. The girl had lost interest in Italy rather quickly and had wanted to go somewhere she could get her hands dirty. She was likely regretting that decision right about now.

**

Colorado; Under NORAD; Dimension 311820518
July 1st 1997


George Hammond was looking forward to his retirement. This posting he was currently working, Stargate Command, was the ultimate in boring jobs. He and his people were to guard some sort of ancient archaeological find that nobody even knew existed. Hammond himself wasn’t even briefed on why the darn thing was important.

All Hammond knew for sure is that he had been haemorrhaging personnel for months now. Nobody wanted to work at this posting with him and he honestly couldn’t blame them. As close to retirement as he was, Hammond didn’t want to rock the boat by requesting a transfer. It was far better to put up with the bother for another few weeks then to risk his pension. He did understand, though, that the younger personnel working the security details were action-oriented and wanted to get the hell out of here as fast they could.

Hammond sighed. Gonzalez wanted a transfer. Hammond carefully signed the form and then checked his calendar. Just thirty-six days until retirement…

**

Kenya; Serengeti Plain; Dimension 241144518
December 31st 2003


They were running out of Serengeti fast and the Oompa Loompas were still going strong. Xander made a silent note to tell Giles how amazing the speed and endurance of the average Oompa Loompa must be to manage to keep pace with his jeep, gunning the engine as he was… After he’d beaten the hell out of Giles for the chocolate thing. That was still his priority for when he next saw Giles.

Xander gritted his teeth, trying desperately to think of a way to escape this damn situation with his life and the lives of his three companions intact. Dying at the hands of the munchkin horde was too embarrassing a way to die, and with Xander’s dating history, that was saying something.

Finally, as the Oompa Loompas rocked against the jeep again and Rona and Vi battered them away, an idea came to him. “Rona, I don’t suppose you brought any grenades, did you?”

Rona fired a blast of the shotgun and then paused to reload rapidly. “You told me not to, remember boss? This is a peacekeeping mission, Ro’, not a combat mission. That’s what you said boss…”

Xander growled low in his throat, his eyes flashing with unholy green light. “I know exactly what I said slayer. Are you telling me that you actually obeyed my orders for once?”

Rona smirked innocently as she blasted another Oompa off the back of their jeep. “I brought them boss. You want me to use them now?”

Xander shook his head and then began to respond verbally once he realised that there was no way for Rona to understand the movement when she had her back to him. “No, Ro’, and this time you’re gonna listen to me. Unless you packed enough grenades to level the whole country, they’ll only be good for a brief distraction. Keep them ready, but don’t actually use them until I give you the word.”

Xander then leaned over to Dawn in the front seat, even as he tried to direct the jeep into a safe direction. Safe directions were getting very scarce. “Dawnie, are you able to use your key-ness the way that Willow was speculating you could last week?”

Dawn’s jaw dropped as she regarded Xander and realised he was serious. “Xander, using that ability will strip me of my powers permanently. Wherever we landed, we’d be stuck. And need I remind you that we’d probably wind out in another dimension when you consider the nature of my powers?”

Xander shrugged expressively. “I’ve got no particular hankering to die at the hands of the munchkin horde, Dawnie. I don’t see a whole lot of options right now. You got something better, you speak it right now.”

Dawn frowned at the grim reality Xander presented. She knew full well that he was right. Using her key abilities was a chance for survival. Staying where they were was suicide. “You realise it’ll take time to get our destination clear in my head.”

Xander shook his head. “Don’t worry about where we’re going, Dawn. Just focus on it being anywhere but here. I don’t give a damn if wind out in the land of Oz at the moment.”

The Key to the Universe grinned impishly and concentrated on opening the portal that would take them anywhere but here. “There’s no place like home… there’s no place like home…”

**

Colorado; Under NORAD; Dimension 311820518
July 1st 1997


Sergeant Marina Ryan of the USAF looked up from the poker game that she and her colleagues were playing. The ring they were guarding was moving. As it began to spin in earnest the large sheet flew off and Ryan and her colleagues started to grab weapons.

Ryan watched as the chevrons began locking, even as Freddie Nichols slammed his fist into the alarm. One chevron locked… Two chevrons locked… Three chevrons locked… Four chevrons locked… Five chevrons locked… Six chevrons locked… Seven chevrons locked… Eight chevrons locked… Nine chevrons locked… It was not until weeks later that the SGC would realise that this was totally unprecedented in the history of the gate.

Suddenly electrical pulses began firing randomly off of the gate and all of the guards began to scatter, running from the room until it was empty. The pulses continued for a few moments, shattering the glass to the observation area, slagging the open weapons locker and even the door controls. It was a good thing that the guards had evacuated or there might have been major injuries caused.

Finally the pulses stopped and a green wave of seeming liquid pulsed several feet out of the gate before being sucked back in to form a distinct portal. Seconds later, the party started with a crash…

**

Kenya; Serengeti Plain; Dimension 241144518
December 31st 2003


Dawn’s half-closed eyes snapped open as she felt the power she had coalescing into a portal fifty metres away. “It’s forming, fifty metres dead ahead.”

Xander never took his eyes off of the forming portal as he gunned the engine with everything he still had. “We need some cover, Ro’. The word is given.”

Rona grinned and tossed a pair of grenades into Vi’s lap before pulling the pin on the remaining two. Vi and Rona flung the grenades hard into the ranks of the pursuing Oompas, taking a perverse pleasure in the explosions.

The Oompa Loompa horde was frightened by the explosions of heat and shrapnel that Rona had rained down on their heads and fell back to regroup. Xander had been right. With the way the little buggers were regrouping, they would have been closing again in minutes and all the grenades were gone now.

Luckily, the grenades did offer enough of a respite that the band of four would be able to exit the area without any pursuers. Xander’s grin became positively feral. “Fasten your seatbelts kids. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.”

Rona and Vi had barely managed to strap in before Xander’s jeep slammed right through Dawn’s portal and left their reality behind.

**

Colorado; Under NORAD; Dimension 311820518
July 1st 1997


George Hammond jumped up from his desk in shock as he heard an alarm blaring away. An emergency? At Stargate command? Ridiculous, and yet these were trained military personnel. No matter how disgruntled they were, they wouldn’t trigger a false alarm just to liven things up.

George grabbed his administrative aide, Walter Harriman and walked rapidly through the corridors, following Major Charles Kawalsky’s special ops team down to the gate room. Kawalsky’s team way the only remaining special ops team assigned to Stargate Command.

Several floors of descent later and the General encountered the frightened gate guards. “Report Sergeant,” he snapped at the female Sergeant that was in the group.

The woman snapped to attention automatically and began her recitation. “Sir, the artefact somehow activated and started throwing electrical pulses everywhere. We were forced to evacuate the gate room for safety, Sir.”

Hammond nodded and entered the glass-strewn observation room just in time to see an old U.S. Army Jeep with four passengers come barrelling into the gate room and hit the wall opposite the gate.

Hammond sighed in relief that no guards had remained behind or they would have all been pancakes.

**

Colorado; Under NORAD; Dimension 311820518
July 1st 1997


As they came out of the portal at the same speed they had entered, Xander had only a second or two apply the brakes before they crashed into a concrete wall.

Leaning back with a groan, Xander took quick stock of his group. Dawn had a nasty bump on her head from somewhere or other and the slayers were more or less unharmed. Their slayer constitutions served them very well. Xander knew from the tickling sensation on his scalp that he had a head wound, though he was pretty sure it was just a scalp laceration rather then anything life threatening.

It took Xander a few minutes to register that dozens of armed soldiers were surrounding them and were not looking very friendly.

Xander glanced at Dawn and offered a sardonic grin. “I don’t think we’re in Kenya anymore, Dawnie.”

The girl match him grin for grin. “You better not be implying I’m a dog, Harris, or you’re going to wish you were back in Kenya.”

Xander’s grin became a smirk. “I would never think of such a thing, Dawn-meister.”

Xander turned his smile on the General in the observation platform and tried desperately to turn on the charm. “We come in peace?” Nothing. “Live long and prosper?” Nothing. “May the Force be with you?” Still nothing. “Yippe ki-yay, M-…”

“Xander!” Dawn’s face reddened as she cut off his rather absurd fourth attempt at getting a reaction out of the General.

Xander sighed. This was a tough room. Then it came to him. “I knew I shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque.”

**

Bonus points for those who can guess where the names for OC characters Marina Ryan and Freddie Nichols came from... ;)

Anyone who'd like to pick up this plot please drop me a line via the reviews and it'll be all yours.

Jasper
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