Title: Dear Diary
Author: Jinni (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Disclaimer: All things HP belong to JK Rowling, et al.
Distribution: The normal places. http://www.silentobsession.com/taintedlove
Summary: The things we say in our diary when we think no one will ever see them. . .
Author’s Notes: For Amy, who has been such a wonderful little artist, making Tainted Love some banners.
I don’t have the slightest clue what possessed me to buy you today. Ron and the others will think for sure that I’m possessed if they see me writing in a diary again. I just needed. . . .
Not really sure what I needed. Or still need. Someone to confide in sounds so terribly pathetic. Especially when you take into account that my family is always there for me. And Harry and Hermione. And, of course, Luna. She’d listen to me confess my deepest sins and then rat me out to her daddy, though. I can’t have that. These are my secrets, my desires. . .my. . .yes, sins. Alright, there are some sins. Quite a few. And they have nothing to do with that bloody diary in my first year. Poor little Ginny, taken for a ride by the Dark Lord himself.
Shame Tom and I never got around to going for a real ride. Him and me. Together. Doing those wicked naughty things that Ron doesn’t even think I know about yet.
Would he have killed me in the end? Perhaps. Perhaps not. There’s no way to know for sure now, is there?
But would the ride have made it worth it all?
Well, I’ll never know.
And I’ve been a bad girl since then. Sneaking into the Restricted Section, feeding this gnawing hunger inside of me. That place that gets bigger every day. I want it – the Darkness. Tom left me with some kind of gaping wound in my very soul that only Darkness can fill.
I feel empty, dear diary.
I’m glad that you’re hidden far from prying eyes. Like Hermione. She’s such a little snoop. A goodie-goodie snoop, at that. She was going through my bookshelf while I was at classes today, trying to find a book she thinks she lent to me at the beginning of the term. I got back just in time to see her give up. Thank Merlin you’re hidden under my mattress. She wouldn’t think to look there for anything, even being the busy body that she is.
Today was the same old boring nothingness again. I’ll be sneaking out tonight, provided my brother and Harry aren’t up late in the common room. Too many days without a fix is making me a bit edgy. I don’t know if Hermione noticed it when I nearly blew up at her earlier. A hex was the least that passed through my mind. . .but there’s no way she could know that.
I did it. Last night. Finally got a chance to sneak out to one of the further corners of the castle, where I’ve hidden some supplies and a book or three.
But I got caught.
No, no – not by a Professor or by Filch, dear diary. Something worse. . . .
Or. . .is that better?
I’m pretty sure its better, given how I feel today, in the bright afternoon sunshine, watching the one that knows flit around the field, broom between his rather fit legs.
Oh, you would like to know that, wouldn’t you?
Well, I suppose if anyone deserves to know, it would be you – my diary.
Draco caught me. In the middle of getting a great old Dark Arts high, he comes strolling in. Seems I forgot to cover my tracks on the way to my hiding place. The devious little snake was out patrolling and –
But he didn’t turn me in. I think he found it. . .amusing. . .that I’m doing this behind everyone’s back. The Dark Lord is gone and they’ve all gotten complacent. No one is looking for users of the Dark Arts anymore. Certainly not within the school’s walls. And here I am ‘innocent little Ginny Weasley’, dosing myself once a week with the Darkest Arts I can get my greedy little hands on.
We’re meeting tomorrow night. He and I. In that room.
He’s promised to show me some things.
Thank Merlin Mum didn’t push too hard on me coming home for the break. I’d never have gotten to . . .
Well, I’m jumping ahead of myself. I know, I know. It’s been weeks.
But what an eventful couple weeks!
We’re together every night now, in that little corner of the school. Me and Draco, practicing together.
Last night it went even further.
I can’t tell you at what point he began touching me during all of this. I honestly don’t have a clue when I became something more than a ‘Weasel’. Something more like a girl, perhaps? A full grown witch with a body to match? He’s been touching me casually, though, for a while.
And then last night. . .well, it all began with a kiss. That’s what they say, right? A little kiss on the lips, as we were coming down from a rather impressive rush of Darkness. He just leaned over and planted his lips right on mine.
I know what happened from there. We got caught up in the moment, that will never be debated. When his hands came up, under my shirt, to touch me in places only my own hands had been before, I thought I’d scream.
Maybe I did. Merlin only knows. I know I screamed later, when he put himself inside of me so deep, so wide, that I felt as if I’d burst from the sheer magnitude of it all.
And when I came, for the first time.
I can’t even begin to describe it.
I’m sore today, diary. Sore in all the right places, if you know what I mean.
We’re meeting again tonight. Little shock there.
The big shock is that I don’t care if we get a rush or not. I want him to touch me, to complete me. To fill me up from the inside until I’m running with his juices. I want to feel like I did last night for the rest of my life.
I’m addicted to him just as surely as I ever was addicted to the Darkness.
Running away to Paris sounds like a good idea right about now. Or perhaps somewhere more distant, somewhere my family can’t even begin to think of looking for me.
We got caught by Hermione last night. All Hell is about to rain down upon me.
And they don’t even know the worst of it, the part that I haven’t gotten up the nerve to tell Draco yet. The part that will make or break this little relationship I have with my blonde haired sex god.
Let’s just say – contraceptive charms should be used at all times.
Leaving Hogwarts. Leaving England. Running away with Draco. Thinking of raising the little one to pick up where Tom left off, just to spite my vile-mouthed, hateful family. I’ll show them to fire off random hexes at the wizard I love.
They almost hit me, too. And thus the baby.
They’ll regret that one day.
Will write again when possible
Love always, my diary –