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Obliviate Is Never Enough

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Summary: Hermione, prepping for her world-wide horcrux-killing tour with Harry, must first obliviate her parents' memories to keep them safe. Unfortunately, (depending on your point of view) it doesn't quite go as she'd planned...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > GeneraljoshlamontFR131318,22554276105,33813 Jun 1029 Aug 10Yes

First Divergence

As always, I own nothing.



Behold, the Year 2013

Luckily for Neville, Harry Potter was Jesus Christ. After he exorcised Voldemort from this plane and cast him into hell, he resurrected Neville, who immediately ran off to Holland to get married with Draco. The last anyone heard, they had a girl and Draco was happily pregnant with their second.

Hermione, after seeing Harry in action, made a pact with Luna and Ginny and kidnapped Harry to settle on an island in the-

Harry shot straight up in bed with a huge gasp. He took several more breaths before calming down, and glanced at his wife curled on up the other side of the bed. He smiled. Trust her to nab all the covers. Harry leaned back against the backboard, and looked out the window. He wasn’t sure if he could call that thing a dream or a nightmare. The first part was- oh, Merlin!

“Honey! Honey, wake up!” Harry shook his wife’s shoulder frantically and ducked her right hook.

“M’slppy. J’sa fw mr mn’ts…” She rolled over.

“Hon, it’s nearly ten. We have to be at the train station in an hour!”

WHAT?!” Ginny leapt upright. “What the bloody hell are you still in bed for?! Get Jamie, wake up the kids, go! We’re going to be-”

“Mama, wake up, we’re going to be late for my first day of school!”

“MAN THE STOVE!”



“Where are they?” Ulysses demanded. “They’re going to be late!”

“I’m sure your grandparents wouldn’t miss this for the world.” Hermione said soothingly.

“Not them, and they would if they weren’t in it! Where’s-” he spotted the black coach that appeared in a flash of dark green fire. The door opened, and a blond man dressed in a black cloak stepped out with his son. “There they are! Uncle Draco, Uncle Draco!”

The Dread Lord Dragon had, upon reflection, taken his father-in-law's advice and cloned an evil Hermione. Of course, despite being evil, she shared many of Hermione’s traits: ruthless determination, total independence, and a penchant for violence. So, he decided to follow the earlier part Mr. Granger’s advice and woo her: moonlit walks across a blood-soaked field, a bouquet made of her enemies’ spines, candlelit dinners on a remote island lair in the Pacific...

For their wedding, he gave her Belgium. It had created a bit of an international kerfuffle, but they held the country with an enchanted fist, and once the natives realized they had better medical under a benevolent dictator, Draconia was a done deal.

“Is Aunt Andy here?!”

Draco winced. The Dread Lady Andromache was feared across forty-three continents, beloved by nineteen, and worshipped in five. She was brilliant, and fearless, and completely wound around her nephew’s finger. Much to the disgust of her daughter.

“No! Do you see her here? Go back to your appallingly overactive parents, you annoying little spawnling!” Ugh! How was she ever going to catch Jamie’s eye with that hyperactive little runt bouncing around?

“I wasn’t talking to you, vamp-bait.” Stupid cousin and her stupid big words. Just because their moms were smart…

“I am not! Dad!” Anastasia turned to her father.

“Children…” Draco rubbed his brow wearily. How could two infants be more work than an entire empire?

“I bet you couldn’t even stake a fledgling!”

Pale green fire burst over Anastasia’s head. “I bet I could roast you!

“ULYSSES.” Ulysses cringed as his da strode over in full armor. “Apologize.

“But she-”

Apologize. You do not attack a lady in word or deed.” Neville shook his head. “Sorry about that, Draco. Andy doing okay?”

Draco hesitated. “She’s… fine.”

“Ah.” Neville chuckled. “One of those. I expect we’ll be getting a call, then?”

“Probably.”

“I’ll let Hermione find out on her own.” Neville grinned surreptitiously. “You know how she lives for the thrill of the hunt.”

That was putting it mildly. It turns out? Hermione Granger shared the same H&H effect her mother inherited. Taking down dark lords made her positively licentious. It took them eight years to actually do a contraceptive spell right in the heat of the moment. After that it was only one kid every two years. Torn between family and fiends, Hermione pioneered the first magical artificial womb and did both. They were cooking their tenth child at the moment.

Draco sent him a pained look. “Might want to set out some healing potions once she leaves. Andromache was particularly… enthusiastic about this one.”

“Will do.” Neville grabbed his son’s shoulder. “Did you apologize?”

“…yes,” came the sullen answer.

“Did you apologize?” Draco asked his daughter.

What?” Anastasia whipped around.

“Are you a lady or not?”

“To him?

“Anastasia…”

Fine. I’m sorry, Ulysses, for having the gall to stand up to your juvenile taunts. I hope I haven’t inconvenienced you in any way.

Ulysses blinked. “Whoa. Someone could get hurt with that many italics.”

“Ulysses!”

“But that’s what grampa says, dad!”

Neville rolled his eyes and pulled his son away. “Good luck at Hogwarts, kiddo!” he called over his shoulder.

“Oh, believe me, I will.” Ulysses could swear he heard her tossing her hair.

“You have to be more careful, Ulysses,” his dad scolded him. “She might have your mom’s magic, but she hasn’t been taught how to fight like you. She could get hurt.” Ulysses hadn’t just been taught by his dad. He’d had his Uncle Viktor, and Aunt Ginny, and Uncle Harry, and Grampa and Granma Granger, and just about every dirty trick they knew an eleven-year-old boy could do. Plus his mom’s magic. Which was cool, until they all told him he couldn’t do anything ‘cause he might kill someone. Come on! What was the point then?!

We’re here! Did we make it? We made it! Kids! Line up!” The Potters arrived in an explosion of frenetic energy.

Neville chuckled. “Calm down, Ginny!”

She shot him a withering glare. “You’ve already done this twice. You’re experienced!”

Hermione wrapped an arm around his waist. “And prepared. I had everything scheduled out the week before.”

Harry grinned. “I wouldn’t expect anything less. Hey, Neville. On for a game, tonight?”

“Maybe.” He glanced at Draco. “Maybe not.”

Harry raised his eyebrows. “Ah.” He turned to his kids. “Alright, troops, hug it out!”

“Daaaaad!” James wailed as his siblings converged.

Neville laughed and walked over to his hoard of kidlings with an arm around Hermione. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, his kids were excited, his wife was about to go on a hunt that would keep him happy for months... nothing could go wrong.



Meanwhile, in another dimension.

“I thought you said you sent her twin somewhere safe!”

A man in a perfect black suit and tie paused in his fight. His victim’s head lolled as he adjusted his shades. What was this? It seemed like a couple arguing, but…

“I did! What’s safer that a virtual reality? You can’t die here!”

These two were aware of their surrounding? He did a scan of their link.

The one-eyed man threw up his hands. “Have you never seen Star Trek?!

Nothing? They were linked to… nothing? But they were human.

“What does that have to do with anything?!”

“What have we here…?” The man in black released his victim and stepped toward the couple.

“Does this Elrond virus look safe to you?” The one-eyed man exploded. His wife turned.

“Holy crap, it IS Elrond!”

The man in black cocked his head. “You’re not programs, but you don’t seem to have registered bodies, either. Curious. Inept hacking?”

The woman narrowed her eyes. “You don’t like humans.”

“As I told Morpheus some time ago…” he cracked his neck. “Humans… are a disease. And we… are the cure.”

“Run…” his victim gasped from the ground.

“Why?” The woman glared coldly at the man in black. “He’s just a mouthy bit of electricity.”

“Agent…” the girl wheezed. “Will kill…”

The man stepped forward. “Not today.” He glanced at his wife. “Hon, I know you wanna take this one, but could you see to the girl? We’ll look for Hermione’s sister afterward.”

“Alright, dear.” The agent let her pass.

“Cocky. You actually believe that.” The agent fell into a stance.

The man held out his hand and a giant axe formed itself out of nothing. “Belief is for the uncertain.”

Crack.

The End

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