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San Te and the 36th Chamber of the Hellmouth

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Summary: A monk comes to Sunnydale because of the Halloween spell.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > 36th Chamber of Shaolin
Movies > Seven Swords
rothosFR151975071,19814 Jun 1014 Jun 10No
Disclaimer: I own neither BTVS , Seven Swords or the 36th Chamber of Shaolin those honors go to Joss Whedon, Dragon Dynasty and the Shaw Brothers respectively.

Xander was in Ethan's wanting to go as something that Snyder would be angry at, but couldn't punish. A soldier would make him happy,a spandex clad superhero would be punishable,but a shaolin monk would be perfect.

Inspired by the greatest kung fu flick of all time; the 36th Chamber of Shaolin he grabbed the orange and yellow robe of a monk, some red face paint with circular blotters, black kung fu pants and some wooden prayer beads. For a walking stick, he could carry that length of chair rail he had downstairs in the basement.

Ethan was impressed, the boy was assembling a classic from raw parts.

“Excuse me, but what are you planning on dressing as?” Ethan asked.

“A shaolin monk,maybe you can help me find a monk's spade to go with it?” Xander asked doubting they had a replica of the exotic weapon that San Te used to invent the three section staff.

“Unfortunately, we do not have any more. The last one was sold a week ago.” Ethan said sniffing.

“Too bad, well I'm ready to check out.” Xander stepped into line behind Willow who had a slightly bulky bundle in her arms and a sword that seemed to flow like water.

Buffy had a noble woman's dress in her hands and they were rung out in short order, but not before seeing Larry cashing out with a pirate's costume.

Xander decided to be in role for his monkish costume and not snicker and make a joke about Larry.

“JANUS CARPE NOCTEM!” with those words Seers screamed, people in costumes changed and the Hellmouth burped.

Xander felt a pull behind his navel and San Te walked the world he had left eons ago.
The monk looked around at the chaos of the spell and started counting on his prayer beads.
A spirit of a woman in unusual dress came up to him and started babbling at him about Xander, Hellmouth, Buffy and Giles. San Te waited for the spirit to finish her babbling.

“My name is San Te, not this Xander that you speak of. Although you are right, we must protect the innocent from this evil.” As soon as he was finished speaking San Te went over to a tree and after a few minutes in contemplation; broke a branch off to serve as a walking pole.

Very soon after starting to walk a small demon attacked. Willow screamed

“Xander, they're only kids don't kill them!”

San Te just pushed it into a bush with his walking staff and continued walking. The demon was entangled in the brush and rather upset that it was beaten that easy. It struggled to get out, it was not successful as it had child-sized mass.

San Te walked until he heard a scream and then turned towards the source walking a little faster.

There was Lady Useless cowering away from a motion-sensing porch light. San Te walked up to her and spoke.
“Friend Light seems not to be worrying you. Please come with me to safety, Lady.” San Te said.
“Who are you? How dare you presume to order a woman of my caliber around like a common serving girl!” Lady Useless yelled.
“I am merely a humble traveler on this path of life. A monk of the Shaolin school.” San Te said.
“A monk? Of what order? I am a good Christian woman, I will follow you.” Lady Useless said.
“Please lead us on Spirit.” Willow just floated on in shock that Buffy hadn't freaked.

The disparate trio arrived at Casa De Summers, which was unlocked. Each group thanked their respective gods for the door's state and walked or spirited in. Lady Useless soon found a mirror and started shrieking about her face and San Te looked at his.

The face was not his even if the clean shaven head was. For one his eyes were not brown, and his skin was more tanned. Then he heard a shriek and leaped into battle against a furry thing. It stood as tall as a Manchu warrior and flew about as gracefully to land in a bush. It extricated itself from said bush and ran off in search of prey that didn't fight back.

“Hey, Xander when did you get all martial artsy?” Cordelia asked.
“Miss, my name is San Te; not this Xander you have me confused with.” San Te said.

Cordelia was already inside wailing about her costume to Willow. Willow for her part did the ghostly thing and ran for some ally named Giles.

Eventually, a stranger broke into the room. Xander just extended a hand and Angel skidded to a stop blinking.
“I have no quarrel with you. Please leave the area.” San Te was now slightly agitated this night wasn't good for his Buddhist calm.

“Xander, this is serious there's chaos in the street.” Angel said. To enforce his point a costume-vampire decided to burst in.
Angel jumped on it and cried for a stake in his game face.

Buffy screamed and San Te smacked it across the head with his walking stick, causing it to go limp under Angel.

San Te then continued out the door and into the night following the obvious trail left by Lady Useless.
Once, a pirate tried to abscond her and San Te took offense. The beating was not too severe, but it was more than a monk should have done.

Apparently, the spell ended but San Te was mostly gone. Xander was in the driver's seat but he was standing. Spike saw Xander, put two and two together and decided not to piss off the monk yet.

A/N: Well here is chapter 1. Please tell me what you think. As a public service announcement, the Ministry of Fanfiction reports that unwritten reviews can cause a list of maladies.

The End?

You have reached the end of "San Te and the 36th Chamber of the Hellmouth" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 14 Jun 10.

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