Title: Mixing the unmixable
Fandom: Crossover BtVS/Hellblazer
Pairing: Constantine/Xander, (past Constantine/Giles)
Summary: Constantine should really listen when people tell him that magic doesn't work for them.
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Hellblazer.
The abandoned building exploded with one of the most impressive bangs in the history of demolitions. Unluckily for Xander he wasn’t in a position to enjoy it as he would otherwise. Being almost buried alive under a ton of rocks would do that to you.
“What the hell was that?” asked the older blonde man with a distinct English accent.
“What the hell was that? What the hell was that?! That should be my freaking question!” shouted the other, younger one.
“How the hell should I know? This wasn’t supposed to happen!”
“Happen? Nothing was supposed to happen! You were just going to show me the property and that was it! There was no mention of magic or other …. stuff!”
“Oh bloody hell! Stop moaning you ninny! It was your fault anyway.”
“What? How do you figure that? It was all ‘Wham’, ‘Bam’ and then ‘Boom’.”
“You made my magic go all wrong! How was I supposed to know that that would happen?”
“Because I told you, you, you… you Spike wanna be!”
“First of all – you should really work on your insults, and second – how did you do it?”
“Do what? That was all you!” spat Xander, not really interested or willing to go into this particular discussion, especially not with a mysterious wizard, of whom he know nothing about.
“That’s so?” The other smirked staring at Xander, unmoving. They stood like that for the longest of time until the younger one couldn’t take it anymore and looked away. “Don’t know. It was always like that,” he sighed.
“Was it now?” intensifying the smirk John, reached into his coat pocket and dragged out a cigarette as he studied the boy with renewed interest.
Xander nervously shifted under the searing gaze when a bright light begun to form not far from them, accompanied by a quiet buzzing sound. At first Xander was so grateful for the distraction that he thanked a list of different Gods for the assist, only to begun retreating them a moment latter as the fist size ball begun to shimmer and grow until it reached human sized size and then stopped.
Xander stomach dropped as he recognized the handy work. He was so dead…
“What the devil…” swore John as he prepared himself for some kind of magical attack, his gaze steady on the mysterious light, until a body stepped in front of him breaking his concentration and preventing him from casting the spell.
“Move if you don’t want to die you idiot!” snarled Constantine as he tried to shove the retard out of his way.
“As much as I agree with you on the dying part I just can’t let you hurt my best friend since kindergarten.”
John stopped in his effort to topple Xander and looked at him skeptically. “Your friend?”
“Yes his friend,” come an annoyed voice from behind. “Xander what the hell is going on?”
“Willow,” squeaked the boy turning around to face her and … Kennedy? Great!
“What did you do this time?” asked the slayer with disdain.
“Nothing I swear. I was just checking out a house for possible rebuilding when the thing collapsed.”
“And the demon summoning just spontaneously happened?” wanted to know Willow.
“That wasn’t… Wait summoning? What summoning?”
Xander looked accusingly at John, which didn’t seem at all concerned by what was going on. He was casually leaning again a near-by tree, with the cigarette lazily pending from his lips.
At the renewed interest in him he pushed himself of the log and strolled toward Xander. “I don’t know ducks. That was all your doing. I was merely trying to appease a wandering spirit.”
“Xander?” asked Willow, frowning slightly. “Who is this Spike wanna-be?”
“This is the second time that someone compares me to him. Who the hell is this bloke? And more importantly what summoning? I don’t see any signs of a demon…”
Just then an inhuman growl was heard from the ruins of the house.
“That would be the demon,” said Kennedy, sprinting toward the sound with an old and very mean looking battle axe in her arms that wasn’t there a minute ago. Willow took the time to disapprovingly glare at Xander before she started to follow Kennedy, with a protection spell already on her lips.
“You just had to say it, didn’t you? You totally jinxed us!” spat Xander before joining the girls in the battle that was already in full swing.
John looked at the three young adults fighting a Slostic demon and then returned to lean against the tree.
“Interesting,” he said as he tried to find a more comfortable position against the tree and relax, as the sounds of battle filled the afternoon air.
Half an hour latter the demon was dead and the trio returned to where they left John, tired, sweaty and with various scrapes and wounds acquired during the battle while the Englishman was comfortably sitting in the shade and resting.
“Thanks for the help ‘mate’,” said Xander tiredly flopping down beside the older man.
“Yes, thanks very much.” Kennedy echoed him as she too sat down, followed by Willow.
“There was no need for me to help. It was only a Slostic demon; they are easily killed with a blow to the back of their necks.”
“Which would have helped knowing, before the frigging thing almost killed us,” shouted Kennedy ready to attack the person she deemed responsible for the vivid bruise on her girlfriends’ cheek.
“Yeah, I was wondering what took you do long,” commented John, around his cigarette.
“Son of a bitch!” she shouted, charging him in blind rage.
“Kennedy!” Willow tried to stop her, but it was too late. Her girlfriend was already half way through, when an invisible force pushed her backward several feet.
Kennedy landed hard on her back, but seemed fine otherwise. That is if you don’t count the murderous expression on her face. Luckily Willow made it to her before she could initialize another attack and was soothingly talking to her, trying to calm her down.
“You really didn’t have to do that, you know?” murmured Xander, exasperated. He didn’t think that John understood the severity of his actions.
“You made an enemy for life,” he tried again.
“She is very dangerous.”
“Do you have any other response in your repertoire that isn’t ‘I know’?”
When John only glanced at him, Xander shook his head. “Oh well, at least I won’t be her less favorite person for a while.”
“Wouldn’t count on that, kid,” commented Jahn, as a still furious slayer stomped back, clearly aiming at Xander this time.
“This is all your fault!” she spat, looking at him with disdain.
Xander was about to defend himself for the millionth time when Willow jumped in. “Kennedy this is quite enough!”
Reluctantly the slayer backed down. “Fine! I will be disposing of the carcass. If you need me give me a shout.”
Willow nodded and gave the other girl a parting kiss before turning to Xander.
“Now why don’t you tell me what happened here.”
Xander tried his best puppy eyes on her, but Willow was unmovable. After a brief non verbal confrontation he back down, defeated.
“Long story short, I was looking for a house to buy. In the local pub I run into John here and we started talking. It turned out that he knew of a perfect house for my project and what’s more it was in the market. It was there and then that I should have known that something was wrong. It was all going to well,” he glared at John, which rewarded him with an unruly smirk.
“Anyway as we got here he began shoving me the place. It is – was a nice place with lots of room, big spacious bedrooms that could be divided into smaller slipping spaces. Perfect to host a larger number of people…”
“Xander, short!” Willow reminded him.
“Oh sorry. It was all good and normal until we reached one of the smaller room, where I noticed a strange circle drawn on the floor. I was about to ask John what it was when he … uhmm … started with the magic thing.”
John snorted at that.
“The next thing I know,” Xander said before John had the chance to speak. “the building is collapsing around us and we are running for our lives.”
“What about you, mister? What’s your story?”
John carefully inhaled the last mouthful of smoke before putting it out. He considered his situation and not seeing any potential danger for himself he started telling his part of the story. Well the watered down version of it anyway. It wouldn’t do to tip his hand to much, now would it?
“The owner of the house asked me to exorcise the spirit in that manor. I did my research, found who the deceased was and set up the stage. All that was left was for me to find someone with a little affinity to magic and asked him to give me a hand.”
“Which you didn’t.”
“Which I did!”
“And I said no!”
“Yes but I did ask. So after that I invited him to see the house. If you think about it, it was a dead give away that it was a lie.”
“To a pathological liar, maybe,” snorted Xander
“Hush. If you didn’t want to help me you should have just declined.”
Xander wanted to protest but saw the futility of that and just waved John to continue.
“Once there I started the ‘magic’ as he put it, but something went wrong and instead of an exorcise we got a summoning.”
“Yeah magic was always a little funny around him.”
“You ever thought to scan him?”
“A million times. He always refuses.”
“Hey! This is so not the point here. He tricked me! He summoned a demon! We almost died! Shouldn’t we address one those issues before you gang up on me?”
“You are right Xander. But I would like Giles to be present too. So as soon as Ken is done…”
Kennedy chose that moment to appear, nodding her head to signal the all clear.
“… we will return to the HQ.”
She had barely stopped talking as a bright light engulfed them and transported them away drowning out Xanders meek protest about leaving his car in front of a destroyed building where the stupidest cop could connect him with the destruction.
R & R please.