The Gag Reel
Summary: After hours on the set of BtVS, the 'cast' gets hold of an extra camera and decides to make their own gag reel. Series of drabbles.
Disclaimer: I do not own, BtVS/AtS or anything the characters of this fic choose to reference.=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= Chapter 1 – Introductions =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
“Hah, how many WB actors does it take to illicitly run the cameras after hours? It’s not supposed to be rocket science. Are you guys ready yet?”
“Hey, we’re just here to remember our lines and look pretty, not actually do any work. Anyways, it’s already running Buff.” Xander could be heard yelling from off camera. “I think.” He muttered, just loud enough for the mics to pick up. “The blinking light means it’s on right?”
“That or it’s counting down to self destruction.” Willow replied nonchalantly, “What? Don’t look at me like that. With our luck it’s possible. We should have just asked Joss to tell us how to work it.”
“That takes all the fun out of it, Wills.”
“OK.” Buffy took an incredibly cheesy pose, straight out of a Japanese cartoon. “I am Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. In the name of the moon I shall punish you.” She twirled dramatically, waving her arms, before bursting into giggles.
The camera panned to the left, where a dark beauty smiled. “I am Kendra ze Vampire Slayer.”
“Truthfully, neither of you is the Slayer. You’ve both died at one time or another. As of right now, Faith would be considered the Vampire Slayer.” Giles could be heard in the background.
“Yo, thanks for the support Jeeves.”
“And that would be Giles, British Librarian Man and Slayer of Attention Spans.” Xander called out.-/-/-/static\-\-\-
“Oh, get over yourselves.” The dark haired boy spoke to someone off-screen before facing the camera. With a really fake dramatic voice he intoned. “I am Batman… I mean Xander, Twinkie Slayer. Whenever innocents are in danger, wherever Hostess trucks deliver, you will find me. Making the junk food aisle safe for snackers everywhere. Through rain, through sleet, through snow… and all that other mail guy stuff, you will find me.”
He cupped a hand to his ear and leaned to the side, far enough he almost unbalanced, “Hark! The rustling of a plastic wrapper I does’th hear. Away!
” With a shout he dove off to the side.-/-/-/static\-\-\-
“Xander!” Willow giggled as she was pushed into the frame, before adopting a stern face, “I am Willow, Slayer of… um, Slayee-things?” She looked off to the side, “Uh… Line?”
“God, that was lame improve Rosenburg.” The camera swung around to pick up Cordelia, who was rolling her eyes at the redhead. With a toss of her hair she looked into the lens, “I am Cordelia: Fashion Victim Ego Slayer.”
“Amen.” Xander yelled again. “And a vicious killer she is too, folks. Avert thine eyes children, lock your doors and close the windows for she hunts the night for her victims.”-/-/-/static\-\-\-
“Lo there, nummies at home. M’Spike, incredibly handsome Slayer o’ Slayers.” He waved and smiled cheekily at the camera before reaching out and dragging Angel into a hug, the arm slung over his shoulder obviously holding him there. “And this is my good buddy, ol’ pal, Angelus, Creepy Mysterious Stalker of Slayers, Brooder of Broods, Overuser of Hairgel, Saver of Puppies, He of the Clap On-Clap Off Soul, Layer of Slayers, Maker of Overly Dramatic Entrances and Exits…
“Spike.” The older vampire said warningly.
“Oh shut up, Broody. No one wants to hear your angst. Shows not called Angel the Happy Thoughts Slayer or Cavebrow’s Miserable Time, now is it? I’m just waiting for the vampire slaying part of the show. It’ll be your five minutes of fame and glory. It’s gonna be bloody fantastic.”-/-/-/static\-\-\-
The small balding man stood centered in the frame looking seriously into the camera. “I am Quark, Slayer of high school children’s hopes and dreams.”
Uproarious laughter could be heard from off-screen.
“Dude, I told you he’d do it, you totally owe me five bucks.”-/-/-/static\-\-\-
Willow, Xander and a third teen stood arm in arm, leaning comfortably on each other. “I am Jesse, unfortunate Slayee whose single appearance will live on forever in the hearts and minds of fanfiction authors everywhere. Rock on!
” He threw up the devil’s horns with both hands and stuck out his tongue, slipping into gameface.
“How very Gene Simmons, Jess. Viewers everywhere should be glad that your bad influence was cut out of the series after the pilot.” Xander shook his head, bemused with his friend’s actions. A devious grin split his face and he sing-songed. “I dated Cordelia and you didn’t.”
“Imma kill you, you total backstabber.” Jesse lunged at Xander who took off laughing.
Willow was left standing alone as she called out, “Technically, he stabbed you in the front.”
“Not helping, Wills.” Xander called back, still laughing.-/-/-/static\-\-\-
“Oz.” The short boy stood perfectly still and didn’t smile or wave.
“Is he done?”
“I think so.”-/-/-/static\-\-\-
“Look Ms. Edith. We’re going to be moving pictures in the little box.” Drusilla snuggled her doll’s face right up next to hers, staring into the camera. “Our ratings are going to be so good! The stars say that all the little children will watch us.”
“God, would you shut up already.” Darla bit out, infuriated.
“Gran-mummy is upset she gets staked by the Angel beast.” Drusilla stage whispered. “He gets ‘er right in the heart he does. Poof. Sad story of the little match girl. Little flurries of grey snow falling everywhere.”
“I’m his sire; I should have gotten more airtime.” Darla raged. “I made him what he is today. I can’t believe this.”
“Shouldn’t be upset, comes back she does.” She put a finger to her mouth. “Shh. Good little girls shouldn’t tell tales of the spinoff, it will ruin the surprise.”-/-/-/static\-\-\-
The entire cast stands arm in arm, “WE ARE BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER.”
“Wow, Buff. You’ve gained weight lately.”
“Xander!” The blonde’s outraged shout was backed with laughter.=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= TBC =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
I wrote this forever ago, in a fit of insomnia, and just found it again while sorting through my fanfiction folder. Anyone who wants to join in and add to the gag reel is welcome to. What do YOU think the 'casts' of BtVS and AtS would do if they were allowed unsupervised access to a video camera?