"Bad Day" Lando Calrissian/Brock Samson
Pairing: Lando Calrissian (Star Wars)/Brock Samson (Venture Brothers). Everyone knows the smooth talker Lando but not everyone may know Brock Samson. He plays the most badass man in the ENTIRE WORLD, basically, and is a bodyguard to the Venture Family. He’s totally epic :)
Shuffle Song: Chiddy Bang “Bad Day” Album: The Preview
Disclaimer: Don’t own ‘em, just playing with them
Spoilers: The Empire Strikes Back
Warning: Character Death
Lando Calrissian watched with veiled anger as Darth Vader spoke to Boba Fett. He fought to keep his own emotions under control but it was getting more difficult with each wrong turn that his deal with the Empire took.
“You may take Captain Solo to Jabba the Hut after I have Skywalker,” the Emperor’s second in command spoke in his clipped voice to the bounty hunter.
All of them heard Han Solo’s screams filter through the torture room door and Lando cringed. He felt guilty beyond words for the role he played in helping Darth Vader capture Han Solo, but he didn’t know what else he could have done. After all, Darth Vader was the second most powerful man in the galaxy!
…hmm…or was he?
“He's no good to me dead,” Boba Fett replied.
“He will not be permanently damaged,” Vader reassured him.
Worry made Lando voice his concern out loud. “Lord Vader, what about Leia and the Wookiee?”
“They must never again leave this city.”
Anger spread through his veins like fire on a strip of gasoline. “That was never a condition of our agreement, nor was giving Han to this bounty hunter!”
“Perhaps you think you're being treated unfairly,” Vader stated in an ominous tone.
Fear struck him. “No.”
“Good. It would be unfortunate if I had to leave a garrison here.”
Lando bristled at Vader’s words and subtly pressed a button on his watch. This deal was getting worse all the time and if he didn’t stop Vader now then who knew what would happen.
“Not as unfortunate as what is about to walk through that door,” Lando commented with a mild smirk.
Vader turned to him slowly and spoke in haltingly angry tones. “What did you just say?” he asked, as if he could not comprehend that someone was stupid enough to threaten him.
The door nearest to them was kicked open, revealing a hulking brute of a man that towered over all of them. He wore jeans and a black t-shirt – the same clothes he was wearing when his old boss’ crazy portal dropped him in Cloud City a few months ago – and his shining blond mullet was in a slight disarray (likely from the most recent woman to fall for his charm).
“Who is this?” Vader asked snidely as he looked the newcomer up and down.
“I’m Brock Samson,” the ex-CIA agent growled. “And just who the hell are you – the Tin Man?”
Vader raised his arm and clenched his hand. Immediately Brock’s neck closed up and he was levitated in front of Vader. “Watch your tone, fool. I am Lord Vader.”
Barely even showing any sign that the choking was more than a mild irritant to him, Brock sneered at the Sith Lord. “Don’t get your nappies in a twist, old man.” Then Brock’s meaty fist slammed into Darth Vader’s helmet, easily crunching it inwards.
Brock was dropped as Vader staggered back. “How dare—?” Vader tried to ask but Brock quickly completed several kung fu moves that are impossible for the normal human body and ended it by ripping Vader’s heart out through his chest.
Then Brock Samson looked up slowly and gave Boba Fett a deadly glare. The bounty hunter began quaking and crossed his legs. “Uh, you can keep Solo, Calrissian. I, uh, don’t need him,” he stammered before running off.
“Great job, Brock. I knew you’d make one hell of a bodyguard,” Lando grinned.
Brock shrugged. “Nah, it was nuthin’. Are you seriously telling me that that this is the guy that’s been blackmailing you and everyone’s scared of?”
“Uh, yeah. No one’s ever tried to physically beat him to death and rip out his heart before, I suppose. Guess it takes initiative like yours!” Lando laughed.
Brock grinned and glanced at Darth Vader’s corpse. “At least he was a challenge. It’s been a while since I’ve had a good fight. Maybe I should look up his boss, that wrinkled old bastard that I’ve seen pictures of,” he suggested with a mild shrug.
Lando grinned. “By all means, my man.”
Oh yes – it had been a fortunate day when Brock Samson had dropped out of that portal!
A silly story :) I’m having a huge writer’s block with my other stories and needed to get this one-shot out.