Xander Harris/Bellatrix Black (BtVS/HP)
I do not own Buffy or Harry Potter, and I'm making no profit from writing this.
Xander Harris looks at the woman across the table from him. She is older than him, but that doesn’t bother him. It’s not like she is a cradle-robber (like Angel) or a cougar; she is just older. She is also fairly gorgeous, though a little ragged around the edges, showing the strain of a hard life. It makes her all the more attractive to Xander.
Xander watches as a pink tongue curls around the spoon in her hand, some kind of chocolate mousse dessert disappearing behind full lips. Heavy lidded eyes look across the table at him and Xander quickly finds himself mesmerized. He swallows harshly, nearly choking on drool that he hastily brushes away all the while hoping she hasn’t noticed the puddle forming near his elbow.
Those full lips tilt up as her eyes glint maliciously. It sends a thrill through Xander, and he wonders briefly if he should really be on this date. When has a date ever gone well for him? It takes only a moment to brush this feeling off. He has his cell phone and Willow on speed dial. If anything goes wrong he can send a 911 (or would that be 999 since they’re in Britain now?) text to Willow and have an instant rescue.
The night goes well. Xander finds the woman’s occasional bouts of baby talk somewhat annoying, but everyone has their faults, right? In fact, the night goes so well that she invites him back to her place.
Now, Xander knows he has had a bit more alcohol than he usually allows himself, but he has never blacked out like this before.
One moment, Xander is attempting to get his date into a taxi and the next he’s standing in a stone room surrounded by oddly dressed people with a demon seated on a throne at the head of the cavernous room.
Xander looks around for his date, hoping beyond hope that the freakiness that is his life isn’t about to get her killed.
Sadly, it looks like it is not his freakiness touching her but hers touching him because his date is now kneeling before the demon on the throne, those heavy lidded eyes looking up adoringly at the hideously snake-y face.
” Xander yells at the high ceiling. “I thought we agreed: NO MORE BUTT MONKEY!!!!”
“Silence, Muggle! What treat have you brought me, Bella?”
Xander snorts at the high pitched voice that comes from that lipless, demon-y mouth. Right, time to return to the Scooby survival basics—find amusement where you can, annoy the ones holding you captive, and find a way to sic Willow on their lying, conniving butts because his phone seems to be dead.
This is just another day in the dating escapades of Xander Harris.‘If I don’t die here, I’m never dating again!’