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Pick Up Artist

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Summary: The Winchesters reluctantly agree to meet a 'city slicker hunter.' When it turns out that hunter is Cordelia Chase, things start to look up. Or do they? Light and funny.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Supernatural > Cordelia-Centered(Past Donor)CasFR18415,7421184,71421 Jul 1019 Jun 11Yes

Chapter One

(Co written with Catscorner
Fandoms: BtVS and Supernatural
The characters are not ours, they're Joss' & Kripke's - We're just playin' with 'em)

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They'd been sitting in one of the booths at a bar for thirty minutes and Sam didn't think that Dean stopped complaining for more than a minute at a time, and that was just so he could take a sip of his drink. He almost wished his brother would go hit on some girl so Sam didn't have to listen to him anymore, but it was too early for the bar to fill up so there weren't many women. Probably the lack of eye candy was another factor playing into Dean's mood, there was nothing to distract him.

Sam shook his head. "Dude, just suck it up already. Bobby's usually setting things up so we get information from others, now it's time for payback, so what's wrong with us helping someone else out?"

"Not just anyone, Sam. Not hunters. Bobby said city slicker hunters! I mean, what the fuck?"

Lips quirking with amusement, Sam gave a one shouldered shrug. He could tell his own calmness was pissing Dean off but he couldn't bother getting worked up over this. "Seriously, who cares? It's like thirty minutes of our time, or whatev--"

"Bet they come in three piece suits with sticks up their asses and... Well hello."

When his brother's tone softened and Dean got that 'I'm in love for the next six hours' look, Sam followed his gaze, putting one arm on the back of the seat and slowly turning around. He caught the scent of light fragrance before he saw her, but as he swept his gaze up her body, he hoped he didn't look as smitten as Dean. The woman wore black slacks and a form fitting gray toned shirt which masqueraded as a man-shirt, but no way could anyone mistake her for a man. Not with those neat curves shown off by the way she walked, and now stood, with one hip slightly forward. The material of her shirt might be considered masculine but that was totally eclipsed by the cleavage she showed, which he really should not be focusing on. Raising his eyes almost guiltily to hers, he wondered what magazine she'd stepped out of. She looked that good, with her long dark brown hair held back by the sunglasses that she used like a hair accessory. Confident and sexy, it was a deadly combination where this woman was concerned.

"I love city slickers," Dean grinned at her. "I'm Dean... Winchester."

Doing his best to hide his reaction to the sharp kick under the table, Sam added, "Hi. I'm Sam. And you are..."

"Your worst nightmare," Cordelia said without missing a beat, her sharp tone punctuated by the crack of her palm against Sam's face. She shook out the sting in her hand before propping it on her hip and fixing Sam with a look so finely tuned that it demanded an apology.

Giving a silent 'ow,' Sam touched his stinging cheek and looked into her furious eyes. "Do I know you?" he asked, his tone and expression making it clear that the contrary was true and demanding to know what the fuck was going on.

Dean looked between the two of them, grabbed his beer and stood up. "You two work out the tension first, then call me. I'll be over there," he nodded toward the bar and started heading that way, though he looked over his shoulder and gave Sam the thumbs up.

"Do you know me?" Cordy answered, thoroughly insulted that he didn't even remember her and doubly angered that those gorgeous puppy dog eyes were dragging her in just like they had the first time she'd met him. "Gee... I don't know... does the word of the day ring any bells?" She lowered her voice to mimic his. "'The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's get back to your place and spread the word," her tone snapped back. "No? How's that dick of yours... still claiming it needs mouth to mouth?" She shot a pointed look to his crotch before returning her fiery gaze to the target of her anger. "What? You hit on so many girls you don't even remember? Skeezy Pig."

Sam's grimace deepened when she went from one bad pick-up line to a worse one. "What?" The accusation had him blinking. He gave a rueful, somewhat embarrassed smile as he shook his head in denial. "I think you have me mixed up with someone else, no seriously," he added, seeing her eyes flare with anger and half expecting her to take another swing. He'd have asked whether Bobby put her up to this, but no one could be that good of an actress. He could practically feel the heat of her anger roiling toward him.

Yeah, as if she could forget those eyes. Not likely. Her gaze narrowed on him as he genuinely seemed perplexed, which didn't jive with what she'd experienced the last time they'd met. "Skanky bar in Po-Dunk, Massachusetts? You kept hitting on me... started off by flipping a coin and asking me what your chances were of getting head and it just went downhill from there. I would have knocked you into next Tuesday then if I hadn't been working undercover. Jackass," she added for good measure. And what the hell was she still doing standing here?

"Massachusetts?" He ran his hand over his face, then through his hair, making another face. "Oh, that." Seeing she seemed about to turn on her heels, he reached out and touched her arm. "No wait, lemme explain. Please?" Unsure she was going to say 'yes,' he added. "I still have the information you need so you might as well stick around for that. Right?" If Dean didn't stop turning to watch and making all those gestures, he was going to have to walk up to the bar and deck the ass.

Following Sam's glance over her shoulder, Cordy turned to see the guy that had introduced himself as Dean snapping back around to face the bar as if he hadn't just been making lewd gestures behind her back. Turning back to Sam, Cordy huffed, "You two are a piece of work." If innocent lives weren't depending on the information they supposedly had, she would have been out of there in a heartbeat. "You have exactly two minutes to convince me you're not a complete asshole." She folded her arms across her chest, but she didn't sit down.

"He's the..." Sam started to gesture toward Dean, then decided not to waste his one hundred twenty seconds. He had a feeling she meant the time limit she'd set. Though she hadn't confirmed she was the contact Bobby had wanted them to meet up with, she'd said she'd been undercover, and hadn't denied needing information. He was sure she was the contact. "Possession. I was possessed." Her expression turned more scathing, if it was possible. Oddly he tensed, like it was important for him to clear the air, make her understand even if he was never going to see her again.

"I know, not your ordinary possession. It was a spell, a possession spell," he said, nodding. "One minute I was me, and the next, I was stuck in this teenager's body and was getting yelled at by his dad. I guess 'body swap' would be a better word for it. I do know that the kid, Gary, went into a bar." He also knew that Gary had gotten laid in his body, but he wasn't about to mention that.

Cordy's eyes stayed fixed on his, narrowing slightly when he mentioned possession. If she hadn't been there, done that, and birthed an evil demigod she might have balked a little more - but as it was, she listened as he went on to explain it was more of a body swap. She'd heard Faith and Buffy had switched bodies and inwardly shuddered at the thought of all the STDs Buffy could have caught during that time.

In any case, she decided it was plausible enough given their line of work and slipped into the booth to sit across from him. "Hope you made a visit to the free clinic because that was a skanky bar with girls to match. I don't know if any of those lines worked on any of them... just sayin'." Her mouth pulled into a slight smirk and her gaze softened as she looked at the guy again as if for the first time.

STDs... No he wasn't going there. Ignoring the question entirely, he admitted. "I'm wishing I didn't know what came out of my mouth that night. So you believe me?" A smile lit up his face as he saw one on hers for the first time. Bet if she gave a full on smile, it could drive a guy to his knees. "Would you... ah... like a drink?" Somehow he was reluctant to call Dean over just yet. "You probably had a long hard drive from... wherever," he laughed. "LA, right?"

"Long, hard drive?" She quirked a speculative brow, but an amused glint still sparked in her eye. "Well now I'm not so sure I believe you. Why don't you just stick with the classics. What's your sign... Haven't we met somewhere before... Am I dead, because you look like an angel..." She lifted her head and nodded to the cocktail waitress to order a Manhattan. "Yes, LA," she decided to cut him some slack and answer his question. "Your first time in the big city?" Okay, so maybe not too much slack.

He raised his brows and looked down at his plaid shirt. That's probably what she meant, he hoped. "No, I've been in plenty of big cities, like Palo Alto, and Santa Fe or Ashville," he rattled off a few more small towns, "but apparently not Po Dunk Massachusetts." Even though she wasn't angry anymore, she seemed to keep him on his toes, on guard for something. It was a strange feeling, not unlike nervous excitement. "Anyway lines never worked for me. I don't think I have the right 'delivery' for them and someone else in the family got those genes." Thinking about the lines she'd quoted, he cringed a little. "So how do you know Bobby? I'm surprised he didn't say anything about you... never mind, I can't think of a way to end that one without it sounding like a come on."

Cordy let out a laugh and flashed a toothy smile deciding he was okay. "I don't actually know Bobby. My boss does - who, funny enough, is an angel. Well, his name is Angel anyway. I'm Cordelia. Cordelia Chase," she said slipping a card out of her purse and handing it over to him. "Angel Investigations. We help the helpless. So you're Sam Winchester. And that makes the guy that can deliver the lines your brother Dean?" she tossed a look over her shoulder again and saw he was making the moves on a blonde who looked to be more boobs than brains. "Niiiice," she drew out the sarcasm laced word and rolled her eyes before they settled on Sam again. It was a good thing the drink came when it did or she might have just kept right on staring.

She took a sip of her drink and licked her lips before raising her eyes to meet his again. "So. You have information on this pain in the ass guy that calls himself the Trickster?"

He was about to come to a half hearted defense of Dean but she said the name that got all of his attention. "Trickster is more than a pain in the ass. I'd steer clear of him if I could, no I mean it," he said, his hand closing around his beer bottle. "We've run into him a couple of times and it's never gone well. For us," he clarified. "At first you think he's a walking joke, the way he talks and acts. Thing is he's got a bad sense of humor and a whole lot of power behind it. People are like chess pieces to him." Lifting the bottle to his lips, he took a drink. "What's got you interested in him?"

"More like he's interested in us," Cordy said, her brows pulling into a frown. "Or my boss, to be specific. Angel... the Trickster has been messing with him. Dropping him into alternate realities, screwing with his head. I was hoping you might know his soft spots... his weaknesses. Maybe give me something to work with."

"He doesn't have many of those, weaknesses," he answered. "He's a master of disguises, I mean, for all I know, you could be him." Now that would be a tragedy, he thought, looking at the whole package this time. Her eyes sparkled with intelligence and her questions showed she was not only sharp, but also determined. Feeling the weight of her stare, he realized he'd trailed off. Clearing his throat, he continued. "He's got this thing for sugar. If you see lots of candy wrappers, then he's around and you better watch your back, I mean your boss' back. Actually, keep out of it if you can. Once he takes a liking to you," he shook his head.

The Manhattan swirled around in the martini glass as she listened to him talk, finding it just a little difficult to focus on exactly what he was saying. "Sugar, right..." She set down the drink without taking a sip. Focus. "And yeah... we've seen his impersonation act," she said sharing a knowing look with him. "He took the form of Angel's ex. They have this whole... star-crossed lovers thing. He's got this curse and..." Cordy waved it off. "Well it's a long story and not important because he figured it out before bumping uglies with her... him.. whatever. Crisis averted. But trust me when I tell you it could have been bad."

Bumping uglies? His lips quirked and he looked down at the table to hide it before looking back. Yeah, he had a thing for brunettes. Especially smart, witty ones who spoke about the other things that went bump in the dark.

She paused when she caught the way he was looking at her. She already knew he appreciated her looks - they all did. But Sam actually seemed to see beyond the pretty packaging and appeared genuinely interested in finding out what she had to say... like her contribution was important. A rare flush colored her cheeks and Cordy swept up her glass and took a long drink to regain her composure. "So... candy wrappers. Good to know. Anything else?"

"Yeah." He watched a flush steal over her face and wondered what caused it. He'd have offered her a penny for her thoughts if he weren't afraid that she wouldn't be able to separate him from Gary riding his body, not that he could blame her. Maybe he should be prepared for a lifetime of women he didn't know slapping him. "Ah, well we think we know how to kill him, but we've never actually been able to put that plan into effect. Bobby might have told you that we think a stake to the heart will do it, but there's always fine print. It has to be dipped in the blood of one of his victims." Seeing the frown form on her forehead, he started to reach out to smooth it away, but dropped his hand before he touched her. What the hell was he thinking? "Pretzels," he asked a waitress who was walking by, hoping Cordelia would think that's what he'd been after.

For a moment Cordy thought he was reaching out to caress her face, but he changed his trajectory at the last moment and she realized he'd only been trying to get the waitress' attention. The weird thing was, she hadn't even flinched. The weirder thing was that she was a little disappointed that he hadn't actually touched her.

Absently, she plucked the cherry out of her drink and twirled it by the stem. "Stake dipped in the victim's blood. Oh the irony..." she smirked at the private joke. Angel told her Bobby didn't know he was a vampire - apparently these hunters were hard core and might not understand or care about the whole soul thing. "Boss will love that," the smirk pulled into a grin as she popped the cherry between her teeth and bit down before closing her lips around it to suck the juice.
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