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Darth Snyder Sue

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Summary: For too long Snyder has obeyed orders and bypassed opportunities in his life. This time, he’s stepping up to kick some ass and kiss some chicks while shouting Kiss Rocks! (Snyder-Sue Challenge)

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Other BtVS Characters(Recent Donor)LunaFR1511,56701968621 Jul 1021 Jul 10Yes
Darth Snyder Sue

‘Challenge’ Response: This plot bunny is completely and utterly the fault of this Forum discussion (, thanks to jrabbit and cwolf ;)

Summary: For too long Snyder has obeyed orders and bypassed opportunities in his life. This time, he’s stepping up to kick some ass and kiss some chicks while shouting Kiss Rocks! (Snyder-Sue Challenge)

Pairing: Snyder/Jenny C/ …. And kinda Joyce S…

Crossover: Slightly with Star Wars. Be warned: I was a SW geek in middle school and read every Timothy Zahn novel and a dozen others. However, my only knowledge of SW now is remembered dimly from Knights of the Old Republic. So if I use powers wrong or call them the wrong things… bite me :)

DISCLAIMER: No hablo ingles, entonces no demandame. (I don’t speak English, so don’t sue me)
Just kiiiiiding. Really, I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Star Wars. If I owned the first one then the Season 8 Comic Books wouldn’t have happened and if I owned the second one then I would swim in a pool of sangria and receive massages from Hayden Christianson!


Principal Snyder was sitting in the faculty lunch room as he observed the interactions of Ms. Jenny Calendar and Mr. Rupert Giles with disguised envy. His fork speared the medium-rare steak that he forced the lunch lady to make just for him and he chewed with leisure. Lunch time was his favorite time of the day – he was able to take a break from those meddlesome kids and casually observe the raven-haired beauty that haunted his dreams.

Since the day he had stepped foot on this campus Jenny Calendar had enraptured his very soul with her grace, wit, and beauty. However, that damn rogue Englishman had stolen the women before he had ever had a chance to approach her. He found it painful that she never looked twice at him. Yes, he knew that he was not the tallest of men nor the most handsome, but he was intelligent and played a mean bass guitar. Wasn’t he good enough for her?

Snyder sighed and drowned his sorrows with a pint of chocolate milk before taking his tray back to the cafeteria – it was time to take out his sexual frustrations on delinquents.

He wondered where Buffy Summers was.


With a groan, Snyder woke up and stretched on his massive king-sized bed. His three cats hissed in annoyance as he disturbed their resting spots, but their reactions barely registered with him. His head pounded with the ferocity of a KISS drum solo and he fumbled with closed eyes to grab pain relievers out of his nightstand.

Wow, he had just had the trippiest dream. It had been Halloween and he had dressed up as Darth Vader for his D&D game with the boys from the City Council when somehow he had actually turned into a frickin’ Sith Lord! Crazy trippy, his dream was. He had then gone on a rampage through the city as he destroyed many vampires, aka gangs on PCP, force-choked his annoying neighbor, and then made sweet love to a passionate fangirl on a desk at the high school.

But just as he was reliving the moments of his dream, his eyes blearily blinked open to reveal that he was still in his Darth Vader costume and that his annoying neighbor with the untidy hedges and stupid dog was laying on the floor with strangulation marks around his neck.

Damn. Stupid Hellmouth. Now he’d have to call one of the Mayor’s boys to hide the body.

However, on the plus side, Snyder quickly realized that his use of the Force was still functioning – although on a smaller scale.

He would have to practice.


A woman’s fearful scream pierced the silent night and Snyder burst out of his office. He stilled and closed his eyes in order to focus on the Force to find the woman. Alarmingly, his senses realized that it was Jenny Calendar, his unrequited love, that was racing for her life while a vampire pursued her with heavy footsteps. Using the Force to enhance his speed, Snyder sprinted through the hallways with only one thing on his mind – death for the creature that dared to harm Jenny.

Skidding to a stop at the foot of the stairs, he saw that the vampire was holding Jenny by her poor slender neck. Without hesitation he directed a Force Storm to release Jenny from that foul beast’s grip. Jenny was softly seated at the opposite end of the hallway where she stared at him with unabashed admiration while the vampire was thrown roughly at the wall.

Speaking of which – that vampire looked familiar… Dammit! It was that same brooding guy who would hang out in the library with that damn Summers girl!

He always knew she hung out with a bad crowd.

“Oh, Principal Snyder, what a surprise!” the vampire drawled with a lazy smile as he stood up and brushed himself off. “Lemme guess, you expect to see a hall pass?”

“No,” Snyder smiled grimly as he imagined himself as one of the great villains or heroes that he grew up watching. “I expect you to die.” Raising his arms, he harnessed the Force around him and directed it towards the vampire in the form of crackling lightning that lit up the darkened hallway. The vampire screamed in uncontrollable pain as he writhed on the ground; and Snyder chuckled softly. This would teach the creature to attack Jenny – and on school grounds no less.

With a shuddering breath, Snyder ended the torment – but only because his arms were tiring.

The vampire gave him a sly, though pained smile. “You know that won’t kill me, right?”

Snyder nodded curtly; the Mayor had given him all the information he needed to know. “Oh yes, I know. But that was for trespassing on school property, mister.”

He clenched his fist and the vampire grabbed his neck as he began Force Choking him. “Now this is for hurting the lovely Ms. Calendar.” With a burst of energy, Snyder squeezed his neck until his head simply popped off and the creature exploded into a cloud of dust.

Smiling smugly, Snyder cracked his knuckles. That had gone well.

“Principal Snyder,” Jenny said breathlessly. “That was… How did you…? I don’t understand!” She clenched his arm as she stared her wide brown eyes into his own.

He paused for a moment. So far he had just been using his powers for fun. He hadn’t thought of much more past that – much less telling anyone! “I have a gift, Ms. Calendar. It is one that I was very happy to use to help you.”

She smiled at him and kissed his cheek; blushing slightly. “Please, after what you did, call me Jenny.”

Never before had he told anyone at the school his first name, having always gone by Principal R. Snyder to everyone. But something in the Force told him that Jenny deserved to be on a first-name basis with him – for he hoped to be on a naked basis with her soon. “Raphael,” he told her.

Her eyes widened as her lips curved up into a smile. “Raphael?”

He made a face. “Yes, my mother’s family is Italian. I know, it sounds stupid, doesn’t it? All the kids made fun of it in school.”

“Oh no!” she shook her head fervently. “I find it… sexy. It suits you,” she added shyly.

Raphael Snyder licked lips in anticipation as she moved her body against his. “Sexy?”

“Oh, yes. So, how may I repay you for saving me?” she asked as she peered up at him from underneath long, curling lashes.

“Like this,” he said before crushing her mouth against his in a fervent display of passion. She sighed against him as he plunged his tongue within her mouth and ran his skilled hands over her slim body.

“Oh, take me, Principal Snyder!” she gasped after they finally came up for air.

He gave her a smoldering look. “Well, for you I’d be willing to put the ‘pal’ in principal, Jenny.”

“Oh honey, you can put anything you want in me,” she promised with a sultry smile.

And he did. Many times with numerous orgasms throughout the next twenty-four hour period.

Quickly they became a couple and Jenny made him realize that he could use his powers for good. With the power of the Force with him and Jenny next to him, Raphael Snyder used Force Persuasion powers to get the Mayor to confess his evil intentions for Sunnydale, slayed every vampire and demon, and personally closed down the Hellmouth.

Not to mention, in his spare time – after lots of begging from her and Rupert Giles – Snyder finally began to teach Buffy Summers the Jedi way. He still hated her but his ego appreciated the way she, that librarian, her redhead friend, and that goofy kid from their group practically worshipped his every powerful move.

Plus, it didn’t hurt that he also allowed the vampire slayer into his presence since he had started banging her mom. Well, it was a bit more complex than that, but due to rescuing her once outside the grocery store from a demon he had begun a relationship with her.

Not that Jenny minded, of course. In fact, the three of them got along quite well together…



Ooookay, this was crackalicious! And short but I have too many ongoing projects to put much thought into a crackfic. Hope you liked! LOL, or maybe you were just disgusted by this sexalicious Snyder (eewww, yeah, those words should NEVER be next to each other!).


The End

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