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Summary: Xander Harris is full of it. Doom that is.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Smallville > Xander-CenteredCrazyDanFR181342,92273371162,55622 Jul 1010 Mar 14No

Chapter 12

A Smallville/BTVS crossover.....

Superman was created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster. Smallville was developed for television by Alfred Gough and Miles Millar. Doomsday was created by Dan Jurgens. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the characters within the show were created by Joss Whedon. I do not own any of the characters within this story. It is a work of fan fiction and is not done for profit.

Chapter 12:

Jonathan Kent was quiet as he drove both Clark and Xander home from the scene of the accident. He didn't mind that Clark had saved someone's life. That wasn't a problem. The problem was that it was a Luthor.

The Luthors were bad news. Period. He didn't really know how to describe how bad this could be to his son.

“What's wrong Dad?” Clark asked his unusually stoic father.

“You saved the life of a Luthor. No good can come from that.” Jonathan sighed. “We helped the Luthors once in the aftermath of the meteor shower. We earned a favor from them, but even that had a price. We got you through a fake adoption agency set up by Lionel Luthor, the price was my recommendation that the Ross' could trust Lionel Luthor's business plans.”

“You're why they sold the creamed corn plant?” Xander asked, surprised. “Pete still harps on about how that ruined his family.”

“They're not homeless and they still have considerably more than we do.” Jonathan countered. “Both of Pete's parents have jobs and they own their home. As far as I know they don't have any outstanding loans. That's more than most people have in this town.”

“So... Pete's family lost their business because of me?” Clark asked.

Xander slapped the back of Clark's head. “It wasn't your fault. This Lionel sounds like a megalomaniac. No matter what debt he may have owed you, he would have asked for more at the end of the bargain. Still... This could be a problem. I remember that bald guy from when I first got here. I was submitted to some... tests after I was found in the corn field. I was in some fancy place, then I was dumped in Suicide Slums of Metropolis. I wasn't what they were looking for.”

“You mean....” Clark trailed off.

“There is a distinct possibility that Lionel was in town looking for you Clark. There are prophecies about a Traveler, a champion from beyond the stars.... Only the well learned or those who could afford to hire them would know about them.” Xander explained. “As for what his son knows.... that remains to be seen.”

“From what I've read in the Daily Planet Lex and his father don't exactly get along.” Jonathan offered as he pulled onto the road leading to the Kent farm. “There's a very good chance that Lex was sent here to be kept out of Metropolis and the papers there. He's always good for a scandal.”

“Like hitting someone and going off a bridge?” Xander asked.

“I really hope that was an accident.” Jonathan sighed. “We should all hope.”

“I think it was. There was a log and barbed wire involved. I think. It happened kind of fast.” Clark said.

Jonathan nodded. “Just be wary all right? I don't know exactly how far the apple has fallen from the tree on this one.”

Clark and Xander nodded.

“So... about that blanket.... how do you feel about capes?” Xander asked Clark in an attempt to change the conversation.

“Capes? That's just silly.” Clark said with a shake of his head.

“Sure, now. Once you start flying that will change.” Xander grinned.

“Then why don't you have a cape?”

“Capes don't go with bone spurs.” Xander told him as he rolled his eyes. “Duh.”

“Oh yeah, I've forgotten about your Californian sense of style.” Clark said with a grin. “Hawaiian shirts and board shorts.”

“You got it.” Xander grinned.

Jonathan sighed. It was going to be a long night.

Luthor Mansion....

Lex Luthor stared at the glass of brandy in his hand as it was illuminated by the fire going in his study. The flickering lights in the amber liquid managed to distract him a little. He'd almost died on his first day back in Smallville. It seemed his exile was off to one hell of a start.

He finished his brandy and headed over to his desk. He pressed the button on the phone that connected to his head of security.

“Sir?” A voice said over the intercom.

“Find out everything you can about the Kent family. I want a dossier ready by breakfast.” Lex ordered.

“Yes sir.” His security chief said.

Lex rubbed his face and sighed. He didn't want to sleep, but he had another day at the office tomorrow. At his fertilizer plant.

Sometimes his life was so full of shit.

The Kent Farm....
The next day.....

“What the hell is that truck doing here?” Xander asked as he came back to the Kent Farm after doing his errands. He'd been canvassing Smallville, seeing if there were any interesting sites to see. Aside from loads of meteor sites, there wasn't all that much here save for some cave networks. There was a fair bit of land for sale since the town still hadn't fully recovered from the meteor shower.

“It's a gift for Clark.” Jonathan told him. The look on the man's face told Xander just how not happy he was about it.

“From who? The Truck Fairy?” Xander smirked.

“You know who it's from.” Jonathan sighed.

“Yeah.” Xander nodded. “I think we need to have a little chat with the Luthor Scion.”

“Clark won't be happy about it.” Jonathan said as the two men headed inside the house.

“He's a teenager... he'll get over it.” Xander grinned. “Eventually.”

“Hey.” Clark said as he appeared in the kitchen. “What's with the truck?”

“Let's go for a drive.” Xander grinned as he tossed Clark the keys.

“To where?” Clark asked as he caught the keys.

“Return to sender.” Xander told him. “This is a platitude of gratitude from a wealthy individual.”

“Do what now?” Clark asked as he cocked his head in slight confusion. “Wait... Luthor sent this didn't he?”

“Yeah, he did.” Xander said. “Gifts for doing the right thing? Can't really accept them. Kind of tacky.”

“But... truck, me drive.” Clark said. “Grr.”

“Aside from hauling goods and cruising around for or with girls, what do you need your own car for?” Xander asked. “You can get anywhere far faster on foot than you could with wheels. Besides, you'll be flying soon enough. Way better than driving.”

“That's not the point. Every boy dreams of owning a sweet ride.” Clark argued.

“Son, stop channeling Pete.” Jonathan grinned. “It's a little creepy.”

“Fine.” Clark sighed. “Let's just return it then.”

“Come on, you can reprogram the radio presets on the way over.” Xander grinned.

“And drive.” Clark said as he jangled the keys.

“Well, that too.” Xander agreed.

The Luthor Place....

“Sir, the Kent boy and another are here to see you.” Lex Luthor's head of security said as he entered the study.

“Oh, he's a little early.” Lex grinned as he looked at his watch. “Still... send them in.”

Lex suppressed his grin as he saw the two differently dressed people come into his study. There was the boy that saved him and his... he honestly didn't know much about the other one. His files were pretty scarce after he left Sunnydale. It was like he'd dropped off the world for a while. There were financial records of course, but the reasons behind them were... nonexistent. He'd inherited a large amount of money and just.... traveled.

Lex sort of envied that. If his father kicked it... well almost certainly it would be declared his fault. Plans within plans. He hated it all so much.

“I can't keep the truck.” Clark said simply.

“I figured as much.” Lex grinned. “So... what else brings the two of you to my humble abode?”

Xander snorted. “We heard you had a killer Foosball table.”

Lex blinked. “You know... that's one thing I don't actually have. Hell... I don't even have an air hockey table. I should look into that.”

“So... what exactly brings you to Smallville?” Xander asked.

“My father...” Lex trailed off. “He wants me to start at the bottom.”

“So you're cleaning the stables?” Xander grinned.

“Something like that.” Lex said with a nod.

“Is this a Heracles reference?” Clark asked.

Lex raised a hairless eyebrow. “Wow. He's pretty well read.”

“He gets by.” Xander told him. “I'm Xander by the way.”

“Short for Alexander?” Lex asked him.

“Yep.” Xander grinned.

“So we've got a Xander and a Lex. Now we just need someone called Al.” Lex said with a nod. “Then our name would be complete.”

“Did he hit his head yesterday?” Clark asked Xander.

“Maybe.” Xander shrugged. “So... Are you going to do what your father expects or something else?”

“The thing is... He expects everything. He wants me to succeed, but he wants me to fail too. It's a thing. He wants me to be worthy, but not a threat.” Lex said with a shrug.

“Well... I've got a couple of ideas you might like.” Xander grinned. “This place is nice, but have you ever considered having a different person to follow an example of?”

“Like who?” Lex asked.

“Like Scrooge McDuck.” Xander told him. “He knew when to invest and when not to. He also earned every dollar he ever made by being the best at what he did.”

“Plus he could swim through coins. I always wanted to be able to do that.” Lex grinned. “So oh wise one... what should I be doing?”

“Well instead of living here, you should live well below your means.” Xander said. “Drive a Geo Metro, shop and buy off the rack. When was the last time you wore a non-tailored suit?”

Lex winced. “You're asking for a lot.”

“Come on, how many people can have a bumper sticker that says 'My other car is a Porsche' and have it actually be true?” Xander grinned.

“I'm listening.” Lex grinned as he put on his suit's jacket.

“Well, have you ever considered going green?” Xander asked as the trio began to walk out of the study.

“I run a fertilizer plant. Green is the final product.” Lex said flatly.

“Funny.” Xander said with a grin. “I've a couple patents in the works... ones that could not only ease some of the costs of your plant but could net you a profit if you help me produce the products commercially.”

“Tell me more.” Lex said.

“I have in my possession, breaking wind technology.” Xander said before pausing. “I mean... cutting edge wind technology.”

“No, let's go with the fart joke lead in.” Lex grinned. “I want to hear this.”

“Well, think of windmills... but instead of grinding grain, they generate power.” Xander started. “Plus... overall they're less than a tenth of the size of regular windmills.”

“Go on.” Lex said, his curiosity getting the better of him.

“Well, don't even get me started on what I've come up with for solar cells.” Xander said with a smirk. “Those two alone are enough to start up a new energy conglomerate.”

“You just need some added funds.” Lex surmised.

“Well, once the patents clear, which could take some time.” Xander admitted. “I do all right but I could use some help in getting those pushed through. I've got the rough stuff in the Kent's barn.”

“So... are you a mad scientist or something?” Lex asked.

“Or something.” Xander and Clark said together with matching grins.

“I take it Smallville isn't really the small town it portrays itself to be.” Lex surmised.

“Most small towns aren't.” Xander said with a nod. “Everyone has secrets.”

“He's not kidding.” Clark said as he adjusted his glasses. He'd have to talk to Xander about Lex later. He didn't notice it the day before, but the man had been changed by the meteorites like so many other residents of Smallville.

He idly wondered what Lex's ability was as they continued their trek out of the Luthor Mansion. There was a distinct possibility his hair loss was related to it, but he wasn't sure how.

Later that afternoon....

“So... you're thinking of buying an old steel mill? Why?” Lex asked Xander as they sat around a table drinking coffee at the Beanery.

“Well... it's run down and cheap for one.” Xander grinned. “A real fixer upper. Plus it'll get me out of the Kent's barn.”

“You sleep in their barn?” Lex asked, surprised by the man's statement.

“Yup.” Xander nodded. “It's not so bad. Beats the stables.”

“Is he some kind of savage?” Lex asked Clark.

“Sometimes.” Clark said with a nod. “Just don't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry.”

“I'm right here you know.” Xander said before taking a sip from his carafe of coffee.

Lex eyed the man who was drinking straight from the pot the waitress had given him. “So... what all have I signed up for by living here?”

“The strange and unusual.” Xander and Clark said together.

“Really? I'm from Metropolis. Lot's of weird stuff happens there.” Lex said.

“They don't hold the monopoly of weird.” Clark said as Xander unscrewed the lid of his carafe of coffee and started pouring sugar in it.

“I can see that.” Lex grinned. “So... What else do you guys do for fun around here?”

“Well... there's the local wildlife.” Xander said right before the waitress came by and refilled his coffee. He grinned at her as she added more coffee to his pot.

“I think I'll observe for a while first.” Lex grinned. “I don't think most of the people here like me.”

“You did destroy part of a bridge on your first day here.” Clark grinned.

“Yeah.” Lex sighed. “But then again, I wasn't the one that dropped a fencepost wrapped in barbed wire in the middle of the road.”

“Oh yeah.” Xander said as he snapped his fingers. “They're still trying to find the jerk that dropped it.”

“I'm sure the Sheriff's office is doing a thorough investigation.” Lex said with a bit of a grin.

Clark and Xander shrugged. Police work wasn't exactly their specialty.

“So... about those patents of yours...” Lex asked Xander.


“He's buying what?” Lionel asked one of his informants on his son's activities. “Why the hell would he buy an AMC Pacer? That's why I'm paying you! Find out!” He yelled before slamming the phone down. “What is that boy thinking? Associating with the Kents... does he know? No... I've been far too careful for Veritas to come to light.” Lionel said to himself. “The Traveler... if he is the Kent child.... I must find out before the second fall approaches. The one who controls him, controls the chains of fate.” Lionel whispered.

He had to be careful. The Traveler was protected by outside forces. That much had been written. What those forces were... he didn't want to test. Yet.

Smallville.... the next day....

“The Mirthmobile?” Xander asked Lex as the bald man got out of his 'new' car.

“Well, there's no licorice dispenser.” Lex grinned. “But I did get the flames painted on it.”

“Fair enough.” Xander nodded. “It's a start.”

“That it is.” Lex agreed. “So... oh wise one, now what?”

“Rumor has it a guy at a local garage got electrocuted.” Xander said. “Thing is, the powergrid wasn't involved.”

“This is the Mirthmobile, not the Mystery Machine.” Lex said. “I do have a business to run.”

“Multi-tasking.” Xander grinned. “Come on. I need something to do since Clark's at school.”

“Why are you best friends with a high-schooler anyways?” Lex asked.

“Well, he's still honest for one.” Xander told him. “It's kind of refreshing.”

“That I understand.” Lex nodded. “Still... it's a little weird.”

“Clark's a good guy and a straight arrow. It's hard not to be friends with him. He's like the little brother I always wanted.” Xander shrugged.

Lex nodded as he got a far off look on his face.

“What is it?” Xander asked him.

“Bad memory.” Lex said. “Let's leave it at that for now.”

“Fair enough.” Xander nodded. “So... you up for a mystery?”

“Fine. Dazzle me.” Lex said as he got into the passenger side of his car. “If we're doing this, you're driving and paying for gas.”

“Gotcha.” Xander grinned.

Two hours later at the closed Iron Works.....

“How did we get into this again?” Lex shouted as he ducked behind a column.

“I said I was bored!” Xander shouted. “I didn't know we'd be dealing with Billy the Walking Tesla Coil!”

“Didn't you? Didn't you?” Lex shouted.

“Well, I guessed.” Xander admitted. “So... I've got an idea.”

“I'm all ears!” Lex yelled.

“Can you keep a secret?” Xander asked.

“Depends on the secret!” Lex said.

Xander rolled his eyes. “Don't blink or you'll miss it.” He said before standing up and taking the electrical charges being thrown his way head on.

“Whoa.” Lex said as he watched Xander slowly walk forward and shove the zap happy teen into a barrel full of rain water. The kid twitched as he shorted himself out.

“Well... that was different.” Lex said as he stood up and brushed some of the dirt off his suit. “You human?”

“Not exactly.” Xander told him. “The Meteor Shower changed a lot of people. Those people have gifts, some are just more pronounced than others.”

“Like my never needing to shave?” Lex asked. “I fail to see how that is a gift.”

“When was the last time you were sick with anything other than a headache or hangover?” Xander asked.

Lex paused in thought. He hadn't... not really since.... “Fair point.” He said with a nod. “You?”

“I'm the Juggernaut, bitch.” Xander grinned.

“Now this I have to see.” Lex said.

“Wasn't what I just did proof enough?” Xander asked.

“Maybe. Still... how?” Lex asked.

“Exotic radiation that interacts with human biochemistry in unique ways.” Xander said. “The Government said with rocks were safe, but long terms studies were never done and they react more when heated.”

“So... people got higher doses at moment of impact.” Lex surmised.

“Exactly.” Xander nodded. “Bigger dose, bigger chance of change.”

“How do you know all of this?” Lex asked.

“I'm not stupid and I read a lot of comics.” Xander grinned. “Still... research on the rocks can be dangerous. Don't want anyone to end up like Madam Curie.”

“It would also be expensive as hell.” Lex said. “Though if I were to cut power costs at my plant... I suppose I could afford to do some digging.”

“So the prototypes impressed you.” Xander grinned.

“Of course they did.” Lex said. “The real question is how fast can you build full scale ones?”

“Give me a week after I get the materials and your plant will be off the grid.” Xander promised.

“Sounds like a plan.” Lex said. “So now what?”

“Coffee and pie?” Xander offered.

“Sounds good. Though we should probably get this kid to a hospital.” Lex said. “He looks familiar though. Like I know him from somewhere.”

“Well, this is a small town.” Xander offered with a grin. “We can figure that out later.” He said before fishing the kid out of the barrel and onto his shoulder in a fireman's carry.

“Are you ever boring?” Lex asked Xander.

“Yes, but only when I'm on the can.” Xander told him.

“That I didn't need to know.” Lex said with a grimace.


Lionel stared at the age progressed photos of a small boy that had been found in a field in Kansas and the man his son was currently associating with. They weren't even close. Every different method used still produced the same result... it wasn't him.

Lionel didn't know whether to be reassured or scared by that. The man was dangerous and the scarce information he'd managed to compile on top of what his son's resources had found worried him. The man had been all over the world and where he went, destruction followed.

Everywhere except Smallville. In Smallville... he didn't destroy anything.

Perhaps he was the Traveler's protector.....

Or something else entirely.


“Have you seen Clark?” Jonathan asked Xander as he came into the house.

“No. Didn't he come home from school?” Xander asked. “I know there's a game and a dance tonight but he should have at least come back to change clothes.”

Jonathan and Xander shared a look.

“I'll go find him.” Xander promised.

“Thank you.” Jonathan said with a nod.

“No problem!” Xander said with his passable ALF impression.

“Just go.” Jonathan said. “Send word when you know he's safe.”

Xander nodded and headed back out the front door. He found Lex sitting on the hood of his car and staring at the night sky.

“That was fast.” Lex said as he sat up.

“Clark didn't come home. Now we get to look for him.” Xander told him.

“On homecoming night?” Lex asked... “Hey, I know where I know that guy from.”

“Where?” Xander asked.

“From a cornfield.” Lex said. “He was tied up like a scarecrow back before the meteor shower.”

“You know... I think Clark's still mooning over the quarterback's girlfriend a little.” Xander said. “What field?”

“Umm... I can show you better than tell you.” Lex offered.

“Saddle up.” Xander said as he got into the car. “We ride.”

“I really need to get a licorice dispenser.” Lex said as he fastened his seatbelt.

“And maybe blond wig.” Xander threw in.

“Hey if I'm anyone, it's Wayne.” Lex countered.

“Nuh-uh. I'm the cooler one. That makes you Garth.” Xander said. “Have your pubes come in yet?”

“You went there.” Lex muttered. “You actually went there.”

Xander shrugged as he put the car into 1st gear. “When you've got it, flaunt it.”

“Please, don't.” Lex said as his face turned a little green.

“Fair enough.” Xander said as they sped off.

Miller's Field...

“And there it is.” Lex said as they found Clark strapped to a wooden scarecrow stand with a red 'S' painted on his chest.

He was also wearing a meteor rock fashion accessory around his neck that was glowing softly in the moonlight.

“I thought I told you mooning over Lana was a bad idea.” Xander scolded Clark.

“This is assault, kidnapping and a slew of other misdemeanors.” Lex said as he looked between the two.

“Done by the star quarterback and son of a pillar of the community.” Xander groused. “It's also some sort of twisted tradition here.”

“So... no charges are going to be pressed are they?” Lex asked as he started untying Clark.

“Nope.” Xander grinned. “Though we may be pranking them later.”

“May?” Clark gasped as he took off the necklace.

“Definitely then.” Xander agreed. “Lex, you can head on home. We'll handle this.”

“Can I help?” Lex offered.

Clark and Xander shared a look. “We're good.” They said.

“All right, but I expect it to make the local paper.” Lex said before heading for his car. “Which way is my place again?”

“You make a left after getting out of the field, drive for five minutes and take a right at the 1st traffic light you see.” Xander told him.

“Thanks.” Lex said. “I'll see about getting you the supplies soon.” He nodded as before getting in his car and driving off.

“Was that an AMC Pacer?” Clark asked Xander.

“We're calling it the Mirthmobile.” Xander told him.

“That's one of those pop culture things I've missed out on isn't it?” Clark sighed.

“Yes, yes it is.” Xander grinned. “Now... it's time to mess with Fordham and friends. I'm thinking messing with their rides. Oh yeah, we better go tell your folks you're okay.”

“What about the necklace?” Clark asked Xander.

“Leave it.” Xander shrugged. “Either Fordham will find it or he won't. It's his own fault for using it even if he didn't know about your weakness.”

“It was kind of a dick move wasn't it?” Clark asked.

“It was.” Xander agreed. “Let's go so we can fuck his shit up.”

“Language.” Clark scolded before they speed off towards the Kent Farm to check in with his folks.

Later that night....

“Dude, where's my truck?” Whitney Fordham asked as he looked around the school parking lot.

“Where's your truck dude?” One of his teammates joked before looking around. “Where's my car dude?” He asked, getting a little angry.

“My car is gone too!” Another member of the football team shouted.

“What the hell is going on?” Lana demanded as she looked around the parking lot. “That's oddly specific grand theft.”

“There's a bunch of car parts in the pool!” Someone said as they ran towards the parking lot. “Way more than one car's worth.”

“Shit.” Whitney muttered as he ran for the school's swimming pool, his teammates following behind him.

“Dude, my car!” One of his teammates gasped.

“All of our cars.” Whitney growled. “How the hell did this happen?”

“Are they supposed to be that rusted?” Lana asked.

“Shit.” Whitney said. “Chlorine is an oxidizing agent. Even if we drained the pool they're ruined.”

“What?” one of his teammates asked.

“Don't you pay attention in chemistry?” Whitney demanded.

“Of course not, you're my lab partner.” His friend said.

Whitney sighed. He was surrounded by idiots.


“That went a little further than I thought it was going to.” Clark said as they watched from the skylight over the school's pool.

“Well... they did string you up and put a poisonous rock around your neck.” Xander said. “Besides, I checked. They all have full insurance. They'll be fine. The only ones who know it might be payback are them and after this they shouldn't mess with you.”

“You added more chlorine to the pool didn't you?” Clark accused Xander.

“Just two buckets.” Xander grinned. “These guys deserved far worse.”

“All right fine. But no more than this okay?” Clark said. “Any more and some people might get suspicious.”

“You and your reasonable level of paranoia.” Xander mocked.

“It's a burden.” Clark agreed. “Coffee and pie?”

“That's the second time today but all right.” Xander agreed. “I do like pie. Let's boogie.”

And they did.

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