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5 Parents Xander Never Had

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Summary: Xander has been linked to many famous and infamous people before. But nothing as insane as this.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-Centered > Ficlet CollectionsSithicusFR768,36711618,26623 Jul 1022 Aug 10Yes

M.A.D Daddy

Author's Notes: Greetings. Another muse bit me today for the typical Xander's Real Family five things kind of challenge. That being said I hope I won't get mobbed for this. The theme for this one is Five Villains preferrably with Pet Cats. I've got three lined up already, would anyone happen to know any others?

Disclaimer: All BtVS Characters belong to Joss and ME Productions. All characters from Inspector Gadget belong to DIC/Disney and any number of others. I claim nothing otherwise this is a work of fanfiction, cracked as it is, so don't hunt me down and gouge my spleen out.

Xander had been dragged into a decrepit-falling-apart castle by the strange guys in black jumpsuits. He’d been peacefully preparing to do some comic book reading when they’d jumped him at home and told him in no uncertain terms that he was going with them to meet somebody.

Who that somebody was he hadn’t been told, but he had a feeling Buffy and Willow would be worried sick by now since that had been three days ago.

Brought into a shadow filled room with a large ornate looking desk and chair in the middle of it Xander studied the room carefully. A fire flickered in the fireplace – Xander heard a rasping sound and thought that he’d just been brought into the presence of a Darth Vader wannabe.

It turned out the sound was coming from a large grey cat with black stripes resting on the desk next to the computer monitor.

The person sitting in the high-backed chair leaned forward, somehow his face was still impossible to make out. The only thing Xander knew was that he was wearing some kind of grey metal glove thing.

“Ok, I’ll bite. What is this? A kidnapping thing? Ritualistic magical spell stuff?” he asked somewhat in jest. Xander didn’t expect to be taken seriously.

“Nothing so mundane,” the man seated in the chair stated in a dark and low baritone that sounded like he had a throat full of rocks. “Alexander LaVelle Harris?” the man questioned though he probably already knew who it was standing in front of him.

“Yep. The one and only,” Xander agreed with a broad grin doing his best to hide his unease at the entire situation.

“Good, then this is for you,” the man informed pulling something out of the desk.

Xander found himself looking at a large grey envelope with Test Results written on the front. Curious despite himself he pulled the contents out. Inside was what appeared to be a blood test from Sunnydale General.

“I’m not sure I follow,” Xander said beginning to get a very bad vibe from everything.

The man leaned into the firelight at last revealing his face. Xander was looking into a pair of very familiar eyes – except of course they had seen more of the world. A similar lopsided grin appeared on the man’s face, but it looked far more sinister than Xander’s.

“Simply put, Alexander, I am your father,” the man informed pulling off the Darth Vader vibe even though his voice was very different. The cat on the desk started snickering.

“Uh…” Xander couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Stretch, Weasel,” the man barked. The two jumpsuit clad men who had accompanied Xander snapped to attention. “Escort my son to the guest room, we have much to discuss,” he said.

The monitor on the desk started to beep incessantly and the man rolled his eyes.

As Xander was escorted from the room still trying to come to grips with everything he’d just been told he heard his ‘father’ addressing someone on the monitor.

“I want Gadget’s head on a platter!”

“Yes, Doctor Claw, sir.”

Xander shook his head. “This has to be a dream. No scratch that. A nightmare,” he muttered to himself. All he could think was how he was going to explain to his two favorite girls in the world that his father was some weirdo and that his new name was apparently Xander Claw.

The End
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