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Summary: YAHF where Xander decides to create his own character from a bunch of partial New Mutants' outfits.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Marvel Universe > X-Men > Xander-Centered(Current Donor)dogbertcarrollFR151234,17831282111,22027 Jul 1025 Mar 14No

NOTE: This chapter is rated FR18

Chapter 10

“We … we could go to Warp Trek?” Beastboy asked hopefully.

“Sure, I'll need to know more about it so I have a decent picture to aim for, but I can take us there,” Copycat replied.

“Velvet green?” Magik asked.

“More blue ranch sound,” Copycat explained.

“I don't get it,” Mirage whined.

Cypher shrugged. “I'm almost sharing head space with him, and can speak and understand any language and I don't either.”

“They're sharing sensory data,” Raven explained, “listening to them is like being a blind man listening to someone explain color unless you share the unique sense their teleporting ability gives them.”

“Oh!” chorused the rest of the room thoughtfully.

“That … that's perverted!” Magik exclaimed, blushing hotly.

Copycat grinned. “I was half awake and having a very good dream when it happened or I would never have stumbled on it.”

“Now THAT I can believe,” Magik declared.

“Warp Trek marathon!” Beastboy exclaimed as he rushed off.

“I'll get the popcorn,” Cyborg said, showing life once more.

“I'll explain my teammate's insanities,” Raven volunteered before turning to the New Mutants scattered throughout the room. “You've all just volunteered to undergo 12 hours of extreme geekiness, may the gods have mercy on your souls.”

“Cool!” Cypher and Copycat chorused, claiming choice viewing spots.

Magik wriggled in between them while Kitty claimed Cypher's free side and Wolfbane, Copycat's.

Mirage shrugged and sprawled out on the carpet facing the entertainment center.


“The Kingpin?” She-Hulk asked doubtfully. “As far as I know we've never gotten enough solid evidence to bring him in.”

“I'm not talking about bringing him in,” Black Widow corrected. “I'm talking about sneaking in and pulling a prank on him.”

“Something visible, like dye in his soap,” Wolverine said.

“And with the exception of whatever equipment you need… dressed as you are now,” Thor grinned.

“We have to sneak into the Kingpin's heavily guarded penthouse naked?” Xander asked, just to make sure.

She-hulk chuckled. “We'll need scramblers so we don't leave any electronic evidence, because I don't want tapes of my naked perfection appearing on the net.”

Xander tilted his head as he discussed things with his symbiote. “Okay, first let me say you are all insane and second if Jenn would care to transform into her alter ego I can get us in, but I need another bag of potatoes for my suit first.”

“What do you have in mind?” She-hulk asked curiously.

Xander held up an arm and it slowly faded from sight. “Chameleons are amateurs.”


A naked Jennifer Walters clung to Xander's back as he swung through the air with increasing skill. “Now this is a lot more exciting than a Quin Jet.”

“If you rub against my back much harder I'm going to make you ride in front,” Xander swore, his symbiote allowing him to feel every inch of her slender frame and just exactly how excited she was.

“Promises, promises...” She purred in his ear, “feel free to do whatever you want … as long as you can swing at the same time.”

A combination of her exhibitionist tendencies and adrenaline junky traits had revved her libido straight into the red zone.


Several window washers, four rooftop gardeners, and a cat burglar were left confused wondering where the sound of a woman having a screaming orgasm was coming from.


“Think we should tell her she left her mic on?” Black Widow asked with a smirk.

“Let her find out one night when we replay tapes of our greatest pranks,” Thor suggested with a smirk.

Wolverine chuckled, smiling around his cigar.


The two landed lightly on the roof of the Kingpin's building, Xander springing and moving from place to place as his danger sense went off until he found himself clinging to the door of the roof access.

“Now that was magical,” Jennifer purred lazily.

“Yep,” Xander snickered.

“And how did you do that when I was behind you?”

“The suit is an extension of me that I can shape at will,” Xander grinned wickedly, “and it’s all over you like a second skin.”

Before they could say anymore the door they were on swung open and a dozen armed men rushed onto the rooftop.

Xander climbed over the door and entered, clinging to the ceiling a quickly whispered conversation while the building security searched the roof provided them with a basic plan of attack.


“Good tactics,” Wolverine said.

“I wonder what made it magical?” Black Widow asked curiously.

“Tentacles,” Thor stated with such authority that the other two decided not to ask about it.


She-hulk followed the men with Xander clinging to her this time, enjoying the way the symbiote allowed her to play Spider Woman and trying not to think about what was pressed up against her back a task made harder by how she could feel how much Xander was enjoying his position.

The two tried not to think about sex while sitting on the ceiling of the control room, their naked bodies pressed together, as they observed the building's security measures.


“Votes to destroy the studio that created this schlock?” Kitty requested.

“Aye!” The New Mutants chorused much to Cyborg and Beastboy's horror.

“Not Warp Trek Studios!” Cyborg exclaimed.

“I thought you'd like it?” Beastboy asked, giving an impressive rendition of puppy dog eyes while in human form, “And that was just the first three episodes.”

Cypher sighed. “It’s like someone combined Star Wars and Star Trek, emphasizing the worst parts while discarding everything that made them epic.”

“Star Trek? Star Wars?” Beastboy and Cyborg chorused.

Magik chuckled. “And now we need to get money to get the tapes to let them see it, because you know they'll want their own copies.”

“Yeah, but that’s not a problem,” Copycat said. “I know where I could teleport to get a couple of grand easy, get me a care package together that a couple of people would need stranded on a deserted island and I'll be set.”

“Am I right in assuming you're going to sell relief supplies to a group of stranded travelers?” Raven asked.

“Yep,” Copycat agreed. “I would teleport them back to civilization, but they'd somehow end up right back on that island like the last time they were rescued. Two of the people on the island are so filthy rich they brought along steamer trunks filled with cash, in case they wanted to buy some souvenirs from their trip, so the only real help I can give them is to make their lives more comfortable.”

“A curse?” Raven asked.

“No idea, but I doubt it.”

“Why does this sound familiar?” Wolfbane asked thoughtfully.

Copycat started humming.

“No way!” Mirage burst out wide eyed.


The Kingpin burst out of his bedroom wearing a white silk robe and wielding a sword cane, but he froze at the sight of a naked She-Hulk doing jumping jacks.

Some sixth sense caused the large bald man to spin around, slashing with his sword.

Xander easily avoided the blade, but his shot went low, nailing the Kingpin in the crotch.

Despite his extensive martial training, Wilson Fisk found himself curled into the fetal position on the ground as the second shot smacked him in the head. He recovered almost instantly, showing speed that men a third his size would envy as he snatched up his sword only to freeze as he saw the intruder and She-hulk both doing naked jumping jacks in his living room.

Wilson Fisk calmed himself and tried to make sense of what had just happened, but when he opened his mouth to demand to know what the two naked intruders were doing in his penthouse he found himself asking, “Why do my balls itch?”

As the two burst out laughing, Wilson gave up any hope of this being a serious matter just before his robe burst open from the forest of hair that now sprouted from his crotch and his vision became obscured by his new dreads.

Apparently Reed had never figured someone would be shot twice or he no doubt would have mentioned the side effects that Wilson Fisk: The Kingpin of crime, was now experiencing.

Xander and She-Hulk stared as the formerly hairless crime lord became as hairy as a Norwegian lumberjack, or just slightly less hairy than Wolverine.

“I'd say I was dreaming this, but I lack the imagination for it; I'd also be concerned that I'd spout something about a bit of undigested potato and end up going through a Dickens tale. No, instead I think I'll simply bribe you to go away and pretend one of the many hair growth formulas I've tried actually worked.”

“We don't accept,” She-hulk began, placing her hands on her hips angrily when Xander interrupted.

“Always let them make the offer first, you never know what you'll learn from it.”

“If you promise to go away, I'll turn over all the information I've gathered on the Red Skull and his recent attempts to extend his reach into New York,” The Kingpin offered.

“Deal!” Xander said instantly.

“I want to borrow your bed first,” She-hulk said firmly.

“Go right ahead,” Wilson said. “I need to see a barber anyway. I'll have the file delivered to the Avenger's mansion.”

She-hulk drug Xander into Fisk's bedroom, a half dozen scantily dressed young women surging out a moment later before the door closed.

“Girls,” The Kingpin said with a nod of his shaggy head, “I believe a couple of weeks’ vacation in the mountains is in order, pack for winter weather.”

As the girls went to their rooms to pack, the Kingpin pushed a button on the wall. “Mason, have the car brought around and the jet readied – make sure to include a barber among the staff on board and send all the information we have on the Red Skull to the Avengers.”

The floor shook slightly to a rhythmic beat as the Kingpin pushed the button again. “Oh, and Mason have my bed replaced while I'm gone. Burn the old one.”


“Oh sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip,” the group of New Mutants and Teen Titans sang as they walked along the beach.

The cry of, “Skipper! Skipper!” that rang out really came as no surprise to the teens, all of whom had seen the show before.

The castaways arrived in mass, as the teens were examining the three SS Minnows, beached with large holes in their sides.

“Mike!” came the cry from the delighted group, Copycat quickly made introductions before the Professor took him off to the side.

“You were right, I dismissed what you'd suggested as superstitious nonsense yet here we are again. I can't even explain what possessed the group of us the third time since the first two landed us here.”

“Did you look for any discrepancies?” Copycat asked.

“I didn't have to, they jumped out at me,” The Professor said, shaking his head. “The people we knew had aged quite a bit, while we'd hardly aged at all. Everyone dismissed it as clean living and a balanced diet doing wonders, but it’s not is it?”

Mike shook his head. “Not really.”

“I read the trade journals and published a few papers in the two months we were back. Material sciences had advanced quite rapidly, but they'd barely touched on theoretical physics that I could do in my sleep.”

“What else?” Mike asked intently.

“The Howell's restructured their companies, regaining dominance in the market like it was just a hand of poker where they held all the aces. Ginger decided to try her hand at doing a live play, the reviews were out of this world, Maryanne and Gilligan aren't the type to make headlines, so I have no idea what they were up to and I'm a bit afraid to ask.”

“Yeah, they are a lot more subtle in their aspects.”

“The Skipper made the news several times, mostly for being at the right place at the right time to rescue people.”

Mike nodded. “I'm sure you'll find your answers if you keep looking, I just know enough to see that something is going on.”

“I suspect that taking us to the States is just going to end with us here again, right?”

“I doubt it'll end any other way, but a couple of months gives you time to enjoy civilization and stock a boat with things that will make living here a lot more enjoyable.”

The Professor nodded thoughtfully. “Well at any rate we should have a traditional luau before heading back.”

AN: Typing by Godogma!
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