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Summary: YAHF where Xander decides to create his own character from a bunch of partial New Mutants' outfits.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Marvel Universe > X-Men > Xander-Centered(Current Donor)dogbertcarrollFR151234,17831282111,24827 Jul 1025 Mar 14No

Chapter 2


Sirens blared throughout the mansion as the alarm system registered a medical emergency and an intruder at the same time.

Professor X’s mental voice rang out as the alarms were silenced, -Michael teleported in but he’s not quite himself, his mind is in so much pain that I can’t get more than a basic reading off him.-

A number of people rushed down to the infirmary, Michael being one of them but he was quickly pushed outside. “Joy, I’m dying and I have to wait for the results in the hall,” Michael said bitterly.

“How are you here and there?” Bobby Dacosta asked suspiciously. “I seem to recall you pointing out that if you were going to become a villain that you’d take James Maddox’s powers first!”

Michael hit his hand against the wall. “Aww look, kinetic energy but no clone. Another swing and a miss by the energy efficient mutant.”

The rest of the New Mutants rolled their eyes, used to some mutant’s suspicion of the artificial mutant.

“If he teleported in using my light discs he's probably from further down the time line when something went wrong,” Illyana Rasputin suggested.

“So his present self doesn't know about his future self's crimes and can provide an alibi! His future self probably has Jamie's powers!” Bobby said triumphantly.

Michael snapped his fingers and a light disc swallowed Bobby up.

“Where did you send him?” Sam Guthrie asked, suspicious himself but not to the extent Bobby was.

“Swimming pool,” Michael said and resumed his pacing.

Five minutes later he was still pacing as Bobby returned, soaking wet and pissed off. This time when he snapped his fingers and teleported Bobby out he slumped and sat down.

“How far away was that one?” Illyana asked, having felt the spin he put on the portal.

“Next Tuesday,” Michael replied. “I could be dying in there and I just don't have time for his mental problems.”

Illyana put a hand on his to calm him down. “Remember the nature of our power, since he's from the future it’s no longer guaranteed to happen. The you in there may die and you live, I've gone through it myself before.”

“That makes me feel a bit better, thanks,” Michael said, calming down. “Doesn't mean I'm not still worried … I mean, he's a great guy, I'd hate to have him die on me,” he joked, scoring a snort from Illyana who was the only one who ever laughed at their continuum jokes.

Wolverine stalked through the waiting room and into the medical bay, growling, “This better not be a trick.”

“Oh god, it must be serious! Wolverine said I'd only get his power as a cold dead body.”

“Yeah, but he can heal anything, this guarantees your other self will be fine,” Danielle Moonstar pointed out.

“Yes, but what if Wolverine's personality is part of his power?” Michael worried. “Why do you think I never copied his powers?”

“Because you have to cuddle with the person for about an hour?” Sam asked, causing Illyana, Michael, Kitty, and Lockheed to laugh.

“What?” Sam asked, knowing he was missing something.

Illyana shook her head. “He only needed a second of skin to skin contact when he first got here, now he can copy any powers within a half mile.”

“So it was just a trick to get into my panties!” Rahne Sinclair shouted.

Michael raised an eyebrow. “When did we have sex?”

Rahne stopped and looked confused for a moment. “Yeah, why didn't you try and seduce me?”

“I can't cuddle with a pretty girl without having ulterior motives?” Michael asked, utterly confused.

“You still should have made a pass at her,” Illyana said.

“It’s only polite,” Kitty agreed.

“I can't just want to be held?” Michael sniffed and faked a tear.

“I thought that was our line?” Danielle asked.

Michael shook his head and reminded himself that even Professor Xavier, the most powerful telepath on the planet didn't understand women. The brief mental contact from Professor X saying he did was ignored as Michael cherished his delusions.

Sighing he stood up and walked over to Rahne's chair, picked her up and sat back down with her in his lap and wrapped his arms around her. No one heard what he whispered in her ear, but her blush completely eclipsed her freckles.

Wolverine stepped out of the infirmary. “Your other self is ready for visitors if you care,” he growled and stalked off.

Michael stood up and quickly entered the infirmary still carrying Rahne. “So, I'm ok?”

Beast raised an eyebrow at Michael carrying a red faced Rahne, but didn't comment on it. “We had to mentally suppress your consciousness as you reacted rather violently to Wolverine's power. Despite the fact that you would instinctively copy his power to save your life, you kept mentally rejecting it for some reason. Any ideas?”

Michael looked at the wolf on the table. “That's not me.”

“What?” Doctor McCoy seemed at a loss. “He used light discs to teleport in with the form of a wolf, and Professor X read him as you and he copied Wolverine's powers, but you say he's not you?”

Rahne recovered from whatever mental trauma Michael had inflicted on her and wiggled so he put her down. “He's right,” she said looking at the wolf. “Their wolf forms don't even look alike.”

“Oh my,” Beast said, running a DNA scan while the two teenage werewolves examined the unconscious one. “I'm seeing DNA from both of you …”

Michael caught Rahne as she fainted. “I think … we'll step outside for a minute.”

Carrying Rahne out much the same way he'd carried her in, he took his seat in the hall.

“Well?” Illyana asked.

“I think he's my and Rahne's son.”

“Good thing you made a pass at her already then, softens the blow that you'll be having a kid together,” Illyana said, a bit shocked at the news.

Beast's voice came from the infirmary PA into the hall, “I'm also detecting some of Illyana's DNA.”

Michael shook Rahne awake. “Honey, we seem to have had a kid with Illyana.”

“How?!” Sam asked.

“With magic all things are possible,” Douglas Ramsey said, finally showing up, as he was not an early riser.

“You know what we're talking about?” Kitty asked.

Doug shook his head. “Nah, just an annoying phrase I picked up from Doctor Strange.”

“We're talking about the fact that Rahne, Michael and Illyana had a kid together and he's in the next room.”

“Ok, magic and alcohol,” Doug said wide eyed.

“Ok, I finished the comparison scan against our database. He contains DNA from Michael, Rahne, Illyana and Douglas,” Beast's voice came through the PA.

“A LOT of alcohol,” Doug said shocked.

“I can't believe you guys had a magical orgy and didn't invite me,” Kitty said, offended.


“Where am I?” Xander asked and blinked as it came out as a series of growls.

Beast looked up from his computer screen. “You might want to change back to human form before talking, but I'd suggest eating something first.”


“If anybody needs me, I'll be at the nearest church praying for your souls,” Sam said, getting up and walking out.

Danielle laughed at the glares Sam received and the worried look Rahne developed. “Of course it could simply be that you four are his grandparents and he's not a magical abomination.”

“That makes a lot more sense, even if it sounds like a lot less fun than a magical orgy,” Michael admitted.

“Yeah, but now we have to figure out who was with who and who had the son and daughter?” Doug asked.

Michael grabbed Illyana's hand and kept Rahne in his lap. “But I want both of them!”

Doug nodded. “I know the feeling, trying to choose between them is like trying to choose between winning the lottery in New York or Washington. Either way you're one lucky bastard.”

“And what am I chopped liver?” Kitty asked, pretending to be offended.

Doug put his arm around her. “Don't be silly, obviously we're both having affairs with you. Which is why our kids can't marry; they could be half brother and sister.”

The group burst out laughing.

When they finally calmed down Rahne said, “I've always wanted a son.”

Illyana nodded. “Daughter here, and in at least one reality out of an infinite number we got our wish.”

The door to the lab opened and a wolf stepped out.

Beast held the door for the wolf. “He's physically fine, but he needs a lot of food to make up for the energy used in healing before he can safely change back.”

The door to the infirmary closed leaving Xander looking at a handful of characters he knew. “Warrior needs food badly!” he growled out in Klingon jokingly.

“I almost got that,” Michael and Douglas chorused.

“Figures Klingon would be easier to speak as a wolf than a human,” Xander growled out.

“Cool,” the two boys chorused.

“And for those of us who don't speak wolf?” Danielle asked.

“I don't speak that either,” Rahne pointed out.

“He said it figures the language he's speaking is easier to speak as a wolf than a human,” Douglas explained.

“And that he'd like some food before he has to revert to cannibalism,” Xander added in Klingon.

“And he needs food now, he's starving,” Michael said, sitting Rahne down so they could lead him to food quickly.

After a large enough amount of food to make Xander's stomach bulge, including a large pot of Logan's five alarm chili …

“Ok, now I just need to digest a bit,” Xander said, Douglas providing translations for the others. “And a nap.”

Xander sprawled out on the living room sofa and fell asleep almost instantly.

The gathered teens decided that some caffeine and breakfast wasn't a bad idea, since they were going to have to wait for answers anyway.


Jamie Madrox, Jean Grey, Scott Summers, Ororo Munroe, and Logan came into the living room looking a bit banged up.

“Rahne, don't take up the entire couch please,” Jamie said, shaking the wolf awake.

“That isn't Rahne,” Ororo pointed out, “unless she transforms into a male wolf now.”

Xander blinked lazily sprawled out on his back with his legs spread wide.

Jamie snatched his hand back like he'd been burned. “Sorry Michael, can you please move?”

“It’s not Michael,” Logan said after sniffing the air.

“Probably someone's pet,” Scott guessed. “I'll get him.”

Scott reached out to grab the wolf, but Xander bared his teeth.

“Don't make me blast you,” Scott warned.

Xander let loose with a loud fart, causing Scott to stumble back.

Wolverine quickly held his nose. “I don't think he's impressed by your threat, unless he's just reacting like a skunk.”

“Scott no!” Jean ordered too late, as Scott sent a low powered concussive beam at the wolf to frighten him off.

As the beam hit, Xander split into a dozen wolves; wolves who looked distinctly annoyed.

The X-men drew back as the small pack faced them.

“Jean?” Scott asked.

“I feel an animal's mind, no sign of intelligence,” Jean warned, her attempts to scan Xander being deflected to the section of his mind that he generally suppressed.

“Great, you decided to piss off the lupine version of Jamie here,” Wolverine said sarcastically, being able to read the wolf's body language enough to see it wasn't really angry.

As one the wolves all turned around and lifted their tails.

“Oh god! No!” Wolverine cried, crashing through the living room window just before Xander acted.


“Alert! There is a level 3 Bio-Chem hazard in the living room! I repeat there is a level 3 Bio-Chem hazard in the living room!” the PA system blared, as it sealed the living room.

“Level 3... tear gas or stink bomb?” Doug guessed.

Kitty nodded. “Yeah, we set that one off a lot.”

Rahne sighed. “Someone probably maced our grandson. That dog mace really stings as a wolf too.”

“Well, as soon as the ventilation system clears the air in there the door will open and we can see what happened,” Danielle said just as the door to the living room opened and a handful of X-men fled through it.

The teens quickly piled into the living room only to find a dozen wolves looking smug and the picture window shattered with Wolverine cussing in Cantonese outside.

The wolves changed into a group of naked Xanders. “Sorry about that,” they chorused, “but chili gives me gas.”

“Clothes?” Danielle suggested, getting an eye full.

Xander turned bright red as he realized he was naked and the clones quickly vanished, leaving one Xander, who instinctively summoned his soul sword, gaining a chain mail loincloth and some silver plated footwear.

“Why don't you ever wear your armor that way?” Michael teased Illyana, who quickly smacked him in the shoulder.

“Stop ogling my grandson!” Rahne told the girls, hiding her own blush.

“Grandson?” Xander asked confused. “What did I miss?”

“Beast's DNA scan revealed that you have DNA from Michael, Illyana, Rahne and Doug!” Kitty exclaimed.

Xander scratched his head and could feel the difference from his normal shaggy mop and used his sword to examine his reflection. “Great googly moogly, I've been spliced!”

“Huh?!” was the general consensus.

“Long story short, I've been magically altered and I'm not from this dimension,” Xander explained.

“I think we'll need a bit longer explanation than that bub,” Wolverine said as he entered the room, “and what you did a minute ago … was pure evil.”

“I gave fair warning,” Xander argued, “to you anyway. But the others didn't have heightened senses so they were fair game. Besides, did you see the look on Scott's face?!”

Wolverine chuckled. “Fine, I'll give you that.”

“Ok, longer story ...” Xander began and paused. “How long do you want it?”

“I think we can safely skip the origin of the Earth and mankind,” Illyana stated dryly.

“Really? Cause that's actually kinda integral … Actually I think you're right; I can skip a bunch of stuff, though it’s interesting it doesn't really matter here and now.”

Xander nodded thoughtfully. “Ok, on my world we have something called a Hellmouth; which is exactly what it sounds like. It’s under my high school in fact and me and some friends spend most of our spare time fighting vampires and odds and ends. Now Halloween rolls around …”

“Big demonic event?” Illyana guessed.

“Actually no, demons think it’s too commercial these days, so Halloween is pretty quiet. At least it was supposed to be, everyone got turned into their costumes this year and I, being broke as hell, cobbled together my costume from several others and when the spell broke something went wrong; it felt like it was tearing me apart, so the Michael persona teleported me here.”

“You dressed as me for Halloween?” Michael asked, surprised.

“Made you up, kinda,” Xander admitted. “Since I was working with partial costumes I had to come up with an original character, but infinite means everything imagined is real somewhere. So; here we are.”

“So, why him?” Wolverine asked.

“In an insane world he's been gifted with the greatest power of all,” Xander said grandly.

“The ability to copy other's powers?” Wolverine asked doubtfully.

“Nah, the power of common sense,” Xander replied. “He doesn't want to be a hero or a villain and because he's a decent guy he's always getting dragged into things, because his friends rush in where Angel's would decide to leg it.”

“If he has common sense why doesn't he copy any really powerful mutants?” Wolverine asked.

“A lot of problems are caused by miscommunication, so Cypher's abilities are a must. Magik's power is great for getting from one place to another, including moving an injured friend through time to when the doc's have everything ready to save them, and let’s not forget magic itself is an all purpose tool,” Xander pointed out.

“And mine?” Rahne asked curiously.

“Being a werewolf kicks ass no matter how you slice it,” Michael and Xander chorused.

“And the last two slots are left open to customize per emergency,” Xander finished.

“How do you know so much about us?” Kitty asked.

“Comic books and cartoons,” Xander explained, “just as everything imagined is real, everything real has been imagined somewhere.”

“Prove it,” Danielle challenged.

Xander grinned. “Mirage, the demon bear can be killed by Illyana's soul sword. Illyana, Belasco is not dead, the sooner you get Doctor Strange to work on that problem the better. Wolverine, the reason you haven't regained your memory despite your healing ability is because there's a microchip in your head suppressing them. Rahne, god doesn't consider it a sin to enjoy the pulsating shower head, despite what the priests have said, he doesn't care about private activities of that nature, unless they involve victims rather than volunteers.”

Xander waited until everyone had stopped shouting before saying, “Of course I could be wrong since comic books aren't exactly known for being perfectly accurate and this is an alternate reality of the ones I read; but the major points should still be good.”

Illyana nodded. “Yeah I can jump forward in time a decade, but the time line is never stable enough to say that what I learned is still going to happen when I return.”

“Nothing for me?” Doug asked.

“If you're going to jump into all these fights stop wearing spandex and start wearing armor, but that's just common sense. You've got access to advanced alien tech here, use it.”

Michael nodded thoughtfully. “High tech does seem to take a back seat to powers that just aren't as effective in most situations around here.”

“Not to mention for all Professor X's talk about working alongside humanity I'm noticing a lack of humans on your teams; its kinda like finding the NAACP being run by a group of white guys. Makes me doubt their sincerity,” Xander explained.

Professor X floated in followed by the rest of the residents. “I've mainly been focused on helping mutants with dangerous powers control them and fit in.”

“Doesn't change the fact that you talk a good game, but don't practice what you preach. Hell, you even give yourselves names based on your mutant abilities to distance yourselves from those lesser beings who don't have them,” Xander snorted rubbing his temples.

“Code names help protect our identities on the battlefield,” Scott quickly defended the practice.

Xander laughed harshly. “As if the X-men under Professor X aren't easily locatable. Hell, most of you don't even wear masks. Not to mention your code names rarely if ever change and are connected to your powers! Wow, I broke the code!”

The mutants shifted uncomfortably.

“And stop poking in my head,” Xander almost snarled. “You're waking up things I work hard keeping asleep!”

“It’s just a surface scan, nothing invasive,” Professor X assured him.

“To one of the average humans from this planet, sure. But my mind isn't exactly the same; then again what do I know after all it’s not like me or Michael are real mutants?” Xander growled, causing some of those listening to flinch as they’d heard or said similar things themselves when in a bad mood. “So, really my opinion isn't all that important; maybe 4/5th instead of 3/5th that un-powered humans get since they aren't homo-superior. Really; naming yourself that? What the fuck were they thinking?”

Michael winced. “Wow, even I'm not that negative at my worst!”

“I gotta get outta here before HE wakes up completely,” Xander growled, vanishing using a light disc.

Jean Grey sighed. “That went well.”

“Do you really think all that?” Kitty asked Michael.

“I'm not nearly as bitter about it as he is, but sure. It’s obvious to anyone with half a brain that being a mutant doesn't mean you're more highly evolved than a homo-sapien, and calling yourselves homo-superior is completely idiotic. You guys aren't a new species, you're all homo-sapiens with a forced boost in a random direction that may or may not be an improvement. Humans can develop powers when put into extraordinary situations because we're adaptable. The X-gene just ensures it, and I'm not sure someone didn't engineer it and implant it into humans to begin with,” Michael finished.

Things got loud.

“You can argue about it all you want,” Michael said with a shrug, “but anyone that thinks The Toad is superior to Albert Einstein needs to get their meds adjusted. Now rather than argue about it with you, I think I'm going to take a quick two month vacation on a deserted island.”

“Two months isn't exactly quick,” Beast pointed out.

“Not to mention you have classes to attend,” Ororo added.

“We'll be back in time for class,” Illyana snickered, figuring out what he meant.

“We?” Michael asked surprised.

“What kind of vacation is it if you don't have a pretty girl to rub sun tan lotion on?” she smirked.

“Bring a lot, I burn easily,” Rahne said, surprising the two as she grabbed Michael's other hand.

“I forbid it!” Scott snapped out, causing the other New Mutants to grab hold of Mike, chorusing their approval of the idea.

As they vanished Jean looked over at Scott. “You liar, I can feel your agreement.”

Scott grinned. “Group bonding by rebelling against an authority figure, not to mention giving us some time to deal with the issues he brought up. He has some minor points that we really should deal with before they become major problems.”

“He said he'd be back in time for classes,” Ororo reminded him.

“Yeah, but prolonged stays in other time periods affect your aim,” Scott smirked.

“And his aim isn't all that great to begin with,” Logan chuckled, finding himself agreeing with Scott for once.

AN: Guess who did my typing?

AN2: Comic geeks in the Marvel verse… considering knowledge is power… well I think Xander will get along just fine while searching for a way home.
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