The Blue Monstrosity
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. I have diddly and I have squat. If I rub them together I get diddly squat. These characters are owned by other people, which is probably why they have so much more money than I. So to sum up I do not own Buffy, Superman, Batman, Justice League or Justice League Unlimited.
Author's Note: The time frame for those who are curious is just before Superman makes his first public appearance in Superman the animated series by saving the damaged airplane. I'm fiddling with the time line a bit to make it fit with the Halloween episode of Buffy because that's the way my story works.
“What the heck is that supposed to be?” Xander Harris asked, brow raised in curiosity.
Ethan Rayne owner of Ethan’s Costume Shoppe eyed his young customer and imperiously raised chin to better look down on the boy. He gestured to the blue unitard and red cape ensemble, “This, young friend, is the deal I’m willing to let you have for your rather… limited resources. That was the predicament you’ve found yourself in isn’t it? Lacking the funds for a proper costume?”
Xander gave a chagrined smile, “Well, no need to rub it in… Just what is it supposed to be? Cause I don’t recognize it.”
Ethan nodded his head a fraction of an inch. “Ah. Well I suppose it’s not something most here would know of… but this is apparently the costume of the man they call the ‘Angel of Metropolis’.”
“Then Angel of Metropolis?” Xander asked in disbelief looking at the costume.
“And he wears this?”
Ethan held back a sigh, “I admit this is something I put together after listening to testimonials from the people’s he’s helped but I do assured you the ‘Angel’ is quite real.”
“Riiiight.” Xander rocked back on his heels. “So this is like the Jersey Devil or something? Urban myth?”
Ethan stepped away from the costume to stand beside the young man, looking at the costume beside him. “No, something like that Batman chap out in Gotham, a vigilante I suspect.”
“They still haven’t proven the Bat exists conclusively.” Xander argued back.
“True. However as a recent citizen of fair Metropolis I can assure that this ‘Angel’ is not some boogey man developed by the collective unconscious of a lunatic city to combat the murderous mental patients that Gotham seems intent on spawning.”
Xander shuddered involuntarily at the very thought of the Joker. He hated clowns. He hated homicidal maniacs more. So someone upstairs of course decided that those were two great tastes that tasted great together and made his near perfect nightmare. The cherry on top would be if the clown prince of crime was a vampire. Shaking himself Xander thought it best to move away from bone white lunatics of the clown variety.
“So you used to live in Metropolis but you decided to move here?” Xander asked.
Ethan nodded, “Seemed like the thing to do. Life in Metropolis can be quite hectic, costs a bloody fortune too.” He said in a near whisper, “Also Intergang is rather fond of the money they make in the protections racket so…”
“You got while the getting was good?”
“Exactly.” Ethan smiled then taking a deep breath clapped his hands together, “So, dear boy, are we in business?”
Resigned to his fate Xander nodded his head, “Well, I guess. It is a complete costume and who can beat a price of five bucks? Out of curiosity what’s with the yellow triangle on the chest for? And why’s it upside down?”
Ethan shrugged and stuck out a hand, “Often wondered that myself.”
Xander wasn’t happy about it being called an ‘Angel’ but he couldn’t really argue with a price like that. So if push came to shove he’d make up a name for it that wasn’t in anyway shape or form connected to Buffy’s maybe sorta boyfriend. Xander took the proffered hand and shook it, “It’s a deal then.”
Standing on Buffy’s doorstep resplendent in his new outfit Xander was suddenly having second thoughts. Also thirds and maybe fourths while rounding on fifths. Mainly because he’d found the draw back with this costume, it was skin tight. He was all set to go out trick or treating in this blue monstrosity with this funky red cape and boots until he’d actually seen himself in it. Xander was suddenly feeling under dressed. Skin tight apparel on the ladies was fine and dandy, on him, not so much.
Not that you could tell what his religion was or anything but still it was pretty easy to tell how much of him there was. Not that he felt inferior in that department, at least not below the belt. In this case he was a little worried about not having the upper body mass to pull off a skin tight super hero type suit. He wasn’t exactly Captain America bristling with muscles on top of muscles, he was just little old one hundred and seventy pound Xander Harris. Normally he didn’t want to be a Hulk Hogan wannabe but right now he wanted some steroid enhanced biceps to fill out this blue monstrosity.
Any chance he had of sneaking away ended abruptly when the front door opened and a smiling Joyce Summered leaned forward to look at him. Stuck without means of retreat Xander did his best off the cuff thinking he stood ramrod straight, he fisted his hands and set them at his hips, his chin raised imperiously in the air and he gave Joyce his best aw shucks smile.
He gave a nod, a forelock of dark hair fell loose from its coif and rested on his forehead forming a small S. Joyce gave him a grin and appraising look, “I love it.”
“Thank you, ma’am.”
Joyce tsked, crossed her arms over his chest and cocked an eyebrow, “What have I told you about ‘ma’am-ing’ me young man?”
Xander let his hands drop from his hips and clasped them behind his back, he smiled at her and winked, “Only to do so when we’re alone and you’re feeling naughty?”
Joyce blinked and got clued in when she heard an affronted gasp from behind her. “No, only when I have on the police woman costume.”
“Mother!” Buffy shouted from the foot of the stairs.
Xander fighting to keep from blushing and laughing his ass off decided to keep going, “I thought it was the naughty school boy being sent to the principal’s office actually.”
“Xander!” Buffy shouted scandalized.
Xander looked to Joyce and raised an eyebrow which she returned with a smile and then two enjoyed a few minutes laughter at Buffy’s expense. Buffy decided they’d had enough fun and walking around her mother she grabbed Xander by the arm and hauled him into the house. She then abruptly stopped as she looked at her only male friend. The suit he was wearing definitely emphasizing the male part of the previous thought.
“Xander?” She squawked. “What on earth are you wearing?”
Xander did a slow turn the red cape flaring around him, “Whaddya think?”
“What is it?” Buffy asked. She couldn’t for the life of her figure out what it was supposed to be. Then again with Xander, uber comic geek that he was, it could be some obscure hero from some comic published back in the stone ages.
“Batman by way of Metropolis.”
Buffy frowned. “Wha?”
“Ethan, the guy we bought our costumes from, love yours by the way, two thumbs up, used to live in Metropolis. He said they’re getting their own whack job in funny suit and this apparently is the suit.” Xander kept his gawking to a minimum of Buffy. He wasn’t happy about her dressing in the red ball gown of ages past to impress Angel, but she made it look good. The brunette wig was a nice touch he had to admit. But he knew that fawning over Buffy weirded Buffy out so he just played his appreciation down and moved on. He smiled and splayed his arms wide. “Tah-dah.”
Buffy pursed her lips. “So… uh… ok.”
“That’s it?” Joyce asked looking at her daughter.
“Yup.” Buffy looked from Xander to her mother then back to Xander then to her mother again. “Why?”
Joyce wondered exactly where she had gone wrong in raising Buffy to be a person thoughtful of other people’s emotions. She’d go for semi-subtle before she’d smack her own daughter with the clueless stick. “Well, before we had our fun at your expense, I was just telling Xander how nice he looked in his hero suit.”
Buffy looked at Xander again, “You look nice Xan. And that stuff wasn’t funny, ya know, that’s the type of stuff that scars people for life.” She waggled a finger in his face for good measure.
“Never gonna happen, Buff. Cause a lady like your mom, stone cold fox that you are Joyce, can do soooo much better than me if you, um, you know wanted a little afternoon delight. So, yeah, don’t think you got much to worry about there Buff.” Xander babbled, gave a sheepish shrug looking from mother to daughter then down at the floor as he blushed.
Buffy rolled her eyes while Joyce smiled at him and gave him an evaluating look. “Thank you Xander. I don’t get compliments of that caliber every day you know.”
Xander gave a fleeting grin, “Would you like to?”
“Xander!” Buffy snapped.
Buffy found her mother’s hand on her arm, “Well a woman does like to be complimented every once and again to remember she’s still attractive.”
“I’ll have you know I voted for you in the school m.i.l.f. pool.” Xander stopped after saying that in wide eyed horror. He looked slowly from mother to daughter, clueless to horrified and silently wondered if it wasn’t too late to make a break for the back door. Or barring that a window to dive through in order to make good his escape. He quickly began planning his mad dash to freedom to avoid death by enraged Buffy. “Moving on.”
“M.i.l.f.?” Joyce asked.
Buffy glared at Xander who was looking intently at the floor when she leveled her glare of doom at him, “Mother he’d like to, you know… um, you know?”
Joyce blinked and looked from her red faced daughter to a red faced Xander and realized this was taking a strange turn. Then again if the boy was only a few years older or if she herself were just a few years younger the idea wouldn’t be so unacceptable. It’d been a long time before the divorce since Joyce had enjoyed her ‘wifely duties’. And she certainly had enjoyed those duties. In fact she rather missed them. Not so much Hank as what he had been able to do for her between the sheets. God, she needed a boyfriend.
Joyce tilted her head back and stared at the ceiling for a second to calm herself. Still now she was curious as to whom her competition had been. That’s right this was a matter of pride in herself, Joyce thought, that’s the only reason she was going to encourage Xander’s roving tongue. “Who was I up against, if I may?”
“Well, I personally never thought there was any competition,” Xander blurted out, amazed he wasn’t dead or in the process of becoming dead. Then again it looked like Joyce was keeping Buffy at bay with that hand on her daughter’s arm. “I mean Christina Chase? Please, she’s more plastic then person these days.”
Joyce had seen the woman and she was a formidable beauty, even if some of it was store bought. “Go on.”
“Mom, stop fishing for compliments, it’s weird and needy.” Buffy huffed to her mother in the ensuing silence of her mother’s comment. Buffy found herself cowed as her mother leveled a glare at her and then returned her attention to Xander.
“Look, I’m all about the person and not the parts. But that’s just me. Some guys go for a big set of… um, uh…” Xander pantomimed a set of breasts. “But you can’t talk to a set of… boobs. Well I suppose you could but it would be kind of one sided, huh…. So I don’t care how big you buy ‘em, it don’t impress me if you ain’t got a personality to match.”
Buffy looked at her mother to see her smiling a superior smile and giving a tilt of the head as if to say ‘why haven’t you made this boy your boyfriend yet?’ Buffy had to admit that the impassioned and impromptu speech had been sweet and touching. It also reaffirmed Buffy’s opinion that Xander was one of the good ones. It’s just that he was already claimed by Willow whether Xander even realized it or not. Whether or not Xander would rather be claimed by someone else entirely, someone about Buffy’s height, weight, hair color and matching Buffy’s description was not an argument Buffy was willing to entertain. And she needed to get off that train of thought before it went into forbidden territory.
“Will! Come on it’s time to get to school.” She hollered up the steps.