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Summary: “Yoho, altogether, hoist the flag...” Xander’s costume choice brings about interesting changes in him. “Drink up me hearties...” Challenge 624 answered. See additional summation inside.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Pirates of the Caribbean > Xander-CenteredLilNezumiFR1516,508363,8044 Aug 104 Aug 10Yes
Title:  Rum Tactics

Main pairing:  Xander-centered paired with Spike (obviously for this story, non-graphic)

MY Inspiration:  Buffy the Vampire Slayer (original movie, T.V. series, graphic novels), Angel the Series (T.V. series, graphic novels), Pirates of the Caribbean (all three movies)

Disclaimer:  This is my standard disclaimer; I don’t own anything in regards to the sources of MY Inspiration.  All publically recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

All the characters, worlds, base concepts or general ideas are just a bit food for the writing bug.  This story is pure fiction and is in no way meant to copy or reflect real life, events or people, should this happen then obviously it is pure coincidence.

Warning:  Yaoi, Shounen-ai, etc… may be present, either detailed or merely mentioned.  If you’re reading this and it’s not you’re thing then you’ve obviously searched for the wrong thing.  Hit the back button and leave, no comments/reviews or flames needed regarding this story, unless you honestly like it and have valid criticism.  Chat language not accepted and will be ignored.

Author’s Note:  I first fell in love with this type of story by accident in 2004 and have felt that it is more fun to read and write slashy-type stories rather than boy-girl type because I read too much of that kind when I was in High-School (blame Daniel Steele or Harlequin Romances for the negativity against het stuff).

Summary:  “Yoho, altogether, hoist the flag...”  Xander’s costume choice brings about interesting changes in him.  “Drink up me hearties...”    YAHF, Altered-timeline, Non-cannon, contains slash references, challenge 624 answered.

Additional summation:  Note the title does not really reflect the story, but it was the first one that I thought of and I kinda like it.  Also, original challenge is below and technically in the story there is no Elizabeth Swann, just a bare mention of her in passing related to a movie reference, so hopefully that is acceptable to the challenger.

Speech Legend: (This is the standard by which I write my stories and therefore you will not see this repeated in future chapters)
(…Other Languages/Mind Speak/Alternate Speech Patterns like sign language…)


  Rum Tactics


“I’m telling you that it would be easy to go as him,” Xander told the girls as they headed over to the out of the way Costume shop called ‘Ethan’s’.  Of course the only reason he wanted to go as Captain Jack Sparrow was because the girls got all swoony over him and the blacksmith in the movies. 

There was something like bad boy appeal for the Captain, whereas the smithy was seen as a sure thing, being reliable and all.  He figured going as one of those two would make him more appealing to the Buffster, as that was the direction that his loins kept pointing in.

“Why would you want to?”  Willow has asked him.  “He’s not very nice in the movies, plus he’s always getting into trouble with the supernatural stuff and he fell for Elizabeth Swann, which you know was not being a good person to Will, especially since father was his trusted friend.”

“Will’s father betrayed him with the rest of the crew of the Black Pearl,” Xander said.  “Besides growing the necessary facial hair would not be that hard.  Maybe I’ll look like a younger Captain Jack Sparrow, what do you think?”

“The hair on the top of your head is long enough for some of the braids and stuff,” Buffy said.  “We could buy some of those extensions and weave them in even if most of your hair is shorter it might just work.  What are you going to do about the leather pants, those boots or even the shirt?”

“You’ll see,” Xander said.  “The pants may just have to be modern day dark jeans, but at night who’s going to care about that stuff.  I’ve found some of the other stuff.  I just need one or two other items in order to pull it off.”

“Are you really going to wear coal around your eyes,” Buffy asked.  “Do you even know how to put on that stuff?”

“Do you know why he put on that stuff,” Willow asked.  “It’s because it helped to reduce the glare of the ocean waters during the days of bright sunshine...”

“I figured that one out on my own, Wills,” Xander said, cutting her off. 

He knew that if he didn’t stop her she’d continue on giving the history of quirky pirate details and he just didn’t want to know about some of them, like ‘matelotage’ (...i...).  He knew what that meant, but there was nothing in his hot-blooded American boy soul that would acknowledge that difference of opinion, at least not until he was good and ready to face it.  He looked at guys, sure, and sometimes it was his foot that he was eating with comments like ‘Sure he’s good looking, but...’, etc...  The girls were good enough not to push or note that topic and he completely steered them all away from it.

However with the whole ‘Pirates’ fad, he knew he’d be in for some ribbing on the matter, but it was nothing that he couldn’t take on providing he was properly equipped.  That was one of the reasons he chose to be Captain Jack Sparrow, he was tired of being the reliable one or just the ‘friend’.  Sparrow was devilish, rakish and armed to the teeth, even if they were gold capped. 

A black powder reproduction handgun built in shop class was coming with him.  He had a couple of them, but he was particularly proud of the large bore flintlock one that looked just like the one in the first movie.  He had a fake sword for his belt and a blousy faded shirt that would work. 

It was one that his great aunt had sent him last year, which was too big for him them, but she was on an arty poetry kick.  She thought that he could use the help with the girls as many like that blousy look based on the books she chose to read.

“All I’d really need is a great hat for a low price,” he said.  “What about you guys?”

“I’m looking for something classic,” Buffy said, not really wanting to mention the type of classic style she was going for.  She was looking for something to impress her Angel.

“I’m going as a ghost,” Willow said.  It was at this point that they were looked at her and tried to convince her to go as something else.  Xander was pointing out all of the cool classics, like the Wolf-man, the Mummy, the Creature from the Black Lagoon or Frankenstein’s bride because let’s face it a female dressed as a male Frankenstein is too weird for words. 

He even suggested that she could dress up at the cool swash-buckling pirate Anna-Maria from the first Pirates movie.  “She even stole Captain Sparrow’s ship,” he said.  “What isn’t cool about that?”

Meanwhile she was hunting down for her cover and Buffy was in the section of relatively semi-expensive flouncy dresses.  He shook his head and then walked over to the section of movie props.  He was looking for the perfect hat.  It had to be nearly authentic as fake stuff go.  It needed to be weather beaten or look like it and weather proofed by looking slightly shiny and be able to stay on his head.

“May I be of assistance,” a tall British man said near him.

“Yeah,” Xander said.  “I need a hat like the one from the Pirates of the Caribbean movie.”

“Of course,” the man said.  “Here are several...” He paused to look at Xander and then said, “Wait a moment I might have just the thing you’re looking for.”  He stepped into the back room and pulled out a hat with two objects inside of it.  He used a slight of hand trick to present it to the teenager without the boy knowing about the additions.  It was enough to get the boy to purchase it without trying it on his head.

“It’s perfect,” Xander said with a wistful look.  “Probably too much though...”

“Not at all,” the man said quickly.  “It’s almost two days before Halloween and I would very much like to see all of this merchandise go before that day arrives, so let me give you deal.  Tell me what you have.”

“Twenty bucks,” Xander said.  He really wanted to hold back some, but he figured that he’d get enough candy to supplement him for a few days before his crap job pay came in.

“That’s just enough,” the man said handing him an old fashioned hat box of plain brown cardboard.  “I’ve already added a hair extension pack that would assist you in looking the part.”

“Thanks,” the teenager said clutching it to his chest.  He joined the girls, both of whom were clutching their own bags of hidden treasure.  “Ready my ladies for a night of sugary goodness?”

“Yep,” Buffy said with lovey-dovey hearts twinkling in her eyes, while Willow was trying to hide her purchase that he would have bet dollars to doughnuts that it contained a ghost costume.  He silently wished the Slayer luck at changing the red-head’s mind.

“So ladies,” he said.  “Where do we meet?”

“How about my house,” Buffy said.  “My mom will want to take pictures and it is closest to the school.”

“Deal,” Xander said. 

“Unh huh,” Willow said nodding her head like a little bobble head doll.  “That would be the best, cause you know my parents aren’t going to notice whether I’m there or not.”

“I’m going to need you there anyway, Willow,” the Slayer said, knowing that this would be the best time to try and convince her friend to try something new.  “Did you see the number of hooks on this thing?”

“Ooh,” Xander said.  “Does it have a tight bodice too?”  It was at the point that the girls smacked him half-heartedly, but making the very proper point that he was just some uncouth boy.  “Mercy,” he said.  “I give.  I will be there promptly at 3pm in order to escort you to our torturous institution, whose sole purpose is to unlock the gray matter, but they are just failing in my case.  We’ll pick up the rug-rats and hopefully get this done in record time.  Good thing that Halloween is on a Saturday, it’ll take me all day to get my hair just right.”

They laughed at him and poked fun, telling him that now he would be able to see how the other half lived.  He replied that it was only right to look good for a valid reason and candy was tops on his list of things to dress up for.  They all smiled and laughed without once noting that the owner of the Costume Shop was grinning in anticipation of the night just as much as they were.

Xander walked the girls’ home and then took his time getting to his place.  His parents were out for the night and he was hoping that he’d be able to escape having to explain his choice of costume to them.  His luck held because when his folks came home, his dad announced that he was leaving for the week-end with his uncle for a fishing trip.

So when Halloween finally arrived he pulled out the hat to look at it again.  When he pulled it out of the box, two more items came out.  One was a compass case that looked like the one Jack had that led only to his heart’s desire rather than north and the other item was Gibbs’ round rum flask. 

The flask was just as round with its screw cap securely attached to the neck of it and had arcane symbols on it.  “Wonder if this one will always return to the owner,” Xander said out loud while working on his hair.  “The one in the movies always came back to the Gibbs.  Personally I think it was a gift to him from Jack for unfailing loyalty.  It wouldn’t surprise me if Jack had magic abilities that his crew never knew about... I wonder how that would work... probably kinda like the ‘Drunken Master’ technique from that old Japanese flick.”

“Who are you talking to,” his mother surprised him by coming in to look at him.

“Just myself,” Xander said putting the flask away.  “I’m dressing up as Captain Jack Sparrow.  Do you know of any way to fix my hair?”

She smiled remembering a time when her little boy liked to dress up for Halloween.  She used to help him out back then.  In recent years he always went over to Willow’s or Jesse’s house to get ready.  They would always have a sleep-over at either of their houses after the night of candy extortion and consummation was done.

“I’ll fix it, if you’ll let me,” she said, knowing full well that if his father had stayed home he’d be doing this at Willow’s house or Jesse’s house.  She wondered why she hadn’t seen that boy in a while.  So as she brushed his lengthening hair she asked, “I haven’t seen or heard from Jesse in while.  How’s he doing?”

It was then that she noticed her son shut down a bit and his eyes became shutters of sadness.  “He’s... he’s disappeared,” Xander said.  “He’s one of the missing now.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she said nodding her head in understanding.  She continued to fix his hair until there were approximately five braids with colourful beads interspersed within all linked to his own natural hair.  They secured the rest in semi-long waves to his head with bobby-pins.  He hated those things, but it was all for a good cause.

“You come down and show me how it all comes together,” she said leaving the room for him to change into the outfit that she noticed on his tiny bed.  She never could get him another, but she hoped that in time her husband would allow her son to move into the basement for his own teenaged privacy.

A short while later she heard the boots stomping down the narrow stairs.  A quick glance in that direction and she had to hold her breath.  She then said, “Oh my.”

“Mum,” he said in a slightly altered voice.  “Whot do ye think?”

She cleared her through and said, “Your friends won’t know what hit them.  Are you ready to head out?”

“Yep,” he said with a devilish grin.  He chose not to add the gold caps or to blacken his teeth because he’d done that once and the taste of the candy was off for the entire night.  This time he knew better and he wanted the sweet stuff more than complete authentication. 

“I’m meeting the girls at Buffy’s house and then we’re going to the school to pick up our string of ankle-biters.  Hopefully everything will be done for the near adults to go out and play later,” he said as he was walking out the door.  He turned to look at her and said, “Don’t invite anyone in tonight.  Promise me?”

“I promise to keep the house dark,” she said.  “We don’t have sweets, so don’t you dare come in this direction.  You do know that you’ll have to clean up the mess tomorrow.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Xander said, knowing full well that disgruntled kids tended to do the egg thing, not that he would show his pack that.  It was usually the older kids that got pissed off by the lack of candy.


Later that night, things were not going so well.  There was the distinct lack of water underneath Jack’s feet.  He swayed while walking because it was the only way to still feel like he was at sea.  He also had the distinct feeling of being a little too sober and there was some harridan shrieking in his ear nearby.

“Now you listen to me you uncouth, foul smelling pirate,” the youngish woman said poking him in the backside with her umbrella or parasol, whatever it was had a sharpish point.  He was beginning to become annoyed and he wasn’t very nice when he was annoyed.  “My name is Lady Elizabeth Honeycutt and I demand that you take me to my husband.”

“Lady, I don’ rightly be knowin’ who your husband is,” Jack said pushing the umbrella away with one of his fully ringed and filthy looking fingers.  “Normally I’m an easy goin’ bloke, but you poke that in my tush one more time and I run ya through with me blade.  I’m a pirate not some personal slave.”

“Well I never,” the brunette woman said.  “If you want to keep that vessel of yours on the water you’ll pay attention and guide an old woman about town.”

“You’re not as old as me boots,” Jack said looking her over.  “I’ll be makin’ my own way from here on and my vessel is the Black Pearl,” he took a quick scan of the road and horizon looking for the famous dark sails.  “Which I seem to have misplaced again,” he said taking another look.  “Look there’s another of your ilk, bother her and leave me alone.”

“Xander,” the red-haired temptress said.  “Where do you think you’re going mister and just what do you think you’re doing?”

Jack had tried to wrap his arms around her and give her a kiss, as was the usual for a pirate just heading ashore for a few days to re-stock supplies and get a little paid female companionship.  “Not here altogether are ye luv?”  He said with a shake of his head.  “Pity, but I can’t stay around to help you with your dilemma ‘cause I’ve one o’ me own to take care of, like findin’ me Pearl.”

He pulled out his compass, took note of the direction to go in and that’s when he noticed that he had Gibbs’ flask.  “Good ‘ole Gibbs.  Good man that, always has a proper drop.”  He popped the top, opened his mouth and found that it was empty.  “Eh, whot’s this, damn that scurvy curr.” 

He tried to get something out of the flask by tapping the back of it and then he complained to no one in particular.  “The rum’s gone, but why’s the rum gone?”

The compass it should be noted had been pointing steadily in one direction.  Basically the direction of treasure, his unknown heart’s desire, but now another need took over and it swivelled, changing direction.  Jack swayed on his feet looking at the new direction, closing one eye to focus correctly.  He quickly walked away from the girl who thought she was a married noblewoman and the red-headed whore he couldn’t tumble.

The two girls looked at him walking away and the one in the long dress said sigh, “Back in my day a pirate meant adventure, the possible ravishing of one’s body while trying to protect your virtue.”  She turned to look at the other girl and said, “Obviously you’ve failed to protect yours.  Luckily I got married before anything could happen to me, but I have three ungrateful children from it.”

Willow’s eyes turned huge at that thought and then she huffed up and said, “I still have my virtue and you’re supposed to be my best friend.  What do you mean you have three children, you’re not old enough to even think about sex, not that sex is something bad to think about, but really...”

“My dear child,” the girl in the fancy dress said.  “I’m old enough to be your grandmother, now if you’ll be kind enough to show me the proper direction home I will leave you to your nightly activities.  Ladies do not talk about such things.”

Willow was noticeably upset by it, but decided to guide the old woman, that Buffy had become, home in order to hopefully figure out what’s wrong with everyone.  She sighed and thought, ‘At least whoever Xander was he at least wanted me for a moment.

Xander was no longer thinking about the old woman in a young person’s body nor was he thinking about the savoury red-headed ghost.  He was following his compass into a darkened crypt on the far side of town.  It was not a crypt that anyone else knew about, however there was something down there that was calling to him.

He opened the door and saw a torch on the wall next to the door.  He lit it and took with him, descending the many stairs.  He soon reached a room and let out a gasp of joy at the back wall full of dusty bottles.  “Rrrhum,” he rolled out the word.  “Oh, me lovelies...”

He walked over to the first shelf, pulled a dusty bottle, popped the cork, took a deep sniff, just to be sure and then swigged down several burning mouthfuls.  The layers of dust told the tale about this little old hidey hole and wouldn’t you know it, there was a pedestal in the centre of the crypt’s round room.  He swigged several more swallows and soon he was feeling more little his old swishy swaying self.

“Now whot do we have here,” he said looking into the strangely very clean bowl.  Everything else in the room was dusty or cobwebby, except this bowl on an iron pedestal.  He poured a bit of the rum into it, when nothing happened he poured a bit more.  Nothing happened and since he didn’t want to waste the rum he lifted the bowl and drank straight from it.

That’s when something supernatural happened.  A disembodied voice said, “You’ve freed me and therefore you’ll now have your just reward.”

“Reward,” Jack slurred.  “My reward’s righ’ ‘ere.” He poured more rum into the bowl and then lifted it to his mouth.  “Don’ need no reward.”

“Surely you must want something,” the voice said.  Slowly a ghostly form took shape before his eyes.

“Whot’s with all the ghosts ‘round ‘ere?”

“My name’s Magnus Tremaine,” the ghost said.  “I was a mage of great power, but I’ve been locked here for ages.  I wish to thank you for what you have done.”

“Really,” Jack said.  “So whot do you want now?”

“I want to give you a gift,” Tremaine said.  “No strings.”

“Really,” Jack said.  “All right then.  I want this flask to always have good rum in it, never to run out again and I want this flask to always return to me no matter the situation.”  He paused a moment, listening to some internal voice and then he added, “Rum’s got to be odourless when it comes from this flask.  Don’ want busybodies becoming busy-bodying bodies, if’n ye knows what I mean?”

 “I understand,” the ghost said. 

The ghost had accumulated the rum himself ages ago and now he found someone that would appreciate it just as much.  He floated over to a shelf that had an old book of spells, he looked over at the youth that seemed aged and then made a decision.  He granted the pirate’s wish for an ever-full flask of odourless rum, tying the flask to all the bottles of rum that had once belonged to him.  Then he tied all of his other belongings to the boy, including a pair of very special rings.

A few mystical words, floaty light bubbles, a popping sound and the ghost was now gone.  In Jack’s mind there were a couple of crazy things going on, but he didn’t mind.  He was used to that kind of thing, but Xander was in the background and he just knew that something was going to go wrong.

He was right.


Further into the night Spike was seeking out the Slayer that was ‘twisty all on the insides’, when he ran into Captain Jack Xander Sparrow, the well know Pirate of the Caribbean with a branded P on the top of his right wrist.

“William,” he slurred out.  “William, my William, whot ‘ave ye don’ ta yur ‘air matey?”

“Whot are you talking ‘bout?” Spike said vamping out and charging the pirate, who somehow just twisted one way, turned another and never got caught.  “’aven’t been William for years, mate.  Do I know ya?”

Jack blinked, exhaled a nearly unscented waft of severe rum breath and said, “Ye’re me William.  Me stolen blacksmith, me pretty one.”

Spike took several steps back and said, “No bloody way, mate.”

“Mate,” Jack said.  “Yes... tha’s what we ‘greed on when we went to rescue yer wench.  Matelotage, don’ ye remember me Will.  Me pretty William Turner.”

“’s not me mate,” Spike said gruffly, showing a face full of teeth.  “Me father’s name ‘s William Turner, me mum’s was Elizabeth.  Ta so much fer bringin’ up that pain, now yer life mine and you’re meat for the beast.”  He lunged again, but missed one more time.

Jack was surprising adept at out manoeuvring the irate vampire.  Not only that, but any minion that happened to be standing in the direction that the pirate moved in was suddenly beheaded and dust.  “Now, now William,” the pirate said.  “There’s no ‘cause to takin’ out yer ma’s weakness on me.  ‘m ‘eartly sorry ta hear ‘bout that.  Yer da was a good pirate, navigatin’ the Dutchman with ease.”

Spike’s eyes widened at that.  “’e was nothing like that.  ‘e was tosser that left me mum and when she got sick ‘e never showed up once ta ‘elp.”

“She’s dead,” Jack said.  “She can’t be dead.  She’s tied to the Captain o’ the Dutchman.”  Jack’s thoughts swerved and suddenly he stepped forward, grabbed the vampire and headed in the direction of the bluff that he somehow knew existed in this town.

“Whot the soddin’ do ye think ye’re doin?”  Spike grumped.  He didn’t escape, but he didn’t help either.  He tried several times to bite the Captain, but he got conked on the side of his head which caused him to slip into unconsciousness.

It didn’t take Jack long to get to the bluff’s.  He dumped the burden that he had been carrying ever since he knocked the vampire out with the butt of his pistol.  He pulled out a knife and pierced his finger, letting the blood fall into the ocean.  He hoped that whatever magic that was a work tonight would allow him to call on his mate.

A flash of green snapped into being and soon there was an old fashioned sailing vessel approaching.  A wave of water splash up the sides of the cliff and a man was standing on them.

“Jack,” a voice from the long past said.

“Will,” Jack replied with a longing sigh.  “’m not really here.”

“I can sense that,” Will said.  “What is going on here?”

“Tha’s  what I bloody want to know,” Spike said standing up and rubbing the side of his head.  “Who the bloody hell are ye?”

“Will,” Jack said looking at the man still standing in the water.  “I’d like ye ta meet the latest William Turner.”  He leaned in conspiratorially and said, “Seems he’s a vampire now.”

“William,” the man said looking at the bleached hair.  “Billy Idol?”

“Oi,” Spike said.  “Tha’s not how it works.  Who the hell are ye?”

“I’m your father,” Will told him.  “Your mother is Elizabeth Turner.”

Spike vamped out and tried to grab a hold of his supposed father.  He missed, but he still growled out.  “She’s dead,” he told them.  “Died of complications o’ some sort and the Doc never could figure out what it was.  ‘e claimed it was consumption.  Whot do you care about me mum?  Ye were never around, saw ye once when I was nine and that was all.”

“I’m only permitted to come ashore once every ten years,” explained Will.  “I only have 24 hours to live with my wife and see my children.  She was tied to me and her life expectancy was to have been as long as mine.  What happened?”

“Told you,” Spike said pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up.  “She was diagnosed with consumption.  I got vamped and then did the same to her, only her turning was fouled and I had to dust her.”  He wasn’t stupid even though he was impulsive.  He turned around intending to walk away after dropping that bomb.

His arm was grabbed by the pirate in order to keep him there.  He stayed, but refused to look at the Slayer’s puppy whelp and he refused to look at the man he barely recalled from his memories.  He didn’t react when he was held in place as the other two continued on in their conversation.

“Never did find the Fountain of Youth,” Jack was saying to his ex-mate.  “Died some time ago, I did.  Never knew about ‘lizbeth, as she left her ‘ole home and moved ta London, last I’s heard.”

“So what are you doing here now,” Will asked.

“Whelp dressed as a pirate for Halloween,” Spike said.  “Probably based on the movie that came out a year ago and probably only to pull in the birds.  Me Dru said somethin’ ‘bout an interferin’ mage who went and mojoed the costumes.”

“’s how it seems from this angle,” Jack said in agreement.  “Don’ really know how long I’ll be here, but I do be wantin’ your permission ta court this Will of yers.”

William Turner was not surprised by this request.  He figured that Jack would find a way to come back and he always knew that he would never have his pirate.  He’d had Elizabeth for a long time and now he could grieve for her, knowing at last what had happened and why he couldn’t find her.

He looked at his son’s startled face and then watched as the vampire escaped from the hand that held him in place.  The vampire tried to attack the pirate, but it figures that Jack’s natural balance on the sea would be compensated on land and the vampire couldn’t make his fist connect.  Instead he hissed his displeasure and took off into the night.

Will turned to look at the incarnation that Jack was and sensed that the man’s time was almost up.  “Jack,” he said getting the pirate’s attention.  “Feel free to court him however you wish.  I have a gift for you before I go.”

“Really,” Jack said perking up and sideling up to his long ago mate.  “Whot is it?”

“The Pearl is gone,” said Will.  “Time and tide have done their thing, but this you can carry with you and perhaps find a way to gift it to your new choice of mate.”  He held out a very large black pearl.  It was about two inches in diameter and spherical.  “She’s here and you may change her to suit your needs.  I need to return to the sea.  My time is not yet finished.”

“’m sorry Will,” Jack said about the time he conned the innocent blacksmith into a contract of matelotage.

“I’m not angry,” said William.  “I may see you again and if you succeed in getting him.  I’m hoping that you’ll be able to con him into meeting me once in a while, perhaps every ten years.”

“Perhaps,” Jack said.  He watched as the body of his ex-mate melted into the waves and the huge ship drifted away from the shores and disappeared into another flash of green light. 

Something else came out of the light and flew to his shoulder.  He took one look at it and began to laugh a deep pirate belly laugh.  “Oi,” he said to the creature.  “I don’ wanna be stuck with ya.”

The creature turned his colourful red head and two tone beak towards his new owner.  It took a braid in its beak to preen while squawking, “Every thing’s ship shape mate.”

Captain Jack Sparrow spent the rest of the night taking the heads of vampires with a red parrot on his shoulder.  When the spell was over Xander Sparrow was born due to the mage’s gift.

Xander fingered the black pearl and knew.  He just knew that he was a true descendant of Captain Jack Sparrow.  ‘I’ll do something with this for Spike...later much later,’ he thought.  ‘Now it’s his turn to feel like he’s just been given away.’

It was an internal revenge that he had been whispering to Jack Sparrow throughout the interval with the Dutchman and whenever the pirate’s thoughts turned to the vampire.  Xander never liked being given as a Sire’s gift and now he had Spike in a very similar manner.

He grinned wickedly and then pulled out his rum flask to take a swig of the nectar within.  ‘Bloody brilliant,’ he thought in that strange accent.  ‘Tha’s a true stroke of genius to get the rum to be odourless, but still tastin’ like it’s supposed ta.


Days later they were all in the library discussing their experiences. 

Perhaps the person most disgusted with their choice of costume or the results was Buffy.  She had expected to be a beautiful lady, hoping to impress Angel with her vulnerability, but instead she was some matronly woman who’d had been married off as chattel to a wealthy old man.  She even remembered giving birth and what sex was like with that old geezer. It was nothing like the novels or the magazines that she had read.

She refused to take her relationship to the next level with Angel and it was a good thing too, because they eventually learned about his curse.  Ms. Calendar explained about the need for the vampire to have continuous revenge and Buffy just about kicked her ass when she brought up the possibility of a spell to change the conditions of the curse.

However the clan did something else.  They sent a demon that took on the aspect of the Slayer and seduced Angel in order to bring out Angelus just so that they could punish the demon again.

Buffy had been confused the entire time because Angelus kept referring to their supposedly mutual experience, when she knew full well that nothing happened.  It came to a head in the school’s library.  “Why do you keep saying stuff like that,” she asked.  “I’m still a virgin here.”

“What,” Angelus said.  “Don’t lie to me Slayer.”

“I’m not lying,” she said crossing her arms.  “It must have been someone else because I haven’t seen you since we parted company on Halloween night.”

Angelus left them because he was magically expelled from the library by the Watcher and the rest continued their discussion, as though nothing had occurred.

Willow was not happy with her insubstantial experience.  Her best friend and current crush wanted nothing to do with her despite saying the words ‘Me Will’ from time to time.  She thought that he was referring to her, but he never made a move again, like when he had tried to kiss her that night.

Cordelia was unaffected by that night, but she had thought that things were moving along well with Xander as her closet boyfriend.  It turns out that he stopped letting her push his buttons and he refused the obscene closet time with her.  At least she didn’t let anything turn her bitter from this issue because she knew about Willow’s sniffing around him and technically he never once acted in a fashion that betrayed her.

Xander was the most changed.  He actively sought a name change and his mother granted it, provided that he paid for whole of it out of his own pocket.  Not a problem since he had access to the mage’s treasure. 

Unfortunately for the Scooby gang he also tended to show up most times at the research sessions, more than a little tipsy.  They soon discovered his flask of rum, but when they took it from him without his knowledge he sobered up enough to be their long lost friend.  Whenever he discovered the flask though, he’d drink until he slurred and talked in the accent of good ‘ole Captain Jack.

He had changed some of his physical habits too.  He walked like he was permanently on a ship and sometimes nautical terms escaped from his lips.  He was much faster now and he was deadly with a sword and gun.  They never tried to convince him not to use his skills because his pirate brain knew a few things about battling demonic forces.  He had once asked them, “Whot in nine hells did ye think the Kraken was... a simple over-grown squid?”

A strange red parrot was also his constant companion, although the creature was convinced to stay outside of the high-school and the library due to some spell that Giles had cast to protect his books.

Xander also tended to sneak away from the gang, seeking out one crippled vampire in the lower rooms of a mansion on Crawford Street.  It would take quite a bit of time, but he knew that he was slowly wearing down his Will.  The blond vampire was tempted because he was tired of Angelus’ games, but he had to stay there for his Dru.

Xander Sparrow was noticeably upset whenever this occurred because it seemed like history was destined to repeat itself.  A William Turner would choose someone other than a pirate Captain known as Sparrow.

Still he had a few years of growing up to do before trying to collar his vampire. 

So he was willing to wait...

Talk to a colourful parrot that talked back using nautical terms...

Drink a little rum...

Okay drink a lot of rum...

“Drink up me hearties, Yo ho!”



(...i...)  In days of yore, I discovered in “Pirates” fanfiction and a term that was used in many of the stories was ‘matelotage’, which forced me to research with the best means possible, meaning the Web.  Here are a couple of sites that I used to bring back a recall of the term.  If you really want to know about it, go there:

http: // everything2 dot com/title/matelotage (remove the space and change the word dot to .  )
http://en dot  Wikipedia dot org/wiki/Buccaneer (remove the space and change the word dot to .  )


Challenge 624: Captain Jack Sparrow?

What if Xander had dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow for Halloween?
I’d like to see the before and after effects of the Halloween night (slash is okay)

> Buffy still dresses up as a noble woman but is NOT Elizabeth Swann
> No Elizabeth Swann
>“but why’s the rum gone!?”
> an umbrella
> a parrot
>at least 1500 words

The rest is up to you!!! Good luck


The End

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