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Summary: Johnathan and Xander burgled all the Coach's files and equipment on the swim team's transformation to make sure there wouldn't be anything fishy in their future, but what Johnathan does with the project's gear and a couple of blood samples...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Xander-Centered(Current Donor)dogbertcarrollFR1549,230107024,0684 Aug 103 May 14No

Three is Company

(Godogma's Note: Yes more continuation of a New Fic, isn't he a bastard?)

Jonathan listened to an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation in the background while he examined his work.

After he'd gotten injected with the final shot of the Russian super soldier program, his life had completely turned around. He hadn't become one of the popular people or any less of a nerd, but he was no longer picked on for it.

Having reflexes three times the speed of most people had made up for his lack of fighting skills and since he had no fear, he had no problem taking on anyone who wanted to pick on him regardless of size. Of course, all of this didn't make him any less of a geek, but it did make him one you didn't want to mess with, unless of course you enjoyed being embarrassed in public.

He liked to think it made him a little more like Xander, but he knew his courage was false courage, you couldn't be brave if you felt no fear, he'd read that in a Superman comic.

He knew he had a mild case of hero worship towards Xander, but in his mind it was completely justified.

Even before he'd saved Jonathan from a fate far worse than death, he'd stood up for him. Xander made a habit of distracting bullies from picking on others, and now Jonathan could do the same, unimpeded by the crippling fear he used to experience in those situations. A fear Xander had faced and overcome to help people just like Jonathan numerous times.

Yeah, as far as Jonathan was concerned a little hero worship was completely justified.

Jonathan would have liked to have been more involved in Xander's group, but his lack of fear meant he was more likely to take risks that would get him killed, so he had to be satisfied with helping research and with translations, far away from the fight.

The fact that Faith occasionally rubbed her breasts in his face to get him to buy her lunch made being fray adjacent a very nice place to be.

Examining the three tanks, he couldn't help but ask, “They're going to kill me aren't they?”

Three monitors labeled Blossom, Buttercup and Bubbles flicked on.

Blossom: Nah, but a severe beating is likely.

Bubbles: I'd wear body armor when introducing us.

Buttercup: And a helmet, seriously.

Jonathan nodded and started looking for something that would work.


Xander was helping clean up the library along with the rest of the Scoobs when the doors opened and in walked a very short Darth Vader and three Storm Troopers. Cordelia actually stopped filing her nails to examine the four.

Darth Vader spoke up, a voice changer making him sound like the original, “The outfits are to prevent confusion and hopefully reduce the amount of bruises I'll be receiving.”

The three storm troopers’ giggling was slightly muffled by their helmets.

The shortest storm trooper, half a head shorter than Darth even stepped forward and took off her helmet, shaking out a head of bright red hair and revealing a familiar face. “Hi, I'm Blossom!”

There was a series of half hearted waves as everyone tried to figure out why she looked so much like Willow.

The second storm trooper stepped forward and took off her helmet, combing her fingers through her light brown hair. “I'm Bubbles,” she introduced herself with a grin on a face very similar to Buffy's.

The wave given by the shocked Scoobs was barely noticeable.

The final storm trooper stepped forward and removed her helmet, her dark hair in a single braid that fell down her back. “You may call me Buttercup,” said the girl who looked a lot like Cordelia.

“Professor Utonium?” Xander asked skeptically.

“You may call me Jonathan,” Darth said, not making any move to remove any part of his armor, or even his helmet while the girls started taking theirs off.

“You created three perfect little girls?” Xander asked cautiously.

“Not so little.” Bubbles smirked and bounced on her heels, drawing everyone's eyes to her chest.

“Though you got the perfect part right,” Buttercup added.

Blossom sniffed. “I hope that was a quote and not a comment on my size for your sake, Xan.”

“Oh my god,” Willow suddenly burst in before Xander could reply, “you were serious?!”

Darth nodded. “And you three agreed, though I'm sure you thought I was joking.”

Buffy narrowed her eyes at the black masked figure. “You cloned me?!”

Bubbles chuckled. “He said he was going to use your DNA to create super woman if he could figure out how. Clones would mean we were exactly the same, you are NOT super woman.”

“I'm the Slayer,” Buffy argued, “that's kind of like super woman.”

Blossom rolled her eyes. “Being the Slayer isn't genetic, so an exact clone of you wouldn't have your powers.”

“So he altered your DNA to give you powers and that's why you look different?” Buffy asked curiously.

Bubbles shook her head. “Our looks are 100% …” she trailed off and glanced over at the other two for a moment, “mine are 100% unaltered.”

“But you don't look exactly like me,” Buffy argued, “you're taller, your nose is more round and you're at least a cup size up on me!”

Bubbles grinned. “This is how you'd look if you hadn't spent all that time dieting and stopped bleaching your hair.”

“What about the nose?” Buffy growled, once again comparing her California Blonde look to Bubbles and her girl next door style with a plain black t-shirt and jeans that she saw Xander admiring.

“Remember when we broke it when we were 12? Dad had them work on it while straightening it because of something we said while we were half under the gas.”


“Sorry, I got all your memories up till a couple of hours ago when we were finished.”

“I knew you had work done!” Cordy accused.

Buttercup smirked. “And I had our cheekbones lifted and changed our eyes to ice blue like we always wanted.”

Cordelia examined Buttercup closely and nodded. “I knew we'd look good like that.”

Buttercup nodded and took a seat next to Cordelia who passed her the fingernail polish so she could do her nails.

“And so you're me?” Willow asked doubtfully.

Blossom shook her head. “I'm most definitely not you, I'm my own person.”

Willow nodded. “I mean you were made from me.”

“Yeah, and like with Buffy nature vs nurture comes into play. Sheila and Ira didn't want us to be excluded from our peer group because of our small size, so they arranged for some hormonal supplements, I had Darth here make sure not to do that, but just for kicks I did have him make my features a little more pointed to embrace the pixie look.”

“How did you find out about the hormonal therapy, and why the differences?” Willow asked.

“Computers are an open book to us, we have mad skills,” She smirked, “as for the looks, the last thing I want is for the guy I'm dating to call out your name during sex. Plus psychologically it’s better to differentiate between us all from the start to prevent confusion.”

Willow blushed but the others chuckled at the pixie.

“You aren't in love with Angel are you?” Buffy asked Bubbles. “I mean you have my memories so ...”

“No offense,” Bubbles said with a grimace, “but you REALLY don't want any of our opinions on vampires.”

“Angel has a soul,” Buffy quickly pointed out indignantly, “he's a good guy!”

“Yeah but that doesn't change what he physically is,” Blossom broke in, “seriously, let it go. Bubbles has your memories, but we all have different feelings about practically everything than you guys.”

“But if you have our memories shouldn't you feel the same?” Buffy asked.

Buttercup spoke up from where she and Cordy were painting her nails, “We discuss things in far more detail than you three do, since we've had nothing to do but talk while floating around in the tanks growing and we can share full sense memories, so we changed rapidly from being copies into completely different people.”

“Telepathy?” Willow asked excitedly.

“Wireless modem.” Blossom snickered at everyone's confused looks. “Darth, you're up!”

Jonathan removed his helmet. “I said I'd use your DNA to create super woman, the coach was brilliant or whoever came up with the data he used was. The project was closer to alchemy than science and at least half the data we snagged was on blending living tissue with technology, they didn't have the technology back then to make it worthwhile, but I have a friend named Warren whose uncle was a genius in the field of robotics.”

“You guys met his android, Ted, the psycho fifties dad,” Blossom interrupted.

“When Ted was declared dead, all his stuff was given to Warren's dad who had no interest in it and gave it to Warren,” Buttercup added.

“Of course the first thing he did was start working on a robot girlfriend,” Bubbles said, “his designs were far superior to his uncles, but then he does have fifty years of technological advances to factor in.”

“You're robots?” Giles asked worriedly.

Buttercup rolled her eyes. “Cyborgs! As in humans with high tech add-ons.”

“Stronger, faster, smarter than the originals,” Bubbles teased.

“Stronger and faster?” Buffy smirked. “I don't think so.”

Blossom grinned. “How about a quick demonstration by cleaning up this mess?”

Bubbles and Blossom looked over at Buttercup.

“My nails are drying....”

Blossom rolled her eyes and the two went to work standing bookcases up that anyone short of Buffy would have needed help to move and re-shelving books in a blur.

In less than five minutes the two had managed to get as much done as the Scoobs had in the last hour.

“Tada!” Bubbles said with a grin.

“That's faster than I could have done it,” Buffy admitted, “but that doesn't mean stronger.”

Buffy locked eyes with Bubbles and took a seat at the table, holding her arm up in the classic arm wrestling position.

Everyone gathered around the two.

“Begin,” Jonathan said.

After a minute Buffy slowly began to force Bubbles' arm down, regardless of Bubbles' attempts to stop it.

“You win,” Bubbles said reluctantly, releasing Buffy's hand and massaging her wrist.

“Slayer and still champion!” Buffy teased Bubbles laughing good naturedly.

“Told ya so,” Buttercup said, blowing on her nails.

“Still pretty friggin amazing,” Xander said.

Bubbles beamed at him. “Thanks Xan!”

Xander found himself smiling back. It'd been a bit since he'd had anyone smile at him that way.

“I'm invoking best friend privilege,” Blossom began and paused, “ok I'm invoking clone of best friend privilege,” walking over to Xander she took his hand, “breakfast” she begged, and gave him the puppy dog eyes treatment which was quickly mirrored by Bubbles.

“Sure,” Xander agreed readily as the two girls drug him out the door.

Faith dodged the three going out as she entered the library. “What’s with X and the girls in black?”

“I made superhuman versions of Buffy, Cordelia and Willow,” Jonathan explained, “faster and smarter, but apparently not stronger than a Slayer.”

“Let’s just say wiser and better educated,” Buttercup spoke up, “smarter is actually harder to define and causes hurt feelings. Wiser because we three have spent a lot of time figuring out things we did wrong as the originals, and better educated because we can share knowledge not to mention having photographic memories.”

“Cool! Why didn't you make one of me,” Faith demanded.

“You want me to make you a sister?” Jonathan asked.

“Yeah, it'd be great to have a sister,” Faith said with a little smile on her face, clearly thinking of something in her past before suddenly clearing her throat and becoming the tough girl everyone was used to again.

“Have to be at least two of them,” Buttercup spoke up, “because floating around in the tank with no one to talk to would drive anyone nuts, and we'll have to make sure and talk with them while they're growing so they don't get bored.”

“Three Faiths?” Willow asked, not sounding all that enthused.

“One Faith, one Hope, one Charity,” Buttercup corrected, “and more than likely they'll chose at least a couple of mods so they won't be identical, we're enough like the originals that we need to avoid setting off any identity crises.”

“Aww,” Faith pouted, “I was thinking it'd be cool havin’ twins.”

Buttercup sighed. “Then they will too. We might as well just give you your own modem cause it sounds more like you'd go out of your way to stay as alike as possible.”

“Modem?” asked Faith.

“Electronic telepathy.”

Faith grinned, obviously pleased with the thought.

Jonathan nodded, “I can handle two more and give Faith a modem, but I'm tapped out after that and we'll have to get more parts so we can repair the girls in case they get injured.”

“Blossom has half a dozen ideas on how to legally make money that should work, and if not we have a couple dozen illegal ones that will.”

“You can't go around committing crimes!” Willow protested just a few seconds ahead of Buffy.

“Please,” Buttercup rolls her eyes, “I can point out dozens of crimes you two are guilty of, there's a big difference between legal and moral. I care far more that my actions are moral than that they are legal.”

Oz nodded. “Trespassing, breaking and entering, concealed weapons, detonation of military ordinance in a public area, theft of military ordinance, impersonating a member of the US Military, assault and battery, attempted murder, murder, public nudity, arson, and that's all without involving the laws involving corpses and that's ignoring the fact I should have a set of dog tags three nights a month.”

Jonathan nodded. “In the average month the Scoobs commit enough crimes to be sentenced to life without parole, but their actions are moral.”

“Exactly,” Buttercup said, “I'd rather be number one on the ten most wanted list than a law abiding citizen in Germany during WWII.”

“Well … not much we can say to that,” Buffy replied.

Authors Note: Typing by Godogma, typos by dogbertcarroll.
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