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Summary: Johnathan and Xander burgled all the Coach's files and equipment on the swim team's transformation to make sure there wouldn't be anything fishy in their future, but what Johnathan does with the project's gear and a couple of blood samples...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Xander-Centered(Current Donor)dogbertcarrollFR1549,23096923,0604 Aug 103 May 14No

Chapter 3

(Yet more on this new fic … grrr.)

“So,” Xander began but trailed off, unsure of what to say.

“Yeah, small talk is going to be a bit awkward,” Blossom replied.

“Well it’s kind of like we're alternate versions of Buffy and Willow, but we split off an hour ago and went on a wild adventure that made us reassess everything we ever knew and now we've come home before we left so our old unenlightened selves are still here,” Bubbles said.

The three fell silent as they considered this.

“But I so don't want to take responsibility for all the stupid things I did when I was Buffy,” Bubbles admitted.

“And yet we still want the credit for all the good things we did,” Blossom added, “kinda selfish but we are only human in the end.”

“Sorry, but I refuse any attachment to the whole corpse loving deal. The only way I'm going to touch a vamp is with violence in mind,” Bubbles declared firmly.

“So I can insult Angel and wish bad things would happen to him and no one will mind,” Xander asked hopefully.

“We'll even help imagine bad things with you,” Bubbles offered with a grin, “seems kinda redundant with him having spent a century in hell with hot coals under his skin though.”

Xander winced. “Which I was partially responsible for,” he admitted.

Bubbles sighed. “Your choice wasn't him or the world, because by the time there was a choice to make it was already too late, the choice was the world or nothing, fighting as hard as she could Buffy still didn't manage to keep him from opening the portal.”

They pulled into the parking lot of the Waffle House and as he shut off the ignition he was suddenly hugged from the side and behind.

“You made the right choice,” Bubbles assured him, “the fact you were jealous of him and wanted to date Buffy doesn't in the least affect that, except to make you feel bad because you can't be sure your motives were pure.”

Xander relaxed a little. “It still caused someone I care for a lot of pain, and I don't like the thought that I might have been motivated at least partly by jealousy.”

“If you'd known Harmony had been dating Mr. Brentwood last year what would you have done,” Blossom asked.

“He's like 26!” Xander exclaimed. “He should be arrested!”

“But you don't even like Harmony,” Bubbles pointed out.

“And if rumors are to be believed, she's rather easy,” Blossom added.

Xander took a deep breath then paused and let it out. “Harmony never dated him did she, this was to show that I would be pissed at older men taking advantage of young women regardless of whether I was attracted to them or even liked them.”

“Yep,” the two chorused with a grin.

“What about young men with older women?” Bubbles suddenly asked suspiciously, recalling Xander drooling over Joyce and Jana.

“Like say Joyce and Jana?” Blossom asked archly, obviously thinking the same thing.

Xander got a far off look in his eye and a funny little smile. “Joyce AND Jana,” he murmured unwisely.

“Xander!” the two chorused, letting go of him and smacking him in the shoulders.

“Ah! Slayer … err … cyborg or super strength?” he asked calmly.

“Super,” the two replied.

“No need to let anyone the source of our strength in case it gives them an edge,” Blossom pointed out.

“Gotcha,” Xander agreed before taking a deep breath and exclaiming, “super strength, super strength!” and rubbing his shoulders like he was injured.

“So basically, don't feel guilty over the whole deal with Angel, besides being right you were also reacting with the proper distaste for an older man taking advantage of a young girl.”

“Do feel guilty over your chauvinism and stop fantasizing about my mom!” Bubbles ordered.

“But don't ever change,” the two ordered, hugging him once more.

“K …” Xander said, happy but a bit confused.

0oOo0

“So, how long till I've got sisters?” Faith asked excitedly.

“Well, I've gotten some experience creating the girls so I can have them up and running in a week to ten days, if the girls help out,” Jonathan offered.

“We'll help,” Buttercup promised, “but Blossom will be installing the modem in Faith as she's got the most dexterity and speed of the three of us. If we put Faith into one of the tanks it'll heal the incisions over night and speed up the other two's development.”

“How do you figure?” Jonathan asked.

“Sympathetic magic,” she reminded him, “since they actually want to be the same this will enhance that. I figure, tonight we get everything together, Blossom installs Faith's modem and we put in the middle tank, enhancing the development of Hope and Charity. We'll keep one of us there at all times to keep them from getting bored waiting to be done, I figure three days tops and that's including teaching Faith how to use the modem.”

“I gotta float in a tank for three days?” Faith asked.

“No, just for twelve hours a day,” Buttercup corrected, “and the majority of that time will be spent sleeping.”

“Cool,” Faith grinned.

0oOo0

“So … you guys have all their memories and still want to hang with me?” Xander asked. “The originals don't.”

“All the memories, and shared them between the three of us,” Blossom pointed out, taking a sip of orange juice.

Xander winced. “I can't see how adding Cordelia's memories would really help matters.”

“And yet it does,” Bubbles said, “having the complete picture always helps.”

“Is Buttercup as pissed as me as Cordy?” Xander asked tentatively, not sure if he wanted to know.

“No, she stayed behind to make sure Jonathan didn't too banged up,” Blossom said.

“How is it you three are ok with me when the originals aren't?”

“We've had more time to think it over than they have, since we think faster and have better ways of communicating; the fact that you'd risk your life to save us far outweighs the fact that you are a male Harmony,” Bubbles assured him.

Xander started to protest but stopped and thought about it, “I'm not that big of a bitch … err … bastard.”

“Of course not, we just mean you're as easy as she is,” Blossom said in between bites of pancake.

“I turned down everyone during the love spell, including Buffy in just a trench coat and Willow in just one of my shirts, in my bed,” Xander pointed out.

“And you resisted Willow for a while during the fluke before caving,” Blossom agreed, filching one of his sausages.

“So better than Harmony, but still a complete round heels for any female Scooby,” Bubbles said, pouring more syrup on her pancakes.

Xander thought about his actions. “I'm a bad, bad boy,” he said in a cartoonish little boy's voice.

The girls snickered.

0oOo0

Buttercup spoke up, “Blossom said she'll be able to work with you tonight, she thinks the three virtues terrorizing the demon population of Sunnydale is a blast, but that means me and Bubbles have to make a trip to LA today as we'll have to up our schedule a little.”

“She sure doesn't sound like me,” Willow muttered, as the idea of Faith and her sisters being called the three virtues was being batted around.

“What schedule?” Buffy asked.

“All we have right now is the clothes on our backs, so we need money to get what we need, Blossom has a couple of legal ways we can make some cash, but we need to hit LA for that. Not to mention they have a much better shoe selection there,” Buttercup grinned.

“Shoes?” Cordelia perked up.

“Xander's driving us,” Buttercup replied.

“Why would you want to spend time with that bastard?” Cordelia practically snarled.

Buttercup rolled her eyes. “I have all your memories and you've done much worse things than he has to the boys you've dated, and you never saved their lives at the risk of your own.”

Willow was about to speak up when Buttercup announced, “I have the memories of all three female Scoobs about the whole incident. None of us agree with your actions or responses, so don't expect us to back you up on them. The fact that he's completely incapable of saying no to a female Scoob isn't something we see as a bad thing.”

“Can't say no?” Faith asked curiously.

“Pretty much, it also applies to the male Scoobies, I'm sure Giles has asked Xander to do tons of things he hated, but he did them anyway because it was Giles asking,” Buttercup explained, “the only thing he can't do is let a friend die or stop hunting.”

“We got Xander to stop hunting,” Buffy said proudly, “last night he was completely fray adjacent.”

Faith laughed. “Last night X nailed one of the blue bitches with his car saving my ass, he never mentioned it?”

“He never said a word,” Willow groaned. “We were going on about how glad we were that he wasn't there because it was so dangerous and all he said was he had a quiet night.”

“Really?” Faith asked, trying to sound casual.

“Yeah,” Buffy huffed, not noticing the small smile Faith developed at her responses.

Buttercup got up and walked out of the library just as Blossom entered.

“Sadly, being a Slayer does not give you the right to order anyone around,” Blossom said, taking Buttercup's seat.

“It does where demons are involved,” Buffy protested.

Blossom snickered. “Not legally or morally, you only have the right to order around the people under your banner, you pushed Xander out meaning he's no longer under your banner.”

“Then what do I do?”

“Nothing you can do,” Blossom shrugged.

“You know you're pretty darn unconcerned for a clone of me,” Willow said, “I thought you'd at least care a little about him.”

“I care a LOT about him, and I'm completely unconcerned because I already know what we're going to do,” Blossom said, “we're going to march under his banner and kill demons.”

“WHAT?!” screeched three of the girls.

“You heard me,” Blossom replied, completely unconcerned.

“You're stealing our Xander!” Buffy accused.

Blossom shook her head. “You threw your Xander away, and as was mentioned earlier we are a lot wiser than you, so all I have to say is yoink!”

Faith laughed at Buffy's dumbfounded expression.

Blossom smiled. “Jonathan, Faith if you're ready we can start work now, since we moved up the schedule a bit to have a place ready for the virtues we might as well get them ready for it.”

“A place?” Faith asked.

“Yeah, ain't no way one of our sisters is staying where you are, and once the modem is in, you'll be considered one of our sisters, we look after our own,” Blossom declared firmly.

“What’s the rent like?” Faith asked, trying to sound casual.

Blossom grinned. “One dead vamp a week, move in costs are helping us clear the place out.”

“Got a place in mind?” Faith asked, feeling a lot better about this deal, since it sounded like they needed her and it was right up her alley.

“Got half a dozen,” Blossom beamed, “and that's if you don't want a place just for you and your sister virtues, we can go either way or simply do both. Thanks to the demons, property around here is cheap.”

“I'll get the storm trooper sets later,” Jonathan told Giles, who'd been calmly taking everything in as he really didn't feel that he had anything to contribute to the conversation, save for the fact it was giving him a headache.

“Where's Xander?” Buffy demanded. “We need to talk to him.”

“Already on the way to LA,” Blossom replied cheerfully.

Cordelia looked conflicted while Willow paled and Buffy began to get irate.

“But I need to talk with him!”

“He'll be back in a couple of days,” Blossom replied, “you can talk to him then.”

“The three of them are going to be alone in LA for a couple of nights?” Cordelia asked.

“Yep, it would have been the four of us, but Faith's idea is just so cool I had to help, besides they'll share their memories with me which is about as good as living it yourself.”

Blossom waved Faith and Jonathan out the door while the stunned girls just stared, thoughts filled with what Xander and the clones of Buffy and Cordelia would be doing alone together.

0oOo0

“I am so glad you girls look different than the originals,” Xander said.

“Really?” Buttercup asked gladly from the back seat as they flew down the highway with the top down.

“Yeah, you look enough like them that I can group you with the original, but look enough different that I won’t accidentally call you by the wrong name.”

Bubbles lifted up her shirt. “I'm sure these help.”

Xander swerved but managed to keep in his lane while the girls laughed.

“You are most definitely not Buffy and that's not a bad thing,” Xander said with an ear to ear smile.

“I've seen her life and all the drama and gloom is just her being dramatic,” Bubbles declared firmly, “teams of demon hunters either get killed within the first couple of months or last decades, and they don't usually have anyone with the power levels of a Slayer on the team. She likes the drama or she'd never have gotten involved with Deadboy, he's like the drama queen of Sunnydale.”

“I never thought of it like that,” Xander said as he started running through everything he'd read about demon hunting groups in his head and comparing it to the Slayer stories Buffy kept bitching about. “Makes me wonder why more Slayers didn't join hunting teams.”

“The Watchers discouraged it for some reason, probably because the longer a Slayer was in an area the more big names popped up. I mean look at the centuries old vamps and big bads that have come to Sunnydale,” Bubbles said, “most hunting groups don't run into more than one or two master vamps a decade.”

“I think it’s both her and the Hellmouth,” Xander decided, “both draw in the big bads, so together the number has got nowhere to go but up. The Watches usually have to run around finding big bads for the slayers to fight but in Sunnydale all you have to do is wait.”

“And with two Slayers in place, and a full hunter team in Sunnydale, they've been getting offed left and right,” Buttercup pointed out.

“Add Team-X and the Three Virtues and they'll be getting mowed down like grass,” Bubbles suggested.

“Team X and the Three Virtues?” Xander asked.

“Buffy has an entire team and pushed you out of it, but this team wants to form around you,” Bubbles said, “three perfect big girls and a guy that can't say no to them hunting demons on the Hellmouth.”

“You aren't just teasing me are you?” Xander asked somewhat plaintively.

“Not remotely,” Buttercup promised, “we deliver.”

“I'm in,” Xander said with a grin, thinking about living a life that was actually worth something. “Who are the Three Virtues?”

“Blossom's got the best speed and reflexes, especially for the detail work so she's helping Jonathan with the project. Faith wants twin sisters connected to her like we are, so they are going to be named Hope and Charity, hence the three virtues.”

Xander grinned. “I think the three are going to play rock paper scissors to decide who gets what name for the day.”

The two girls laughed as they realized he was probably right.

AN: Godogma typed this up for me or you probably wouldn’t have seen this for years, if ever.
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